Long-time lurker here. I've been reading TRP for 2y without contributing.

Today I finally have an experience that I think is worth sharing and hear opinions on.

Cutting short, since the lockdown I have started using dating apps. I am shy and don't start convo with girls spontaneously in real life. Dating apps gave me the access to a new world I didn't have before.

I'm in good shape and look handsome after 2y of gym so I get enough matches to meet one or two decent girls every week. All standard stuff, sometime they are looking for fun and sometimes for a LTR. Sometimes I get one home, sometimes I don't.

But the girl I met today blow me off.

It was Thursday midnight when we matched on Tinder. I had a place booked for next day, but no date.

Immediately after matching SHE asks me if I want to go out for a drink. I have experience of several tens of matches, and that never happened to me not straight away at least. Anyway, I do have a place and immediately I text back. Again to my surprise she accepts on the spot.

Ok, at that point I feel lucky to have found such a direct girl. What a rare thing, am I right?

So cut straight to the date, we meet, hug, get a table, and do some small talk.

She is north European, tall, blonde, and quite cute but I avoid any comment on her beauty. She, on the opposite, almost immediately says it to me. And I feel good.

What immediately makes me wary is the eye contact. She is fucking staring at me almost unnaturally while talking. She says that's because she is really interested and I am handsome.

Very seldom she bats an eye, and she never looks around nervously. Something I learned to expect from girls that are meeting a stranger taller and stronger than them, from Tinder. That has always been my experience, at least for a good 15-30 minutes before starting cracking jokes, drinking, and sharing food.

She is always smiling and looking at me almost mechanically. My sixth sense awakes, and I start probing her mercilessly.

She is a salesperson, changed her job four times in 9 years. Not in a good relationship with her brother, she doesn't know what he's doing nor she cares. She hasn't seen her parents for 1 year as well. Most girls would be telling such a thing with crying eyes, but she just brushes that off like nothing.

I ask why she moved abroad, and she tells me she is here for career and getting as high as possible. She doesn't have a plan, but she wants to get the best she can in her life. Who am I to blame that?

She gets up to go to the toilet and comes back with vodka shots. I politely refuse because "I'm healthy" and stick to my beer. She drinks both in the range of 5 minutes. What a woman. In retrospect I'm sure she wanted to get me drunk.

So 1 hour passes talking shit, and I declare its time to move to our second venue.

Things get a bit heated, she is not scared of initiating contact and I keep ignoring it.

I ask what she is looking for in man and she tells me she is looking for someone with strong opinions, capable of taking decisions, that knows what to do in his life. I'm not kidding, straight TRP truths coming off her mouth. She tells me that she loved the way I texted her and that she expected me to be exactly what she's looking for. Never I have ever heard I girl even remotely mentioning this stuff so directly.

At this point I am incredibly suspicious about the whole situation.

I ask her about her ex. She says to me she has been in a 5 year relationship with a guy where she was taking all decisions and the last drop was him asking to marry her. She tells me that she was young and stupid when she met him and she didn't know better. Probably she realized he was a loser and couldn't fulfill her desires of greatness.

I ask if leaving her ex left a scar in her life. She tells me that he's the one with the scar now. Wow, I wonder what that poor guy must have been through. Not a remorse for the whole thing from her. Not a feeling. She talks about it like she changed her order at the restaurant.

Back to some small talk and I decide to do a move on her. She accepts everything like it was her plan from the beginning. She kisses me back with such an energy I am wondering if its a dream. We are almost arrived to the second venue, and I sense she would just rather go to my apartment.

A few months ago I would have killed for a girl like that. But know my instinct is saying "warning" so I decide to go in, take a table and order drinks.

She becomes more direct, she moves her chair next to mine, puts her legs around mine and even tries to force me kissing her by pulling my shirt. Not too strongly though, I stay laid back and don't let her take control of my actions. I'm ignoring the whole thing and kidding about her being so direct. Inside I am like "what the fuck is happening?".

We both like house and techno and start talking about clubs. She says she lives near one and I joke saying that must be her hunting place. She agrees. Again I get blown away by such honesty. I ask her to put a number on how many people she brought home, but she refuses strongly. I guess slut shaming is a feeling painful enough for her too.

I realize that she is the one out to have sex with me and not the opposite. She likes me physically and nothing would stop her. I get a bit scared about the unnatural situation.

Myself, not caring anymore about having sex, start gazing her, without batting an eye or saying anything. She takes on, and we just look at each other for minutes making faces. Super awkward. Until she resumes the conversation like that never happened. A normal girl would run out scared shitless.

I decide its time to prove my point and pull back completely from any physical contact.

By now her behaviour is an emotional rollercoaster. I am usually good at controlling the conversation and keeping it fun but she starts fiddling with the menu, keeps interrupting with personal attacks which go farther than your typical "oh you're a womaniser/player", "oh your just out for fun". She is annoyed and start accusing me of hating women, being a dominator, wanting girl restrained in the kitchen, etc. which I immediately diffuse by bringing up her previous behaviour.

At that point I was confident she didn't give a fuck about my feelings and I was dealing with a psycopath. She also hinted that when I tried to push the fact that she was a scared little girl wearing a mask of a strong man by saying I was full of shit and she didn't give a fuck about feelings.

She finally realizes she's not getting anywhere, politely get up, pays her bill, scrounge a cigaret from the male waiter with the most innocent smile you could ever think of (I had previously told her that if she would smoke, I would leave). And goes out.

I finish my drink and leave. Walking toward the exit, I see that she is sitting at a table with a group of men. Immediately she calls me, but I smile and keep walking, knowing better to be jealous for such a poor woman. She is getting sex tonight, but she's not getting it from me.

I am sure that now some people will say I hit the jackpot. I found the one in a thousand and threw it away. I feel like that. That's why I spent 1h writing this post.

Im sure some of you are expert enough to know how to deal from such a situation. Maybe even profit from it. It could be the closest thing to a pure friends with benefit if set up right.

However, I do believe in learning from the experience of the people before me on TRP. Especially after reading so much that proven to be true.

And I remember one straightforward and clear guideline: "Don't put your dick in crazy".

Tonight my instinct said no. I was afraid I would not be strong enough and get crushed. Maybe she would do fucked up things to get me do things I didn't want to do. Or maybe I would get the wildest sex in my life. Who knows? I didn't feel ready to play with fire. That was a psychopath in real life.

Update: what I've learned from your comments, 3 days after the fact

  1. My instinct said to flee and I listened to it. This I am happy for. I got scared about the whole situation and riding it in that state could have only resulted in a bad night for both of us.
  2. Trying to analyze the personality of the girl from my facts is useless. I framed the situation as 'being with a psychopath' given my experience and knowledge at that point in time. I also acted accordingly, poisoning the whole interaction.
  3. If you remove my framing of the whole situation, the context was casual sex. As some people pointed out, do you really care if the girl is not acting as a nice girl? That's exactly the situation when not to be. Given this context all the facts I highlighted are not red flags anymore.
  4. Red flags are important. Red flags include signs of self-arm, experiences of rape, provocation of violence (if not stated explicitly, see BDSM), lack of respect/shaming towards 'inferior' and service people (homeless, waiters, bartenders, etc.). These in addition to whatever makes you feel unpleasant.
  5. Learn and grow. I have never met a cute girl so blatantly DTF that I got knocked off my feet. Next time a similar situation will appear I will know better and navigate it, in control.

Thank you all.