Since the risk of losing access to FDS is so high right now, it put a fire under my a$$ to share my thoughts on being married to an LVM, and what that means to me today.

I am still married, and have been married for almost 10 years. We don't have any children. My husband is not even that bad judging by societal values -- he works, is not violent, is not actively abusive and, as far as I know, doesn't cheat and is not a porn addict. However, he is extremely emotionally distant and, as I learned over the last 12 years of knowing him, doesn't give a sh!t about me. It hurts to admit, but for all these years I was made to think that it was me who did or didn't do something. After reading through FDS posts, I realize that it's not me. It's him and the sh!t pickmesha world we live in.

Over the last years I had health issues -- some minor and planned, and some pretty bad (I thought I was dying). Here is how things went (all after we already got married):

  1. Corrective foot surgeries. My mom came from out of state to help me. Once for each foot. He was mostly out of the house hanging out with his buddies.
  2. Trying to get pregnant (thank God, it never happened!). Over three years of that crap he only went to fertility clinic with me once or twice, when his signature was required. I felt like a total loser sitting in the waiting room by myself.
  3. Pleurisy (extremely bad, double-sided, I could not breathe without screaming). He was telling me not to cry when I breathe, because it scared him.
  4. Getting laid off for over 6 months. I had to pay for everything including grad school out of my savings.
  5. Gut issues (the worst challenge so far). I couldn't eat anything at all. Went to a number of doctors who were not helpful in the least. My mom came over as moral support for a week, and stayed with me for 2 weeks, because she thought I was dying. I thought so too. This has been going on for over two years now. I still am very limited in what I can eat, and I cannot gain wait. Every day my husband would come home, I would be lying on the sofa having stomach pain. His only question (seriously, every day for months!) was "did you eat something funny?".

I used to cry about being treated poorly all the time. The pickmesha in me told me that it was because I was "hormonal". So, a few years ago, I started timing my outbursts to correlate them with my period. What I found was that there was no correlation -- I am not crazy, I am not hysterical. I hurt because he hurt me!

Since discovering FDS, PPF, LevelUp, etc., I stopped crying. My last time of being upset was on February 14th, 2020 -- Valentine's Day because he just didn't give a sh!t.

Here is my new strategy. Divorce right now is not a good option for me. I will stay married, but I am not investing emotionally into this marriage anymore. I don't care if it falls apart. And if/when it does, I'll go on my merry way myself. I am not going to date or deal with those defective Y-chromosomers ever again!

I am leveling up as much as I can. Hobbies, career, etiquette, my appearance, saving money -- all the good stuff for my precious self, nobody else!

P. S. My engagement ring isn't a diamond either, and I never wear it.

Edit 1. On the divorce question: thank you for your comments and thoughts! I used to flip back and forth on the divorce. I think the main thing is that I'm just not ready. I need to be mentally ready to leave, so that I don't look back and regret it, although I always wonder if I'll truly ever be ready. Am I weak? Probably. Unfortunately, life is not black and white. I have some good things in my marriage. And, even though I don't want to admit it, I have feelings for him even after when he hurt me. My goal right now is to level up as much as I can, and then look at my life with new, non-pickmesha and non-victim eyes, and see it as is -- without emotions, without what ifs. My goal is indifference, not hate and not love/dependence. After I reach indifference, I will know what the right action is.

​