My wife and I have been married since 2016 and have two amazing boys, age 2 and 9 mo. She had told me she wants to leave so many times throughout the relationship that I've lost count. I contribute significantly, both financially and as a parent. Every day she sleeps while I get the boys fed, dressed, clean, brushed teeth...you get it.. And every night I race home to relieve her, do bathtime, dinner and bedtime (though she often does dinner bed that requires me to come home very early). At least one day of the weekend I'm doing everything from morning to night so she can work (adjunct professor/curriculum writer, works from home). She makes as much as I do, which is just shy of 100k.

I don't know what, if any, of this matters in whatever advice you give me. I'm so post and so sad. Our main issue is with my adhd. It prevents me from planning and seeing things through. I miss details constantly and it infuriates her. I never plan trips, or do the think work with the kids. I've tried a thousand ways and I just can't fucking do it. I hate myself for not being what I need to be. The pain and self loathing is so great that, on a few occasions, I've gone down to the basement to slap myself as hard as I can over and over.

Today was the typical pattern, where she would notice tiny details out of place the night before (everything must be spotless at all times), and each one would make her angrier. She screamed at me in front of the kids the whole car ride to where we were going, and for the first time, I agreed that maybe our kids would be happier without me, and with a mom that is happy. She has said this many times before but I started maybe my desire to be a part of things has clouded my judgment about what's best for them.

She told me to move out, which isn't the first time she has demanded this in a fight. In other times, I would look for an apartment but we would reconcile before anything happened. This time, I remembered a law office's radio commercial that told men not to move out, as it makes life harder for you. So, I told her I wasn't doing anything until we both got lawyers. She called me horrible names and left. I'm sitting here typing this through tears and I feel like this is all a bad dream, which is ridiculous considering all that has led up to this.

I don't know what to do or where to go from here. All I can think about is my dreams of a happy family being shattered and I just can't handle it.