Many discussions around beauty standards and dating preferences overlook an uncomfortable dynamic: competition and selectivity exist on both sides of the dating market.

Women do not necessarily criticize beauty standards because men are uniquely shallow. In many cases, frustration emerges from competition among women for highly desirable men, particularly men who possess greater social, physical, or financial appeal and therefore have more freedom to be selective.

At the same time, women themselves often play a major role in reinforcing appearance-based competition through beauty trends, cosmetic enhancement, fashion, social media presentation, and status signalling. These pressures are not imposed exclusively by men but are also shaped by female social competition and cultural expectations.

It is also worth noting that women across a wide range of physical characteristics — including those who are overweight, underweight, bald, disabled, short, tall, or otherwise outside conventional beauty ideals — often still retain access to dating, sexual, and relationship opportunities. Many men are willing to pursue and value women who do not fit idealized standards of attractiveness.

Yet men are frequently described as uniquely shallow.

A comparable dynamic can be seen in the "nice guy" argument. Some men believe that being supportive or respectful should guarantee romantic success and become frustrated when they are overlooked in favour of more attractive or socially desirable men. The issue is usually not that women reject kindness itself, but that attraction remains selective and people with more options tend to exercise greater choice.

Likewise, criticism directed at men for being "shallow" is often less about male behaviour in general and more about disappointment toward specific highly desirable men who possess the ability to be selective.

This reveals a broader principle: attraction is selective, and desirability creates leverage. Men are often told to accept this reality, improve themselves, and understand that attraction cannot be demanded. By the same logic, expectations around dating outcomes and partner preferences should be examined consistently across both sexes rather than treating selectivity as acceptable in one direction and offensive in the other.

You can see women here telling average men to not feel entitled and demand what a top tier man gets since they are not top tier but hates it when attractive men practice their attractiveness and actually makes them put in the work in a relationship.