Q4Women: Why is the bar for men so low?

abcdxyzx · 2021-04-22T01:22:57+00:00

The bar isn’t set low for ALL men, it’s only to the guys that are attractive to them. Woman are far more likely to overlook personality or emotional problems if they are physically attracted to the person, while bob from accounting is never in their head anyway so they don’t consider what he brings in the first place.

Flightlessbirbz · 2021-04-22T20:08:56+00:00

Women have to work too now, but we’re still expected to carry 90% of the household, family, parenting, and relationship stuff. There are a lot of men out there acting like it’s 1950 and “not their job” to do anything except go to work, but they’re not fully supporting the family like men used to, so the burden falls on the woman who is also working outside the home. People act like it’s amazing if a man does the dishes or watches his own kids, while a woman is just expected to do those things. Of course this doesn’t apply to all men, but this is usually what is meant when people say “the bar is on the floor.”

GGMcThroway · 2021-04-22T05:14:12+00:00

Because a lot of men were raised as if it was still the 1950s and thus don't know how to contribute to a relationship beyond a paycheck and the occasional token grand gesture of affection.

"Oh at least he does some chores when I ask." "Oh at least he'll watch the kids once in a while." "Oh at least he doesn't beat me." Like, that's a low fucking bar right there if "functional adult" is apparently too much to ask for.

Inb4 "but that's chaaaaaaaaaaad": Billy Beta™ doesn't do shit either. Otherwise there wouldn't be so much praise on social media for guys who can't even do basic chores right (because, y'know, "at least they tried").

dafakisthirdwave · 2021-04-22T02:28:46+00:00

Eh I think the bar for men already in relationships can be low, not necessarily the bar for men trying to get a relationship. That's a different story all together.

The bar for a father for example is lower than the bar for mothers. Women get shat on for breast feeding, not breastfeeding, helicopter parenting, not being protective enough, keeping kids indoors too much, letting them out too much.

Men bring the kids out to the park once and it's "oh it's so nice to see men being fathers"

Women on average do more unpaid work around the house like chores, so they feel like men who do like 30% is a good cleaner.

Personally I find this very stupid. As a woman if you don't like your relationship dynamics either you communicate your issues and fix it, get over it and accept it or leave. Your choice. I put my foot down about cleaning before and when he didn't change I left. End of story.

Now if we're talking about the bar to get into a relationship, I do think the bar can be higher for men than for women.

Carkudo · 2021-04-22T02:12:10+00:00

When women say the bar is low, it’s usually in reference to their partners (or ex partners) and the behaviour in that relationship.

Some examples:

• Men with children - Men being present, and doing things that are traditionally the mothers role are heavily praised but expected when it comes to women. I’ve seen so many men not knowing their children’s friends, school name, etc. which is basic parenting. Or men being praised for changing diapers or doing their daughters hair. They are praised because it’s not what is expected from them and if they don’t do it... well it’s usually whatever. This can result in some men, doing the bare minimum in that aspect, hence the bar being so low. fyi i know there are GREAT fathers out there who deserve the praise they get, this isn’t about them.

• Men doing the bare minimum when it comes to household chores, almost leaving their wives to do most of the work despite the fact that most households consists of two working adults. Wifey is also going to work from 9-5 but still expected to do most of the cooking/cleaning. That’s something not really spoken about but surprisingly very present. Even outside of marriage, in LTRs who live together.

I think ultimately, the issue is really cause by how we haven’t adapted our society and expectations to match gender equality. That’s also why so many men think it’s unfair to spend money on a woman if she can go on 4 other dates the same week and forget about him. We still have these expectations, when we live in a society that is completely different in every way.

Another example:

• So many girls out there stay in unhealthy relationships and genuinely think their boyfriends are good because “at least he doesn’t cheat” or other BASIC requirements for relationships. When in reality, the boyfriend is actually verbally abusive, emotionally unintelligent & lacks respect for her.

That’s because very little is thought about relationships, people talk about them a lot, but we aren’t actually thought about them. So many girls out there are just pressured to be in relationships or finding a man but don’t really know what a GOOD, healthy relationship is. They just don’t want to be alone. Many women still link their self worth to relationships with men. Especially young girls.

Im kind of tired so perhaps some points aren’t perfect... but i hope you get the what i am trying to say. Hope it makes sense.

Also, these are just examples... there’s probably other reasons and this isn’t made to claim that women are perfect. I gave an example for men. Putting the disclaimers cause there’s always that one person. Lol.

superlurkage · 2021-04-22T02:32:07+00:00

Because women simp for relationships

NarniaFox · 2021-04-22T06:19:17+00:00

I'm gonna talk about Russia, so it might have zero use for you as for a person from another country.

Women usually don't talk about the bar for casual sex, they're talking about LTRs and marriage. Here we have the opposite problem of what manosphere complains about - women are expected to work, do a majority of domestic chores and child raising while men's main responsibility is still money and they aren't really expected to do more housework or to be more involved fathers. Of course, it depends on one's social circle and I guess it's better in bigger cities rather than in towns and villages, but it's a trend nevertheless. Russian men are generally not good at sharing domestic chores and they're pretty shitty fathers.

So the bar for a good man is low - wash some dishes and play with your kids. And a lot of people find it unreasonable and they still think that if a guy doesn't drink (a lot) and doesn't abuse his partner ~~(a lot)~~, he's a good partner even if he doesn't actually work or do anything around the house.

The bar has been slowly rising with each generation and it gets so much shit from Russian men and some older women too. A guy who goes to doctor with his child is seen as something really weird. If your husband cooks regularly, you can hear people pitying him for having such a cruel wife. Of course, there are good men and there are more and more people who don't think that being an active father or caring husband is "too much". But what I've described is still pretty common and it was the norm for our mothers and grandmothers. If your husband wasn't an alcoholic, you were considered lucky.

The main reason for this almost non-existent bar is a lack of men after the WWII and that living without a man was hard and it was extremely difficult to provide for herself and your children on your own, especially in a village. A lot of women tolerated abusive or just good for nothing partners, because there wasn't a better alternative. Men got spoiled and we still deal with it although men to women ratio got better generations ago.

Mimoxs · 2021-04-22T01:56:19+00:00

The men who go above the bare minimum are rare. Also women are conditioned to accept it based on father behavior and tons of media surrounding them with the message that "that's just how men are haha" and that if they are upset by that/expect more then they're a stuck up demanding bitch.

SaBahRub · 2021-04-22T02:24:04+00:00

Because women think they can’t be alone

ItWasAlwaysOver · 2021-04-22T21:17:26+00:00

women care more about looks than behaviour. simple

azevedro · 2021-04-23T02:21:42+00:00

Because the “bar” refers to basic human decency. When women say this, they are displaying that they chase attractive men who have less human decency.

flapperfemmefatale · 2021-04-22T03:51:17+00:00

I'm not sure I perceive it as a "bar." I eliminate a lot more guys for reasons of compatibility, not because I think they're terrible people. But this is strictly for relationships. If we're talking just sex, I'd say the bar is low because not much else matters.

Spacechichen_1990 · 2021-04-22T10:41:23+00:00

Because half of men think 3 minutes of boob groping is enough forplay, because half of men think eating pusyy is ivky, because loads of men don’t groom themselves well, because lots of men treat women like fleshlights.

The men who do these basic things are miles ahead of their counter parts.

GridReXX · 2021-04-22T04:22:25+00:00

Once a man is in a relationship with a woman the bar of existing within it is low for a lot of relationships I’ve witnessed.

But luckily the guys my friends are with are actually all great. The ones that are in relationships are actually in relationships with very great men.

YungBoi12 · 2021-04-22T03:57:31+00:00

The bar is low for men because men don't aspire to be good human beings, thus, most men are not good human beings. Maybe 5% of men would be good partners for women. I'd say the number of women who are good partners to men is like 60%+.

AbbreviationsHot1200 · 2021-04-22T05:00:31+00:00

Why the fuck would a hot man give a shit about where the bar is?

flamingoinghome · 2021-04-22T08:07:41+00:00

Honestly? A few things.

First, is how SERIOUSLY people take the boyfriend/girlfriend title. It didn't used to mean nearly as much, and because people take it as a HUGE deal, practically engagement in certain circles, lots of men get very hesitant about it, and dating more generally--understandably so! A return to the more "casual boyfriend and girlfriend" stage that people went through in the 70s/80s and earlier would help everyone relax.

Another is texting. It is an impersonal form of communication that lets people feel comfortable behaving in ways they never would "in the flesh." I'm a bad millenial for saying this, but Bring Back Phone Calls.

I also think that a lot of women (and men, tbh) don't....realize that being treated better is an option? Like, some of the stories I've heard, crazy shit I've never experienced an barely understand, but seem normalized in some social circles to the point that saying "whoa, hold up, you know you don't have to say yes to this," is like, revolutionary. And I don't think it's because anyone is so attracted to anyone (usually they're not that attracted to them at all), so much as that being single is considered SO WEIRD that these people don't know how to turn bad options down.

pizzabot126 · 2021-04-22T02:05:47+00:00

It’s because of apps like tinder where men now have a buffet of women at their disposal

Lonely_23_1997 · 2021-04-22T23:03:33+00:00

You can’t expect much of men because you can’t demand more than the market can supply.

Vetinery · 2021-04-23T15:46:50+00:00

So much to unpack on this one: Spoiler: You’re not going to like this. The male world is constructed according to some basic natural laws. 1) Beyond surviving, 90% of what 90% of men do is to attract/impress women. The bar for men is so low because they want so little. Women, please refer briefly to r/malelivingspace. Note how cold, sparse and functional our world is. This is our natural state. 2) Only 10% of men are hyper-attractive and can just skate through with no effort. 3) Males are currently (increasingly since around 1960ish) lost in uncharted territory as all the traditional rules have been torn up. The value of being in a relationship has seriously declined. We will no longer have substantially, measurably better living conditions in a relationship. It’s a difficult, bitter pill to swallow that the vast majority of men are fundamentally motivated differently than women.

pubgmisc · 2021-04-24T00:31:32+00:00

Check out the Fresh and Fit podcast, Rollo Tomassi too

Good-Strong · 2021-04-25T15:03:27+00:00

The bar is so low because there are so many men who are legitimately unsafe to be around.

Also a lot more women (especially the ones who are particularly unsuccessful/unattractive in the conventional sense) than men just want to "settle" for ANYONE that'll have them, just as long as they (probably) won't kill them.

A lot of women have had the idea of "settling" for whoever you can get so you don't end up alone rubbed so hard into their brains from childhood that they accept all kinds of disrespect from unworthy men as normal parts of relationships...

And at the same time a lot of men have been raised with the idea that they deserve the sun, moon and stars on a platter regardless of what they themselves bring to the table- hence they perpetrate the said abuse/disrespect within these relationships, and then you get whole "incel" mindset from those who fail to find relationships despite this low bar.

NeonGyllenhaal · 2021-04-27T23:29:56+00:00

Because a low bar is the standard.

2021-05-24T04:36:00+00:00

NAh.

Y'all want a well behaved and trained Dog.

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Title	Q4Women: Why is the bar for men so low?
Author	ffbtaw2
Upvotes	11
Comments	219
Date	April 22, 2021 1:10 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/mvu1vf/q4women_why_is_the_bar_for_men_so_low/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4women-why-is-the-bar-for-men-so-low.761927 https://theredarchive.com/post/761927

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