Men are more eager for sex. Most of the women here would say "We know, then what? No pity sex for men". That is fair, and there is a post right now that basically concluded with this, but I wanna expand.

Men being more eager is reflected and manifested in many things. From the male gaze in media, porn, sex-work, etc. A simple example I like to use is the pizza delivery guy in silly porn plots who happens to luck out with a complete stranger for no reason whatsoever. It's unrealistic because of women, but men have a part of themselves like this deep down. Most men would enjoy a free blowjob by a hot and randomly enthusiastic woman, at least if these men are single. See also: gay dating scene.

Any direct expression of this internal capacity/feeling is something that men generally have to supress to a degree for women's sake because the solid majority of women are deeply uncomfortable with it. Seriously, what percentage of women are disgusted by porn? By sex being shared more publicly/liberally or with more people? Or "random sex", even in exchange of great monetary compensation?

Nothing similarly "must supress" like this exists for women imo (also according to themselves). Sure, women are shamed too and there are men who talk very badly about them, but I don't belive that is a similar fundamental truth. Women can date men who are ok with casual sex, escorts can find boyfriends easily. An attractive woman who "thrives", whatever that means to her, is not going to have to pay the price of celibacy for that. Heck, most default monogamy-minded women aren't even living a life they would have to hide from any men except some truly stubborn "virgin-only" extremists, so for most women such a dilemma doesn't come up. Not anywhere near to this degree.

But for men, realistically, being in peace with your whole being can ONLY be done without women. Men ARE too much. We just are. It's in our nature. If we can accept this difference here as a deeply rooted biological fact, then this is the answer to women's "so what?". That's right, so what? So men have a part of them that is deemed fundamentally disgusting for no fault of their own. Women indeed can't really help with that, and largely speaking, they won't. Women are ready for men who can make this invisible about them, who are "not like other men", and men have an incentive for that because women are awesome, but it is entirely reasonable to take a different approach and decide for yourself how you want to handle this conflict built into your being.

Complete self-love or being with women. Pick one. I suppose you CAN do both, so long as you hide that part of yourself from the woman sufficiently, if you learn to juggle these things internally just the right way. But for the sake of male mental health, being with women should be decentered more. Not because men are socialized to be too into women. But for the exact opposite reason: men are forced to be less into women than how they truly are, and that's not a healthy thing to all-in on.

And while there may be a small minority of women who are actually more willing to engage with this part of men, if that's like 5% of women while virtually all men need to come to terms with themselves, then "just date those women" is obviously bad advice.

And so men need to validate each other, art needs to be shared that is for us by us, all of this needs to be aknowledged. I'm not entirley sure of the path, but we need to figure it out. We need to be honest with ourselves and we need to set boundaries. The point is, we ARE on our own, absolutely. So take that seriously. Don't just give up or bend over backwards. Keep exploring and expressing what we are without being pushy with it. Have tact about it, but be unapologetic. That is art.

I know for a lot of people that's all too vague, but it's just the reality of the situation. Personally, I think being sex-work positive - truly positive - is actually hopeful, because it IS a way of engaging with sexuality that is directly about this part of men, but it's only a "loophole" on reality. Still could be nice. And I also very much love creativity and having fun with this aspect of men in stories, which imo there is actually a lot of room for. It is something I'm experimenting with myself.

So yea. Men are just fine, and we should not bother women, but we can define ourselves independently form them, and we should.