My wife and I have been together for 10 years and married for 7. We are in the early stages of separation. We have not taken any formal steps but are mostly in agreement that it’s time to call it quits. We are still best friends and get along wonderfully and only want the best for ourselves and each other but the spark between us is dead. We have two very young children and plan to separate while being as fair and respectful as possible to each other.

We both work but she is the primary income earner (makes over 3x my salary). We married before we entered the workforce so it’s not like I married her for her money, she’s just done really well for herself career wise.

We’ve been researching the housing market and I fear that I cannot financially support myself if I buy a place that’s comfortable, safe, and functional for our kids. I can reasonably afford a small 1 or 2 bedroom apartment but can’t image “downgrading” after living in our 5 bedroom 3,500 sqft suburbia house. My wife said she will assume most child expenses like daycare, clothes, etc. and she can help me out financially if needed. I don’t want her help but am struggling with the idea of our living situations. She will be able to find a decent place while I live in squalor.

We are still friends and care deeply for each other and are attempting to do this is in the most civilized and caring way possible so neither of us screw over the other. We want to do everything ourselves and don’t want to get lawyers involved and I definitely don’t want to legally “go after” her money out of respect since we still want to be in each others lives and raise our kids “together but separate”.

Maybe we are just imaging a fantasy and there is no such thing as a clean divorce but that’s our goal.

Just curious if anyone else has gone through a divorce where your spouse had a significant leg up on you financially and how it turned out.