Most guys who complain about women not approaching or not being direct enough simply don't attract women

anitapk · 2019-11-26T11:36:47+00:00

[deleted]

lestratege · 2019-11-26T11:14:10+00:00

The majority of men complaining about women not being direct enough are the ones who have bought into the idea that women do want what they say they want. So they take women at their word and wonder about the discrepancy between what women say and what they do.

Basically, you're blaming these guys for taking women's word of wanting equal roles in coupling while in reality anyone remotely red-pilled knows it's just BS.

Eastuss · 2019-11-26T10:39:26+00:00

Most women who were attracted to me made sure that I was never aware of it. Some even humiliated and insulted me in public, because they wanted my attention but not show their interest.

Most women I know want the man to be interested and attracted, to make them feel like desired women, and approaching men isn't doing that.

My girlfriends never expressed interest or enthusiastic consent, they just never stopped me and that's how they wanted things to be.

Most men are not immediately attractive to women, most men are in a "need to prove themselves" level, and attractive 20% best looking men are the only one who get women to flirt with them first.

anitapk · 2019-11-26T11:31:11+00:00

[deleted]

NockerJoe · 2019-11-26T09:36:33+00:00

I remember I was out with my family at lunch once and my sister pointed out a waitress who was super into me. She did that whole look away and blush thing when I went past her to go to the bathroom and if you're really paying attention you can see it. But if you're going through your regular day some chick briefly looking at you and sending out vague nonverbal symbols doesn't really mean much because you're thinking about sports and your job and your grades and your gym sets or all the other shit in your life.

This is how large portions of flirting works for me. I can have other shit going on so regardless of my actual level of interest I'm not really in a position to make an aggressive move and most of the time some rando chick I just met isn't worth the extra effort. She's the one that wants it, she can use her words. I've never actually turned down a woman who's actually verbalized that she wants a date even if I wasn't considering her up until that point.

It's not that the men who didn't pick up your cues weren't interested. It's that your cues were probably not even noticed.

TheJim66 · 2019-11-26T09:26:38+00:00

But that's neither approaching nor direct.

rus9384 · 2019-11-26T15:22:40+00:00

I can't say I truly disagree with the title. But it can be made shorter.

Most guys simply don't attract women.

LeJacquelope · 2019-11-26T09:53:59+00:00

Nope, women who throw out IOIs are lazy, cowardly children. Men should just avoid them outright and seek better quality, more mature women.

The real man-children are the ones who call women whores or desperados for approaching men overtly.

CosmicBioHazard · 2019-11-26T14:51:00+00:00

Look, just because a woman says hi to you, or enjoys your company, or bats her eyelashes doesn’t mean she’s into you. That’s not an approach. Certainly doesn’t help that women who aren’t attracted to you will give off what appear to be signs of interest several orders of magnitude more blatant than whatever passes for an ‘approach’ to a woman’s mind. The disinterested ones don’t fear rejection, so they don’t act disinterested like the interested ones do.

The men who have regular success with women have no idea when a woman is doing what she calls an ‘approach’, they do their own approach to the girls they like, and happen to be good at it. They’re not picking up on ‘cues’, they’re getting uninterested women interested from scratch.

Bntt89 · 2019-11-26T18:00:21+00:00

How much more removed from the situation do you have to be to say this lol? Also this is literally what I hate about women now a days they pick and choice when gender roles apply, which is why no one can give good advice. If you believe in them your sexist if you dont your clueless. It is really frustrating. How can anyone argue that their are no gender roles when women pick and choose when they apply to their advantage. Isnt this literally what men did back then?

Anyway if my friends have to tell me that some girl is giving me IOI, or I'm not even looking in their general direction or not even paying attention because I'm on my phone. If it's that I have to literally needing to stare at you for several minutes at a time to finally get that you are interested, then yes I guess most guys just dont know. Because it seems like it requires a fucking handbook with 699 pages on how to understand shit. Yet their is literally never a misconception of when guys are interested. Idk I think maybe it's just that women remain so indirect because they just dont like getting their egos shattered.

wtffellification · 2019-11-26T10:50:36+00:00

i agree that men who dont pick up on your cues aren’t interested in you. because men who can’t read those cues probably won’t get them in the first place

as a side note, not interested in you doesn’t neccessarily mean not attracted to you.. just as not giving (obvious enough) IOIs might not mean that. i personally am attracted to many women giving me IOIs. i’m just scared of them (the more aggressive they are) because they seem to take rejection so lightly, which means i am not really that important to them other than being a source of vcalidation of their superficial qualities, so i pretend not to care

anitapk · 2019-11-26T19:07:44+00:00

[deleted]

NeedingAdvice86 · 2019-11-26T19:46:56+00:00

Every study done related to this has determined that women have something like 35 to 50 different behaviors indicating interest while guys have 5....FIVE? Yes, I said 5.

So basically you aren't a man and REALLY JUST don't have any understanding of what a man has to filter thru in determining whether a female is throwing out your "OBVIOUS" signals.

Honestly, even the most "just get it, guys" misread, misinterpret and fuck up way, way more than you can imagine. You just assume that they "get" it because the ones you notice\date are the ones you like.

Basically as a guy, you basically have to make a guess and go with it....the less risk averse you are or the better your self esteem at any given moment usually indicates how proactive and taking a shot any particular guy may be.

Just today in a store picking up Thanksgiving appetizers when I turned around to a very attractive, younger girl staring at me and when she saw me catch her, she smiled and blushed....was she really interested or just liked my ass? Don't know because I didn't make any move to bump into her again or approach her but doesn't mean at all that in another situation I would not have been very interested, flirted and made a move...it was circumstances and still the always ambiguity of whether she was interested or just attracted to my ass...they are not always the same.

2019-11-26T09:29:18+00:00

[removed]

Kos_-_Omak · 2019-11-26T17:41:18+00:00

posts like this confuse the issue because you refer to it as "being direct" and "approaching" when in reality when a woman "approaches" a man that she is interested in, it usually consists of her sending IOIs and indirect/deniable hints that she wants wants him to actually approach and escalate.

and you could say "oh well you're just one of thos low value guys that women don't approach" but here is the key part from the OP:

pick up my cues

even when women think they're approaching and being direct, they're really just trying to encourage the man to do the actual approach and be direct.

only a woman would describe cues that need to be picked up on as "being direct" or "approaching"

so you have dumb womanposts like this one, and inexperienced men read it and think it means that sober women are regularly walking up to men and saying "you're hot, let's go fuck". and since this never happens to them, they think that it means that they're hopelessly unattractive. it encourages incel whining and general cluelessness about what actually happens in real life to normal people.

Truedemocracy5 · 2019-11-26T13:07:43+00:00

Agree 100%. It’s not hard to find interested women when out. The crowd that says “women need to approach more!” Are generally internet losers who wouldn’t be approached anyways

J_Milton_Jr · 2019-11-26T09:33:35+00:00

I think men who are successful with women are just less affected by defeat. If a woman says no, he just tries it on the next woman. Have seen this with some male friends who just didnt take a "no" so personally (because they all have a slightly exaggerated self esteem)

praisethesun799 · 2019-11-26T12:32:45+00:00

I totally agree with this , like in what world do some guys live in where only GalacticGod Chad gets approached by women ? Just be decent looking and social and hang out with people who mingle , and both men and women approach each other all the bloody time lol

ThrowawayCactus6012 · 2019-11-26T15:06:30+00:00

The majority of those who complain about women not being direct enough or not approaching are simply not getting women interested in them.

That may be true in some cases. But I don't think the complaint in today's era really has much to do with that. If we were living in more "traditional" times where gender roles were strictly defined, then you'd have a point, but not in this day and age.

AutoModerator · 2019-11-26T09:22:35+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

SeasonedRP · 2019-11-26T19:04:44+00:00

I agree with this. Women who are interested show it, if you know what to look for.

Niki_Biryani · 2019-11-27T00:31:02+00:00

so you mean 95% of the men

PMmeareasontolive · 2019-11-27T02:04:18+00:00

Maybe that's true for you personally. Perhaps you communicate well.

But there's ample anecdotal evidence (confirmed by women after the fact) all over reddit to contradict you extrapolating that into a much wider generalization.

Take for example the dumbshit advice that you can make him jealous to motivate him to express his interest in you (an extreme formulation of "be hard to get" I guess).

This advice used to be common but I can't imagine that it ever worked.

30dirtyfingers · 2019-11-27T06:19:17+00:00

No, thats not women approaching. Thats women putting themselves in your line for sight and attempt to get you to approach. An approach usually requires the possibility of getting turned away. Its no different than a guy who approaches a woman but doesnt ask her out. HE DIDNT APPROACH......and we all know that.

I dont treat woman any different.

cxj · 2019-11-27T19:34:47+00:00

I’ve had plenty of IOIs in my life, I’m sure I’ve missed some but definitely gotten a lot. The reason men complain is because IOIs are always a cloak of plausible deniability men cannot meaningfully adopt similarly, it negates all social risk of the interaction to the man. Women can say “I’m not flirting I’m just nice!” And In fact lots of women just want your time and attention as a reward unto itself that does not get men what they want .

This is just the cost of doing business for men

lonelinessmademecave · 2019-11-26T14:46:02+00:00

Idk anymore. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from this sub it’s that the TRP folks are a little... simple? I’m not sure how to put it yet. I’ll open a thread when I do.

But as readily as I believe that a lot of women aren’t into them, I am just as ready to believe that they wouldn’t be able to recognize an IOI if it hit them in the face.

Remember, these are guys who were shocked to find out that women like masculine men. They were shocked to find out that the heteronormative sexual dynamic is based on gendered dominant/submissive roles.

This is stuff that most guys picked up in middle school. There’s something a little off about these dudes. Their preference for simplicity, their dogmatic adherence... again idk how to put it.

I kind of think a lot of these guys who make these complaints just weren’t socialized well. Neither girls nor guys probably warm up enough to them to fully ingratiate them. Always standing on the outside, looking in type of deal.

Title	Most guys who complain about women not approaching or not being direct enough simply don't attract women
Author	anitapk
Upvotes	23
Comments	284
Date	November 26, 2019 9:22 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/e1vkqj/most_guys_who_complain_about_women_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/most-guys-who-complain-about-women-not-approaching.296690 https://theredarchive.com/post/296690

Comments