How common is it for young girls to be groped by older men?

wotsittoyou · 2019-06-15T13:35:50+00:00

My mother's boyfriend once, after a series of other unwelcome awkwardnesses on his part that I now recognise as attempts to groom me, groped my ass as I walked past him, I was ten years old. I went to my room, wedged a chair under the door, settled down and thought for ten minutes. Then I returned to the living room and told him if he ever did anything like that again he would never be able to get drunk, relax, turn his back or fall asleep in the house safely again, I would kill him, I would knife him or hit his head with a hammer or ax over and over, and then laugh as the police led me away. And I would make sure the whole world knew why. And I would have no shame and I would finish my education behind bars and count that as worth it.

That ended the grooming attempts. Also cooled his interest in my mother. Draw what conclusion you wish from that.

Some men are pieces of shit. You gotta be willing to if it really comes down, if all else fails, if you've no real option to run or hide or scare them off, to just thoroughly kill them while they aren't paying attention and then take the consequences. This goes for lesser reactions than killing too. Sometimes you gotta ghost, sometimes you gotta lawyer up and leave, sometimes you gotta abort a man's possible future child. Respect men who prove each day every day that they aren't garbage, be prepared to open a pit of hell for them should they turn out to be garbage.

SmurfESmurferson · 2019-06-15T16:58:28+00:00

Oh good god, it happens all the damn time

The first time I noticed a grown man blatantly ogling me, I was 8. Eight freaking years old - and I responded by hiding behind my 6'5 father

I can't even tell you the first time I was groped or touched inappropriately. It's been a constant from strange men all of my life, and my peers were hardly better - I actually have a scar in my hairline from some guy in Jr High grabbing my ass so hard that he pushed me into the side of a school bus. A teacher in High School groped all of his attractive female students, including me - he got himself fired

But I can list you off the worst offenders - the guy on the subway who I caught taking pictures down the blouse I wore to work (I noticed him thanks to two gentlemen behind him, who tipped me off. I broke the dude's camera phone). The guys on the subway who used commuting as an excuse to rub up on me (and all other women). The guy who grabbed my ass in the middle of a crowd, and disappeared before I could confront him

All of those happened during commutes to/from work, when I presume people are sober and just going about their day. But if you want to talk about at bars? My neck has been licked by three different random dudes. My boobs are grabbed almost every time I go to a bar after 10pm. Men have offered me money on multiple occasions to flash them. One guy I thought was a friend insisted I dance with him, then used the excuse to shove his hand up my skirt (we weren't touching, this was drunk idiots dancing to house music)

justpassingbyby · 2019-06-15T18:33:54+00:00

It was a fucking nightmare that started when I was 14 and went on until my early 20s. It probably would have stopped earlier, but I did look young.

It was a daily issue on the public means, that culminated with a dude ripping my skirt off on a bus, in the middle of the day. Nobody around me moved a finger and I had to litterally jump over the seat he trapped me in and run to the driver to get something like help.

When I told my mum, she said it was normal and that it just happened, some days.

Now I am 26 and haven't had issue for a while. I guess people feel safer harassing a young girl than a grown woman.

[deleted] · 2019-06-15T15:32:45+00:00

It happened a lot when I was young. On the train, at a show, your aunties creepy boyfriend tickling you a bit too long in the pool. It started about 11 or so for me. Not all men(TM) but enough men that it becomes wise to be pretty wary.

What can be done about it? Creeps will be creeps. You can't stop them. Most effective strategy is probably to continue shaming men who do this and warning young women about the predatory nature of male sexuality. It won't stop it happening, but worked in minimising it for me at least.

Willow-girl · 2019-06-15T17:23:05+00:00

23 year old when I was 13, these older guys would hang w us at the mall, give us booze and drugs. One day he grabbed, groped, and kissed me, told me he wantrd to marry me. I was so disguisted but didn't want to make a scene and get my friends cut off. Ugh, cringe at myself so hard.

Also dudes rolling up to you in their car w their dicks out. That's not a grope but I saw it a few times around 11-12 age.

sparksjoy · 2019-06-15T18:48:05+00:00

I would say very common.

I was able to escape much of it thanks to a very sheltered childhood. My mother was molested by relatives and so she always kept my siblings and me close to her. She also experienced issues with being assaulted in middle/high school. One incident in particular she told me about was, after she had moved on with someone else, her ex attacked her and put a very visible hickey on her neck. Her current BF at the time called her a slut and broke up with her, and everyone in the school saw her the same way for a while. (I think this might have had something to do with her insisting on sending me to a girls' high school.)

poppy_blu · 2019-06-15T13:21:15+00:00

In my day (I’m 43) it was pretty common to be groped though far more common to be groped by boys/men your own age than older men.

I can recall being groped by boys in school multiple times in the 80s and early 90s, something that would never be tolerated today. I remember one time playing with the neighborhood kids in the woods behind our development and having a kid pin me down on the ground and stick his hand down my shorts until I screamed.

In college it just got worse, drunken gropes in bars, clubs and parties. In one case being pinned to a wall while two guys groped me until the bouncer caught them and tossed them out.

When I think back now how much we put up with and accepted it because “boys will be boys” it makes me mad.

Groping by older men I’m going to assume is likely being done by male relatives. Most of the older men a young girl is going to be around are relatives. Which brings up a whole other context that is mentally and emotionally damaging. Being groped on the playground by some obnoxious high voiced buck toothed pre-adolescent dork might not leave as deep scars as being groped by an adult man you trusted not to hurt and take advantage of you. (But maybe not, I’m not intending to speak for all victims here).

And yeah I do think young boys are groped and assaulted by older women. But boys are socialized form a young age that female sexual attention is the epitome of masculinity so you should consider yourself lucky instead of a victim. An ex of mine told me he “lost his virginity” at 10 with his 16 yo babysitter. When I asked him, “you realize thats child abuse right?” He laughed and said I was crazy.

flamingoinghome · 2019-06-15T17:44:18+00:00

It happens all the damn time. I wasn't even ten when it started, although I'll grant that was one particularly messed-up outlier.

QueenCousland86 · 2019-06-15T17:35:28+00:00

I couldn't possibly tell you how many times it's happened. I learned from a VERY young age that men weren't to be trusted, and that most of them only wanted one thing from my (rail thin, malnourished and completely titless) body. And it's never really about sex, it's about power. They have no power in their own lives, so they try to take it from helpless little children instead, because they're worthless cowards.

kandyapplez · 2019-06-15T15:17:34+00:00

When I go out to concerts or on the bart or something it’s guaranteed to happen at least once. Italy, however, is worse than America. I have literally had guys kiss me in the middle of me giving them my fake “oh I have a husband story”.

It’s pretty gross

elena_penguin · 2019-06-15T18:29:24+00:00

First time it happened when I was about 16 or so. Was hanging out with someone I assumed was a friend and has this person chase me and grab my butt.

Ofourkind · 2019-06-15T16:37:21+00:00

It happened to me all the time. I couldn't even begin to count.

The worst were the boys in my high school, though. I was an early bloomer and had large breasts on my tiny frame by the time I was 14. I don't think a week went by without one of the boys cornering me and copping a feel. It was awful.

This was in the 90s. A different time. I told the teachers about it many times but no one gave a shit. A guy I grew up with tried to defend me a few times, but it usually ended with a fist fight so I stopped telling him to avoid starting trouble.

Older men would do the exact same thing whenever I was in a situation that allowed it. I would get grabbed and goped at shows all the time. Once at a bus stop, a few times at an all ages dance club I stopped going to, once in a mall.....

I was 8 years old the first time a man groped me

i_have_a_semicolon · 2019-06-15T13:47:20+00:00

It's pretty bad imo. Idk what can be done about it. Its been over a decade and I still struggle because my step dad touched my boobs for a prolonged period of time when I was young. I love the guy and never outed him and it never happened again, but I avoided him for a few years and still struggle with for instance planning my wedding because I don't want to involve him like I'd involve my own dad. Perhaps if he wasn't a creep he could have walked me down the isle. But I get it 15 year olds are hot. What are you gonna do.

lefactorybebe · 2019-06-15T12:50:38+00:00

It didn't happen to me when I was a kid, I think the first time I was like 16 or 17. And it didn't ruin my trust in men as a whole. Like obviously I'm wary of creepy old men, or creepy young men, but it's not because of any particular incident, it's just cause I'm wary of any leery person.

uggonoob1234 · 2019-06-15T15:30:02+00:00

Very common most old dudes are perverts with no impulse control

kandyapplez · 2019-06-15T17:57:39+00:00

for me it was moreso being leered at. it was like a switch flipped, i woke up one day and suddenly men were just gawking at me everywhere i went with a look that seemed brand new to me. i was like 10 lol (and not even a super "developed" looking one, i definitely looked like a child)

rebeccatwosocks · 2019-06-15T16:54:39+00:00

It's horrible and makes me sick. We can do something about it by calling people out on their disgusting treatment of others and then raise our children to be respectful.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2019-06-15T12:37:08+00:00

I'm a dude. My sports trainer a lady in her 40's or so once talked to me and ended up putting her hand in my thigh, squeezing it.

Was it sexual assault? Probably not, but it did not feel nice of course.

madcockatiel · 2019-06-15T18:40:34+00:00

One when I was 16 I got my boob sorta-grabbed by a elderly drunken hobo lol. I was obviously taken aback but it was in broad daylight in front of tons of other people, and the guy seemed harmless enough despite being blitzed out of his mind.

Besides that I’ve been fortunate enough to avoid any physical harassment. All my male relatives are good, non creepy people; And as far as strangers go I’ve always been good at avoiding people that give off threatening vibes. Except when I lived in Italy. Groping is like a national pastime in Italy.

KikiYuyu · 2019-06-15T20:58:26+00:00

I know one woman who was sexually assaulted as a child. While I was a teen there were two instances where an adult men I never met asked me to come home with them. Not sure that counts but I can only assume that groping was the least of their plans.

geyges · 2019-06-18T20:16:14+00:00

By the age of 13, all of my friends group had sexual harassment stories to share, many of them including groping by peers whenever they could get away with it. It's depressing, really.

MaxwellPancakesMcgee · 2019-06-22T13:41:58+00:00

I can only say what I've seen and experienced. I grew up poor af and most of my friends were too.

And yes. I got groped plenty, raped a bit, molested, as did many of my friends griwing up.

The wall was the best thing that happened to me.

jesshaley253 · 2019-06-22T14:12:06+00:00

I was sixteen and living in Germany. I was swimming in the community pool with a few friends. An older man was swimming laps next to our group. Every time he would pass by me he would smile or wink. I just thought he was a nice grandpa type German man, until he groped my breasts under water as he swam past me and proceeded to wink at me after.

FabioAbdilla · 2019-06-29T07:16:43+00:00

The first time I got groped was at age 11 when my breasts just started growing and had to wear my first bra. I was in my school uniform, in trousers not even a skirt, on my way to school and 2 18-19 year old brothers (garbage truck workers) decided to cup a feel. But I never got groped again, just been catcalled and leered at constantly, ironically by foreign immigrants and not locals.

I don't dress like a hoe, and I have a friend who's entirely tomboy who's too unconfident to even wear shorts, and we still get stared at like a juicy steak.

From my perspective, what I've went through isn't as bad as what other women have gone through living in big cities. Where I'm at, there's no really such thing as bad areas to avoid or being unsafe to go out at night. In other places I know there are entire sections of town that are terribly unsafe for women to walk through.

[deleted] · 2019-06-15T21:10:13+00:00

I've been creeped on before, but not physically touched. I don't doubt that it happens, but I don't have a lot of friends that complain about creepy older men touching them. Flirting with them very inappropriately, making passes (especially while they're at work), or being creepy, yeah. But I haven't heard a lester the molester story personally, unless we're counting child molestation by a family member.

I think it's more common for young girls/teens to be groped or otherwise sexually targeted by guys around their own age or slightly older.

IlluminatedElf · 2019-06-16T00:53:18+00:00

Very, very common.

My mother was very, very, very protective of me so I was never touched by anyone until I reached the age 17.

I was never social so I never got groped in parties or at outdoor places. I was sexually assaulted (inappropriate touching in genitals) and indecently assaulted (inappropriate touching excluding genitals), aggravated and otherwise by colleagues, employers, supervisors, landlords, and various others in between. This does not include sexual harassment, I.e: individuals who initiate uncomfortable, intimate suggestions/touches in circumstances where I am in a jeopardized position but do not feel forced/coerced.

(I should mention that I studied and work in a field that is has a lot more men than women.)

I made reports on most of the assaults. I think given the nature of the assault, most people are unlikely to do anything because the cost-benefit analysis favours the perpetrator. It costs a university a lot more to fire an assistant professor than it does to ignore a complaint. It costs a woman a lot to agree that her husband is a predator than to ignore it.

A lot of times, the solutions to remedy the assaults greatly inconvenienced me; I had to leave places of residence, jobs, lose opportunities, and lose a lot of time and money facilitating change. I have considered and tried to "tough up and move on" (in the words of a female academic advisor) but I'm lucky to have my mother who has been greatly supportive in the few instances when I would have struggled after leaving a job/opportunity without her financial and emotional support.

Given my experience, right now, I'm actually fine with sexual harassment if I'm guaranteed that things would never escalate to assault and I get to keep my job. I find people who make crude suggestions a relief because I know I should stay away and be vigilant around them.

I'm aware that I'm viewed as a walking set of orifices with breasts by some and if they are in positions of power or are given some degree of seclusion, they are going to behave poorly.

The above being said, I would not be sane if I hadn't received help from people, men and women. A male and female housemate helped me when I was assaulted by my landlord; the police tracked down previous people who have leased the house and found a lot of women who was previously assaulted but did not report due to the inconvenience and thinking that it was a miscommunication error.

I am working in a place with a few sleazy men and I rely on a few male co-workers to hang around if I am working late or using office facilities late. My workplace also has a "security assist" thing where I can call for security for company if I'm waiting/working/walking to a remote/quiet area. My gym has the same high standards of security 24/7.

I think women just have to be aware that it happens and not put themselves in situation where it could happen. Report where possible, advertise the incident so that others who suspect similar problems can take precautions. Also, being groped is not the end of the world; you'll feel shaken, repulsed, paranoid, etc. but there're drugs available for temporary relief, people specialising in trauma, doctors specialising in trauma, etc. Do what you need to do (within legal limits) to move on. Always look on the bright side and keep focusing on it.

For instance, if you are groped be grateful that you are not permanently injured.

If you are physically injured, be grateful that you're not deas. Also, the police and legal team will have some substantial evidence to work with.

If the assault kills you, the above and then be grateful that you don't need to do hours of therapy and listen to idealistic, weird, inspirational dronings of people who are paid too much to do what feels like nothing. Also, this time, you will definitely not get harassed or assaulted again.

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Electra_Cute · 2019-06-15T13:25:06+00:00

Groped, I assume it is not too common but may happen to a woman once or twice.

Noizreads · 2019-06-15T12:55:07+00:00

What's groping? Handshake, pat on the shoulder? A slap on the ass? In case of the last one I doubt it's very often.

Title	How common is it for young girls to be groped by older men?
Author	geyges
Upvotes	14
Comments	169
Date	June 15, 2019 12:29 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/c0ws7m/how_common_is_it_for_young_girls_to_be_groped_by/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-common-is-it-for-young-girls-to-be-groped-by.255281 https://theredarchive.com/post/255281

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