Paternity tests are something I feel very conflicted over. On the one hand, I sympathize with men who find out they've been raising someone else's child (with the caveat that this doesn't seem to happen very often ) and feel angry/betrayed/lied to, and I don't condone paternity fraud.

OTOH, as a woman imagining being pregnant and my SO either demanding a test or going behind my back and finding out later...it's a dealbreaker, plain and simple. He may as well just say "I think you cheated on me, I don't trust you", and honestly I'd just dump him since I find it pretty unforgivable. Baby or no baby, it wouldn't be worth it to me to be tied down to someone who didn't trust me.

I've heard often enough from RPers that "you should ALWAYS get a paternity test", so with this in mind:

Ladies, what would your reaction to a SO either asking, demanding or secretly conducting a paternity test be? Would you be ok with it or no?

Gentlemen, thoughts?

Edit: thanks for all your replies, but to be clear I'm trying to make a distinction here between reasonable suspicion and unreasonable suspicion.

If he had a good reason like "cuittler you've been out at odd hours and smell like men's cologne, is there something I need to know?", that is worth talking about. If it's something like "cuittler, men get PATERNITY FRAUDED ALL THE TIME, I have no cause to think you cheated but JUST IN CASE do this paternity test", well, I'd walk. Fuck that.

I've been going over and over in my mind about when it's justified to accuse your spouse of lying and cheating on you. It just doesn't make any sense to me to accuse without evidence, that's pretty much the worst thing you could do to damage the foundation of a relationship except actually lying and cheating. For example, I would never accuse my spouse of cheating just because men are more likely to cheat than women. How does that make sense when he's given no indication of cheating? It would just hurt and/or piss him off, especially if he asked why and all I could was "buh, men cheat more often! I'm just making sure!"

to those who keep commenting on how "I just don't understand the uncertainty a man does" let me say this:

He could also cheat on me and I'd never know for sure. He could have kids from other baby mamas around and I'd never know for sure. Hell, he could even be lying when he says "I love you", I can only take his word for it and base that judgement on his actions - does he give me any reason to think he doesn't?

It's the same with paternity: unless I give him good reason to think I've been unfaithful, I'd hope he'd use his best judgement and see how I treat him and place some trust, some faith in me like I do him. There are lots of things about a relationship you can never know for sure, but you have to both use your best judgement and make yourself vulnerable by trusting the person you're building a life with. Without that trust, that leap of faith, there wouldn't be any deep, meaningful relationships.

If it's not worth it for you, I wish you the best of luck.