Q4men: would you rather be the "sex guy" or the "relationship guy" to women? Show your work

reluctantly_red · 2020-01-17T03:04:57+00:00

Sex guy can choose to be relationship guy anytime he wants. So he's the far superior choice.

CHAD_TDK · 2020-01-17T03:00:56+00:00

Answer: Sex guy.

Showing my work: I used to the safe / relationship guy, so much so that I was married. Twice.

These days I am the "sex guy" and it's a lot better

TL;DR: sex > relationship

Redpiller77 · 2020-01-17T03:16:18+00:00

If you're the sex guy and you're good the relationship option is always open.

Red__Blue · 2020-01-17T03:39:30+00:00

You’re asking red pillers if the want to be an alpha fuck or beta bux.

Sex guy.

mechanical_elves · 2020-01-17T03:13:30+00:00

sex guy

work: relationships take work and most relationships aren't worth the trouble to maintain, but women are 100% worth having sex with.

[deleted] · 2020-01-17T03:04:22+00:00

Sex guy. No work needs to be shown. They get what they want, and always have the option to upgrade if they want more.

beetlejuicer__ · 2020-01-17T03:14:53+00:00

Who the hell is going to be the relationship guy?

If we are fitted with the goals that most men have today, You can turn a variety a partners into a relationship if you want. Then choosing the sex guy is the logical choice.

Sex guy for me.

JameisBong · 2020-01-17T03:08:14+00:00

Sex guy, nobody cheats on him. He also gets the least responsibilities and can make demands. Relationship guy is basically second choice.

Workaholiconew · 2020-01-17T03:22:08+00:00

Sex guy.

How one screws up so royaly? You can be in a relationship relatively easily if you are the sex guy, but the opposite is not true.

Also. My instinct is to be 'sexually satisfied' by whom and how is minor, relationship or casual sex, it does not matter, what matter is being sexually satisfied,

If I women who gave a crap about my sexual satisfaction were common I would maybe choose relationship, but those are rarities. So I go 'sex guy'.

TheColdestHand · 2020-01-17T03:57:56+00:00

This is an easy one for me,

Assuming that monogamous meant monogamous, I’d pick a relationship with someone who was exactly what I want. Random whores aren’t interesting for 2 reasons: If they’ve (many other men) have had it, I don’t want it at all. Also, I’m not interested in that much casual sex because most women aren’t that attractive - the average guys 10 is my 7.

With that said, whores often seem to be more likable, bubbly, and have an overall appealing straight forward (boyish) personality. So they are quite nice people.

Seroriman · 2020-01-17T05:30:18+00:00

I would like to be relationship guy, but it seems to be a sucker bet these days. Which is why I'm mostly, albeit not entirely, MGTOW. I suspect this is the answer a lot of honest MGTOW would give you these days.

And then there's also the group among them who either put in a lot of work into becoming or LARP the sex guy.

GrumpyOldHistoricist · 2020-01-17T05:14:13+00:00

Relationship guy.

I used to be sex guy and it got old. Too much instability, too many enemies made (terps who think other dudes love slayers are only thinking about the dudes they lie to on the internet; offline where you actually live your competition hates you if you’re successful), and not enough fulfillment.

I’ve spent years on both sides of this proposition and I’m much happier settled down. A stable relationship facilities better integration of a number of different aspects of life and creates a solid foundation for further growth and development. Sacrificing sexual novelty is a small price to pay for all that. I’m aware of the workarounds (swinging, poly, etc) and none of them seem to be worth the risk and hassle.

throwawy_12262017 · 2020-01-17T04:59:32+00:00

I just want someone to love me for who I am.

NahIeeemjeskeeeeding

Speaker7 · 2020-01-17T07:52:31+00:00

In my bluepill days i'd have hoped to be the sex guy and the relationship guy with the same oneitis woman. Ah how naive I was lol. Now in my 30's that the SMV is switching to my favor, i'm not the relationship guy ever by choice.

aliveinadeadworld · 2020-01-17T04:24:34+00:00

Sex has always been pretty secondary motivation for me. At risk of sounding like a blue pill simp, I care way more about companionship, loyalty, and a long term bond, that is, a life partner, than about sexual availability and/or a closed bedroom. Despite being het-normative, and in a closed relationship, I really thought I might end up with a life long bro friend, and look for sexual companionship outside of the home.

Screw traditional society; that's the order that has reduced men to second class citizens. I'd look for a bro-friend you can absolutely trust, and live with them. This gives you the companionship you want, and also total access to the sexual market indefinitely. Best of both worlds.

[deleted] · 2020-01-17T04:26:54+00:00

Sex guy is a prereq for relationship guy

joesmithasdf · 2020-01-17T04:41:26+00:00

It’s my job to earn sex, theirs to earn a relationship. Why would I give it away for free?

NockerJoe · 2020-01-17T06:35:35+00:00

Sex guy. I love the idea of eventually being a dad but the entire concept that I'd be in a passionless relationship where we both grow to resent each other is fucking hell.

majani · 2020-01-17T08:30:35+00:00

I'd rather be the sex guy who she tries to tame into the relationship guy. It's a pretty sweet deal for everyone involved.

MercyYouMercyMe · 2020-01-17T12:58:12+00:00

Sex guy.

All my life I've been the relationship guy. I'd go on dates with girls and eventually we'd hook up and suddenly I'm in a relationship. Like 1/2 months from meeting to relationship with titles and shit. However I always felt, in hindsight I guess, that I lost a lot of power and saw sex drop while demands increased. After my last relationship i swore to stop being a simp, too much crazy shit

Last 2 years I'm living the sex guy life. My social life has never been bettee. I have 5+ girls on my roster that I maintain strictly casual relationships. I tell them up front they can't fuck anyone else, they happily agree. I go on 3~ dates a week meeting new girls as well. I have my own place downtown California metropolis, girls love that shit. Get drinks, dinner sometimes, but for me it's all about sex and fun and I keep them at arms length. I have all the power. Whether it gets to a relationship is all in my hands and these women here go crazy trying to get me to commit.

They leave their stuff at my place, ask me to go to a friend's wedding, or double date with some friend they have in a relationship, cook for me, and I'm always like nah lmao. Well actually I let them leave stuff at my place sometimes, a girl seeing another girl's bra in my closet is very arousing to them apparently lmao.

Relationship guy going to sex guy is impossible and a stressful life with no power. Sex guy I can do whatever I want and can transition at my choosing with all the power.

diffdedbed · 2020-01-17T03:16:02+00:00

Por qué no los dos?

couldbemage · 2020-01-17T05:32:41+00:00

Traditional society actually looked like modern polyamory, just presented differently. One official(primary) partner, other side partners that don't get official status, but aren't really that secret.

This was traditional for men nearly everywhere, but true to an admittedly lesser extent for women in societies that allowed women more freedom.

Dietpowderedweasel · 2020-01-17T06:59:59+00:00

So many thirsties in this threads.

I'd rather be the relationship guy. Sex can only interest you so far. You don't stay young and beautiful forever.

fortifier22 · 2020-01-17T12:35:02+00:00

How about neither?

I don’t want to be someone that focuses on quantity over quality, yet at the same time I don’t want to be some guy whose only nice for the sake of getting into a relationship.

Why would I want to define my self worth by whether or not I can bed lots of girls or get into a relationship for the sake of one? I just want to be myself and let relationships develop naturally. Whether they do or not is not up to me, but at least then it would be mutually genuine and worth my time.

exit_sandman · 2020-01-17T12:53:48+00:00

Sex guy.

In fact, I think most of the problems young guys in the West have with dating are because they're basically indoctrinated to become relationship guys and definitely not sex guys.

CainPrice · 2020-01-17T13:08:32+00:00

The sex guy gets the best parts of the relationship with none of the negatives. With as many women as he wants.

Sex is the foundation.

You can have sex in or out of relationships. But a relationship without sex isn’t a relationship.

Sex > Relationship

bonusfruit · 2020-01-17T13:11:40+00:00

Sex guy. I'll be the relationship guy with my guy friends

CosmicBioHazard · 2020-01-17T13:12:19+00:00

I would want to lock down a partners' sexuality, but it's no good to do so after someone else has already gotten to her, and it's risky one way or the other. I've been married once already, and I wanted that for myself as well, so my happiness in a relationship would be adversely affected since the experience wouldn't be unique anymore.

That puts "relationship guy" off the table. I want genetic offspring really bad though, so I'm kinda relegated to knocking someone up. It sucks.

akaean · 2020-01-17T13:46:35+00:00

I always lean towards relationships, for a variety of reasons.

its a fallacy to assume that just because a person is looking for monogamous relationships that said man is like a fish out of water when single and searching. So the idea that "sex guy" gets relationships more easily than "relationship guy" is just standard TRP fan fiction and pure projection of TRP's own insecurities. There is literally no reason to believe that relationship guy cannot shift from monogamous relationship to monogamous relationship.
Dating multiple people is a pain in the ass. I work and I have hobbies independent of women. Sometimes, I actually like to do my own shit. Why would I want to spend a ton of time and emotional energy into courting multiple women, when my needs can be met with one.
I'm looking for more than just an outlet for my sexual energy. I'm looking for a teammate and a partner. Someone I can trust and enjoy spending time with even when we are not banging. This feeds into point 2 as well, when you have someone you can trust, it can often give you additional energy.

Moreover, I believe this preference is innate. I think jealousy and pair bonding are more powerful emotional directives than the desire to spread the ol' seed.

[deleted] · 2020-01-17T14:08:53+00:00

My general pattern for most of my adult life has been sleep around until I find someone I like, then relationship, then break up. Repeat. Both have their pros and cons, both can be hard work. At the moment, the relationship is keeping me steady and isn't particularly hard work.

jackjackjackjeck · 2020-01-17T14:21:12+00:00

Hot take: you can't be one without the other.

Women like sex guy not just because he's hot, but because he's a fun person to be around. And fun is a huge part of being in a relationship with someone. Nobody wants to be bored.

And relationship guy knows this too. He knows that to keep his girl around, he needs to keep things interesting, he needs to flirt with her, tease her. He knows how to be sex guy, at least every now and then.

Maybe sex guy doesn't give off commitment vibes, but that's not the only aspect of maintaining a relationship, or of being a good person.

If you think sex guy gets laid because he's a shitty person, you're drinking too much Kool-aid. Being a good person absolutely makes it easier to get laid. (Doesn't mean be a pushover, "good"=/="weak")

dylang92 · 2020-01-17T16:36:30+00:00

Sex guy, 100%. He can choose to be the relationship guy whenever he wants, I’m already the relationship guy and would be the sex guy if I could.

GreenSatyr · 2020-01-17T18:30:44+00:00

Are you asking whether people would rather have sex outside of a relationship, or a monogamous relationship without sex?

I feel like if someone who wants sex in their life is in a monogamous relationship without sex something has clearly gone wrong here.

GreenSatyr · 2020-01-17T18:38:49+00:00

I think you should define the terms more clearly. What exactly is the "relationship guy?" and the "sex guy" in concrete terms? Is the "sex guy" excluded from relationships, is the "relationship guy" excluded from sex?

I ideally want both sex and relationships, but i don't want to dodge the question.

I do like sex outside of relationships...but as for being the "sex guy without relationships" I don't think I would necessarily be motivated to have sex with someone who was so socially incompatible that we would never even consider a relationship together. At best it would be pleasant but probably not worth the opportunity cost (why bother when you can have the same casual sex with people who are into your personality instead and perhaps score an awesome connection and maybe even relationship out of that?), and at worst if they actively didn't respect me but only bothered with me for sex that might make me feel sort of bad.

As for the "relationship guy without sex" I'd also similarly be quite uncomfortable having sex with someone who only wanted to have sex in order to maintain the relationship - that would be definitely pointless sex, I'd rather just have a platonic relationship or friendship than do that.

I primarily want to get relationship-type support from my variety of sexual partners, whereas I do not actually care if my partners sleep with other people. I think my preference is probably unusual, but it's not clear whether I'm biologically unusual or whether I arrived at this through some sort of social mechanism. In a more traditional society where I did not have a choice, I would have two paths: either take the monogamous relationship and feel a bit constricted about it, or take the path of freedom that society looked down upon and be lonely. Luckily, I do not live in that society (although I think many of you guys do).

In my actual behavior, I don't generally make the effort to have sex with people who aren't offering me relationship type support or at least seem like a promising connection in some way unless it's really convenient (like, we're already in the same room) so I guess judging by my revealed preferences I don't really prioritize sex outside of relationships although I also do like it.

Meanwhile I have put in quite a bit of effort to maintain relationships even when not a lot of sex is going on, so I guess by my revealed preferences I do prioritize relationships even when sex is off the table. While I don't really view that state of affairs as ideal, I still did put effort into it, in the end. However , I admit haven't put effort into starting a sexual relationship with someone who didn't seem super enthusiastic about sex with me.

So I guess by my actions I'd say my revealed preferences go towards valuing relationships more than I value sex although both are highly valued. However, I would strongly prefer that my relationships also involve a lot of enthusiastic sex, and I probably wouldn't begin a sexual relationship with someone who wasn't enthusiastic about sex. While I'd consider an (open) romantic relationship without sex, sex is valued and I do expect to have sex quite frequently in my life (although I would never expect that if I was monogamous, I definitely don't expect any one person to have sex with me every day, that's unrealistic).

lonelinessmademecave · 2020-01-17T19:24:14+00:00

IDK if you've ever had the experience of being on each side, but the "sex" guy has better relationships. Some women seem to find "sexual attraction" in relationships as negotiable.

I've been in a relationship where my girlfriend at the time truly did seem to "desire" to me and it was miles better than the other """relationships""" I've been in. All of the issues that I just thought were normal just didn't arise in the former relationship.

I didn't feel like I was the only one putting any sort of effort in the relationship. I'd get texts out of the blue. She just went out of her way to make me feel good.

I'd easily take never having a relationship again and just be used for sex, if even that, over getting used for fucking god knows what in a relationship. Because those relationships just made me feel worse. about myself.

blackedoutfast · 2020-01-17T22:14:55+00:00

if you're truly the sex guy, a lot of women will still voluntarily stop wanting to sleep with anyone else. even if you explicitly tell them that you just want to keep it casual.

WGttDS · 2020-01-18T00:04:43+00:00

Being sex guy is overrated, but the grass is greener, I guess.

Pontifex_Lucious-II · 2020-01-18T06:48:37+00:00

Everyone would want to be the sex guy.

wtknight · 2020-01-17T03:03:06+00:00

The relationship guy, and I've only dated women who also only want relationships and who don't have casual sex. I believe that my preference is innate. Even my first childhood crush was a "good girl."

huggyjunior · 2020-01-17T05:43:00+00:00

Both.

I'll have my cake and eat it. The only problem is this cake tastes really bad.

geyejoe7 · 2020-01-17T10:40:08+00:00

Relationship guy.

I don't want my girl sleeping with anyone else.

I'd rather have one good woman, than many random women.

I never had this "spreading my seed" instinct. I am satisfied with being in a monogamous relationship where we're only comitted to one another.

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BothWaysItGoes · 2020-01-17T11:13:12+00:00

(1) having a variety of partners, and

(2) locking down the partner(s)' sexuality in that they won't sleep with anyone else.

Men want both of these contradictory elements

They aren't contradictory, there are many examples of men having many locked down partners.

In the ancient Near East it was common for royalty to have many wives/concubines who lived in seclusion guarded by eunuchs.

binkerfluid · 2020-01-18T06:08:53+00:00

Theres lot of women Id have sex with but I was never one to pursue random sex. If it fell into my lap it would be hard to say no at times.

I was always a relationship guy and on top of that a LTR guy. Looking back that was probably a mistake.

hammerhaunts · 2020-01-17T02:56:11+00:00

I want a long term partner, is innate

Title	Q4men: would you rather be the "sex guy" or the "relationship guy" to women? Show your work
Author	Validationation
Upvotes	9
Comments	102
Date	January 17, 2020 2:54 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/epua5n/q4men_would_you_rather_be_the_sex_guy_or_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4men-would-you-rather-be-the-sex-guy-or-the.311108 https://theredarchive.com/post/311108

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