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Discovered cheating AFTER taking RP

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November 8, 2017
27 upvotes

I'll try to keep this short. 40 years old. Married 11 years. 1 child (15). Met my wife at work. I was her supervisor and she was a young single mom with a 2-year-old. Dated, eventually married and I adopted her child. Found out later when we tried to have kids of our own, that she couldn't have kids (I could). Spent thousands on infertility treatments.

I support her 100% financially and always have. Our marriage was good or great most of the time. No cheating. Mutual respect. Good sex life. 2 years ago, I got fired from my longtime lucrative job. Spent over a year looking for a new job which wrecked my confidence, savings, and self-esteem. I went into a deep depression. This was pre-RP so like a fool I was expecting emotional support, comfort, and sympathy from my wife during what was then the most difficult period of my life, which of course I didn't get. I became bitter at life and at her for her indifference to my pain. I swung hard beta...started drinking daily, getting fat, feeling sorry for myself, etc. Predictably, my marriage went south in a hurry. I won't bore you with the details, you've all heard them a thousand times before.

I ultimately found a new job and then discovered RP about 2 months ago. Stopped drinking, started to eat correctly, lift, STFU, and sidebar with a hard emphasis on maintaining frame (my weak area). Predictably, my marriage got better in a hurry. This last weekend we went out of town and I fucked her 4 times including anal. That kind of shit hasn't happened since we were dating. She was submissive, respectful, and following my lead. She was treating me better than she had in years, and I was happier than I've been in years.

Then 2 days ago....Monday morning....I get a phone call. It was a friend who said he heard my wife fucked our neighbor last summer, but it was just rumor so don't take it too seriously. Without RP knowledge that's probably exactly what I would have done....dismissed it as a silly impossible rumor and nothing else. But instead, armed with the knowledge of the true nature of females, I was almost certain it was true - given the beta bitch drunk captain I was during the time frame this allegedly occurred. So I walked over to his house, knocked on his door, and straight up asked him...."Did you fuck my wife?". After a lot of denial and going round and round he eventually admitted he knew she had cheated on me, but wouldn't directly admit to fucking her or give any details beyond that.

When my wife got home I confronted her about it. She initially denied it. Then she admitted it happened once when she was shit-faced drunk and barely remembers it. The she ultimately admitted it happened 3-4 times over the course of about a month last July...always while she was shit faced drunk at one of his parties. (this guy throws a weekend garage party almost every weekend in the summer). She said it was stupid, quick, terrible drunk sex and they both said "this is stupid we can't be doing this" and cut it off at the end of July.

She was crying and apologizing over and over and begging me to give her a second chance. She swore she's never done anything like that before, that we were just having so many problems in our marriage she was certain it was heading for divorce anyway, and that I was absent (which I was) and he made her feel hot and wanted and it was just a rush for her. Of course she then talked about how good things have been recently and she just wants this second chance and that we could come out of this with a better stronger relationship than ever. I didn't get emotional. I didn't engage in any of this baiting conversation. I simply told her I will let her know in a day or two how I intend to proceed from here.

Pretty simple question....what the fuck do I do? I do love her and I absolutely love my daughter. We were well on our way to the kind of marriage I've always wanted prior to this information coming to light so I could easily see being happy with her presuming I can get the images out of my mind of my neighbor fucking her brains out.

The seemingly obvious RP answer would be to hard next her. That's fine, but how does that fit into the context of owning my own shit? At the time the cheating happened I was ubber-drunk captain and mega beta. I might as well of put his dick in her for him. There's also the reality of hard nexting a wife of 11 years versus hard-nexting a plate. We live in a no-fault state. I have to give her half my assets and income because she fucked the neighbor? Also, our only-child daughter is a perfect 4.0 student, awesome athlete, never been in trouble, just an overall great kid. Her mom and I are her only family. Divorce would lay waste to her entire world. The statistics on the effect of divorce on children are widely available and irrefutable. It fucks them up.

I can stay, continue to work my RP plan, keep my finances intact, not upend my kid's world, and likely have a good marriage - with someone I will always know cheated on me. OR I could leave, wreck my finances and my kid's stability, but keep my dignity and self-respect intact that I didn't stay married to a cheating whore. Being new to RP, my SMV and game is still weak as fuck for the single scene.

Either option looks like absolute shit to me.


Post Information
Title Discovered cheating AFTER taking RP
Author KidBrody
Upvotes 27
Comments 105
Date 08 November 2017 03:06 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205188
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/7blvgz/discovered_cheating_after_taking_rp/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well, yeah.

This ultimately comes down to "what do you want?"

But, as you are clearly demonstrating, you're in no shape or position to answer this for yourself at the present. Because you're blaming her and blaming yourself, and still unraveling what happened and how. You're on the right track, though. And you're getting good advice.

Don't ask us what you should do. Ask yourself how you got here, and what you want, and how you're going to get what you want.

You've gotten a lot of good persepective on how you got here.

--married a woman who worked for you (strike 1 -don't shit where you eat)

--married a single mom (strike 2 - no single mothers.) You cucked yourself

--adopted her kid, raising another man's kid and her thugspawn (strike 3)

--lost your job, started drinking to self medicate, got fat, low self esteem, couldn't or didn't pull yourself out, because no plan (strike 4)

--wife is a woman with a history of making bad decisions (getting knocked up by a dickbag who didn't stick around, probably fucking hot guys with no commitment before then, and then married a man she probably wasn't all that attracted to in the first place because she needed a beta bux to take care of her very young kid -- all bad decisions) who does what women with histories of making bad decisions do -- she drunk fucks your neighbor.

Her cheating is on her. It's not justified, but it's understandable. I completely understand why she cheated. Do you? Here's why. As I said: She's a woman with a history of bad decisionmaking before you ever met her. She probably wasn't all that into you, because she was a desperate woman in dire straits who needed a reliable man RIGHT NOW for bux. and all she needed to cheat was enough booze while standing next to a man she was sexually attracted to. (Lemme guess: You started dating, it got hot and heavy really fast, she lured you in with hot sex, and then it cooled over the years especially after she couldn't have more kids. Which she probably knew before she met you, but kept it from you.)

Every thing else is on you and is your fault. Your decision to marry her. Your decision to think with your little head and not your big one. Your job loss and career bumps because you didn't have a plan. You must at all times have a plan on how to deal with contingencies. Hopefully you've learned that now.

(By the way, do you have a plan now for your career? For your life? For your vision for how your life will look in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years? If not, you need to GET ONE. Do you have a plan on what you'll do if you lose this job? If not, you need to GET ONE. Do you have a plan on what you'll do if your wife up and leaves you? I mean, hell, she's already more than halfway out the door right now anyway. If not, you need to.... You get the idea.)

So...

with all this in mind, you have to ask yourself what it is that you want. Not what SHE wants. Not what the kid wants. Not what is best for her or the kid. What is best for YOU and what YOU want, taking into account all facts and circumstances.

a few things to think about:

--you're getting trickle truthed. You know that, right? First it was "No I didn't cheat". Then it was "yeah I did but just once" then "yeah once but I was drunk" and then "well, it was really 3 or 4 times, but just with him".

There is a lot more there. It's likely she's cheated more, with other men, and not just this one, and not just 3 or 4 times. You are never going to know the full truth about this. And right now, you cant' trust her. And you need to accept these things.

--Stay or go - NO MORE KIDS. No adopting kids. NO MORE financial obligations. You're not taking on any more debt or big purchases. Those things are absolutely out of the question.

--You need to decide if you can live with a wife who cheated on you. You can't make that call right now. So right now, you need to hunker down and get yourself better, and deal with all the emotions and feelings and thoughts. If you need to talk to someone, do it. If you need help, get it. If you need a day or two off work for it, take it. Do not involve your wife in this process. Her seeing it will just make it worse and she doesn't want to see it anyway.

--if I were in your shoes, the divorce papers would have been on file yesterday. But that's just me....

--After you have decided what you want and need, then reach down between your legs. Feel those? Those are your balls. Grab them, act like a man, get some self respect, and lay down some hard boundaries. She crosses them? She's done, marriage over, end of discussion. (But you aren't in any position to do this now. First, you need to decide what you want and need, and accept a few unalterable truths here.)

Oh, yeah, and what u/RulezeroDad said. You're not worth a shit now, and it's going to take at least a year just to unfuck yourself. So you need to spend at least a few months deciding what you're going to do with this marriage while you unfuck yourself.

Good luck. You need to decide how this is going down; not strangers on the internet.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret36 points37 points  (4 children) | Copy

When my wife got home I confronted her about it

Bang up job Columbo. Even when you got cucked (literally) you're still keeping her in the loop every step of the way.

Own your shit isn't about absolving everyone else of blame, and doubling down on your plow horse. Either way, you were a useful idiot, what you do with this is up to you.

One thing my stepfather did during his divorce, operation scorched earth. Prepared to burn it to the ground and give half the ashes. Took my brother finally filing for my mom, ten years later to get a divorce on the books, with a very reduced settlement.

Divorce would lay waste to her entire world.

Did her getting ass fucked by your neighbour, and you're entire social circle knowing about it lay waste to yours?

I mean, how horrible does she have to be to you, before you start giving a fuck about your dignity? She didn't care enough about her kids stability to keep her knees together, and they are blood. Why do you care more than her biological family does? (BTW, every captain save-a-ho I've worked with, or had worked for me has the same sob story. The wife is a bitch, but I love her kid. Almost like purposeful manipulation, no? The one student I had that found out I fucked his single mom of a wife, along with half the teachers lounge was especially eye opening)

[–]2ndalRed Beret20 points21 points  (2 children) | Copy

He won't take this advice. He's off in other corners of this thread finding ways to defend the decision he has already made in his head before he even made this post, which is to forgive and forget.

[–]BobbyPeru6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

He’s too busy imagining the Disney life they were going to have...

Sigh

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bang up job Columbo. Even when you got cucked (literally) you're still keeping her in the loop every step of the way.

This needs to be emphasized. If you know she cheated, DO NOT CONFRONT HER until you're ready to take action. There's no benefit in tipping your hand.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret23 points24 points  (28 children) | Copy

I'm gonna vent here. How does this shit go down? Guys abandoning their drunk wives at weddings, bars and house parties. If she came with you, she leaves with you. If she is shitfaced you take her home. Forfucksakes.

Vent over.

Moving on. Dude, for a start she is making excuses. She was drunk. So she kept on going back, getting drunk and getting fucked again, and again, and again. I bet she fucked more than one guy, or she fucked the neighbor on the ping pong table to the applause of his buds. Where were you during all this?

You were a drunk captain, at worst, your wife had a free pass to be a bitch and deny you sex. Being a drunk captain does not give her a free pass to get railed by the neighbors, again, and again, and again. Was 3 or 4 times? Can't be THAT difficult to recount if it was 3 or 4?

The only good in all this, you had a bud to give it to you straight. He probably felt bad for you because everyone else knew.

I am not the the guy to yell next for no good reason, bit this shit will fuck you up every saturday your neighbour cranks up his stereo and pulls up a lawn chair in the driveway to have a party.

Hard next.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red6 points7 points  (27 children) | Copy

How does this shit go down?

For me, how it happened was we were having the party at our house. Exactly as you stated the dad was tired, but the mom and KIDS wanted to stay and keep playing in the pool with our kids and other kids. Dad leaves and a few hours later the next thing you know my wife and I are fucking her.

Couple other times he was still there in the house or outside. My wife and her took me into the master closet and gave me a double BJ. 10 minutes later we are back at the party, no one the wiser including her cuck husband.

It is very easy to sneak away for 10 minutes and get it on. And yes, it is very common for Beta Billy husband to leave the party cause he is tired, or cannot socialize.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

And yes, it is very common for Beta Billy husband to leave the party cause he is tired, or cannot socialize.

have seen this SO many times

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A lack of stamina is a huge turn off in all facets of life.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yea, in plain sight is often the most effective disguise, giving you plausible deniability.

My previous boss also told me a similar story. He walked in on someone at a bbq.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret34 points35 points  (2 children) | Copy

Jesus Christ. You faggots never fucking learn.

Met my wife at work. I was her supervisor and she was a young single mom with a 2-year-old. Dated, eventually married and I adopted her child. Found out later when we tried to have kids of our own, that she couldn't have kids (I could). Spent thousands on infertility treatments.

You are a magnanimous cuck by proxy. Congratulations on raising another person's kid, but you vetted poorly for a low value single mom. Most likely killed her own fertility with sexually transmitted diseases or a hard birth. IN THE PAST.

Lost job, wallowed in self-pity and Cheetos while assuming women give a fuck about your problems. They don't. IN THE PAST.

Wife gets drunk and does some escapist fucking while you were escaping into a bucket of chicken and bottle of brown liquid. IN THE PAST.

You finally wake the fuck up and realize that all of this is your fault, and you're mad at her. Gay, gay, gay.

Future? What do you want? Strangers on the internet aren't going to solve this crisis for you, but since your own decision making sucks, be like me, because it works for me.

You chose a low value woman who comes with the ability to make really poor decisions when drinking and when dick is around. You, until recently, slummed with her being a worthless piece of shit. Unemployed, fat, alcoholics don't do well with the ladies.

You're starting to fix things internally with yourself and marriage and somehow feel a twinge of moral superiority. She, in a contrite way, basically showed you what you already knew about her when you met her. This girl likes to fuck attractive dudes.

I would use her for the next three years and build my abundance until the daughter is out of high school. You can decide then whether the marriage is salvageable, because you probably won't be worth a shit until at least X-Mas 2018.

You are no better now then when you married her. At least improve some before you decide to get back out there.

Oh, and move out of that neighborhood. Every dude that waives to you while driving knows your wife is a whore.

[–]jdogworld5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agree moving would be a prerequisite to saving this marriage IMO.

[–]Idunnowhy22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Brutal. But necessary feedback.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve talked about trust vs loyalty. I’ve never liked the trust but verify mantra. Not in relationships. It smacks too much of me wasting my time to verify what is being told to me. I would then live in someone else’s frame until I can verify what they are telling me. It’s also a slippery slope of how much do I verify? Do I get a PI? GPS trackers? What? Furthermore, I have come to see trust as a weapon. Think about it. Someone says they don’t trust you anymore and that you need to work towards earring that trust back. But are you ever given a check list? A set of tasks to perform to earn that trust? No.

I came to this conclusion during my journey as I would watch my shrew of a wife constantly tell me she doesn’t trust me. It goes back from nearly the day we were married. I got up for work one day and she just blurts it out. The next 17 years I was and am held to a standard I never understood nor was given the rules for. When someone says they don’t trust you what you get is a bevy of servant tasks and behavior controls that just keep you in your place. Yet what it’s really nothing more than the other party maintaining control on you.

What’s more is that you will never earn the trust back you once had or what you perceived you had. This is because trust is never really earned. It can’t be. It’s given. We give trust and we do it all the time. We trust strangers to do things for us without harming us. Baristas to serve coffee without pissing in it. Restaurants to serve food that isn’t poisoned. This is why when trust is violated at a public level it is so horrific.

There are millions of ways we trust in small doses each day to people we’ve rarely met or interacted with. Just think of any number of things we do on a daily basis that rely on someone doing their job correctly. Yet in our relationships we have high standards for this trust and suddenly the script is flipped and you must earn that trust. No. Trust is given and you keep giving it until you come to the point where you can no longer. Then the relationship is dead.

Before I launch into the loyalty part it behooves us to reexamine Briffault’s law. You can follow the link and read it. Briffault’s Law establishes the female role in a relationship and in society. Before I lose the man that has decided to plate understand that even plating is an extremely short-term relationship. One entirely on the man’s terms, at least one would think it is. Even still understanding where a woman’s mindset is and how a single RP man can use the idea of trust vs loyalty is beneficial on breaking the chains of control. Again….trust is all about control.

Briffault’s Law is what established the hierarchy of love. Man, Woman, Child. It’s also what established the idea she is never yours, just your turn. With this concept in mind consider that acts of loyalty need to be daily. They are what she gives you. Sure one can see the dynamic as she working for your trust and keeping her on a short leash…seems to appeal right? Yet consider who works harder? The one who is earning trust or the one who has to keep verifying that trust? We already know exactly what her priorities are. Therefore, we already know exactly how far we can trust her.

Compared to loyalty. Some will say women are not loyal not in the same way men are, remember women suck at overt communication. They are loyal...if you are Alpha enough and can demand that loyalty. Where loyalty differs from trust is that it’s an act. A woman can demonstrate loyalty to you by her actions. A fantastic article about Managing your bitch details this to some degree.

Some will tell you to trust your women to go on a GNO after all you can go out with your friends. Why can’t she? If she breaks that trust next her. Yet what does this mean? There’s no boundary here or if there are you have to list them out to her. Ugh…like a fool you have to sit her down and go over all the rules. Really? Ok yeah I get it we like the whole treat them like girls idea, but for fuck’s sake who has the time to do that? Create a list of rules. Spend the time with her going over them and already establishing some level of mate guarding. Just like her dad did right? Remember the girl that used to sneak around when her parents slept? Yeah…keep going that way and see what happens.

Without the loyalty component, she can be trusted to go right to the line with another guy. Invite the validation and play around with it like a cat does a mouse....but you trust her to come home to you. You trust her to fuck you. So what where she gets her motor running. Right? Yeah. Thing is this is an act of disloyalty.

They can’t completely stop a beta or even another Alpha from coming up to them. It’s just a fact as Alphas our women are going to attract other guys. Yet women know exactly how to turn off orbiters and know exactly how to stop attention. Just as they know how to keep them going. I’ve seen it play out this way many times. It’s a simple “nope not interested”. RP talks all the time about being shut down by women, so clearly the are capable of it. If she is repeatedly seeking validation from other guys it’s a sign and it’s an act of disloyalty. If she mentions it to you (OMG I need to tell you…) she may have found it amusing and thinks you might as well….but never forget it’s a shit test. Your response confirms your Alpha status. Yet there is a deeper meaning here.

Only you know where this stands on the acts of loyalty as it stakes up across the relationship. Acts of loyalty are accumulative but it only takes one act of disloyalty to remove it all. If this is systemic. She’s disloyal and you know what to do.

Your response either way will show your Alpha nature. If you stay it's life on extreme hard mode fully knowing your wife's hypergamous nature. Foot is not only on the gas but the top is down, sunglasses on in the dead of night.

Whereas if you leave....you rebuild, but...you already know you can do that. You did it once.

The real question is what is her value now?

[–]dandar46008 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't believe that you don't want children of your own. You wouldn't have spent thousands trying to get one. Now is your chance to do that. Now is your chance to get some of your dignity and self respect back. You can do that or you can choose the easy way and pretend that everything is all right.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well, you got the upper hand now, don’t you ?

Tell you what, I got the upper hand on my wife and when she started down the path of cuntiness, like me divorce her bullshit, I looked at her straight in the eyes and hinted at it.

It’s funny watching an entitled fucking bitch acting woman go right back into sweet submissiveness at the drop of a hat.

No this that i hold over her is not cheating, because she knows that free pass would be me fucking all of her friends, co workers, students and acquaintances and sisters. That’s just what a stand up guy I am.

You have the upper hand. I ask, what are you going to do with it ? I would use it once in a while, just often enough to remind her, she fucked up, not you

Let her know, she gets to stay on board for a bit, but one iota and she walks the plank.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Best answer right here.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

she couldn't have kids (I could).

I smell a rat. She already HAS a kid and now suddenly can't have one. THEN she has you spend thousands on fertility. Have you seen the medical records? How do you know she didn't get fixed after her first kid and has also been lying to you about that?

What better way to sink the claws of your brand new adopted child into you even further?

To me, drunken cheating might be forgivable if you recognize your role in creating a cheating whore. AWALT and all that. However, I suspect this deception is much more than you think.

You dated and then married a single mom and then adopted HER kid. THEN she cheats on you? Because you lost your job? Words escape me.

[–]johneyapocalypse9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have been lurking around here for over a year and have digested everything in the sidebar. I think you may get conflicting feedback. Some will say go. Others will say get over it. The others will likely point out that you earned it through your own behavior.

During my more than one year here I endured ten months of hell. Terrible illness, near-death, the cure almost worse than the disease. And yet I've come out the other side, stronger than ever, largely due to the sound and reasoned advice often provided here.

I was weak, I was pathetic, I was not worthy of lust or admiration or much of anything positive. What, then, would I do if I discovered what you've discovered? While your circumstances may not have been so dire, you were at a low point, perhaps the lowest of the low for you. Should that weakness necessarily excuse the associated behavior? Is it cause and effect?

Some might say that it is.

If I learned what you learned - even understanding that perhaps I'd "earned it" in the grand scheme of things - I would leave. Period.

I would do so for a few reasons:

First, I tend to think a lot and often ruminate and I know this would never be far from the reality of my day-to-day. Are you like that? If you are then you must approach with extreme caution.

Second, a good point was made; this occurred both within, and to some extent, directly to your shared social circle. An added humiliation. You are now "that guy" whom others whisper about. Do you deserve that? Because you were depressed? I say no.

I was nearly dead. I could not control that. I looked like a real-life Shrek, but without all the good stuff and funny quips and merchandising. Is depression so different? Can you control that? Can you say "read about stoicism" and make it go away? And should you assume that because you are depressed your wife deserves to fuck other men, men who throw garage parties, and do so multiple times? I say no.

You have been here a short, short time. You may have discovered MRP - much different than RP in my opinion - but discovery is only the beginning. It takes time to digest and sink in and incorporate into your life. You can learn about it but you cannot live it without time and a fuck ton of hard work and effort. My guess is that your RP knowledge is still mired in lots and lots of your previous behavioral traits. MRP knowledge doesn't just magically change a person.

I bring up some of my own experiences to look through your lens. If I were to stay given similar circumstances I would not be able to look in the mirror and respect myself. Through life's hardships I've come to learn that self-respect is vital to life, the very essence of it, at least for me. If you continue down the path you started two months ago, you will feel this way too, one day. That day is not today.

You should go.

[–]tacoduck_8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

See a lawyer. Ask about a post nupt agreement. If viable, draw it up.

Present papers... something like "if it happens again, I get all assets, 50/50 custody. No alimony." also, if I find out after the fact about other relationships, the marriage ends. See how she reacts. If she says no, then kill the puppy.

This plan of attack gives her actionable consequences to her future behavior, and gives you an exit if she fucks up again.

[–]bob13bob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This, get a post nupt. OP has no clue how many times he has been cheated on. And make wife get a job,. Doesnt need to be sahm with 15 yr old kid

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

Fuckmrp is right. By telling her you know, you set off the nukes

It's going to be all about holding frame going forward. Never shout at her or get aggressive, keep to your course. Nonchalant is good, careful not to overdo it: you need more than ever to be a man of few words, and TELL her how things are/will be, do not get into "discussion" about it. Give her the impression that you are emotionally shell shocked. Very closed off, but not aggressively so, throw in the occasional bit of warmth / something pleasant for her, such as a kind word here or there, something considerate done as if you "forgot" what's going on between you. The reason for this, it helps you keep her confused; you don't want the woman to decide it's all over and she lost you, she needs to feel like there's something to fight for, then she may come out with full on remorse and so on... even if somewhat faked, it's good for you, to simply help you process this shit without going crazy. If this does end up happening and she admits it all with apologies and tears, there are effective things you can do to both symbollically punish her, help yourself heal, and set the right "tone" of healthy dread for the rest of your relationship.

You can increase dread if you can stay over at friends' or a different apartment. Let her know you won't be coming home that night, do not elaborate where you will be or why. "I have a lot to think about. We'll talk later, Lisa. Good night."

Every single time I was in a situation resembling yours, the "natural" blue pill instinct was to frame things so that I get to play the victim, show the woman how she was shitty to me, and gain concessions from her by showing how I'm hurt, unjustly mistreated etc. - which she was supposed to "see" and react with compassion to. Big mistake! Check yourself immediately if you feel things careening that way. Instead, come at it ALL from an implicit position of power, you are the decider, you do not need anything from her, things are in motion and you are going to resolve this, with or without her. Life WILL go on for you, the only question is, what role if any will she have in it. Make her dread your decision and want to manipulate you by being on her best behaviour.

When she throws shouting tantrums, do not engage her or attack back, leave without a word. This is again why you need a "hideout" to retreat to. If she doesn't tantrum or otherwise force you to play that card, be cordial and civil, but detached. Everything you normally do for her, such as any chores and so on, I would still do it as if "nothing happened". You see what I'm getting at, it's like a state of limbo. She is confused because you are not attacking her, she's lonely, she's feeling guilty, and it's driving her crazy how you are so in control, ice cold about it. She wants you to come apart and cry, throw lawn chairs, that would be what she can work with. But you don't give her that, you're self sufficient and headstrong, can't be shamed, can't be provoked, can't be gas lighted.

Eventually you'll get a sense of what you need to do. If you can stick these TRP-like ways of working through it, then after the dust settles you're in a good spot to either lord it over the wife as the man whose fortitude scares her, or if you split up, then you get to do that more on your terms, more thought out instead of forced by circumstance.

Let me know how it works out bro and all the best. I was given this exact advice and came out on took. You can too.

[–]oak_waterRed Beret0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

This should be the top comment.

When my wife cheated on me, I made a list of things I needed from her if we were going to make this work. She was also allowed to make a list of things she needed from me, but I made it clear my list was mandatory and hers was optional. I had things like Full Honesty, Give Me Time, Take Initiative, See A Counselor, Sign A Post-Nup, Prove You're Sorry, etc. I had/have no intention of enforcing these things, and most of them I couldn't if I wanted to. The list was to gauge where her head was at. Power talk. Was she willing to do whatever it took to save the marriage? And golly gee, would you know she dug in her heels? I didn't need to hear anything else. That told me enough. That, and the fact that she cannot, for the life of her, say she's sorry for what she did. She's sorry she hurt me. Big difference.

So I'm biding my time until I can sell the house (market is dead here in the winter), reassessing, and likely bailing. Until then, its exactly the game you described.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'll repost it for more visibility

[–]KidBrody[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

That's interesting because I also made a list. Mine also had see a therapist (not couples - individual for her alone) and 100% sexual compliance. I literally said the first "no" or starfish sex I receive I'm fucking gone. Ironically, after discovering she fucked him without a condom and he came inside her, I couldn't get a hard-on for her with a penis pump and a case of Viagra. The idea of that disgusting motherfucker's cum trickling out of my wife's vagina literally makes me want to throw up. That pussy is forever contaminated in my mind and Brody Junior ain't having no part of it. This is an area I've never a problem in so when she tried to initiate the other night and she couldn't even get it half-hard....it was so satisfying to see the look of shock and disappointment on her face that she, because of this, no longer turned me on. Nothing was said, but you could see it in her eyes. She knew I viewed her as violated, used, damaged, unattractive, gross, contaminated....whatever you pick the adjective.

I did not however include a post-nup on my list. I had never heard of one of those before all this happened but I will be adding it as a late addition to my list.

[–]oak_waterRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I made sure she got tested (she dug in her heels like hell at first, but in the end did it, came back clean), and I make a regular event of fucking the slut out of her. She thinks its passion, it's really anger. I guess in a caveman way trying to make her mine again.

I literally said the first "no" or starfish sex I receive I'm fucking gone

Would you really have left? I mean, a strange man came in her snatch and you didn't dump her. Why would starfish make you dump her? Chances are she knows that too. Don't say what you can't back up.

How long ago was this? How did things turn out?

[–]KidBrody[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

My starfish sex scenario is a little different than the standard. For the 14 years we've been together I've never received starfish sex. She has always been slutty which is one of the reasons I married her, and no doubt one of the reasons she fucked the neighbor. I only received starfish here recently....after the affair ended but before I knew because (according to her) she was so guilt-ridden and ashamed of what she had done she found it difficult to be with me sexually. Now that everything is out in the open there's no reason for starfish. It's bad enough staying with someone who cheated on you when she is fucking you good and regularly....I sure as hell am not going to stay with someone who cheated on me AND isn't fucking me either.

I found out exactly one week ago today. The cheating itself happened last July for about a month and occurred 3-4 times (according to her who fucking knows the real truth). Swears she's never cheated on me before, begging me for a second chance, says it was the worst mistake she ever made, etc. She's definitely paying the price....she got to tell our 15 year old tonight.....and hear our daughter, who once idolized her, tell her she hates her, thinks she's a slut, and hopes she doesn't grow up to be anything like her. She gets to tell her mother and father (who have been married 45 years) tomorrow. We live in a small town in the midwest that doesn't few favorably on these sort of things. All of our friends are incredibly sympathetic to me and think she's a heartless whore. She doesn't want to leave the house or been seen anywhere by anyone. She has completely destroyed her life, her future, and her reputation for what all tolled is probably 15 total minutes of drunk shitty sex that she barely remembers with some asshole she didn't even care about. She is literally suicidal at this point....to the point where I got her in with an emergency psychotherapist tomorrow.

Looking back, I can honestly say at that point in our marriage the only reason it was her and not me that cheated is timing. She had an opportunity first. We were at a place where I hated her and she hated me. We were roommates, and not even friendly ones. Absolutely ice cold to each other and living basically entirely separate lives doing our own thing. We both had given up on the marriage...but neither of us wanted to be alone or go through the hassle and expense of a divorce. I didn't have an opportunity to fuck some young hot single chick because I had let myself become a depressed, obese, mega-beta slob.

But rest assured, had I had the opportunity I would have been all over it without reservation because prior to this...probably like most people....I tended to view the consequences of cheating only in terms of hurting my spouse. And I didn't give a shit about my spouse so why would I care? I can tell you I definitely never thought about permanently changing my daughter's opinion of her father forever, or permanently changing my friend's and family's opinion of me forever, or permanently ruining my reputation, or how the weight of being a fraud and a liar everyday eats away at a person's soul.

My wife never thought about any of these things either before she made that choice. Now she's changed forever....in the eyes of her only child, in the eyes of her friends and family, and in the eyes of herself. She gets to carry the burden of this cross all the way to her grave. I just thank God it was her who got the opportunity first and not me.....because I would have done exactly the same thing and I'd be in her shoes right now.

[–]oak_waterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My wife initiates like crazy. It's telling.

Sounds like you got lucky. Keep becoming a better man.

[–]madali01 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

haha, look at this loser being so fucking proud for not having a hard on.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like your wife got the ‘for better’ part down pretty well; the ‘for worse’ part, not so much.

Take one year. Immerse yourself in the sidebar. Get to operating solidly at DL 6.

THEN, if you still feel like shit about it, leave, knowing you’re ‘fixed’ and ready to date and plate.

Children are the ONLY reason to get married. Period. If you’re not having any, no reason to wife up AWALT and jeopardize your time and resources.

If you want some help with the sidebar, let me know.

And yeah, no matter what, you gotta move.

She doesn’t want to leave her fuck buddy?

Dump her on the spot.

[–]bala-key2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

What do you want?

[–]KidBrody[S] 2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Exactly. What I want is impossible. I want to remain married armed with my RP knowledge but without the cheating past. That leaves two options: A.) Start completely over single at 40 years old spinning plates of 30-something single mom divorcees. B.) Stay married to a woman who willingly fucked my neighbor multiple times.

[–]chachaChad9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're going to try to B like hell because you're afraid right now but once you've had enough and you're completely fucking crushed, you'll eventually A. Just fucking A.

The kid will be better off with a happy father instead of a miserable one.

[–]bala-key2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Part of that is your hurt ego. Eventually you'll learn to control it if you stay on this path. It's a problem right now, but it's ultimately under your control.

Part of it is your wife. She saw you weak and did what women do in that scenario. Can you earn her respect back? That's partially up to you but there are no guarantees.

The real work will be building yourself into a valuable man. That's going to take you more than a year. Do you divorce her in the meantime? Up to you. The amount of work you need to do won't change much.

Don't let ego or anger (or internet strangers) make that decision for you.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

A.) Start completely over single at 40 years old spinning plates of 30-something single mom divorcees HB8+ 20-somethings.

Try that corrected version on for size.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Well, yeah, you can't have what you want.

If you choose A, you will have to bear the consequences of getting out. It will cost you - a lot. Certainly a lot of money. Possibly a relationship with your daughter. Certainly a lot of time in rebuilding. Those are the downsides. Upsides: no strings attached sex with younger women. Dignity at least somewhat intact. Boundaries enforced. Don't have to live with daily reminders of her cheating.

If you choose B: Upsides: You keep the money, for now, unless and until she cheats again. since nothing's divvied up, you don't incur the time or money costs, and those costs will be heavy. You keep your relationship with your daughter as best you can. "Security" in staying married.

Downsides: You have to get past her cheating and that will take a long time. Dignity and self respect take a hit, probably permanently. This woman will never respect you for staying with her after what she did to you. You will have to live with that. Sex will probably decline. It certainly won't get any better than it is now. You will have to live with the constant threat of her cheating again (you know she's done it once, she's more than capable of doing it again, because dick is available to any moderately attractive woman 24/7/365). You will have to live with the constant threat that she could bolt any minute, and that likelihood is much higher after her cheating.

Your choice.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You will have to live with the constant threat that she could bolt any minute, and that likelihood is much higher after her cheating.

likelihood of this increase expodentially as his daughter becomes an adult and his usefulness declines.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

On the plus side, in three years he won't be on the hook for child support any more.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yep, got two in highschool. i see marriages imploding around me now on the regular. woman just leaves and sends paper seems to be the winner.

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start completely over single at 40 years old spinning plates of 30-something single mom divorcees

Good grief. What is it with you and the single moms? You've spent 13 years with a well-used CC rider, raising some other man's spawn, and you can imagine no better future than doing it again?

Definitely do not date again, let alone marry, until you have high-enough value that such an outcome is unthinkable to you.

[–]SgtSilverBack0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When you pull your head out of your ass you'll realize option A is way better than B. When you out in the work.

Right now you are scared of the unknown so option B overrides your self-respect. Get that back and the sky is the limit.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

anyone that stays with a woman who cheats on his is a cuck.

And its not your fucking daughter no matter how much you love her. Papers be damned.

Whose idea was the adoption anyway?

[–]KidBrody[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

It was my idea. After we got married I didn't want the biological father coming back into the picture.

[–]mrpthrowa3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

We have a new one here. You mate guarded her by adopting her daughter.

Learn something new every day in this sub

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Willing to bet it wasn't fully yours. But anyway - don't maintain your error. The daughter will understand

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

A few questions, because nobody can answer that but you :

  • What will life be with her and him around you ? He's your neighbor. She's your wife. You will live with them around.

  • If both options look like shit, which is the one that will grant you what you really want in 10+ years ?

  • Do you want kids of your own ?

  • How do you see you marrying a single mother with your new red pill lens ?

  • Do you believe her when she says she has never done it before ?

[–]KidBrody[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

  1. If I stay married to her I will move to a different house.

  2. This is a great question...one I hadn't considered before. I can't say immediately. It would take something thinking on.

  3. I used to think so, but not anymore. I adopted her when she was 1 year old. She is my daughter as much as any biological daughter and one is enough.

  4. I wouldn't. I raised one man's kid already in this life. I have no interest in doing it again.

  5. I do. Like I said, our marriage was pretty good up until I lost my job. I was incorporating a lot of RP behavior not even knowing it early in the marriage. It was only when I lost my job I went hard beta and she responded appropriately. I know how crazy shit was during this time period and it was definitely not the norm for us. Also the way she was acting during this time period and for the month or two after was totally unlike anything I had ever seen from her before personality-wise.....it was like she was a completely different person.....which she attributes to the guilt and shame of the cheating. She wasn't that great at hiding it. I think if she would have cheated before there would have been signs....even if I didn't see them at the time I would be able to see them now in retrospect and I can't think of any red flags looking back.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here is what I see in your answers : you will not like it, because there's a lot you don't see.

  1. You are ready to move (huge decision) to keep a cheating wife and not be reminded that she cheated. What about the friend who told you about it. You'll lose a friendship too ? And how did that friend know ? How many friends will you get rid of to not remember that ? Will that even be sufficient.
  2. You don't know where you're going, you have no plan and don't know what you want in life.
  3. (and 4). You raised a kid which is not yours, and your genetic material won't propagate into the future, which means that you don't consider your genes to be worth being propagated.
  4. She was not a different person : she was the person you had when you felt like shit and despite everything you say, it is the same person. Saying she was a different person is a hamster on steroids.

You discovered the red pill 2 months ago, but you don't get the OYS part (as many other things) : Owning Your Shit is about doing what is needed to better yourself so what you went through won't happen again, not about taking all the guilt and excusing everything others did because of what you did. It's about knowing what you want, and learning from the past.

Thus, what have you learned so far about all the mistakes you did (since you met her) ?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

good up until I lost my job

what else do you need to know about your whore of a wife?

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wouldn't. I raised one man's kid already in this life. I have no interest in doing it again.

Get a vasectomy and lay pipe like a public housing plumber.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Let's take look at what you just said.

it was like she was a completely different person.....

No. She acted on what she wanted. Why is it men feel the need to support the justification of thier women? You became different and yet she is not saying....man...shits crazy...it's rough but we can get through it. No. She full on decided it's over well ahead of you and acted.

She was looking out for herself. Hypergamy is selfish. There's only one way to deal with it.

which she attributes to the guilt and shame of the cheating.

No Getting caught. That' what she feels.

She wasn't that great at hiding it. I think if she would have cheated before there would have been signs

uhhhh....you just found out about something that happened LAST July. She is pretty good about it. I am betting your neighbor bragged to your buddy or she came on to him looking for Dick #2.

I can't think of any red flags looking back.

DOesn't matter. They were there. I am betting on it. Thing is you won't allow yourself to see or were not present at all. Besides it's in the past. Present is all that matters.

[–]hystericalbonding1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I get your perspective on this - you weren't a husband, so she didn't act like a wife. Your turn was over. Now you have to decide if you want another turn.

She's the kind of woman who may bail on you when you get sick. If you can get past that, plan accordingly, and you like being married to her, then do what you want. You have an opportunity to redefine the relationship as you see fit. Get her checked for STI's and unfuck yourself, then decide.

I wouldn't have blamed my wife if she had cheated when I was working 80 hours a week. It would have been a natural reaction to the situation, even if most women don't cheat. I'd eventually have to own that it was a shitty situation of my own making, but that doesn't mean I'd have to stay with her because of sunk costs and a scarcity mentality.

There's no rush. Meeting with a lawyer would be prudent. As others have said, divorce is probably the right move. I'd suggest following /u/stacysmomlovesme. In the meantime, lift, read the sidebar, meet people, and game women.

[–]BIG_HUB1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’ve been given a lot of brutal but hard truth here. You can stay with your slut, because thats exactly what she is...or OYS and rebuild your fucked up life. I can say this because I’ve lived it and moved on from being a cucked faggot. I’ve never looked back.

[–]izual191 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In my opinion it's not worth trying to save a marriage that got to that point. You will never get over the amount of disrespect she has shown you, nor will you ever be sure there isn't yet more to uncover.

Getting drunk is just her hamster coming up with a reason why she isn't actualy at fault. It's an excuse. It's bullshit. You know this.

[–]Rotten_Red1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Take the slow road to divorce. Develop a “gambling addiction” and hide your money. Quit your job and start working part time at a retail job. Get her to work more and bring in more money. Once you have a new baseline established she will probably divorce you.

In the mean time fuck her like there is no tomorrow.

[–]thatboyjeff0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In the mean time fuck her like there is no tomorrow.

Na. Spin some plates. Honestly, he cant even get his dick hard for her anymore knowing shes been fucking pounded by the neighbor.

Better yet, just leave, for fucks sake.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The she ultimately admitted it happened 3-4 times over the course of about a month last July...always while she was shit faced drunk at one of his parties. (this guy throws a weekend garage party almost every weekend in the summer).

Every single party she fucked him at, or sucked him off in the closet. Once they get a taste of that Alpha they will do ANYTHING they have to, to get it.

I am your neighbor. Had a wife of a cuck I know do this exact same thing with my wife and I. Every weekend she was over wanting it from us. If she says 3-4 times it was 15-20, believe me. And all her friends know as well.

Bitches be crazy. My wife and her are still BFF's. I see her cuck husband couple times a month at school. He has no idea his wife blew me in our master closet multiple times while he was outside sitting on his ass by the pool. It literally takes 10 minutes and you are back outside, none the wiser except the 3 people with a glow.

Dont continue to be a cuck. Have some fucking dignity and call that shit off.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would put it in the past as you seem cool with it due to the fact you were in such a shit state. I would crush that marriage with my new redpill lens as I can somewhat relate to the damage on your child aspect. I would lift like my life depended on it. Dress way better. I'd run through the steps of dread and have her hysterically fucking me; from a position of having nothing to lose. This....and....fuck whoever I wanted on the DL from here on out. Only way you could truly get over your neighbors sweaty balls slapping her gitch, is having yours slapping on some other girls.

That, or leave her and realize your own happiness is paramount to anything else in your life. Since....you know....you only get one of them.

[–]Wolveryn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The RP way in all of this is to not get in this situation in the first place. But you are, so the next best case scenario is divorce as amicably as possible and move on, learning from your mistakes.

You're still properly digesting the red pill and thats ok, based on what I'm reading here you have a little further to fall before rock bottom.

Good luck!

[–]FulkOberoi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just my 2 cents - I dunno man Google pays no tax right, can you find a legal workaround?

Transfer all you assets to a trusted member of your family, an elderly relative and make him make a will in your name. Just a thought.

Leave the country and send her a divorce notice.

Or I dunno man, disappear on her or go all Godfather on her. ‘Your husband says Hello’.

[–]turbospeedsc0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Been there done that , and trust me she's done it with other guys and many times, i made the exactly same mistake, low value, a 2 year old girl, but i did have a daugther with her, it lasted 6 years, 5 of those she lived a great life, i payed for eveything, we even lived on a beach house 2 years, her own car, iphone, $500 sunglasses, $300 boots the works, all of this in México, where minium wage is $4 a day. I started to notice some stuff that didnt add up, even my mom told me something was up, so i put a keylogger on her ipad, a discovered a horrible can of worms, with even a guy sleeping in my bed when i was out of town working, she spending the money i gave her to go out with the kids on the guy etc. I dropped her ass 2 days after Xmas, i was 30 at the time she was 31, and it was the best desicion i ever took, i went from miserable to happy in a couple of months.

I ended up with 23 year old GF (now wife), no kids, worked as a teacher,squirter, a solid 8, she loves to be lead, almost to the point that she asks me for permission, now we have a 1yo kid and were mostly happy, i had some lows on my carrer and we went 10k on debt on a year, the great this about her is that she actually gave me redpill advice but as depressed as i was, never listened ( go out with your friends, hit the gym, at one point she even told me to get another woman) , our relationship went to sex 1-2 times a day to 1-2 times a week. I finally found RP and MRP and started following its advice and going back to be myself before my carrer problems, and she snapped back to place, submissive, sex 5-6 times a week, anal,squirting etc.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

The she ultimately admitted it happened 3-4 times over the course of about a month last July...always while she was shit faced drunk at one of his parties. (this guy throws a weekend garage party almost every weekend in the summer)

It's unclear whether or not this is the full truth.

She swore she's never done anything like that before, that we were just having so many problems in our marriage she was certain it was heading for divorce anyway, and that I was absent (which I was) and he made her feel hot and wanted and it was just a rush for her.

She is trying to blame you for her failures.

what the fuck do I do?

What do YOU want to do?

Personally, if I were ever cheated on, I would pull the trigger, meet with the lawyers that day, and serve papers as soon as I can. And I say this with two little ankle biters plus married to a high value wife, PLUS faith considerations. I mentioned this to her a long time ago back in premarital discussions. Honor, sacred honor is important to me. You violate the pact, you're gone. You stood up in front of everyone and swore to be faithful... well, that's it. Plus knowing that you've been cucked, knowing that some other dude has been fucking your wife? Shit like that will play havoc with your mental processes. It's like saying "Don't think about the dude who was fucking your wife." for the next 10+ years.

But that's just me. Personally, I like u/RuleZeroDAD 's approach in your situation.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I forgot to add - don't make lifetime decisions in the heat of anger. If you are angry, you are prone to make poor decisions - you need to be calm, cool, and collected.

Either way, make your decision without anger. Hard to do, but it is essential.

[–]KidBrody[S] -1 points0 points  (11 children) | Copy

With all due respect, all married men say "If my wife ever cheated on me I would leave her in a fucking heartbeat!!!". Literally every single married man on earth says that. Statistics show few do. Why? Because there's a WHOLE lot of difference between hypothetical and reality. It's easy to claim "I'd be gone that day!". We'll see if you're actually gone that day if it ever happens to you (God forbid). I'd bet a month's salary you wouldn't be.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your frame is showing

Why?

Because most men are beta.

[–]Cam_Winston212 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's easy to claim "I'd be gone that day!". We'll see if you're actually gone that day if it ever happens to you (God forbid). I'd bet a month's salary you wouldn't be.

Careful, OP, a your cheating whore of a wife may take you losing another month's salary to mean it's time stick another neighbor's cock into her mouth. (only if she's crazy drunk it'll surely also be so terrible she'll go back to do it a few more times ASAP)

[–]KidBrody[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's actually pretty funny. I have to admit

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, I have my plan and standards (God forbid that ever happens), but this isn't about me. It's about you. What are YOU going to do.

The most interesting question I've seen on this thread is this: If both options look like shit, which is the one that will grant you what you really want in 10+ years ?

That's why I like RZD's comment - start the process of unfucking yourself first, because it sounds like you want to make this hot fast decision, but you're not in a good place to do so.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Keep rationalizing that fear so you don't have to act.

You know why most men don't? Because they're too fucking afraid. The difference is understanding that both paths are hard so stop worrying about it and have a little fucking faith in yourself that you'll do what you need to do if you're single again.

You don't even seem to understand why you're getting lambasted here. You've already admitted that what you want is impossible, so that's not a real desire.

You haven't given a single answer to how you will even respect your wife or maintain a positive relationship with her and yet you somehow think that's not going to fuck your daughter up?

[–]KidBrody[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

That's an excellent point. I will never be able to fully trust or respect her again. This is why infidelity is the ultimate deal-breaker for a marriage. Once you cross that line, there's never going back. It's irreversible.

My plan is to spend the next 1-2 years executing my RP plan with stupid intensity and quietly moving assets while making her think I'm giving her a second chance and rebuilding our marriage. Then, once our daughter graduates, I will have completed my RP conversion and can dump her ass with nothing.

[–]straius0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

That sounds like a solid plan of action you can follow while retaining some dignity. There is a danger in re-normalizing to a dysfunctional dynamic over that span of time but I hope we see you here more often as you develop and implement your map.

Just know that the effect of dysfunction without divorce can be as bad or worse. It's not as straight line of an issue as many studies paint since they often don't get into causation or the mechanics of negative outcomes. Just the stats.

There are many divorced dads out there that still maintain strong influences with their sons and daughters. Divorce is not a death knell and you can mitigate the negative effects if the children are old enough to understand and make sense of the separation (especially if the mother isn't a psychopath or oedipal) . It takes work and deliberate planning to maintain that connection, but in many ways, it also gets easier if you're not also contending and expending your energy battling dysfunction and distrust with your wife.

[–]trp_dude0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

fuck that. the time is now if you're going to do anything. when your daughter graduates, you wife will be leaving you buddy.

[–]DeeMooreDeeMarriet0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why don't you film her riding his cock so the next time you need some fap material you have something to watch!?

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You got cheated on because you deserved to get cheated on.



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