Summary: If you are a person who reads and/or participates in blackpill/incel communities I would advise you to stop because, from experience it will have a serious impact on your self image and social skills and will more likely than not severely hinder your path to self actualisation. Rather, trust the process of TRP and work on improving yourself in ALL aspects beyond the physical.
Today friends, I am going to tell you the story of how I wasted some of the best years of my life and missed great opportunities to build fun and exciting relationships with great people.
I remember being 15 years old blue as they come, I was innocently browsing 9gag one day (I know I know) when on some random post I came across a funny looking word, “manlet”. I had never seen or heard of this word before so naturally I decided to google it, the day I hit that search button was the day I ruined my mental health forever.
I don’t know about you guys, but being an insecure, inexperienced 5’6 (at the time)15 year old and then being bombarded with a shit ton of 4chan memes, bodybuilding.com threads and incel subs all in hit a bit too close to home for me. I took a nosedive into that rabbit hole, reading this stuff was butchering my already fragile self esteem, but I was HOOKED, it was fascinating, learning all these things about how looks and height affect your life. During my descent into the madness of the manosphere I actually came across this very subreddit, but I couldn’t comprehend anything and was too impatient to learn all the acronyms, read the sidebar and all that good stuff.
The incel stuff on the other hand was incredibly easy to understand: “If you’re not a natural born Chad, you are either doomed to a life of inceldom or being a beta provider, nothing inbetween, this is set in stone from birth, deal with it”. This of course led me to feeling like shit about my place in the world, I wasn’t a Chad, not even close, why bother doing anything, my fate was set.
The more blackpills I consumed, the more I became withdrawn, didn’t bother to make any good effort to socialise with friends, my social skills stagnated, I became more anxious and started hating myself, but I just couldn’t stop visiting these online communities.
Come summer 2017, I just turned 16 and went to some local festival in my city with friends and friends of friends, met some cute mixed race girl who was quite similar to myself, she took a liking to me, even gave me my first kiss, me, being blackpilled as fuck couldn’t understand this one bit, I made a bunch of rationalisations in my head
“I-It was just her being nice, she doesn’t really like you, you’re an ugly subhuman manlet, how could any girl possibly like YOU?”
These were the thoughts that went through my head, looking back she was absolutely into me, always initiating conversations, I of course didn’t escalate and naturally she lost interest. I could have had my first bluepilled teenage relationship and lost my virginity and blah blah, I could have gained some experience and confidence like any normal kid would, but nope, my mind belonged to the blackpill now.
I started sixth form autumn 2017 (for Americans, this is the final two years of high school here in the UK). On Christmas break I went to a gig of a band with my friends and a group of girls, one of which my then best friend was orbiting at the time. I met a hot redhead who appeared to show me interest, my friends seemed to think so aswell, this however was not the case and I had my first experience of being an orbiter. My self esteem hit an all time low.
Early 2018, I found the red pill again, actually read it this time, it was tricky to understand but one thing stuck with me, and that was to lift like a motherfucker, so I did, people started noticing.
I got cold approached when working one night shift by some girl who somehow remembered me from primary school and her friend, both like HB5/6’s. We exchanged social medias and I hung out with them one night, the one who approached me invited us both back to her house, we had drinks played truth or dare and I made out with both of them, two girls on the same night, slept in bed with the girl, (her friend ended up leaving), we were making out all night but I didn’t escalate, I was scared tbh, how anyone could leave such a situation still a virgin is beyond me. I never heard from either of them after that night blamed it on my looks, of course, I was an unfuckable subhuman incel after all.
Throughout 2018 I was reading both incel subs aswell as trp, two opposing ideologies telling me two different things, the incels were still winning me over, I carried on anyway, getting more makeouts at parties, fooling around, fingering, handjobs, but still no sex, or relationships, I started believing the blackpill more and more,”if I was chad, i’d be having sex all the time”, the possibility of my poor social skills being the issue didn’t occur to me at all. I became more jaded and bitter. Time went on, 2019 comes, I’m borderline obsessed with my physical appearance, unable to accept any imperfections, believing my face and height were the be all and end all of my social life, fragile ego, unable to accept myself and improve in other areas and forge good friendships, unable to live a little and be a normal fucking teenager.
By now I have failed high school, luckily they’re letting me retake my final year due to mental health issues. I’ve lost contact with all but two of my friends, drifted apart from most of them. I only recently lost my virginity at 18 to a chick I didn’t even find attractive, slightly overweight, but it was easy, I was tired of being a virgin and needed some intimacy.
Upon reflection though, I realised that I am probably not even unattractive anyway. I had many friends who were shorter than me, not as goodlooking, in worse shape, who were able to get sex and relationships just fine because they developed social skills and decent banter/game. I realised that I spent so much time fixating on what I could not change, wanting perfection and being unsatisfied when I couldn’t find it, I didn’t bother to work on my social skills, being funny, cultivating and attractive personality, hobbies, a strong frame, because of this i’m at the lowest point i’ve ever been in at my life. I’ve actually had a fuck ton of missed opportunities which were only missed due to me disqualifying myself from the get go.
I’ve grown to around 5’9/10, which is perfectly average and acceptable amongst my age range in my area, i’m not a 1/10 unfuckable incel, and I have lifted my way to a decent physique I got attention from several attractive girls my age, but I was completely delusional I wanted them to do all the work, “they would for Chad”, well sorry to disappoint, but most of us will never be Chad, if you are, good for you, bloody lucky fucker.
The point i’m making is, do not allow yourself to be destroyed by the blackpill like I did, I could have a much happier, more fulfilling social life, with great fun people and hot girls, had I not bought into that bullshit. I tell no lies, as i’m typing this post up I’m getting rather emotional thinking about what could have been, what could have went differently. I really fucking wish I could go back in time and tell myself from 3 years ago not to worry and focus on the right things.
Then again, had I never found the blackpill I would never have found TRP community, so, who knows. What I do know is that I’ve got work to do.