Just a quick reminder: never ask a guy out.

jupitarianrise · 2021-07-11T09:30:16+00:00

Back in my pick me days, I matched with a LVM who texted me all the time but wouldn’t ask me on a date. When I told him we should meet, he would always be busy. I thought maybe he’s insecure about his appearance, maybe he wants to know me better first… anyway, he was using me for attention as a penpal. When I had a glow up a year later, he told me he wanted to take me on a date immediately after seeing my newest story on Instagram. And I’m talking about a date in a fancy italian restaurant, wanting to offer me flowers and stuff. I had to learn the hard way that if he wanted to, he would. Well, he didn’t for so long, I ended up blocking him. Still ashamed I was a clown for months tho.

Sheravenous · 2021-07-11T02:10:32+00:00

(edit: typo)

This makes me think of something my first boyfriend (we were in our late teens) said to me. He treated me so terribly and one day I finally asked him what made him pursue me because his behaviour didn't make it seem like he liked me at all.

He looked me dead in the eyes and said "Well, I could tell you were interested so I figured 'why not?'". That has stayed with me til this day and I'm in my 30s now. His whole reason for dating me was knowing that I was easily available to him.

He knew he didn't like me, I wasn't even his type BUT he wasn't about to pass up sex with a willing girl. I didn't even have to ask him out, my obvious thirst was enough. Even as a teen, he already knew to take advantage of my interest in him to get what he wanted.

The first time we had sex (my first time ever) was also the last time I ever saw him. He ghosted me and was with a girl he actually wanted less than a month after.

pickmieshaexorcist · 2021-07-10T22:03:42+00:00

Totally agree. He also might become your boyfriend, but it’ll be a terrible, lukewarm relationship where he’ll make it clear you’re not his first choice, you’re just who he settles for. You’ll feel like you’re never good enough. Ask me how I know. 🤡

TumbleweedForeign699 · 2021-07-11T00:16:15+00:00

Lol (but actually not really 🙃) there was one or maybe two times when I’ve just been nice to guys and then they clam up and start avoiding me and being rude as hell - bc some mens MOMMYS taught them they’re Gods gift to fucking earth and they took it as me flirting…. 🤨. And bc I was not an object of attraction they were disgusted and ran off telling all their friends I was creepy or told me later that I was being weird and made fun of me publicly🤡🤢🤡 I wish I could get a drop of that confidence / entitlement juice that they have been sipping since birth, because honestly it would get me further in life than being timid and polite.. I’m working on my own confidence but it doesn’t change the way men behave towards women they’re not attracted to.

Every time I’m nice to men they make sure I fucking regret it💀 Imagine if I actually HAD asked someone out.

Apprehensive_Ad_7917 · 2021-07-10T23:15:55+00:00

I saw a great callout about this advice. When men say this, they’re imagining being approached by women they find attractive. Men do not treat women they’re not attracted to like people, often ignoring them or outright abusing them. Women are socialized to be nice even to men we don’t find attractive. It’s a hell of a lot more dangerous for women to ask out men because of all of this.

fireforestfairy · 2021-07-11T10:33:59+00:00

If you meet a cute guy and have the most amazing chemistry and can’t stop thinking about him BUT he doesn’t ask you out

This. It doesn't matter how HV that guy is. If he doesn't like you that much, even if you two did end up together the relationship would not last. He simply doesn't love you enough to make things work (of course I am saying this as something hypothetical as most HVM will not date women they're not interested in as they see this as "wrong").

Oh and of course, this guy you have feelings for may not even be HV. It's hard to judge if a guy is HV without actually dating him. Given how most guys are scrotes, chances are this guy you like is LV and you're just imagining him to be "flawless".

FirePreferred_theOG · 2021-07-11T00:26:11+00:00

YESSSSS!!! And I've realized I would NEVER want to be with a man that didn't chase me. The only reason I would have entertained the idea in the past is because of societal conditioning I've finally shed.

Chase me, woo me, show me you care about me, make me feel special and that's how you'll win my heart and have access to my energy. Otherwise I'm out. Your presence in my life is always optional, my peace is non-negotiable.

HumanAdhesiveness360 · 2021-07-11T02:11:05+00:00

Thanks for the reminder

s_slayer · 2021-07-10T22:55:43+00:00

My boyfriend asked me for a hug the night we met out of the blue. Then he ended up kissing me. The next day he was super respectful and gave me space but he showed up every time we made plans and has been by my side for over a year now. You will know when they value and respect you. Respect is key, they will fight for your love and respect. If they don't, they never will. Just give it up. Don't waste years on men who string you along and take you for granted. Always go for men who love you even more than you love them. It's the only way given male nature.

modernmedusaa · 2021-07-11T01:19:01+00:00

Honestly do you even want a relationship with a man who doesn’t have the balls to ask you out?

You’re going to be constantly performing emotional labour for this shy male princess.

Modern lazy man babies are complaining they have ‘approach anxiety’ in 2021, yet constantly mock women and claim they’re ‘superior’ leaders to us lmaooooo why are you having a panic attack and getting clammy hands at simply asking an inferior woman out then Jimmy? 🤣

And they wonder why we can’t take them seriously...

I once went to a wedding where the pick me had proposed to her LVM (he was no catch either) ....he looked extremely red / reluctant walking down the isle with her and joked about ‘not turning up’ to his best man in the morning.

It’s very sad/ awkward seeing women fall for this baloney.

PeachPitiless · 2021-07-11T02:06:33+00:00

In my younger days I asked SO many men out. I definitely fell for the "it's empowering" lie. Not a single one of them said yes, even when we'd been flirting and I thought for SURE they'd say yes. It was obviously a turn off.

A lot of times they'd disappear for a while after I asked, then come back and try to get the date. By that time, I'd mostly forgotten about them though, and never said yes. At least in my clown shoe days I knew not to accept that level of disrespect.

One man accepted my date a whole year to the month after I asked. I know it was almost exactly a year because I asked him out by email so I saw the date. I responded by asking why he disappeared. His response was, "I think that was a little bit of both of us." 😆 What!

Joohoneybee_002 · 2021-07-10T22:55:59+00:00

So true. I made the first move with my recent ex and he turned out to be an abusive and lazy POS. I thought I was being a “cool girl” by letting him know my feelings from the start but that’s some pick me type of beat. Never again bc IF HE WANTED TO HE WOULD

mamadgaf · 2021-07-11T00:25:14+00:00

I’m not embarrassed for women who do this, I just wish for their journey to get to the point where they learn they shouldn’t. That’s what happened to me!

The phrase “if he wanted to he would” has probably been the most useful piece of advice I’ve gotten on the sub. I remind myself of it daily.

MadamLeFay · 2021-07-10T22:14:02+00:00

Modern and empowering my ass!!! When I was in my early 20's, I asked two guys out. I got stood up twice. I never did it again. I didn't want to in the first place, but my pickme friends convinced me it was a GREAT idea! I felt desperate. I felt like a loser. It was awful.

Also, don't throw yourself at guys, either. Show interest and if he doesn't respond, back off and go on your way. I cringe at my younger self. I blame the media.

janeaustenfan99 · 2021-07-10T23:37:50+00:00

Usually mean they’re taken or already into someone else

CoconutYogurtCEO · 2021-07-11T03:31:58+00:00

I’m so grateful for FDS. I’d always used to ask guys out, throw myself at them very obviously, or probably not so subtly try to put myself in their peripherals any moment I could (mostly via social media - thinking of the perfect message or photo to post or send in the most calculated way with the most brilliant caption that would surely make him love me!! ). Yeah so I kept getting used, discarded and hurt and never turned into the relationship I fantasized about.

So after about a year on FDS, the very thought of asking a guy out or pursuing him in anyway nauseates me.

Like. My brain cannot fathom or even fully process the thought of doing such a thing. And idk that just makes me so happy that all I have to do is sit back and let the guy show his interest and do the pursuing

basuragoddess · 2021-07-11T15:27:43+00:00

I was thinking about this yesterday, thank you. I was wondering why a guy I perceive to be interested hadn’t made a move yet, was starting to obsess over the ‘why??’. And then I realized, oop. It doesn’t matter why. If he wanted to, he would. 💯

beezchurgr · 2021-07-10T23:13:19+00:00

LVM want women to ask them out so they can continue to be low value & keep looking for someone else. HVM know what they want, and will ask you out to a proper date.

Winter_Magician2594 · 2021-07-10T21:51:15+00:00

Yes, my thoughts exactly. I figure if he's into me, he'll ask. If he doesn't, oh well, he wasn't the one.

wildlife_bee · 2021-07-10T22:59:16+00:00

If you happen to ask a HVM out (sheer chance, for the purpose of this mental exercise), do you think he would also think you’re easy sex/desperate, etc? I ask because I often struggle with this rule, feeling like I’d be giving up some of my power to choose a partner (I’m not dating rn).

Elegaunt · 2021-07-11T20:56:39+00:00

Even if you have great chemistry, you need him to be able to take that step, to work out for himself that he values you enough to push through his fears of rejection because you're worth it. You need that quality in him. He needs to decide to invest in you.

KellyPossible12 · 2021-07-10T22:43:31+00:00

Not only does this not work, but it teaches men to be lazy and entitled. Men think they don't have to do any of the work any more. They think they can just sit back and women will do all the courtship.

jackrusselterror1 · 2021-07-11T02:47:27+00:00

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modernmedusaa · 2021-07-10T23:34:21+00:00

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