Let us take it as an article of faith that for the purposes of this OP, I am NOT interested in what is good for men. For the purposes of this OP, I do not give a flying fuck about what is good for men, and I will not reply to any comments that talk about what is good for men. FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS OP, I DO NOT CARE ABOUT MEN.

Yesterday, some dude asked long-married merps what advice he would give them about considering marriage. Not surprisingly, several comments focused on how to pick a wife. Also not surprisingly, these comments emphasized what they call "wife material", which they are very careful to distinguish from "girlfriend material."

Let us look at a few of the things that are required for a woman to be "wife material:"

  • Good household management
  • Humility
  • Provides cash flow
  • Doesn't need to be entertained
  • Obedient
  • Goes about her work without supervision or much interaction

Don't get me wrong, many of these are characteristics that will help a woman in her own life. (Again, for the purposes of this OP, I don't care if they make life better for some man.) But what do they imply about what her husband expects from her?

He doesn't want to have to entertain her. He doesn't want to have to treat her like a girlfriend. He wants to treat her like a "wife." He wants her to contribute to the household finances while also being responsible for managing the household. He wants Ellen O'Hara, looking after infrastructure and administration and personnel, and believe it or not, the majority of women understand that this is what becoming a "wife" means, particularly after children.

But the message these guys are sending is "I got all my yayas out with my girlfriends. I took them to Venice; I skivved off my minimum-wage job for three days so we could fuck nonstop; I spent weeks stalking her favorite childhood book on eBay so I could give it to her for her birthday; I snuck her backstage during that show that I worked so we could make out on a catwalk; I got her initials tattooed on my shoulder (I'll get that removed, don't worry bb).

"But I'm more mature now. I understand the value of an obedient woman who doesn't require a lot of my attention and who is a good household manager. So I want to wife you up. I won't take you to Venice and I'm not getting any more tattoos and if you burst into tears in a restaurant because we're arguing, I'll roll my eyes and ask for the tab instead of ordering a split of Champagne and holding you while we wait for it to arrive. But you should be flattered. You should be honored. I did all those things for my girlfriends, but they're not the ones I'm asking to schedule my dry cleaning pickup and join the PTA."

No thinking woman would take that deal.