As an overall outlook, individualism, which spread across the western world, has been criticized. And that criticism is somewhat accepted now. This "you can forge your own fate and be anything you want!" has a nefarious undertone. Consumerism and capitalism, atomization, greed.

Individualism is cynical of putting people into boxes. It is fixated on the uniqueness and the subjective and sees freedom as the ultimate end-game.

How does this relate to dating? Just think of dating apps, and what opinions people have of them. "Window shopping" comes to mind. Or "it's a free market." Also "it sucks".

But I would say that individualism also influenced the genders to be mistrustful of each other in general. This goes even deeper than feminism, altho the two are interconnected. I suppose individualism came first, and feminism developed within that framework.

The idea that we step into roles and concepts that are sort of bigger than us and which we even have to have some sort of a respect for is equated to shackles. Humanity has been doing such things though for thousands of years, every culture had ideas like these deeply ingrained, and now we basically reject this very concept all together, considering it barbarism.

For example, what if I said "I love women?" According to individualism (and feminism), it's the most worthless statement ever. To love a concept of a category of people is pathetic, immature, and dehumanizing. You are supposed to love individuals instead, not "get a placeholder". How we get around this with casual sex is still so paradoxical to me, "consent" is our trump card that allows our instincts to slip through the cracks.

It just doesn't quite fit, and in the context of dating, that is especially true for men - the sex that comes with much more of a pre-packaged desire. Men would love to love women as a concept. Good luck canceling that with socialization.

Heterosexuality is just such a fateful and deep and complex puzzle that simply isn't done justice with "idk but they consented and they are individuals".

What's wrong with valuing the motion for its own sake and not just the person? What's wrong with seeing ourselves as beings made of ancient concepts? Why can't we love things that are bigger than us through each other?

I think we need better balance. I know that's gonna be uber-vague for a lot of you, but at the end of the day, I think most of it comes down to culture and literally just how we phrase things and what kind of stories we tell.

"It's not who I am beneath the mask. It's what I do that defines me." - Batman.