Can you “love” and “lust” after the same person?

alphamaker420 · 2025-09-26T03:06:08+00:00

Yes.

Superb-Foundations · 2025-09-26T07:27:05+00:00

Your love and lust ebbs and flows with anyone long term. It doesn't ALWAYS have to be at a 10 because in a long term relationship, you experience life's highs and lows together. This idea seems to be online only that you have to be sexually attracted to your partner at every moment. When my husband had to have a colonoscopy, I wasn't particularly lusting after him. He chugged a gross drink, and I held the bucket while he puked. Then he shit his brains out, and i played music really loud so he wouldn't be embarrassed. And I probably wasn't particularly alluring right after giving birth since I had a huge tear and waddled around in literal diapers with an icepack in them spraying milk everywhere because our babyvwas in the icu and my milk let down. 🤷 Sometimes you lust your partner more than you love them, and sometimes you love them more than you lust them.

I think a partnership is just that. Nothing mythical. Not earth shattering orgasms constantly. After being married for a decade I have a pretty good sex life of 3x-4x a week but I dont think I have ever once in my life lusted after someone 24/7 and I dont think my husband has either.

I can say though that even if I dont want to fuck him every second, when I see him laying beside me in bed I appreciate his handsomeness. When we lounge around in bed on Saturday, I wanna lock the door. When I hold his hand, I notice the calluses because he works so hard for his family. When he takes me out on a date and dresses up and makes his hair all floppy I wanna make us late. 🤷

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-09-26T03:15:08+00:00

Most women love and lust after the men they are in relationships with, The men usually have positive attributes from both.

The guy is not likely to be extremely sexy but still desirable/lustable and lovable. The majority of women don’t want to end up in dead bedrooms relationships or to have sex with men the don’t desire either.

Ancedotal
4/6 of my relationships I thought the guy was very sexy from my first interactions with them and then I loved them later on. None were 666 men but they were exactly my type.

Height is sexy , very sexy even. But you can still be sexy/lusted after at 5’7.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-09-26T03:15:55+00:00

yes, I cant understand how any post 60s western person could think otherwise, I dont know about other cultures.

af bb has made you all hysterical. in RP originally it was mostly a warning to late bloomers that they would be encountering desperate leftover women who couldn't afford to spend years in a relationship that followed the normal young person pattern (sexual affair turning into cohabitation maturing into marriage) and having to scramble for a husband at the last second, sacrificing sexiness for husband traits because they had limited choice

justdontsashay · 2025-09-26T03:36:25+00:00

I lust after the men I have an emotional/love connection with, and don’t feel that with random dudes.

I have lusted after guys who weren’t tall.

The best sex I’ve had was with a 5’8 guy I was in love with, I definitely felt lust for him.

This idea that we separate men into those two categories isn’t coming from women, it’s coming from men making assumptions about us.

Equivalent_Dance2278 · 2025-09-26T06:36:57+00:00

What you are actually asking is “are women telling the truth when they say they really desire their long term partners?” And that fucks me off no end. If you want to believe RP that women don’t, then us telling you won’t make you believe it. I cannot sleep with someone I don’t genuinely like and care about. And there are 7 inches between my partner and me, and he is the sexiest man I know.

Excellent_Badger123 · 2025-09-26T03:03:37+00:00

Yes, for me at least. I have to have at least a little bit of love for a man to actually lust after him. Random “dark triad” guys are not objects of lust no matter how tall or good looking

Upstairs_Web_9068 · 2025-09-26T03:33:10+00:00

Yes. My husband is the man I love and just for. He’s also the only person I’ve ever dated, loved romantically or been intimate with.

I’m in my late 20s, and I’ve met only 3 people I’ve been into, including my husband. None fits AF/BB or black pill fantasies about DT traits dynamic.

One is a woman to start with. My close friend, someone I deeply cherish but harbor no romantic feelings anymore. Another was my high school crush - he wasn’t tall, he was very kind and soft-spoken.

My husband and I started dating as teenagers, and we just had a great time together. He’s 5’11, as you’ve asked specifically about height. Good facial featured, broad shoulders. He used to be much thinner when we met. In terms of dating, we’ve had it really easy. No DT nonsense, no hot and cold games, no crazy exes. Met in university , talked for a bit, he asked me out. Walks and cheap food, kisses in the park and in hallways. We started living together in a year. Got married a few years after. 11 years in, we still go on dates and have an active sex life.

ohdiddly · 2025-09-26T05:43:10+00:00

Yes obviously

For me, lust comes first and then love. Never the other way around.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2025-09-26T03:18:05+00:00

I love my husband. I lust after him too.

Lemon_gecko · 2025-09-26T05:42:30+00:00

I’m saying this as a girl who likes to hookup. Men completely have no idea how women desire works. Honestly even women have no idea how women desire works because we are different. I don’t lust over men who i hookup with. Even is they look 10/10. For me to feel that level of desire i need connection. I need a “safe space” to feel that. And that is rare. I believe i felt that only couple of times with guys i hookup, and it was no rush hookup, more like we had some small dates before, not jumping to in straight away. And of course in relationships it’s easier to feel like that.

Which is why I’m laughing about what men here imagining about my carnal, feral desire. I don’t work like that. As far as i read other women they don’t work like that.

Icy_Ad_4544 · 2025-09-26T13:11:41+00:00

This is just men projecting their Madonna/Whore complex onto women and assuming we think the same way men do.

Of course women can lust after and love their partners at the same time.

Nellylocheadbean · 2025-09-26T03:34:40+00:00

Yes. Also the height thing depends. If you’re good looking with a fit body and charming, social, masculine then the height will just be over looked.

Temporary-Flight-192 · 2025-09-27T03:20:51+00:00

why can’t a guy have positive attributes of both

I think men actually really need attributes of both. Total alpha guys are exhausting tbh, and you will never feel secure in the relationship. But being in a relationship with a guy who lusts after you, who isn’t timid sexually is great. A guy who can stand his ground, earn your respect and not be a doormat. Confident and even a little cocky at times.

You also need that guy who provides some beta comfort. Who is all sweetness and cuddles after ravishing you, who does thoughtful things and tries to be cooperative and caring. But too much beta can be boring or even worse, not give enough masculine energy to make a woman feel desirable.

Alpha and beta aren’t people, they are behaviors. You need a little of both in your life.

I definitely think you can lust over a guy who is 5’7”, but maybe not one who is too full of doubt and lacks confidence over it. 🤷‍♀️

CancerMoon2Caprising · 2025-09-26T05:51:00+00:00

I definitely have (love&lust). Multiple boyfriends. Its the only way to go. None of my exes are criminals or "bad boy" bs, ive never been attracted to those types. I do like artsy, philosophical, or nerdy men.

My bf is 5'8

exes 5'5 and 5'7

im 5'4.

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SwimmingTheme3736 · 2025-09-26T04:04:50+00:00

If course

This is what happens when men try and guess what women think instead of listening to them

I love my husband more than I thought possible. I also fancy him so so much more than any other man

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-09-26T04:11:24+00:00

Only the same one. To me it's so intertwined it's one and the same thing. I'm not even able to separate love and lust.

Prior-Impression-871 · 2025-09-26T04:20:22+00:00

Of course you can. I lust after him even more now than when we first got together

Then again I don't hook up, I just don't have it in me. Not even with him - but the attraction was definitely there from the start

p_fulga · 2025-09-26T04:45:34+00:00

With the thoughts I have about my partner every day? Yes. You can absolutely love and be lustful of the same person. I know it because I feel it every day, and I don't think there's any better evidence than that, haha.

For your follow-up question, 5'7 isn't a big deal to me. I'm 5'10, I prefer guys who are within a couple inches of me. 5'8-6'0. But one inch off is such a minor difference that I really don't care. I dated a guy who was 5'4 before. That ended for unrelated reasons. I know someone who prefers shorter bald muscular guys haha.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2025-09-26T08:21:23+00:00

Of course! My prequisite for really loving a man is that I lust after him and the prerequisite for really lusting after him is that I love him haha

Tylikcat · 2025-09-26T13:48:29+00:00

Generally, when I'm looking for a partner, I start looking among people who I am attracted to. Though that "attracted to" isn't just a visual thing. And usually I sleep with them pretty early on, for that matter.

Height... I've dated men both taller and shorter than me. (I'm 5'11", a lot of men are shorter.) I've definitely lusted after men who are shorter than me. I have also noticed that shorter men seemed to be more likely to be bitter, insecure and controlling, though my sample isn't really large enough to have predictive power. Still, it's something I keep an eye out for with shorter men these days - life's to short to put up with that.

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-09-26T16:01:10+00:00

yes of course!

Stunning-Potato-1984 · 2025-09-26T17:46:02+00:00

This is an obvious yes for me. I have been with my partner for over a decade. He regularly has to tell me "I am not a piece of meat" (he's only half joking). He's agreed to wear a Catholic priest cassock and I am so hype I'm salivating.

But if he ever says "bad boys" my nipples will be completely soft and vagina as dry as the Sahara. Stop that shit.

As for height I personally don't care. I think if you get off Internet brainrot you'll find while most women will prefer a tall dude but they won't be vitriolic or auto reject on it, the same way a man will want nice body proportions but still go for a girl with a tummy but the Internet would tear her apart.

CanaryHeart · 2025-09-28T18:34:29+00:00

I’m in love with my husband and absolutely lust after him. After 18 years of marriage, I’m more attracted to him than ever.

Height doesn’t isn’t an issue for me. My husband is a bit taller than average, but I’m the same height. I find plenty of men shorter than me very attractive.

Title	Can you “love” and “lust” after the same person?
Author	NoRefrigerator267
Upvotes	8
Comments	84
Date	September 26, 2025 2:57 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1nqqbau/can_you_love_and_lust_after_the_same_person/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/can-you-love-and-lust-after-the-same-person.1562823 https://theredarchive.com/post/1562823

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