Broke up yesterday just 5 days before our 1 year anniversary.
This was my first relationship after my divorce from a 20 year partner.
My gf was the woman of my dreams. I was so attracted. Our connection and chemistry was A+. I was the best version of myself in my life with her. So open and goofy and vulnerable. We spent nearly every available weekend together we could.
But after about 7 months, she started to show her temper. She would easily get annoyed at me and snap at me with a rude attitude. She cussed at me during an international trip in public. She called me a horrible name just as we started a road trip.
She called herself "emotionally stunted" because growing up, she watched her dad yell at her mom on a daily basis and thought that yelling and fighting was normal. She says she has her father's rage.
We had been in couples therapy for a few months and the tools they taught us were helpful like taking timeouts. Nevertheless, she would still yell and be impatient during conflicts while I tried to be calm and talk through feelings.
I'm sure I could have been a better listener and less defensive during conflicts.
But I could not stop getting flooded with negative emotions when she'd snap at me over the littlest annoyances she had.
She always took responsibility and apologized. She's started seeing her own therapist. But I just got tired of the cycle.
And I left her place yesterday after she once again showed her temper at me.
My question is whether we should fully close the door on this relationship. Or give it a 3 or 6 months break to see if we can both become better versions of ourselves. And see if that could work.
Because I doubt I'll ever find as good a connection as I'll find here. But I'm also not willing to sacrifice my mental health for someone who can't treat me with respect the way I want.
Can people really change their essence when they have a temper or rage that stems from childhood environment? Or is it too much a part of them?
It's a bit tragic because without the temper, I would easily spend the rest of my life with her.
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