I've Been Falsely Accused of Sexual Assault , My Life Has Become A Living Hell and Nobody Cares

thefudmaster · 2020-01-08T13:31:39+00:00

OP. Veteran here. First and foremost, stop talking to everyone. You need to call Michael Waddington now, and retain him as your attorney. I was on a court martial panel for the exact situation you are in.

The government threw everything at this young military member with zero regard for integrity or the truth. When it was time for the defense to present their case, waddlington ripped them a new one and the defendant was acquitted of all charges.

Again, stop talking to others and retain counsel immediately. Good lawyers are expensive but you want to get this done right the first time.

Edit to say: Thanks for the silver!

Edit 2: Thanks for the gold! I’ll be following OPs case to completion.

Masterchefpetyofficr · 2020-01-08T11:32:25+00:00

Dude this made me so angry, i really hope you get the justice you deserve

xscott71x · 2020-01-08T11:42:42+00:00

I hate to hear this but it sounds like they are looking to make an example of you. Even if you did no wrong.

Document everything. Record all phone conversations (they make a phone app for that) as well as all conversations and communications with military personnel in regards to this. Put it back in a file. Get thru it. Have your name cleared. Keep a tally w invoices if possible of the cost including counseling, legal services, lost wages, etc. Then look at civil suits.

Good luck

Dawn36 · 2020-01-08T14:06:27+00:00

Stay strong. My husband was falsely accused, it was another soldiers wife, the relationship was consentual, but her husband found out so she started screaming rape. They started the investigation, pulled him off the plane, and within a week he killed himself. The investigator told me after everything, that he was going to be cleared, but they had to follow protocol, they didn't know he needed to be on suicide watch, nobody knew he would take his life. The only good thing they did (fucking laughable), was declare his death service related, but that was way after the funeral, so he did not get honors.

destarolat · 2020-01-08T11:41:27+00:00

Next time someone says feminism cares and helps men, you think about your story.

This was not like this before. Feminists have explicitly pushed to remove rights from men using rape hysteria. If we men and the women that want justice, do not band together and stop their game, this will keep happening, even worse.

kaushrah · 2020-01-08T13:44:49+00:00

This might sound weird - but pls be patient. I was accused of domestic violence in late 2016 - and it took me 1.5 years to get my name cleared. My career was at a complete standstill - I had to take 6-7 months of leave in that period to make sure the case gets resolved. I work in a foreign country so this could have affected my visa as well.

When it was all over - I was finally able to move on and get my life together.

All I can say is pls be patient. It would be over. And you will be happy again. But in the meantime be strong. Think before taking each and every step.

Nora_Vincent_truth · 2020-01-08T11:35:59+00:00

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Your life is forever ruined regardless whether you are completely innocent. You can't sue your accuser even if you are proven 100% innocent because you will never see any money. Perhaps serk a good lawyer outside the military, possibly a human rights lawyer. Try to record everything and approach some sort of media that is more male friendly. Try to look past this and see what you want to do in the civilian world in 2 years when this farce is over.

henney22 · 2020-01-08T15:48:35+00:00

Bro I work in jag, you need to ditch the tds jag. Love them to death but they just do what's easier for them. Get a lawyer that is acquainted with ucmj. File a separate motion with your lawyer that pretty much states they failure to conduct and follow proper regulations, because the jag office isn't doing what they can to help you. Dont talk to her or anyone you know. If you have email, text, or recordings (iffy) get them in a separate device and be ready to turn that in. Your lawyer should probably go for a courts martial trial in which you can plead a case. Dont stop until you get a reasonable board, unlike regular court your jury is a board of ncos, officers, and warrants that may be of the same mos but unlikely. Get a copy of all documents and sworn statements made. Ask to PCs and demand a flag waiver.

Then if you really want go to the eo office and IG, file a complaint against all the jag and her, and your chain. Explain and hand over all "COPIES" of the docs given. This is going to be long and arduous but gl.

PhysicalTangerine7 · 2020-01-08T13:12:03+00:00

I know you said nobody cares and I can't imagine how real that must feel to you but it sounds like people do care. Your First Sergeant reminding you of your rights and standing up to being cursed out for essentially siding with you in that respect, your CO telling you things about the investigation they maybe, possibly shouldn't be telling you, your girlfriend listening and making suggestions in the interest of your mental health, your friends vouching for you during interviews and willing to testify on your behalf, including an ex who you claim can't stand you (which is amazing to me). It seems that despite the fact that the people on your side aren't able to reverse this, they still have your back.

The reason I want to draw attention to that is because few things are more important to mental health than a solid support system from good people, which it sounds like you have based solely on what you've written. I say that because I was the victim of a false criminal (though not sexual) accusation, and despite my obvious and immediately proven innocence I actually lost my career in law enforcement (while my accuser was also promoted and now has the position that I earned). All I can say is my fellow officers being there for me and reminding me that I got screwed and didn't do anything wrong is most likely the biggest reason why I haven't put a bullet in my head yet. I'm not gonna say that you just getting to keep your job in an organization that completely failed you is the outcome you deserve or that you should be content with it, but I'm glad it's not turning out worse than that. Stay strong, and if you can't then find strength in your brothers and sisters. And if you want to vent on a random internet stranger I'm here for that.

degustibus · 2020-01-08T13:12:34+00:00

I'll just accept your version as true, but would like to ask, if you two were on different bases and doing different jobs--how/why did she target you? Did you date/have sex and then she was pissed to find out you have a girlfriend or that you weren't interested? It's not right, but a scorned woman thinks anything in retaliation is fair.

lgreaper666 · 2020-01-08T14:19:50+00:00

You know you can privately sue her for defamation of character and emotional damages, as it has literally fucked your life up in such a harmful way.

I would strongly suggest you take the power back here and do this privately! Explain everything to a third-party attorney and get on it.

Ody_ssey · 2020-01-08T13:17:35+00:00

One friend even said the interviewer said my name "with disgust in her voice". The questions they were asked were not open ended, or the kind you would ask if you wanted someones side of the story/perspective. They were all leading and an obvious attempt to say anything to incriminate me. One even said when they attempted to tell what they knew about the situation, which was in my defense, investigators tried to cut her off and accused her of lying for me. It was not collecting facts in the least. My First Sergeant told me investigators got angry with him because he advised me of my rights and not to speak to them without my attorney present. They actually cursed him out when they interviewed him simply because he told me what my rights were.

This anti-male bias right here, I knew it. That interviewer is a radical feminist. She hates men and nothing can be done about it. She holds the power to ruin any man's life just given the opportunity. This is the problem in every institutions where feminists are exploiting their powerful position in the system.

I think you were targeted by that accuser because she wanted posting to save her job. System is biased against men. They believe accuser's words as universal. It enrages me how men in higher managements let feminists to run their own narrative in military.

Godskook · 2020-01-08T14:22:26+00:00

Contact a Men's Rights focused attorney, such as the one /u/thefudmaster is referencing. That is your only goal at the moment. When you contact them, lay out your issue, and then ask "Do you know someone who can help me?". Don't expect your first contact to be a person who can help, but these people travel in the same circles, so if Michael Waddington(fud's guy) can't help you, they probably know someone who can.

DrShakyHandz · 2020-01-08T15:48:50+00:00

This pattern is completely familiar to me. Making yourself into a victim to get out of trouble seems to have caught on more broadly, too.

What disgusted me so much about the false allegations I have seen is that the people who could have spoken out against it, who had information to counter the allegations, remained completely silent.

There is also a responsibility among men. Most guy friends will not fully comprehend how serious this is, or how bad it feels at least. They will tell you things such as "move on" or "man up". At least those who have not have similar experiences.

We need to share more of these experiences, more widely, so I appreciate every post like this. Many safeguards for innocent people have been removed over the years. They are in the process of removing more. The common refrain is that false allegations are so rare it does not matter, but I say it does not matter how rare they are. We don't remove the presumption of innocence for murder when homicide rates drop. When a child falls down a cliff without railing, we don't question how often it happens - we install a railing or fence the next day.

The same should happen with false allegations. I am tired of debating what the false allegation rate is - 2%, 8%, 20%, 50%. I don't care. I want accused to have the rights and presumption of innocence they deserve, rates be damned.

blastashes · 2020-01-08T15:02:53+00:00

Absolutely worth it at this point to put a 500k civil defamation case on her front door. Sorry, if it’s what it is. Religious folk would say not to seek vindication but i’m an eye for an eye kinda guy.

I’d rail that bitch hard.

Dummies here might say you’ll never get paid, but that’s not entirely true. Yes sometimes it’s hard to collect on a judgement, but you have verifiable substantial loss due to the slander.

You need to do your own research and get the documents for the case from the court, pre fill them to the best of your ability and bring that with all your info to an attorney you select(this saves prep time for them and costs you less).

In court(if it gets to trial without a settlement offer), you’ll tell the judge while you have the floor, everything that’s gone on, what she’s done, and what she is responsible for, how you’ve been treated, and show all your financial losses and even further financial losses from opportunity loss like getting promotions. That information, including what you can show to the court to prove she did this maliciously, which as you say she did and that you can prove that, will also garner you punitive damages that the judge will award(your attorney May request a specific amount in the lawsuit-like 500k-), but the judge will usually award a specific amount they determine.

Once this trial concludes and(based on what you’ve said), you’ve won. You’ll get a judgement against her and that will go on her credit report.

It’s going to be hard for her to get credit cards, bank loans, mortgages, rent an apartment, get car loans, etc with a judgement on her credit report.

Once you have the judgement, to collect on it, you can petition the court to garnish wages or place a property lien to retrieve your money. When you have a lien on her property if the debt remains unpaid you can claim her property from her.

It’s hard to go blindly trusting people on Reddit, but I’ve been through enough of these cases to assure you it’s the right thing to do.

Fire all weapons immediately and destroy her existence on this planet.

ApprehensiveMail8 · 2020-01-08T13:52:51+00:00

That just royally sucks. I wish I could tell you something to make it even just a little better but I got nothing.

Thank you for your service.

RoryTate · 2020-01-08T15:10:21+00:00

There was a huge AskReddit thread with men sharing similar stories of being falsely accused of rape/sexual assault not so long ago. Many were from the military IIRC, and most played out like yours (victims suffered from PTSD, anxiety, hypervigilance, etc). I shared my own story there, and it has a lot of similarity to yours. In the end, the process is the punishment, and even when you provide undeniable proof of your innocence (as I did), the people deciding on the verdict can still be caught up in trying to justify all their wasted effort, or simply try to cut their losses, or other excuse, and choose to punish you anyways.

elebrin · 2020-01-08T13:15:44+00:00

Can you switch to a non-military therapist and get counselling still paid for by insurance,but not reported to your superior officer that you are in counseling? If I ended up in that situation, the only person who would know I was seeing someone would be my doctor.

Chill-BL · 2020-01-08T12:36:22+00:00

And people still wonder about MGTOW, it's not about women.

It's about this narrative that's at play and pushed, promoted and stimulated by the government itself.

which (I'm kinda sorry to have to say) you went and actually joined the heart and center of that depraved government institution.

I'm mean I'm not even American, but I heard enough stories, about how military guys get fucked over big big time by the military.

something about military guys getting married, makes one receive some sort of bonus/money, which then will be used by the newly spouse when you're off somewhere getting shot at.

The military for all it's bravado, is a real death/slave camp for men.

Other than that, I'm sorry it happened to you, you probably went in with the best kind of intentions, hoping to better the circumstances of life and you got shot down to hell for that. Very bad and instead of having a great addition to their shitstitution, they burned any possibility of that happening ever again.

iswagpack · 2020-01-08T14:02:44+00:00

Hey man, it sounds like you're AF based on the terminology you used. I went through a similar situation although less shitty, if you want someone to talk to or need some advice I'm here for you.

PM me and we can talk

HashClassic · 2020-01-08T12:28:16+00:00

That's awful. This is what feminism pushed for. Zero repercussions for evil.

theanchorman05 · 2020-01-08T13:29:37+00:00

OP check out r/SupportForTheAccused

Max7049 · 2020-01-08T21:44:25+00:00

Veteran here. This is one of the primary reasons I got out. I saw way too many people get accused of this same thing and no matter if the woman had accused 4 other guys before, it never seemed to matter it always ended in the guy being discharged or having a negative stereotype for the rest of his career. Hang in there OP even in the worst case scenario there is life outside of the military. Stay strong and don't hesitate to reach out if you need someone to vent to!

chaveznieves · 2020-01-08T15:06:29+00:00

"Apparently, people can lie and fuck up your life and I'm just supposed to smile and be thankful I'm not being sent to prison over a crime I didn't commit."

Close, but not quite; it's WOMEN can lie and fuck up your life....etc...and you have to smile and be thankful.

djc_tech · 2020-01-08T15:34:15+00:00

I had a friend charged with sexual assault and I turned out to be false claims. She was a married Airman and he wasn’t but of course her marriage was put at risk. She didn’t want to face the likely outcome of her husband leaving g her for her cheating.

Long story short, the first Sargent and others tried to get him to confess and he wouldn’t - stating he was innocent. After a lengthy investigation they found him not guilty and if her falsifying statements. He was PCSed to a shithole and he just did his time there until his ETS date. They way the military treated him made them lose a good troop. He is forever jaded and it took him years to recover mentally and date.

As for the lying female Airman? Nothing happened to her. Nothing at all. I didn’t speak to her much afterwards but she was still in uniform and doing her thing while he was gone.

Long story short - his life a living hell, relationship problems for years to come and she gets off free. They UCMJ and the military through the book at this guy, and after what seemed like and eternity they concluded there wasn’t evidence he committed a crime and that she lied, but not even an apology from the military...nothing. Just an oops we fucked up...oh you’re getting out because of it? See ya...

Cookiedoughjunkie · 2020-01-08T20:16:15+00:00

They really need to criminalize false accusations.

Based_Hootless · 2020-01-08T15:10:08+00:00

I was in the army for five years. When I was in, the double standard between men and women was one of the most shocking realities. Women literally don’t have to do anything. They can just stay pregnant and get out of any kind of duty they want. Of course there were a lot of good female soldiers, but if one wanted to be a piece of shit, no one was going to hold her accountable.

Nothing in your story is surprising to me. It’s going to get worse and worse. I count myself lucky to not have to deal with that. Sorry you’ve got to deal with this.

LonelyInTheCenter · 2020-01-08T15:12:14+00:00

False accusations of rape or sexual assault should be punished with the same prison terms, fines, and registration on the sex offenders registry. Period.

SchrodingersRapist · 2020-01-08T15:14:09+00:00

My life has been on hold for 8 months and NOBODY GIVES A SHIT

Apparently, people can lie and fuck up your life and I'm just supposed to smile and be thankful I'm not being sent to prison over a crime I didn't commit.

It's not just the military, but civilian too is a biased, corrupt system and if you're a man accused by a woman of anything you are guilty until you can prove your innocence beyond a shadow of a doubt. It doesn't take overwhelming evidence, it only takes an accusation to get charged.

You're preaching to the choir, and I have a lot of sympathy for you. Im working on year 3 of being unemployable because of something similar happening to me. I've been lucky to be able to keep the one part-time job I've been offered since. Every professional, full-time job I've interviewed for ends the same way with praise of my qualifications and sending it to HR for a background check and an offer. Amazingly 3 years now I've never heard back from a single one. Years of school, degrees, and loans all made worthless with one lie. Didn't matter that I could prove 99% of what I said was true, that neighbors backed-up my story, or anything else. Doesn't matter the case was ultimately dismissed. It just matters that I was accused.

subud123 · 2020-01-08T15:52:09+00:00

Because of the "women are wonderful" effect people find it impossible that a woman would be so evil to make a false rape allegation. They forget theres a lot of attention hungry, power tripping, revenge seeking women who will gladly make a false allegation. They exist, even if theyre a small percentage of women thats a huge amount of men being falsely accused. Im speaking from experience, my brother sits in prison for 25 years because of a false accusation and a white knight judge.

xerotolerance879 · 2020-01-08T15:40:07+00:00

I’m so sorry to hear this is happening to you. I can only hope that justice is served. Stay strong.

Cryhavok101 · 2020-01-08T18:12:29+00:00

You should repost this in r/legaladvice

You should get a lawyer.

No one in JAG is on your side. They are there to benefit the military, not to serve justice or anything like that. Get a lawyer.

Paechs · 2020-01-08T20:51:49+00:00

I’m in the process of joining the military at the moment and this scares me. I can’t imagine how something like this can just go so perfectly in the perpetrator’s favor. She got everything she wanted and it’s just enabling the bad behavior.

Poseidonram1944 · 2020-01-08T21:24:12+00:00

🌈feminism🌈

bastardstepchild · 2020-01-08T16:03:49+00:00

And to feminists, you’re a statistic. An insignificant statistic. A distraction from the “real” issues.

redonkulaspopp · 2020-01-08T19:25:58+00:00

Terrence Popp here from redonkulas.com File and IG complaint against you chain of command for failing to enforce article 107 in the regulations against the female soldier. File a complaint that the investigation is taking to long. You can also file a complaint based upon AR 4-26 sexual discrimination you are being discriinated against because you are male and being unfaily being prosicuted because of false accusations and can prove it. If offence occured off post it is a civ matter if police dont change you and the military is investigating you have ground to have investigation set aside on the grounds no offence occured. you can also file an artcle 138 against you commander for false prosicution if charges can be proven false. you can also file this with the first general officer in you chain of command and you can file an AR 138 against the female soldiers new ccommander for not charging soldier with making false statments . Also if soldier reenlisted you can sew in civ court and if false accusations can be proven you will win. since soldier is member of military and you have a valid judgment you can get 50% of solders pay until judgment is paid off or soldier ETS from service. I have seen it done 5 or 6 times thus far. And to supercharge the system file a congressional and send you evident and it will get top priority. your chain of command if average or subpar with take it out on you. document any neg councelings or negitive actions taken by your chain of command and file a reprisal IG complaint againt them it will be investigated by DOD and if proved you can request a rehabiltation transfer. this will work and at the end you will have earned a blackbelt in administrative violence.

hottake_toothache · 2020-01-08T14:24:40+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It is enraging and deeply unfair.

IronJohnMRA · 2020-01-08T14:34:27+00:00

I'm sorry for the rant, but I can't talk to anyone about this.

Don't worry about that. We're here for men that have no one else to turn to. It's our job and personal commitment to listen and help.

JrussoC · 2020-01-08T14:47:29+00:00

All I can say is people get through a lot in life. Some lose mobility, others lose a special one, others lose all their money, others never had anything. This that you are telling to us is an obstacle in your life that you must get through. There's no answer for "why me?", as there is no answer for "why was I born poor?" or "why was I born blind?". You've got to realize that despite all that you have to go through right now, you are still someone who can find path in life. You'll eventually find it. Be patient, stay strong and show yourself you can go through this.

Shayde505 · 2020-01-08T14:56:14+00:00

It sounds like the investigators are biased. You should talk to your lawyer and ask if theres any way to have them removed from your case.

throwawaylol12344321 · 2020-01-08T14:58:14+00:00

what the actual fuck! this is terrible. I'm a believer in karma, and believe me, she'll get bit in some way sooner or later. such evil behavior doesn't go unpaid

driftingdonkey · 2020-01-08T15:25:50+00:00

She can be charged with article 107: false official statements, afterwards, I believe. If her command still refuses to charge her with anything you can request mast and go as high up as you can. But I don't see any charges being brought up until you are acquitted. Military law isn't about bringing justice it's about keeping good order and discipline, which makes it way harder for the wrongly accused. The fy18 dod sapr report stated that 28% of accusations were "unfounded", up from 13% in 2009. Although tbh in my experience, that number should probably be higher because a lot of people just take the njp to get everything over with.

Harnisfechten · 2020-01-08T15:39:40+00:00

I'm sorry.

just try and pull through it man. it'll end eventually. you seem to have a good grasp of your own mental condition and what issues this has caused you, so the priority is to just make sure you end up ok. You'll need to grieve the fact that this lost you months of your life. You can't get it back. and accept that there will be no recourse, no punishment for the hag that did this to you, and no compensation to you.

I know you said you'd lose retirement benefits, but seriously consider leaving the military. they don't care about you. and your career will forever be stunted and tarnished, and you'll resent it.

it really sucks but you might have to just start over. get out. go to a trade school or go to college or just go work. maybe start a business. idk. it's hard. But staying in the military now might be harder.

lgreaper666 · 2020-01-08T15:52:31+00:00

https://www.alllaw.com/articles/nolo/civil-litigation/can-you-sue-defamation.html

There's also a statute of limitations to file this lawsuit so I would expedite this immediately as you've already been suffering it 8 months now.

msc8088A · 2020-01-08T16:23:36+00:00

You can't recover from this as it has gone too far. Try to negotiate a separation under honorable conditions that preserves your retirement benefits.

GuyWithTheStalker · 2020-01-08T16:41:11+00:00

Keep your thumb "up" and bend your elbow. Mr. Phoenix, the clock is on the ceiling.

In all seriousness, don't lose perspective or truly get disoriented.

jinladen040 · 2020-01-08T17:09:41+00:00

I feel like the military is this politically correct state of mind right now to try and be more appealing for the younger generations. Unfortunately, this means more or less what's been going on in civilian life, the false accusers are treated like genuine victims. And the only way to defend yourself is shutting the fuck up and spending good cash on an reputable attorney who will fight for your best interests in mind. Because if someone is totally innocent, a seasoned attorney can easily rip apart the accusations and prove them false.

I know this doesn't do much to help the anxiety but that's why you have to pay the big bucks to an attorney you have complete faith in.

thuglanta · 2020-01-08T17:54:04+00:00

We care.

sirreaper4 · 2020-01-08T18:04:21+00:00

And this is a country worth defending right?

tommygun1688 · 2020-01-08T20:47:09+00:00

So what happened, or what situation were you in with her, that made it so she was able to make a seemingly credible (at least to the prosecution) assault accusation? Just curious. Because the situation you're in totally sucks, and I feel for you.

throwwowwee · 2020-01-08T22:03:05+00:00

I don't have any advice but I'm really sorry you're going through that.

As of right now they PCS'd her to a new duty station of her choice "to protect her". We weren't even at the same fucking base and have different career fields! There was zero chance of us ever interacting. Before this accusation she was on the fast track to discharge. Now, nobody cares what she did before.

Sounds like you were just a pawn in her game. Fucked up.

2020-01-08T23:57:23+00:00

You really shouldn't be publishing the story online anywhere until the investigation is completed.

mj0730 · 2020-01-09T02:37:20+00:00

It’s probably pretty far from your mind right now, but make sure you keep documentation from any mental health things you’re doing. When you separate, all that may be used for VA disability claims.

SpareArm · 2020-01-09T05:21:55+00:00

Once this is over with, you could try applying to the Canadian Military. (I'm a member) Certain Nato Allies accept transfers between countries (France, Australia, and Canada to name a couple) its a big change but if a fresh start is what you are after and you think its might be a good fit, i suggest it. (We get paid more than you guys too ;) so there's that lol) anyways, hooe everything concludes in your favour with this. I really hate the double standard the Me-Too movement has sent into overdrive...

MRRamming · 2020-01-08T15:15:45+00:00

I hope that lying piece of shit gets the firing squad

ModsHateTruth · 2020-01-08T15:23:51+00:00

It is so gods damned sad how common this shit is. It was bad when I was a young man, but now...it's like this unending shitstorm. Of all the men I know to any degree, at least 20% of them are caught up in some bullshit like this at any given time. These are all just regular dudes going about their lives. Call Center, likes bikes. Light Industry, plays Vampire with me. Manager, likes Nye. Construction Worker, also likes Nye. Physician's Assistant, likes playing and watching football. Nurse, brews his own beer. Just...guys...regular dudes.

Sir, if I could make it better for you...I would.

rwp80 · 2020-01-08T15:24:23+00:00

r/supportfortheaccused

lastdazeofgravity · 2020-01-08T15:38:17+00:00

fuck society

FagHatLOL · 2020-01-08T18:14:35+00:00

This honestly sounds worse than being raped. I’d honestly rather be raped.

throwlaca · 2020-01-08T18:28:42+00:00

Welcome to the club dude.

I'm you, but from the future. The same happened to me 4 years ago. I'm not military tough, but the history is about the same. I had a date with a girl, not even a kiss, just hold her hands for a minute, then realize she's a psycho. I date other girls, she found out, goes crazy, I block her. One year later, harassment accusation. She says I'm a stalker, etc. and she makes sure everybody and I mean everybody knows about that. Lost job, lost girlfriend, never got invited again to any barbecue or get-togheter, or any other event. I'm a pariah.

One year later, I'm innocent, surprise. You would think my life suddenly is fixed, the rain stop and the birds start singing, right? wrong. Nobody gave a shit that I'm innocent. Things remain the same, I remain forbidden, cancelled. This girl is still invited to panels to talk about sexual harassment, **years after** I'm declared innocent. Girlfriend came back tough, weird.

In the social networks I'm as good as dead, nobody want to be associated with me. That's life. Now things are mostly fixed, got another social circle, another job, etc. It's like you have to shed you older life and get a new one. We men can do that relatively easy.

It's not all completely right tough. I still feel rage, for all the pain, for all the injustice. I'm not the same as before. I was a cool guy before, always laughing. Not anymore. I don't feel depression or anything like that. Just rage. Get a good lawyer, and make her a new one. This wont fix your life though, in fact it might make it worse. But I would do it anyway.

>My life has been on hold for 8 months and NOBODY GIVES A SHIT.

Dude, you just found out that nobody gives a shit about men. Nobody ever will give a shit about you, but it's worse, if you are not impeccable clean, you will be discarded.

>The female will suffer ZERO repercussions for lying. NONE!

Also wrong. The female will get huge benefits for this. She will gain social points, promotions, she will get attention, jobs, and yes, even money. That's why they do it. You said it yourself. She's now a hero. When you inevitably prove your innocence, she will transition from hero, to martyr. Victim of a unfair judicial system. You cannot win, repeat with me, you cannot win and she already won. You became another brick in which women step on in this feminist world.

But this is temporal. Just wait. Everything gets better with time. Her time is limited. She will do this shit again, I 100% assure you. And then she will fall.

2020-01-08T19:06:51+00:00

Ffa when will society realise false rape accusations are everywhere

contraterrene · 2020-01-08T19:45:47+00:00

I read all the comments and although I have never been mil I think a huge amount of common sense has been spoken here in brotherhood and rage.

Sue the bitch.

Fucking do whatever it takes in civil court and expose all the lies and trash her credit rating forever.

Wish you success.

2020-01-08T20:43:57+00:00

You never know when a woman will falsely accuse you. Could be days, could be years.

And guess who won't be on your side? The police. I don't even think it requires evidence anymore - just an accusation.

Gundabadguy · 2020-01-08T14:07:30+00:00

A yes, America, don't you just love it? Seriously, why the fuck do men even live there anymore, they are treated like trash.

malibuflex · 2020-01-08T15:23:39+00:00

Murica land of the free lol.

Combatmedic2-47 · 2020-01-08T15:20:17+00:00

JAG can go suck a fat one. I used to think military law movies were just Hollywood but they are really that insane and incompetent as they are portrayed. It’s not innocent til proven guilty, it’s guilty until how long we can torment you by dragging this out.

2020-01-08T16:51:09+00:00

Sounds awful. I was falsely accused in my career twice. It's no picnic.

TopcodeOriginal1 · 2020-01-08T17:15:03+00:00

OP LOOK AT THE TOP COMMENT

truegamer90001 · 2020-01-08T17:16:27+00:00

MICHAEL WODDINGTON CALL HIM IM NIT JOKING WE'RE TRYING TO SAVE YOU OP

Gundabadguy · 2020-01-08T17:30:51+00:00

You would think that PTSD would come from fighting in the military but instead it comes from incompetent design (possibly on purpose). I really hope you are okay and the liar is sent to the deepest pits of hell.

jkotis579 · 2020-01-08T17:31:28+00:00

The army fucking over a vet? Surprise pikachu face.

BetaBeGone · 2020-01-08T19:23:10+00:00

It sounds like the military is at war with you. Think of the thing they dread you doing most and do it.

File charges, publish statements,, litter the world with your story so that when they attack it will be harder for them to silence your account.

SweetBearCub · 2020-01-08T20:02:32+00:00

First, I'm not in the military, so I don't know how this all works. I do know that I'm extremely angry on your behalf, as a man, at the military "justice" spit system, at the woman that tried to ruin your life, and at all the people who both know about this and could do something to help you, but who won't.

I presume that you have gone as high as you can in your own command, with your lawyer and with whatever evidence (I hope you started writing things down to keep good dated notes ASAP) and witnesses you had?

Are there any advocacy organizations that you can connect with?

That ex you mentioned? I would reach out to her and thank her, let her know what that means to you. Maybe try and smooth things over a bit, if it's possible. I'm not saying to hook up with her again, though.

JoshuaThomasOlson · 2020-01-08T22:41:08+00:00

Anything I can do to help?

unsettledpuppy · 2020-01-09T00:21:33+00:00

This shit makes me so heated. The absolute best of luck to you, you can beat this.

speedythesequel · 2020-01-09T02:55:51+00:00

Do you know this woman?

Asking cause in the post you make it abundantly clear that you were in different fields at different bases which mean that you had zero chances of ever interacting with her.

Like did she literally pick out of a social network and do an accusation when you arent in each others direct network?

Such an odd situation.

Generally false accusations put upon men are for the following reasons...

A. Regretting a sexual encounter

B. Avoiding ownership of a sexual interaction

C. Revenge

D. Wrong identity

Since you claim you dont know each other, it seems like possibly this is a case of Wrong identity. I can't see why the other 3 would be occuring.

ld2gj · 2020-01-09T03:46:46+00:00

Active Duty USAF here:

When found innocent or charges are dropped, you will get your rank back-dated and you will also get back-pay.
If it goes formal/trial, get a civilian lawyer, DO NOT TRUST ADC WITH THIS! They will try and take a plea deal.
Do not focus on her anymore. If she fucked up that bad at the previous base, she will do it again. At that point AFOSI/Leadership will see a pattern
Do not trust your leadership to support you. I know that sounds bad, but don't. Yes, talk to them. Keep them in the loop to the minimum as possible. Hell, have your lawyer fill them in.
Till it is cleared up, just find something to smile about. If you let this eat at you, they will use it against you.

Also, if you need to talk (mil to mil) you can PM me here. I'll send you my GAL info.

razdrazchelloveck · 2020-01-09T04:18:56+00:00

If I've learned anything from watching people get into trouble in the military it's one thing. Don't talk to anyone period, no body in your chain of command gives a fuck about you, they only are there to protect the image of their command and will do everything to fuck you. Don't say a single word to them, fucking ice them out and watch them throw a tantrum when they don't get their way, only talk to a lawyer period not a fucking Jag, they do not work for you, again a Jag is there to protect the command.

Sunset_Paradise · 2020-01-09T04:44:01+00:00

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to say you have my support and I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. Reading this made me so angry.

This "believe all women" mindset helps no one. It dehumanizes women and ruins innocent men's lives. Falsley accussing someone of rape should carry the same sentence as rape.

2020-01-09T04:55:08+00:00

Dude, I'm so sorry. I hope everything turns out okay :/

Hollen88 · 2020-01-09T05:19:20+00:00

I gotta disagree with no one caring. I see a whole lot of people here that give a shit. Don't give up man. You got this. I noticed someone down there gave some in depth advice. I hope it leads you in the right direction. I've been accused too, but got lucky and wasn't reported to the police. I did lose access to my son though. We care. I care. Your friends care. Your family cares.

snacklemeister · 2020-01-09T05:53:50+00:00

Remindme! 6 months

I’m cross posting this to r/Iamatotalpieceofshit

BaS3r · 2020-01-09T07:17:00+00:00

Same thing happened to me, brother. After everything had dropped and I was free to go, I asked my chain of command if there was something I can do because my career was hanging on by a thread over her false accusations. You know what they told me? “Oh, nah. It’s just water under the bridge now.” My career basically was just water under the bridge and she got off without a hitch in her career.

TheOnePucnhMan · 2020-01-09T08:18:20+00:00

God reading this made me so fucking angry, I have no clue how you must be feeling, this is absolutely fucking rediculous, I just hope somehow you can get through this with some kind of recoverable mental state, and then I hope you feel better than ever before afterwards as impossible as it might seem. But honestly I wouldn't be surprised if you killed that woman somehow, I would personally consider it and wouldn't blame you one bit

iainnnnnnn · 2020-01-09T09:22:18+00:00

Hey OP,

I went through the same situation when I was a junior sailor and holy fuck, I know what you're experiencing mentally. It's like having the weight of the world on your shoulders but it's actually your freedom and life. I was a wreck and nearly drank myself to death every night. I didn't actually believe my case would make it past article 32, but it did. I was looking at a 26 year sentence PLUS a life sentence, so I kinda figured I was better off dead rather than rotting away in the brig. It took forever to get to my court martial date. The good news was I ended up being acquitted for SA at the general court martial but got hit with 3 months in the brig for a significantly lesser (now laughable) charge. After serving my time I went on "Appellate Leave" while I worked a shitty job and went to school and lived in shame. 2 years later I get a phone call from a DC area code and it's my old lawyer telling me I just got exonerated and I have x amount of days until I have to report back to Navy life. I ended up receiving 2 years of backpay for BAH and base pay (E-1, big whoop). I ended up lasting 8 months until I really got on my master chief's shit list and wound up in mast. I got busted down the day I was supposed to take the E-4 exam. Silver lining: high year tenure got me out early with an honorable discharge.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that things will get better, OP. You'll come out of this so much stronger no matter what. My experience was hell, but I wouldn't change any of it because it shaped me into the stronger, more resilient and driven mother fucker who I am today.

REAPER-058_ · 2020-01-10T03:08:23+00:00

Wow that’s fucked up, sorry man this happened to you

ryanxpe · 2020-01-15T18:06:05+00:00

Sad thing is i blame other men more women, they HELPED pass laws making men 2nd class citizens as if being a man means we are animals with no feelings or emotions. OP i hope you get justice and sorry for your situation.

fortkent · 2020-02-02T20:16:18+00:00

I am sorry to hear this.

DRHELPERGUY007 · 2020-06-23T20:36:27+00:00

Very similar experience in the military as well. I agree the military immediately destroys people just for becoming the target of sexual assault investigations. The military is simply a huge entity that can afford to throw away well trained soldiers to protect itself. The persons who make those decisions never have to answer for false claims, improper procedures, misconduct etc... It is very likely that you will leave the military in one way or another associated with events of accusations. The military does not support its service members and unfortunately the SHARP regulations are one sided in favor of supporting the alleged victims while weaponizing itself against the accused. The impact on the accused is profound regardless of guilt or innocence. Trust nothing they present as evidence and always place Freedom of Information Act requests on any investigation, any 15-6 documents, any CID reports, and review boards/ show cause boards. They will redact or omit important information if it does not support their narrative. At the end of the day it is some ranking official that is not going to let your problem stop their career advancement even at the cost of your career and health. Their is no ramifications for command to throw you away.

Question the authenticity of the complaint and how they obtained it. The military violated CFR 32 105 as if it does not exist. This means if a restricted report or no report is place they will pursue as if it had or as if they have some unrestricted authority to prosecute restricted reports. They don't.

You can place your own complaints as well. EEO is there. Though in my experience EEO is just an internal investigation whos investigator will side with the accusations when possible. EEO may also be used by the military to control the narrative. When they control the complaint investigation it will always go their way. Sexism is a two way street, false accusations are often in violation of your rights and protections.

I would guess if you are able to stay in this will smudge your career and always be a problem. I recommend seeking psychiatric support while you are still in the service for the stress, anxiety, etc... as this will help with your securing VA benefits which you deserve one the military completes its abusive procedures.

Keep all the records of their wrong doing, if you are innocent, I assure you there is plenty of misconduct to be found. Use that information in your future Army Board for Correction of Military Records. Which will be worth looking into.

GrumpyGayGuy · 2020-01-09T00:27:20+00:00

I really hate to say this because it sounds horrible, but I honestly don't think that an accusation like this should be taken seriously by anymore. When I was an undergraduate studying rape and rape culture for a class essay, I stumbled on a few research articles as well as a couple of regular articles in one of those trashy online click-bait articles. Most of the people doing the research came to similar conclusions. I believe that they each found that roughly 60% - 70% of legitimate rape cases go unreported. I thought this number was a bit high but looking into it, I found that the margin for error is extremely small.

What no one wanted to state in their articles though is that this also means that the majority of reported rape cases actually are false accusations. Statistically this indicates that roughly 65% of rape accusations are false. Although, I haven't been an undergraduate for years now and even longer since I was in that course so the numbers may be different now, but I doubt it.

My point being that the people investigating should believe you until they actually find something substantial that proves otherwise. It is my hope that at least one of the people investigating your case found the same studies and article that I did and believes you off of the research.

2020-01-08T14:55:15+00:00

Get a lawyer and file a defamation lawsuit against the girl now!

zomgarcwind · 2020-01-08T17:46:28+00:00

Man, I would be so quick to make this violent. Props to you, you sound like a good person

_Yes_Im_Not_ · 2020-01-08T19:27:30+00:00

Where the fuck is the ADC? Regardless, get rid of them if you can afford a civilian attorney. ADC is too wrapped up in 100s of BS cases and you will not get the attention you deserve.

Edit: let this serve as a PSA for ALL military folks...Do NOT, under any circumstance, allow yourself to be alone with a female service member! Do not eat with them, do not hang out with them, and do not fuck them. No pussy is worth it! They know all the same rules you do and they can easily manipulate any situation because vagina...

2020-01-08T19:53:24+00:00

This bitch is a piece of shit cunt. Good luck with that Attorney; I sincerely hope that you're able to fight this and come out on to. I also hope that karma bites that bitch in the ass.

SharedRegime · 2020-01-08T19:54:30+00:00

There was 0 evidence against me when they charged me when i was falsely accused.

Johndonne019 · 2020-01-08T20:47:26+00:00

Don't kill yourself. We need good men like you.

Your story resonated with me because I got expelled from university for a false allegation of sexual misconduct. You're right - it's hell. Constant crying in the shower - for months and months. No where to turn. Suicide seemed to be a reasonable option. I still suffer PTSD but I have nowhere to turn.

We just need enough men to say enough is enough, but the challenge is that men don't help out other men in trouble. I don't know how to change that - men have too many responsibilities and too much to risk if we put our head out and defend other men. A professor in the states (I'm from Canada) was labeled a rapist just because he defended due process rights, and the university didn't care.

We can't defend ourselves against women. Our only hope is to support women who are willing to defend men. Men have always rescued women physically (think 'knight in shining armour'), but these days we need strong women rescuing men psychologically.

Battles are no longer physical - they're psychological. Women have the upper hand in this battlefield.

I can empathize with you because I had a similar experience, but most men won't be able to. However, there's women who will empathize with you. Women who know how vicious other women can be. Find those women to tell your story. Find them to give you emotional support.

I've read and watched some stuff created by these women. Doing so made me feel better:

Bettina Arndt

Janice Fiamengo

Camille Anna Paglia

I

kingjohn1919 · 2020-01-08T22:45:21+00:00

I'm so sorry for what you have been through

I am going through the exact same thing, but in the regular world...I am in Ontario Canada

Contrary to what you, and many others believe (including myself) the "process" is the exact same for civilians

ZERO investigation, and ZERO evidence

Mine is with an ex when she didn't get everything she wanted in a custody battle

I have been fighting for almost 2 years now

I have spent time in jail, and on strict house arrest right now...from ONLY allegations

The only thing that keeps me alive is proving my name, but I've also heard there will be no justice in the end. I am terrified for myself when I have to face that day

I only share this, so you know you are not alone...every story I hear, at least makes me feel a tiny morsel of being normal, knowing there are so many of us going through this

I'm sorry for the ramble...I'm shaking, sweaty, and dizzy trying to type this

Endless respect for every day you wake up, abd face the day

Stay strong brother, and I wish and hope for justice and peace for you

2020-01-08T22:47:16+00:00

I don’t have advice or any knowledge of the inner workings of the military. I just wanted to let you know that I am pissed off for you. This suck and I’m sorry you are dealing with it. Good on you for getting help.

Do what you need to to stay strong and keep fighting.

I_Hate_Snowflakes · 2020-01-09T04:14:39+00:00

I'm so, so sorry. Veteran here.

Our society is definitely against men.

rayz13 · 2020-01-09T05:16:46+00:00

Can you sue US military after? It looks like they violated your rights and presumption of innocence.

2020-01-09T05:27:26+00:00

Friend of mine was in a similar situation. For him, he had a promotion held up which ended up making him miss out on thousands of dollars of additional income just because he was flagged and couldn’t get promoted. Accusation was bullshit (I was physically there the whole time), but until CID reported to command they were done investigating him, he was held up. I think there should be retroactive recompense for situations like that, like backpay for upheld promotions and retroactive bonuses from previous months if they can’t re-enlist during the investigation time. The person who accused him gets no penalty, but he gets screwed. He talked about countersuing, but that would obviously go nowhere, even though there’s a very obvious defamation of character due to people (especially in a position of power over him) being able to, whether consciously or not, color their opinion of him. The only people who could really see straight through are people who had all the facts due to their presence and people who have been falsely accused of rape (I was both).

orangeLILpumpkin · 2020-01-08T15:58:19+00:00

So you never actually say what happened and how/why you were falsely accused. You say that your accuser was facing a lot of trouble in the military, and that this accusation was made to deflect that. But you don't even say whether you had a relationship with her and it's a he said / she said as to whether it was consensual; if she just made it up completely and you don't even know that woman; of if it's somewhere in between.

You're getting a lot of sympathy and advice in this thread, and maybe that's really all you need. But when a woman posts on TwoX "I was raped" and then goes on a big rant about how horrible her life has been as a result, but never actually says what happened that causes her to say she was raped, I'm a bit skeptical. I know we're just supposed to "listen and believe", but the word "rape" has been so bastardized that I don't even know what someone means anymore when they use it. Maybe someone forcibly had sex with you, maybe a creepy guy looked at you, maybe it was somewhere in between. I don't know.

And your post reads the same way. I know you say you've been falsely accused, but you're just some dude on the internet. I don't know what your definition of rape or sexual assault is, and I have no clue what - if anything - happened between you and your accuser. As a result, I really have no idea whether you've been falsely accused, you're lying to us, or you're lying to yourself.

ninja_deli · 2020-01-08T18:44:39+00:00

My cousin went through almost the exact same thing. Chick's story fell apart under questions and she then admitted there was no sexual harassment whatsoever. They dropped that charge but at that point the damage is done. She had no consequences to making up the sexual harassment charges.

amazinglyaloneracist · 2020-01-08T19:42:11+00:00

File a small claims case against her for the maximum amount in your state. It will only cost you a filing fee and your time. Show that she fabricated the charge and your loss of income and get some relief this way.

amazinglyaloneracist · 2020-01-08T19:42:23+00:00

File a small claims case against her for the maximum amount in your state. It will only cost you a filing fee and your time. Show that she fabricated the charge and your loss of income and get some relief this way.

EverySingleMinute · 2020-01-09T05:14:09+00:00

If you decide to hire a lawyer, do a GoFundMe

Kalvash · 2020-01-08T13:57:40+00:00

Women are so fucking disgusting. Literal garbage. If it wasn't for the fact we need them to continue the species, they would have been left behind a long time ago.

spacecock-nope2nope · 2020-01-08T18:07:51+00:00

Leave it to a sad mgtow group to mistake the deficiencies of the military that they worship for a “men’s rights” issue.

2020-01-08T14:38:40+00:00

Get out of the military...just get out. No one their cares about you and its a giant game of fuck everyone else over. They just want to make it look like they got one over on a "bad man". You are a performance review bullet point to them all the way up to your commander. Bullet 1: Put man with penis in jail, Bullet 2: Saved woman from penis man (even if she was a dirty slut)

No one in the military will look out for you once something like this happens. Just get out and get a real job. They don't pay enough for this shit and the real world is much better because you are not in some fucking cult where everyone wears the same clothes and jerks each other off about how awesome it is to be in the cult.

I've Been Falsely Accused of Sexual Assault , My Life Has Become A Living Hell and Nobody Cares

Comments

believeallwomen

OP LOOK AT THE TOP COMMENT

Title	I've Been Falsely Accused of Sexual Assault , My Life Has Become A Living Hell and Nobody Cares
Author	DrShakyHandz
Upvotes	3162
Comments	250
Date	January 8, 2020 11:20 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/elrg5k/ive_been_falsely_accused_of_sexual_assault_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/ive-been-falsely-accused-of-sexual-assault-my-life.861468 https://theredarchive.com/post/861468