Honest is it your fault?

Techdude_Advanced · 2025-08-18T11:52:20+00:00

I wasn't perfect and definitely made mistakes. Something I should have clearly done was also set my boundaries and shouldn't have moved her in within a few months of dating. I made mistakes but got two awesome kids out of it. They hate accountability and enjoy the ride until you are broken.

You are always the horse in the relationship until you can no longer work then you get retired and a new fresh horse comes in. The new horse doesn't know what you've been through and thinks he's in heaven with great benefits until his time is also up.

WeaknessCapital9064 · 2025-08-12T16:49:54+00:00

A lot of men don’t want to admit it, but sometimes we marry for the wrong reasons. The chemistry is there, the attraction is strong, and we tell ourselves that’s enough to carry us through the years. But over time, the shine wears off. You start seeing the person behind the appeal, and sometimes it’s not someone who brings much else to the relationship.

When intimacy becomes their main currency, you start to realize how little effort they put into anything else. The partnership feels one-sided. You find yourself with someone who thinks you should feel lucky to be with them and that you owe them for being intimate with you.

It doesn’t happen overnight. Resentment builds on both sides. You feel used for your time, energy, and resources, while they think they’re doing their part simply by being there. What you thought you were getting was a partner who would invest in the relationship. What you actually got was a transactional arrangement with no real depth.

Attraction is a spark, not a foundation. If there’s no respect, no shared goals, and no real care for each other beyond the surface, the spark dies. And when it does, you’re left staring at someone across the table wondering why you ignored all the questions you should have asked before you got married.

Wrong_Report9195 · 2025-08-12T13:42:39+00:00

It's a dynamic. It's both our fault for not coming up with a workable marriage.

No cheating.

We broke over choice of house, choice of school for our kids, her stonewalling, and the eventual costs of all those bad decisions.

She made 50k. I made 250k. I was by far the more complete person. And I felt like I chased around her cleaning up her messes.

She didn't even recognize the problems. I was the clean up crew so it was my issue. She came home with starbucks for the fifth time in the same day. Starbucks was kind of like her Cheers. And she knew that caused grief. Dunno.

She's wired to be a free spirit living off someone else. I'm wired to women's lib, like, women need to get out there and work a real career. We discussed this for a year before marriage and she had a promising career back then. But she never tended to it.

I've seen a lot of men just accept situations like this. Her dad did. He's a worn out husk of a doer for his wife. It's just not for me tho. It might be just what some other guy is looking for. She's dating some guy now who is a minimum wage type. They spend their days fishing. So, she settled into a life that fits her.

Anyway, blame is really difficult. Type A. Type B.

Character-Change-507 · 2025-08-12T12:42:30+00:00

I wasn't perfect but I wasn't the one lying, cheating, betraying

DrawingPlastic916 · 2025-08-12T01:23:54+00:00

So basically everyone in this sub is saying their exs are hoes? It’s okay if so. My ex is a gutter slut. She’d sleep with anyone.

myxyplyxy · 2025-08-12T00:19:18+00:00

I could have been better. But i tried. Circumstances were very very hard.

Flapique · 2025-08-11T22:20:19+00:00

Does becoming depressed from having chronic illness count?

Important-Possible-3 · 2025-08-11T20:28:54+00:00

Cheating is premeditated and a choice. You'd have to be sick to begin with to be morally capable of doing something like that

mesi130 · 2025-08-11T15:32:31+00:00

Looking back of course I could have been a better husband. Yes some of it was my fault. Did I cheat no. Ever physical with her no. Did she hit me yes. I think if you can admit you did anything wrong you have issues yourself. My first divorce my ex finally admitted some of it was her fault. 16 years after the fact she finally said it.

ExpiredPleaseUpdate · 2025-08-11T07:47:52+00:00

I now have two divorces behind, never once cheated in my marriage.

But I agree it takes two to clap. My first mistake (done twice) was getting married.

idkwhyimaloser37 · 2025-08-11T04:30:39+00:00

She said I could've had sex on the side and find a side chick. But I never did. I don't want her to have that against me when I file for divorce after I get a new job.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-08-10T22:01:15+00:00

I contributed to the issues in our marriage. Her decision to cheat was 100% on her. That was the nail in the coffin of our marriage.

Grafixx5 · 2025-08-10T21:04:22+00:00

I never cheated.

BuddhistChrist · 2025-08-10T20:49:58+00:00

Totally my fault. I totally drove her to have car sex and sex on my bed multiple times with a married man in her support group.

Pullout66 · 2025-08-10T19:24:51+00:00

I always tell people this... 25% my fault... 25% her fault..50% her cheating. 75% not my fault.

DaveTheDrummer802 · 2025-08-10T18:07:54+00:00

I have not cheated, but I also have zero game.

If I found myself in the right situation, I don't think I could help myself. I crave romantic attention SO much right now. Even just hand holding.

Business_Guava3329 · 2025-08-10T16:08:33+00:00

Physically with another woman? No. Porn as compensation for the multiple times she cheated with another man? Yes. Who gets blamed/treated worse and called a sexist misogynist pig? Me. Does she ever admit to her wrongs/hold herself accountable? Never.

I'd rather have the peace following my divorce than deal with this shit anymore. I'm all for equality/egalitarianism, but I don't believe in "paying reparations" for the sins of my forefathers or other men when I've suffered enough from an abusive mother, abusive gaslighting teachers undermining men, all the abusive exes I was programmed to accept as "normal", and getting totally destroyed by the California divorce system.

I've paid my "reparations", and I'm done.

LearnGrowExist · 2025-08-10T05:39:17+00:00

Cheated? Yes. My issues? Not enough to ever justify her cheating. It’s pretty much that simple for me now.

Ok-Reward-7731 · 2025-08-10T05:36:57+00:00

There was certainly a context over years and some fundamental communication challenges that preceded my bad choices, but ultimately I destroyed my life and hers. I also was the one who filed.

As someone in recovery, I focus only on how I contributed to a situation. It’s a valuable way to reduce resentments and focus on healing.

RedRibbon3KS · 2025-08-10T05:25:54+00:00

I wonder about this for myself. I did not cheat, did most of the shopping, cooking, taking care of the kids, while working (very flexible hours) full time. She became very involved with another person, constant texting, and going on trips. But somehow the story she gives others is that I was at fault. Most people believed her and cut me off. I wonder if I am blind to my own shortcomings

Most-Ad-7288 · 2025-08-10T05:08:58+00:00

I had issues but it didn’t deserve the outcome. Honestly some effort on both sides would have recovered it.

Nearby_Translator_55 · 2025-08-10T07:14:15+00:00

Everything was my fault, apparently.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2025-08-10T23:35:13+00:00

The divorce is absolutely my fault I woke up one day after ten years of being a little puppy who did whatever she said and said NOPE not anymore from there is escalated to her getting crazier and crazier and that was all she wrote told her I was done and wanted a divorce she filed shortly after that

Title	Honest is it your fault?
Author	RDJD5
Upvotes	5
Comments	36
Date	August 10, 2025 4:45 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mm9nmf/honest_is_it_your_fault/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/honest-is-it-your-fault.1559252 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559252

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