Help me unpack this post. It rubs me the wrong way but I don't know how to articulate it. Some dude I know posted it, no idea about HVM or LVM in his case.

chateauduchat · 2021-02-13T15:29:19+00:00

This is a very backhanded negging tactic that is thinly veiled as a genuinely thoughtful quote.

It presupposes that a woman’s worth is in her appearance, and in her submissiveness, her obedience. It’s incredibly misogynistic.

SakuraGirl88 · 2021-02-13T15:18:11+00:00

Oh puh-lease 😒. Black men always repeat this submissive woman narrative. They complain about black women having attitudes, not cooking, not being "obedient". They'll want a woman who will "ride or die" without saying anything. A man will cheat if the woman looks like Adriana Lima or if she's homely. He's saying "yeah I only married you because the hot woman is too good for me, so I'm settling, but I'll still pursue other hot women". Men who say this just want a woman with blinders on. Definitely a LVM posted this garbage.

GoldandGlowing · 2021-02-13T15:31:32+00:00

[deleted]

LevelTurbulent · 2021-02-13T15:01:18+00:00

She raises him up above her so he can take shits on her head while he fucks women he actually finds attractive but she won’t bother him or disrespect him about it. That’s his peace.

Concernedmama16 · 2021-02-13T16:51:44+00:00

Soooo never hold a man accountable? That's what I'm seeing here.

Mcccy · 2021-02-13T15:02:59+00:00

So basically "if you ever wondered why unattractive women are happily married is cause they are obedient to their husbands" ???

Flowermashup · 2021-02-13T15:10:46+00:00

Yes, because she's brainwashed into thiling she doesn't deserve better because she isn't attractive enough to fit society's standard. She definitely isn't st peace with herself. And besides, men who say shit like that think that disrespecting is when she asks for him to stay home with her and not go out with his "boys" every night.

Espionagess · 2021-02-13T17:23:16+00:00

This is a known tactic - they're essentially trying to give the scrotes a free pass to cheat or treat you poorly.

It's suggesting that if a scrote cheated or mistreated you, it's your fault for not being a doormat.

Like you should be a doormat, where you never challenge why he's at his exes house or why his social media says "single" because you're a good woman that gives him "peace of mind" right?

Denzel is a cheater, this is what it's about.

ThoraFriganza · 2021-02-13T16:30:44+00:00

So a doormat. I expect him to be loyal and not go around hunting for more attractive women in that case or he's talking total shit.

GIfuckingJane · 2021-02-13T18:21:52+00:00

Women don't exist for men! And what is he doing for her exactly? Its not worth it!

biggestsigh · 2021-02-13T18:55:43+00:00

I'm laughing at this because it's the opening question that is rubbing you the wrong way.

You ever wonder how certain women who aren't classified as attractive by society standards are happily married with a good man that breaks his back to keep a smile on her face?

No, I don't ever wonder how an "ugly" woman gets a man to love her and care about her. I certainly don't waste time wondering all the things she is doing to bring "peace" into a man's life while also "raising him up" to her level. The implication being that she's with a man who is less than her. Like, she probably is but also is he really a "good" man?

It's all just so wrong. Oh, Denzel, please stop.

localgirlcult · 2021-02-13T18:49:21+00:00

Hey sooo when do you think they will start using more updated photos of these men? Denzel Washington does not look like that anymore, nor does Brad Pitt or any of the men who were hot 20-25 years ago. Maybe time they started admitting that to themselves.

witchingsauce · 2021-02-13T18:01:57+00:00

Scrotespeak translation:

“She doesn’t fight with him for no reason” for I despise women (think they’re irrational and fight for no reason). Also, she keeps her mouth shut while he does whatever self-serving stuff he wants. She doesn’t react to mistreatment and neglect.

“She doesn’t test him or disrespect him” for She blindly trusts whatever he says to her own detriment sometimes. She naively gambles with her trust by allowing men access and accumulating damage by not vetting.

“She doesn’t talk down to him or badly but raises him up” for Mommy meeeeee! But never have resentment about it.

LOL Line up ladies to lower our standards to compete with women he doesn’t find attractive or respects.

Idk maybe ignorance is bliss so that’s why they’re happily married. I wouldn’t take his word for it. But the fight for no reason is all I needed to hear. Just major red flag. Women always bring up things important to them. And when a dude neglects that causes arguments. There’s no no reason.

PinkPetalCdistbeauty · 2021-02-13T19:24:11+00:00

Men speaking on women is rarely a good thing.

advice1988 · 2021-02-13T15:07:59+00:00

My interpretation of this quote : if your not classically attractive, you provide men stability by not being coveted by others and wanting him for his heart but in turn your demeanour has to be one of unchallenging, gratitude, not be abrasive and be willing to build him up, to be worthy of being his equal and to garner his affection?

........What if we let people be unattractive or attractive and they be worthy of someone without having to be either attractive but difficult or unattractive but a doormat ? Just a thought.

Sensitive-Shoe-1079 · 2021-02-13T19:17:43+00:00

I feel hints of gaslighting with an overarching southloathing. Stamped: NVM. Next!

Krahmiin · 2021-02-13T19:49:42+00:00

"Date an ugly woman, she'll roll over and worship you because she thinks you're out of her league"

darkhorse8419 · 2021-02-13T21:24:15+00:00

He’s saying a man will never openly be with an unattractive woman, unless she becomes his servant. Yes we know this already.

miss_peach94 · 2021-02-13T17:56:42+00:00

I'm so sorry that black women have to deal with this bullshit and more

GoldandGlowing · 2021-02-13T16:05:18+00:00

He’s basically saying ugly woman work harder to get a good relationship.

Maude2010 · 2021-02-13T21:33:49+00:00

Spoken like a man who fucks every woman who’ll have him while his doormat wife waits for him at home.

I don’t think his wife is unattractive at all but clearly he does, and that’s partly why he married her.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-02-13T16:01:05+00:00

A couple things I don’t like ...

I flip the genders and I agree, that makes sense.

However, IF you’re unattractive be a good wife AND a GOOD man will stay is problematic because society believes a man would only stay if a woman was attractive, that’s a woman’s only value is her looks.

That’s what bothers me really is the society’s value of women. Now a good man would not care about looks. He’s like a woman.

ashcantcatchabreak · 2021-02-13T17:06:22+00:00

You can’t buy good behavior by being submissive to a man. That’s a lie they’ve been pushing since forever

Yogacat4 · 2021-02-13T18:38:29+00:00

What does unattractiveness have to do with peace of mind? Wouldn’t it be the opposite delivers that?

ReignOnYou95 · 2021-02-13T20:26:09+00:00

First sentence. Please show me where, cause Ive never seen such a couple.

c_a_t_lady · 2021-02-13T15:26:36+00:00

I was mainly just wondering why it says "most good men and most good black men"? Why did he separate those two? Aren't good black men just good men? 🤔

Pardon me, I may be missing something there. To me, it just sounded like those two are somehow different in his opinion.

BabyBlankieieieieie · 2021-02-13T21:40:58+00:00

I’ve never wondered about that, Denzel. Why are you wondering about that?

Interesting_Day1188 · 2021-02-14T02:44:42+00:00

So, as someone who's worked in hospitality on and off for 20 years... I can tell you right now, this quote is bullshit.

My old manager was the GM for a strip club before he left because it was just too much for him emotionally. He told me two stories after I coaxed it out of him... Denzel had his people call and specifically asked that my GM provide him with a Alack/Asian woman, tall, lean, like Naomi Campbell, basically. He asked that she have an accent, a bit of an attitude, and pretend to be well-educated, if she wasn't already.

The GM was paid thousands of dollars to hang out with guys like Denzel, John Hamm, etc. etc. to act like they're best friend, show them around town, party with them, and get girls for them to sleep with that met whatever fantasy they had that night.

It's disgusting. And yes, you see this shit all the time in hospitality. Rich, well-known mean taking SW out to dinner at 5 star restaurants. The poor girl is in her street clothes, he's in a blue blazer, white button down, loafers... my co-workers and I always tried to be as polite, respectful, and doting to these girl as much as possible, to make them comfortable.

I'll never forget this one beautiful black woman. She reminded me of Rihanna with her jewelry, attitude, tattoos, and obviously her beauty. You could tell she hated what she did, was putting up a strong front, and was doing what she had to do. She came with the same guy to a few restaurants I worked for over the years. Each time I saw her, I treated her like she was a good friend, and tried to give gentle suggestions and hints as to what to order etc. so she felt comfortable.

It was infuriating to watch her feel so uncomfortable, to have to go out with this dude who was such a loser and so lonely that he'd make her go out to brunch, dinner, whatever in her hook-up clothes.

resquies_cat_in_pace · 2021-02-13T19:50:06+00:00

Because "fight with him for no reason" = she didn't just let him get his way 100% of the time

shadowlillium · 2021-02-14T01:12:08+00:00

Why does a woman need to “raise up a man beside her”? Does he need stilts? Miracle Grow? Why he not already standing on his own and doing just fine beside her?

OwnMaybe4108 · 2021-02-13T15:37:45+00:00

"Stop calling us out on BS, and we'll stop tricking you into marriages where we cheat on you."

kylermepurple · 2021-02-13T16:50:17+00:00

"I'm a million dollar man who need a billion dollar b*tch" - Int'l Player's Anthem, UGK

That revealed a lot about men for me.

blilola · 2021-02-14T05:48:49+00:00

I hate posts like this. I have noticed it in black communities especially!! It is inherently misogynistic. But from the perspective of a WOC, the reason why we have to do so much and embody such “MaScULinE” traits is because the men in our communities often tend to be unable to do basic things.

This is a very deep topic that should be discussed especially within POC spaces. But inherently, women will act like masculina’s and pick me’s when in a society that doesn’t support them

2021-02-14T06:46:20+00:00

“If you’re ugly, don’t worry, you can still get a man as long as you never complain or have standards, and flatter him constantly”

Paradox_Blobfish · 2021-02-14T18:19:21+00:00

In short, if you're not conventionally attractive, you better be a doormat for someone to love you.

Novemberinthechair · 2021-02-14T01:05:19+00:00

So, a doting mother? You're her hubby, not her son.

MagnfiqueMaleficent · 2021-02-14T06:29:00+00:00

...she raises him up beside her...” 😅 lmao!

Tried and failed many times. If he ain’t good enough for you, ladies, leave him where you found him and walk away.

UmmmHiHello · 2021-02-14T14:30:07+00:00

4 men (only men) on that post are pretty much aligning that I'm trolling

I pretty much said that it's unfortunate that they're not even considering a woman's perspective on a post about women... Shocker. Losers.

esthermaniii · 2021-02-14T14:51:03+00:00

Did Denzel even say this or is it just one of those quotes people like to randomly pin on celebrities? Either way, this is terrible.

yshtys72539 · 2021-02-13T20:45:00+00:00

Absolutely love this post. As any married couple, a partnership is built on trust and faith in each other. Putting in 100% conscious emotional effort is required from both partners, and helps sustain a life long and fulfilling relationship. Each partner should always be putting in their best to raise each other up.

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