STBX sleeping with someone else

nomohydro · 2026-04-13T08:07:08+00:00

I learned to to NGAF.

House reminded me of her now makes ne proud.

Various_Exam9438 · 2026-04-11T22:46:30+00:00

Minus the kids, same exact boat as you. I’m very sorry you’re going through this. It’s a surreal pain. I am here if you want to talk

Boglehead101 · 2026-04-11T04:45:58+00:00

Just accept it and move on, quickly. Radical acceptance.

LaCathedrale · 2026-04-07T20:34:01+00:00

Yep, same situation - found evidence (denied) of a liason in my family home which she subsequently confirmed in recent conversation - a jump from one relationship directly into another to avoid having to deal with any of the emotional baggage or fallout.

pbuddy4humanity · 2026-04-06T19:29:53+00:00

She's not "further along emotionally"... She's looking for validation from others any way she can get it.

SanDiego2027 · 2026-04-06T06:15:54+00:00

OP highly recommend you read the book Radical Acceptance. It's a bit woo woo but it makes a lot of sense

Also: Do not let what she does now or says about the relationship now with her shit colored glasses on let define you, your worth or how you were showing up in the relationship. It's all a ploy for her to justify her detachment and "falling out of love" so that her guilt of blowing up your lives doesn't consume her. It means nothing.

Be mindful, try to see things for how they truly were and not how she's telling you they were and be compassionate with yourself about your own experience and perceptions of the relationship.

TheSwedishEagle · 2026-04-06T04:15:47+00:00

Sorry to hear that. That sucks. The best way to get over a woman is to get under a woman so get to it.

Last-Researcher8796 · 2026-04-05T22:19:25+00:00

As other's have mentioned they are always quick to cut the ties emotionally..also it absolves them of ANY accountability.

_Luminary__ · 2026-04-05T21:47:17+00:00

"I'll admit that she is further along emotionally than i am since she initiated all of this...."

Ummm....a sign that she crossed the emotional detachment finish line was her verbalizing the breakup /divorce)

Men commit the novice mistake when their women leaves them believing that both starts at the same place in the healing journey.

No my friend that old friend she's banging back at her hometown started twirling her butterflies while she was putting up an act of happily married in front of you 6 to 12 months ago.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2026-04-05T20:10:37+00:00

All normal feelings. Refocus on your kids and not her. Pick yourself up and thrive. That is good for you and kids and f her. She is not worthy of you.

darmitage55 · 2026-04-05T19:35:20+00:00

Fifteen years is a long time to grieve. What you're feeling isn't weakness, it's a completely normal response to loss stacked on top of betrayal. The fact that you're still showing up for your kids while carrying all of this says a lot about you. Give yourself permission to feel it without rushing through it. You don't have to be okay yet.

No_Addition589 · 2026-04-05T19:17:49+00:00

I hear a lot of people say, the woman is much further along but it hasn't caught up with her yet. Can someone explain that to me? Surely if they're further along, the process is easier for them and is guys are playing catch-up while they used the relationship to get to that stage,which in itself is a disgusting way to treat another human being. My stbx told me she hadn't loved me for 3 years, so why string me along for 3 years, who gives a woman the right to do that to a man? If shoe was on other foot there'd be outrage

jaglio69 · 2026-04-05T14:28:19+00:00

She sucks.

Pullout66 · 2026-04-05T12:14:22+00:00

Good now she is his problem...

Worldly_Diver9265 · 2026-04-05T09:47:33+00:00

Listen to me! It takes 6 -12 months to get past this. You are on your way. Woman get over it fast, cause theyve usually have checked out long before. Their regrets may or may not come later, believe me. In the long run, men can fair better. It is very hard to find a good man. You're problem, you dont know your worth. Your healing begins in your mind. Be your own best friend. Pamper yourself. Join a gym, transform. Learn to love being alone and do things by yourself, museums, sporting events, restaurants, walks, pubs, etc.... whatever you love to do. SPOIL YOURSELF....great tickets, great cuts of beef, trips, whatever floats your boat. DO IT! Doing things by yourself builds and shows confidence. Confidence is unbelievably attractive, but it must be genuine. Trust me. Re-invent yourself, be who YOU want to be. The love of your life is out there waiting to meet you. That can't, and won't happen, until you have fully healed. The longer you take to heal, the longer you will keep the trye love of your life waiting. Please, please, please, believe me, your story will have a happy ending! Drop me a line when it does! I love saying I told you so!!!!

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2026-04-05T06:49:33+00:00

I get it. Strangely she isn’t really emotionally along more than you, which is actually why she is having the affair/monkey branch. She hasn’t actually dealt with shit yet….but she will eventually…after you have moved on.

Rational_Men · 2026-04-05T04:44:31+00:00

I hear you, and that’s an incredibly painful situation. It makes total sense to feel sick, heartbroken, and blindsided. Discovering your STBX has moved on emotionally and physically while you’re still processing the divorce can feel like a personal betrayal, even though it doesn’t diminish your worth or the validity of your feelings.

Right now, it’s okay to allow yourself to feel everything: grief, anger, sadness. Finding someone you trust, whether a friend, family member, or even a therapist, to talk through these emotions can be a lifeline. Journaling or even posting anonymously like you did is also a healthy way to unburden yourself.

Try to focus on your own steps forward: securing your living situation, spending time with your kids, and caring for your emotional health. Healing doesn’t mean rushing past the pain; it means letting yourself feel it safely and gradually finding your footing again.

XingTianMain · 2026-04-05T04:23:00+00:00

You’re free now. Billions of women out there and she just opened the door for you. And chose to reenter the dating market as a 35 yo single mom (we know how that goes). She’ll be calling you within the year trying to reminisce. Probably around the holidays. Dog a few escorts to speed run the rebounds and take some time off work to go to take some trips to nature parks. Take pics of Mother Earth. It’ll take time for you to identify your hobbies.

A year from now you’ll be going to court hearings about how many knuckles can fit in your ass without killing you but it goes down better knowing you’ve got a flight scheduled. If you follow these steps you’ll look like an adventurous man which all women love but your ex wife especially will get second thoughts. Don’t fall for it, just hate-bang drop a nut and walk.

bk2747 · 2026-04-05T03:48:26+00:00

It’s called Monkey Branching. She wouldn’t have initiated if she didn’t have another guy to fall back on.

Women fall out of love gradually so by the time you get hit with papers, she doesn’t even like you anymore, most of the time she hates you at that point AND she’ has a boyfriend. Meanwhile, you’re still in love trying to “make it work.”

Also, do not move out of your own home. That’s your damn house, only time you leave is if a judge orders you out.

Silly-Ad-7876 · 2026-04-05T03:22:57+00:00

She was moving on, probably well before she told you that she wanted the divorce.

Take this gift for what it is, and disentangle yourself emotionally.

too-far-for-missiles · 2026-04-05T02:49:01+00:00

The easiest way for me to get over my ex during divorce was to find a kinder, cuter woman. It worked like a charm.

redditrock56 · 2026-04-05T02:29:13+00:00

Odds are she's been fucking him before she asked for the divorce in December.

Monkey branching 101.

bluephotoshop · 2026-04-05T02:23:12+00:00

Boot her out. You stay for the kids.

ModernRidesWraps · 2026-04-05T02:02:56+00:00

I have been there! And it feels unbearable. BUT, this is where the true healing starts in my opinion. I promise if you do the work (therapy, gym, books etc.) This will be a distant memory sooner than you think! If you have kids, focus on them and obviously yourself.

There will be days that you will be down in the dumps, but that is NORMAL. Dont fight those emotions, lean into them and process where they are coming from, and if they are based in reality.

I had a really hard time letting go of the fantasy of my ex wife. But in hind sight, she is nothing like that fantasy. I cant really stand her now.

JoeMacMillan_HCF · 2026-04-05T01:20:03+00:00

I get it. My ex initiated my divorce too, and she is way further along than I am, because she had a huge head start.

IcanPelican · 2026-04-05T01:18:00+00:00

I felt like you and then went on to have the best six years of my life and now that that’s over I wouldn’t change anything in something new has already started just because it’s not what you envision doesn’t mean it’s not good. Different good things are coming, my friend.

Puzzleheaded-Way3522 · 2026-04-05T01:12:41+00:00

It is the same movie all over again. It is like how can she do this to me and then you see the same story here. It blows my mind. The evil, callousness, malice, it is like one is paying for a crime against humanity and must be punished.

TeddyPSmith · 2026-04-05T01:06:24+00:00

They seem to all follow the same playbook

NotYours25 · 2026-04-05T01:05:08+00:00

Grief is not liner. You will be stronger on the other side.

Solo_job · 2026-04-05T01:04:05+00:00

Yep, my ex started an affair on my birthday. She was having sex with him before she even asked for the divorce. It's hard seeing someone that you loved so deeply throw everything aside for someone new. The lies, disrespect, the betrayal ---all real. That gut punch is your head and heart fighting each other. Her words should mean nothing now; look at her actions.

Write down every bad thing she ever did, all the ways you were not compatible. Read that every day, until you can forget about her.

You're grieving the memory of what you thought she was, and the future you thought you deserved. Brother, that future doesn't belong to you, but A FUTURE does with someone who will be afraid to lose you. Be the 10 you want to attract. Work on yourself. Get a hobby.

Impossible_Mode_7521 · 2026-04-05T00:55:05+00:00

Its time to move on brother.

Title	STBX sleeping with someone else
Author	ImpressAbject4344
Upvotes	56
Comments	67
Date	April 5, 2026 12:49 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1scpt03/stbx_sleeping_with_someone_else/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/stbx-sleeping-with-someone-else.1577167 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577167

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