Never date men who self-identify as “Gamers.”

cremeblushers · 2020-05-24T20:55:42+00:00

Yep I dated a really big gamer (didn’t realize how big until a while later bc he never mentioned his channel name and I didn’t wanna ask) and I feel like they’re a different breed of men. They seem really kind and caring, but the lack of communication is just wayyyyy too much to deal with. Even when we were on dates or hanging out I felt like I was a burden and he was rushing to get back to his games

gcfemtastic · 2020-05-24T18:27:21+00:00

Man: "I want to carry on my LEgAcY"

Lmao. Who the fuck do you think you are? You wanna pass on your legacy of being a dimwit leech and addict? Pass on your heirloom crusty couch and sticky remote?

Gtfo

ironymaiden87 · 2020-05-24T18:03:43+00:00

So true. My last longterm boyfriend was a lazy piece of shit gamer. I swear gaming that much does something serious to their brains because they're ALL the same. They're convinced gaming is actually cool and it gives them a false sense of achievement. Sorry, but last time I checked, having an ACTUAL social life where you leave the house and shower every day was cool. Doing chores is cool. Cooking is cool. Being part of a happy, healthy relationship is cool.

Sitting inside with the curtains shut, not showering, not helping with housework, neglecting your relationship and eating trash food because you're too busy indulging in escapism is not fucking cool. It makes you a total loser. Men who behave like this do not deserve girlfriends or to get laid ever.

outside-perception · 2020-05-24T17:37:24+00:00

Yet another reason why I left my ex. He'd get angry about OUR child being a typical baby and wanting attention. He'd be gaming from 6pm til 4am and complain about being tired and unable to handle our baby. He never stated being a gamer when we met so if they tell you this openly count it as a positive that you can add that to the red flag list.

circescircus · 2020-05-24T20:10:54+00:00

The whole gaming subculture itself is toxic and makes people into worse versions of themselves 99% of the time. If people spent this much time and money, destroyed families, relationships and their health over any other "hobby", people would call gaming what it is-- a waste of time at best, a destructive addiction at worst.

Otters-eating-tacos · 2020-05-24T17:13:02+00:00

It seems like gaming and porn addiction go hand in hand a lot of the time too. These men are glutenous westerners and gaming is just the thing to do when you are lazy and/or too privileged to feel the need to go out and live an actual life. Not all gamers are lazy and hedonistic but all lazy and hedonistic men tend to gravitate towards things like gaming where they sit on their ass all day and consume.

My last bf was a gamer, mid twenties, still living at home rent-free as well. Completely content with where he was at, and wanted a wife and kids someday but couldn't think of an actual good reason. He also wanted the same kind of house his parents have, an upper middle class house around 300k in a nice neighborhood. Yet, in his mid-twenties with no desire to take advantage of living at home and bettering himself to actually get to that goal. Didn't have any desire to get off the computer and get a hobby lol. My sister is currently dating a guy like this and she is starting to realize it's bullshit.

I am very cautious when I meet a gamer because more times than not they have peter pan syndrome. If he is a gamer, you really have to make sure you get to know him before getting serious. He might have a front that he has a life, then before you know it you are the primary source of his fulfillment once you actually spend tons of time with him. Some dudes might play once in a while and manage to control it but most don't.

marsupialface · 2020-05-24T17:24:08+00:00

This has always been so difficult for me as I’ve loved video games from a young age but yeah, most men I’ve met who shared the interest have been... somewhat problematic.

The vast majority have either almost fetishised the fact I do like video games (no I don’t want to blow you under the desk while you play a shooter, why on earth would I?) or judge the games I play and quiz me upon meeting to check if I’m actually into games... :/

dahmerloveszombies · 2020-05-24T18:54:13+00:00

These men also live in permanent suspended adolescence, which society encourages.

Deep-Blackberry · 2020-05-24T19:02:18+00:00

I'm a gamer, but I make sure to prioritize other things than that. I'm probably going to do a write-up when I get some time about dating a gamer, and some signs to watch out for.

Solid-Liquid · 2020-05-24T23:03:55+00:00

My ex was a gamer and this is spot on. I used to get ignored for days over smash, and our “dates” consisted of comic book movies and comic book stores. Yeah, those are nice, but I actually wanna go on a date. Visiting comic book stores/watching comic book movies screams “hanging out” as friends and not bf/gf material.

As much as I like games, I wouldn’t date another gamer again.

LizardInFirst · 2020-05-24T19:07:13+00:00

You’re right, but I don’t think it’s that new. I dated a guy a decade ago who was addicted to World of Warcraft. I was staying with him once and received some really bad news. I started to cry and he left the game for 30 seconds to comfort me, and then went straight back to it for the next several hours. Fucked up.

Averyhvw · 2020-05-24T18:02:55+00:00

This is so true. It’s like dating a heroin addict, at any moment they can choose to go into this cocoon and ignore real life. They may even have a whole personality when talking to the people they’re playing with. But too exhausted to have a conversation with you, it’s hurtful and absolutely absurd. It’s better to be single than deal with that.

RadarFemef · 2020-05-24T21:20:30+00:00

As a woman who enjoys playing video games as a hobby, I endorse this post and this is absolutely true

ello-motto · 2020-05-25T00:19:26+00:00

Yup.

I always idealized dating someone with the same interests as me - video games being one of them. When I finally got together with my ex in my early 20s, I realised that what gaming meant to me (a few hours here and there across a month) and what gaming meant to him (100+ hours per month) were two completely different worlds of intensity.

Although he'd treat me like a princess in IRL dates, we would get into arguments because he would go MIA for an entire weekend. What was he doing? Well, I had him added on Steam so I could totally see all the hours he was clocking up while forgetting to message me.

On top of that, he had an addictive personality and I soon discovered he had gambling issues too. He never worked on healing himself and his issues. He instead always chose the escapism route instead (and later, going into the manosphere, TRP, 4chan route etc).

2020-05-25T00:03:20+00:00

The stories about men neglecting their families for hours a day is enough to warn women off gamers.

RamenUndergraduate · 2020-05-24T19:57:59+00:00

My brother is addicted to gaming and has no priorities outside of it. He's failed multiple courses in community college and no longer receives any financial-aid. My mom begged me to help him become more motivated and focused on his studies. I use to go as far as helping him complete assignments when I had my own coursework. It's funny how they expected me a full-time stem student with a full-time job to take time out of my day to help my brother get a passing grade. It's a no for me dawg lol.

AutoMuchaBeach0 · 2020-05-24T23:24:00+00:00

Gaming addiction is dangerous thing

OrchidLion · 2020-05-24T23:55:08+00:00

" I want to carry on my legacy."

LMAO WHAT LEGACY? Fucking degenerate

clamchauder · 2020-05-25T00:43:51+00:00

I agree with all of this.

My last LTR was with someone who hid his gaming tendencies. It wasn't until we lived together, I saw how bad it was. Mind you, the guy I dated before that was also a gamer, so when we moved in together I said I didn't want to have any game systems in the house.

So what does he do? Get addicted to a game on his phone! He was literally on his phone at all waking moments playing this game. I'm SO glad I got out of that.

Will be vetting so much more carefully from now on. Not condemning gaming as a hobby, but from personal experience, men who game can't juggle other life priorities with it (other than maybe holding down a job).

EfficientTackle · 2020-05-25T00:57:43+00:00

"carry on my legacy"

You HAVE no legacy. you have NOTHING of value to pass on. ugh. so many douchebag men dont see this

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2020-05-24T19:31:22+00:00

Carry on his legacy? What legacy? He doesn't seem to have accomplished anything noteworthy....

Classic500 · 2020-05-24T18:56:01+00:00

Thank you for putting into words what I've been slowly realizing. I've always been into video games and so by extension all of my exes have been "gamers". Think it's time for me to find new hobbies and meet new people that way.

Novemberinthechair · 2020-05-24T19:58:16+00:00

His "legacy?" My goodness, does he have a fiefdom to give away? Is he royalty? Does he have an heir that must pull a sword from a stone? Is he Bruce fucking Wayne?

Such melodrama. The universe will be fine without these asshole's progeny.

2020-05-25T00:35:43+00:00

So there is a series on YouTube by a psychiatrist called Dr K.

He interviews gamers about their issues.

Women who are date gamers are psychologically and emotionally abused.

See this for an example.

Melina is dating a dropkick loser called Destiny. Destiny is your classic scrote... looks dirty, mildly sociopathic and sexually entitled. Because Destiny is an "alpha" in the gaming world, the gets away with revolting misogynistic behaviour.

His girlfriend, Melina, is young and beautiful. Destiny emotionally abuses her and co-erces her into sexually dangerous situations.

Here, Dr K ( resident) psychiatrist is interviewing Melina about this.

The creepy thing is, Dr K is constantly infantilising her. Always gushing about her "Shakti" energy, meaning, her beautiful feminine essence.

Dr K totally ignores that parts where she talks about the abuse she suffers at the hands of Destiny. Sometimes she talks quietly about being coerced or doing things she does not want to do - and the pressures she is under by her abusive boyfriend.

Nope, the scrote psychiatrist skips over all of these things to gush about how beautiful she is. He barely lets her speak - he is too busy lecturing to her about the effect of her beautiful sexual energy. He does not pick up on any cues she is dropping about her psychological health and how she is struggling to meet Destiny's demands.

It really goes to show how a woman is clearly in an abusive situation because of scrote behaviour - and the trained psychiatrist is basically using the session to lord over and and fangirl.

TLL;DR Gaming is a toxic fucking culture for women. Stay away

dahmerloveszombies · 2020-05-24T18:57:39+00:00

In fact, many are choosing their games over employment.

Fantastic-Living · 2020-05-24T23:55:41+00:00

"Legacy" hahahahaha my sides

zombiessalad · 2020-05-24T18:11:05+00:00

I have always been very interested and involved with video games as a woman myself, but have seen that men tend to become addicted to them easier than my girl friends who play games. I don’t know how accurate that statement is since I am only speaking from my experience which seems to reflect your post. I’d be interested to see research on the topic as well. I think this could be applied with men who obsessively watch porn, obsessively workout, or do any other activity that takes away from the time they need to spend taking care of their families or s/o in that case. I’ve never really wanted to think that only men struggled with these weird addictive and lazy lifestyles (because women can also fall into this category as well), but there definitley seems to be a trend amongst guys. Maybe it has to do with the fact that men mature slower than women do, but there could be so many factors that also play into it. It’s super annoying and strange nonetheless.

AutoMuchaBeach0 · 2020-05-24T23:23:32+00:00

It's one thing to like video games, and completely other to make it your defining trait. Also gaming is the kind of hobby that is kinda useless. I mean sport makes you stronger and fitter, embroidery and other diy have a beautiful result, but what does gaming gains you?

KevlarSweetheart · 2020-05-25T02:46:39+00:00

The trick is to find men who are into fitness AND videogames.

Fitness can be indicative of having discipline. It's a visual notifier that they are invested in their bodies and may even get up and go out to gyms or eat healthy. Usually they game but they also won't fuss if you want to do something active (outside) together. They also have better self esteem.

If I do date gamers-it's only fit men who game.

thegypsybean · 2020-05-25T01:08:24+00:00

This is exactly why I will never date another gamer again. One was terrible with time management, didn't care to improve himself, ate like shit, still lived at home, didn't give a shit about graduating from college when he needed just an internship to finish...but he had plenty of time to game from 12-3AM every night on schedule with his (mostly) unemployed nerd friends.

My ex-LTR would stay playing LoL from 10PM-6AM, and I always got the "just one more game" excuse when I called him to come to bed. He'd still be up by the time I left for work in the morning.

However, I do want to play devil's advocate. My brother is an avid gamer, but he plays in moderation (although I do know he'll stay up late occasionally if he's on vacation from college).

Pre-quarantine, he lived on his own with roommates to go to a college 3 hours away. He always made sure to finish his work in a timely manner (he's an architecture major and it's an extremely demanding workload), kept the apartment maintained, and then once he was finished with his actual responsibilities, he'd play games with his friends for a few hours before bed. He also maintains a healthy social life with his friends from college, and while they all play video games, they also do things that are out of the house, like road trips to Utah.

When he came home to be with us during the lockdown, he continued to keep the video games in moderation. On top of that, I know that in a relationship, he'd never put video games ahead of his SO.

So if a guy does play video games, make sure it’s in moderation. :) If not, leave!

greenteaapplepie69 · 2020-05-25T02:01:02+00:00

I want to carry on my legacy!!!

What legacy?

Deep-Blackberry · 2020-05-24T21:50:20+00:00

I met my boyfriend on WoW and he is definitely complacent unfortunately 😬

EarthFathers · 2020-05-25T11:03:39+00:00

Tbh I have been playing video games and watching movies all day recently because my country is in lockdown because of this stupid pandemic. Normally, my daily routine would involve going to work, going gym, my Saturday kendo lesson, swimming on Wednesday and visiting a museum. I can’t do any of this now in lockdown as everything is shut. Being stuck in my house and playing video games all day is driving me crazy and making me feel depressed. I don’t understand how men can do this all day and not have mental health problems as a result.

iberianlady · 2020-05-24T19:18:40+00:00

He sounds like the type of guy who will whine about how women are shallow for preferring ambitious men (or men who have actual goals).

megocaaa · 2020-05-25T03:56:11+00:00

Usually a red flag for me too. And I may have the exception, but i do want to put up a defense for gamers. These guys aren’t at a club. They aren’t at a bar. They aren’t hitting the bong with some Becky or shotgunning beers with idiot friends.

Yes, it was annoying or even heartbreaking for a bit when I was scared to be a bit needy as far as wanting or needing attention, and then I became comfortable enough to communicate that. He chose, himself, to stop playing games that couldn’t be stopped. I may be in a long distance relationship atm, but he’s very aware when I’m pregnant I’m going to be needy and crazy and there’s going to be very little time for such endeavors when we have a baby, and I actually have two lil girls already. He knows our focus will be our family, but I do think it’ll be nice to give him some time to go do his own thing and tell him to go play video games for a little while, I mean I think we both have talked about giving each other alone time like with me running or spending a weekend with my old pal who moved.

Plus I may be able to figure out some gifts there too. Like idk some fancy mouse or some shit

And to add to this, everyone needs some escapism. I think I prefer a man who’s short escape is a little game. I would prefer that to going out drinking, substance abuse or porn.

Perhaps I got the exception but I love my nerdy gamer guy.

Tell-Me-Whyy · 2020-05-25T17:52:13+00:00

If you complain about their gaming habits or point out they're addicted, they say oh it's good to have hobbies it's just a hobby we can't talk all of the time. Yes, agreed we should have hobbies and be independent, but we should also have a proper relationship that is a higher priority than games, and hobbies not addictions! Does hurt when they pick games over you.

They have to learn they don't have time for everything and can't have everything in life - degree / job, gaming addiction and a girlfriend / family. Women shouldn't put up with it.

2020-05-24T22:53:37+00:00

I am disagree. Since I study engineering I know a lot of decent people in profession whose hobbies are gaming but it’s not as you described. A hobby don’t dominate their lives is just a part of it. It’s all about priorities and human nature. Ofc people with lack of control and addiction personality with any hobby will go too far.

Title	Never date men who self-identify as “Gamers.”
Author	diflorus
Upvotes	378
Comments	116
Date	May 24, 2020 4:37 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/gpsraq/never_date_men_who_selfidentify_as_gamers/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/never-date-men-who-self-identify-as-gamers.675291 https://theredarchive.com/post/675291

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