Finance question on mariage

Asok_the_Intern · 2022-01-22T15:52:39+00:00

You are in a uniquely fortunate position right now because you've been forewarned. By her !!! How many men would have loved to be in your shoes. She's already planning to saddle you with her responsibilities, after which she'll probably claim I've always wanted to be a sahm, have a couple of kids, reduce the sex, ask for a divorce and clean you out. Good luck

JD-Anderson · 2022-01-22T15:38:35+00:00

What’s yours is her’s and what her’s is her’s if you marry.

Throwaway4120213 · 2022-01-22T15:57:41+00:00

Practically - she is correct. Even if you are in a State where pre-marital student loans is one persons- what happens when you get married is this:

1) you pay more of the bills because you have more discretionary income and she focused on paying down her loan which means no savings for you;

2) you split the bills 50-50 and you save while she pays what she can on her bills. Then you divorce and anything you “save” since marriage gets split 50-50 minimum and then a Judge looks at both your financial situations and say well you can give her more or take on more of the other marital debt or give her more alimony or;

3) you have kids, she becomes a SAH and then you take over paying her loans. If you divorce - her loan payments gets factored into her CIS expenses to determine alimony and lucky you gets to cover those loan payments and all her expenses to ensure the marital standard of living via alimony.

Pick your poison - possibly all three scenarios play out. Marriage is a huge financial risk. Marriage to someone with six figure debt is financial suicide and honestly I can’t feel bad for any dude that’s dumb enough to do that - at that point - you’re asking to get screwed.

onthisthing_ · 2022-01-22T16:02:35+00:00

For her to even make this comment is a big fat red flag my brother. Would you invest in a partnered business with those terms?

anonymizered · 2022-01-22T15:44:57+00:00

My stbxw had a great well paying job when we got married too. Guess who’s on the hook for alimony.

Eve-3 · 2022-01-22T15:49:44+00:00

Generally speaking that debt remains hers. However, nothing is stopping her from not paying her half of the mortgage and instead pay down her loan. Then you get to choose (what a choice) to pay her share or have your home foreclosed. If you have a joint account and she pays for the debt from it that is you accepting the debt and if you separate it's half yours.

From only what you put here it sounds like she is in a hurry to get married so you'll be responsible for her debt. If that doesn't sound like fun to you, and it shouldn't, then don't marry her until she's dealt with her debt. If she has a ten year plan to pay it off then I'd suggest a wedding in 11 years. If she can't wait that long then maybe she needs to get a second job.

You can face things as generously and nobly as you want, but in the event of a divorce do you think your partner and you will completely agree about what is and isn't fair?

If you decide (please don't) to marry her before the debt has been significantly repaid at least do yourself the favor of consulting an attorney and finding out how to protect yourself before you say I DO.

Lastly, if you don't want to marry, don't marry. The divorce rate is high enough already without people deciding to marry even though they don't actually want to.

Rough-Area4765 · 2022-01-22T16:00:39+00:00

Run as fast as you can. You are in for doom and gloom if you marry this girl. Be smart and run. There are so many woman out there today, this is the last thing you need. Someone expecting you to be responsible for her debt (student loan debt) is a gold digger waiting to “spread her wings” on your dumb ass… run son, run!

Ok_Guidance6176 · 2022-01-22T16:24:43+00:00

Here I'm gonna make this easy:

RUN!

nlm1974 · 2022-01-22T16:53:32+00:00

I hate to break it to you, but she did you a great favor by throwing that giant red flag up before you walk down the aisle. It seems she let the cat out of the bag that you will be paying for half of her debt. Unfortunately, her idea isn't true everywhere. I just finished a long and drawn out divorce in California, and my ex had $170k in student loan debt, and just like your girlfriend, she thought I was going to be stuck with half of that, because in this case, the majority was during the marriage. She was wrong. Student loan debt is a personal debt, and it went with her. Another thing is that it was accumulated prior to a marriage, another thing that would likely return that debt to her in the end.

liftreadhikefish · 2022-01-22T16:04:18+00:00

Judging by your decision to post in this particular sub, it sounds like you are looking for validation for what you already know. Trust your gut. $100k is a big loan. BIG.

xjeeperx · 2022-01-22T15:38:12+00:00

She’s been listening to Dave Ramsey, “my debt is your debt” which is true really. But in a divorce if she brought it into the marriage she can take it with her.

Aside from that, there’s no financial advantage of being married. If you have kids you automatically have visitation rights where you have to seek them if you’re unmarried and split…

BurnDownTheMission68 · 2022-01-22T16:47:33+00:00

We can tell this guy a million times to not get married but what he will hear is “Don’t marry the wrong one” and if we only knew how Different she was and what a Good Person she is we would agree that he should marry.

Don’t fucking marry anyone!

For whatever reason, men don’t want to be free. They want the chains of being controlled by a woman in marriage. They want this at a subconscious and deep level.

This guy will marry her, guarantee it.

WorshippingLasagna · 2022-01-22T19:32:06+00:00

Lawyer here (not US though). My 2 cents is don’t marry until she’s over with the student loan. All comments here are spot on: one way or another, you are going to pay that loan with your money.

Then, when she is done with her student loan, still don’t marry, because there is no advantage in being married since however low the risk is, still there is no reward.

In finance, you take a risk to the extent there is a sufficient yield (e.g. you take on a risk of 1% of losing 100 bucks if you are paid at least 1.1 bucks as yield for taking that risk). Marriage means taking a risk without having any yield. It’s basically playing Russian roulette for free.

cleats4u · 2022-01-22T16:28:54+00:00

My friend, I would get a vasectomy right now if this is what you attract. Lol.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-01-22T15:46:12+00:00

Depending on where you live, her debt could become community property.

But I have to ask you. Please name one advantage for you to be married? How will a marriage certificate benefit you in anyway?

There are no advantages for a man to be married. But a lot of advantages for the women.

Good luck brother.

ZookeepergameFit5787 · 2022-01-22T16:21:46+00:00

This is what prenuptial agreements are designed to protect you from.

rmorlock · 2022-01-22T17:13:06+00:00

Not necessarily. My ex had 300k in student loans from after we got married. After the divorce I was on the hook for 0.

akihonj · 2022-01-22T17:15:37+00:00

Do not get married to this person period.

If you absolutely must be that stupid again then get a prenup sorted, if she lives you she will accept that you have your responsibility and she has hers, she will accept she cannot hold you liable for her debt.

Sorry but after having that conversation with her the door would have been opened and she would have been asked, told to take herself through it.

Instead you tell her this, you are a strong independent woman, it is 2022, I am no more responsible for your debt than you are for mine, if me are to get married it will be under the knowledge that we will maintain our own separate accounts and set up a joint account for bills and household costs, you will be responsible for your student loans as I am for mine.

Do not accept this woman as your wife.

She is a walking red flag and she has shown you already the type of person she is.

Gattsama · 2022-01-22T18:25:16+00:00

I have been with my STBX for 17 years, married 12 years and separated 3 months. Let me be clear, there is NO reason for a man to get married in 2022. Further, do not live in a common law marriage state. The ONLY purpose of the marriage contract is to protect the female and giver her access to your resources with the treat of the government behind her.

Everything else you get with marriage can be done (with a lot more paperwork): DPOA, joint accounts, name change, kids (another discussion), etc. There is literally no benefit for the man.

Love is love, you want to be together forever do so. The paper does NOT create that (as the divorce rate proves). I told my STBX I wanted to terminate in mid Nov and she talked me into giving it one last try. This is the wrong forum for 'balanced' advise; but this forum exists for a reason. And that reason is many many women choose divorce.

80% of divorces are initiated by the woman. And do not believe the hype, it's no because he was abusive, cheating, a drunk, etc. It's because she's not happy, wants more, and feel out of love. Of course there are crazy guys (and girls) out there, but that's not the norm in divorce. And all states are essential no fault, so she gets a huge sack of prizes for calling it quits.

I don't think that woman are bad, I think we have provided incentive for divorce (you get all the financial w/o out having the guy around or having to take care of him), removed the social stigma, and allowed female hypergamy to run unchecked. So the result is our current system / state of affairs.

You said you don't want kids for man there is really no reason to get married. If she says she'll terminate the relationship w/o a ring, say good bye and good luck; there is no shortage of women on the planet.

Mediocre-Plantain-68 · 2022-01-22T19:09:32+00:00

read The Rational Male. Today.

I wish I could give it to every single man in their 20s and stand over them while they read it to make sure they don’t skip any pages.

I wish I had read it in my 20s.

cloudburr · 2022-01-22T15:57:14+00:00

and thats one hell of a reason not to get married. She spent her loan on gods knows what, and now wants you to be partly responsible for it.

Fantastic_Ad_6124 · 2022-01-22T17:43:23+00:00

She told you that you will be the one to pay off her debt. Gtfo. What future debt of hers will you also be paying? Mortgage, retirement, travel, credit cards, the list goes on. And there is no guarantee she keeps working.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2022-01-22T17:46:41+00:00

Man, I am sorry but no. Do not progress your relationship to marriage with a woman with this attitude about her $100k student loan debt. Do not do it!

Doesn’t matter if she is right or not about the student loans, what matters is her mindset. That is wrong.

poorlyplanned · 2022-01-22T19:48:16+00:00

She currently have a good job and make good money but she has a student loan of about 100k. During the conversation, she told me that when we get married, I will also be automatically responsible for her student loan payment.

Well that's simply factually inaccurate.

I have been honest with her that I don't see the reason why we need permission from government to be together but she still want to be married legally maybe in court.

You seem to have some issues to work out or some growing up to do before you're ready for a relationship. I'd suggest a counselor.

The fact that you're asking for this relationship advice in a divorce sub reinforces that second point.

pharmd718 · 2022-01-22T20:15:44+00:00

Only get married if you’d like to have kids. Even then, make sure to have a lawyer sign a prenup. Don’t get married without one.

TonySopranow · 2022-01-22T20:22:49+00:00

Run boy, run! Run for your life.

buyinlowsellouthigh · 2022-01-22T20:35:34+00:00

Prenuptial agreement. Don't have any kids with her.1

trashy615 · 2022-01-22T20:59:41+00:00

Have fun with your 60k student loans after she cleans out half your 401k brother.

thefudmaster · 2022-01-22T21:18:05+00:00

OP, you need to tell her that you don’t want to get married, and tell her if you ever choose to marry her that you will have an ironclad prenuptial agreement in place. See what her reaction is after you mention a prenuptial agreement.

If she balks at the idea, drop her immediately. She is trying to get her claws in you even more so you’ll co-sign on her debt. I’ve seen women marry a man and as soon as he pays of her debt she divorced him and takes half or more of his shit.

You’ve been through this before and you know what the correct answer is. I recommend getting a vasectomy and getting the swimmers out and dropping the gold digger/opportunist.

Title	Finance question on mariage
Author	georeddit2018
Upvotes	9
Comments	57
Date	January 22, 2022 3:34 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/sa4zkh/finance_question_on_mariage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/finance-question-on-mariage.1098207 https://theredarchive.com/post/1098207

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