If she comes back.. I'll be the fool

onajourney13 · 2024-09-23T16:13:09+00:00

If you cut all contact, there’s a slim chance she’ll come back.

But why would you want her after she’s been with others? Could you truly start a family with her? Treat her as she deserves.

Disengage until she comes crawling back, and by then, be strong enough to send her away for good.

onajourney13 · 2024-09-23T16:06:52+00:00

I was in your shoes—crying over someone who cheated and took money until I filed for divorce and alimony.

My counselor asked, “Can you stop reaching out and focus on yourself? She’ll only hurt you.”

You need to be stronger, whether she returns or not. Once she’s gone, you can’t trust her. These women will drain your emotions and bank account.

Stand firm and treat her like she’s replaceable—because that’s how she’s treating you. I wish I had this advice sooner.

Take the advice from men here. Shift your focus off her now.

Good luck, buddy. 🙏🏼

Aeronaut_condor · 2024-09-20T13:29:33+00:00

You don’t want her back, you want what she was back. That’s dead and gone. She’s for the streets now. She may come back but if you take her back you’ll never be satisfied.

She’s gone, don’t ever take her back. If you do, she’ll hate you for it.

Classic_Dill · 2024-09-20T12:41:16+00:00

Do yourself a favor and get to a psychiatrist, you need to honestly work on yourself, I don’t honestly believe you’re anywhere near getting through the acceptance phase of this, and if you don’t get through the acceptance phase of what’s happening to you, you’ll never move on and you’ll never heal correctly. I think you need to work on your self-respect and have a psychiatrist help you through the acceptance phase.

What you’re saying is you’re willing to play second fiddle to anybody else that she slept with, think about that? Think about the lack of your own self-worth. I don’t know why you guys broke up, that would absolutely play into what you should do, but being alone is the most important thing you can do right now, you’ve got to cut your codependency.

No_Special379 · 2024-09-19T13:23:50+00:00

Yes, you'd be a fool. And once you go through that door, it's a long way out. You could spend years trying to break the cycle. And once you do, you can spend years kicking yourself for lack of dignity. Move on and don't prolong your misery. Speaking from experience.

Brirex21 · 2024-09-19T02:53:05+00:00

Are you going to therapy? Not my business but I’m asking because taking her back is not a good idea because of where you are right now.

She will walk all over you, you will be living a brutal life of constantly wondering where she is and who she is with.

I’m sorry for your pain, I’m in it myself but I don’t want back. I gave her 110% to but it wasn’t enough. So, I have decided to move on and honestly alone is better than what I had.

Hang in there, breath, talk to family and friends that care about only you.

Movieman_Steve · 2024-09-19T01:17:34+00:00

I thought mine would do the same, realize that I'm here for her waiting. I can honestly say that changed when I was served the papers. You gotta prepare yourself for the worst case scenario- being served Divorce papers and that she ain't coming back. I told myself when I found the note saying she left, with no discussion about it beforehand, that she's just on a trip where she can't communicate and that she'll be back. Being served gave me her answer on coming back, not going to happen. It's easy to think they'll come back but it's harder facing the truth that they won't.

jkw118 · 2024-09-19T00:25:22+00:00

Yes you'd be a fool. Might she come back? Possibly.. if she does, she won't stay forever. A friend separated, wife came back after getting pregnant. He couldn't have kids... she had the baby. Got to the 2yr mark.. she met up with the baby dad, and left.. guy now has 80% custody of someone else's kid. The baby dad is in jail... she's mia.. he is on his own raising someone else's kid.. with her sending a postcard every so often saying she may come back. Or not.. if she does I wouldn't be surprised if she dumps another kid on him.. and I love the kid.. but feel terrible for him.. he turned down major paying jobs and is basically a mess and barely able to take care of himself and the kid.. she showed up when the kid was 4, they screwed, she emptied his account and left again.. I'm fairly certain she gave him an std.. It's fd up.. But reality is cut your losses.. Here's the other reality You have your old memories, but any future ones with her. will be you questioning whether she's going to leave any minute. Their is no longer trust , and you now know their is a limit/ point that you can't trust her. Any major trips/experiences will be littered with wondering if she'll bail or flirt with others. Will you trust her with access to your bank account? Will she randomly just buy stuff, and run up credit cards in your name? .....more then likely yes, and then bail..

beezo123 · 2024-09-19T00:12:27+00:00

I've had a girlfriend for about 3 months. Granted it's a long distance relationship, but I really dig her. I cannot relate to missing my wife like you did even before this girlfriend or the hookups which preceded her.

Anyway, in the past 6 days I've had more sex than I can count, including her wearing a cat mask and her doing the sexy meow on command while she rides me. Also there was some work from home interview today for her as my secretary. She got the job let's just say.

You're wasting your time and your life and your feelings. Move on dude

likeaffox · 2024-09-19T00:05:24+00:00

She won't be the same person if she does come back. And you won't be the same.

Once you get over her, is when she will come back.

Hog-Switchkey · 2024-09-18T23:21:05+00:00

Let go of the past. Do you want to go back to what was? You won't change and she won't either! Forget it and move on into the future!

UnimportantOutcome67 · 2024-09-18T22:20:32+00:00

Bro.

I was talking to my 14 year old daughter the other day. I told her I would never get back together, like, ever, with her mother.

Daughter: "I would never forgive you if you did."

It's gone, Bro'. Let it go. Let her go.

Odd_Statistician_254 · 2024-09-18T21:49:13+00:00

You are infatuated with her. Your happiness, purpose and thoughts don’t belong to anyone but yourself. You are in desperate need of some therapy and introspection.

Still-Average9690 · 2024-09-18T20:11:16+00:00

You are me. I've done the single thing in the past. It wasn't for me. It's the adventures with my wife and kids that I crave now. Camping trips, seeing the world together, learning new skills together, getting cheesy Christmas pictures together. I miss all of it. Were fools together. Hopelessly wishing we could erase this painful reality from existence, but taking the lessons we've learned with us.

TenuousOgre · 2024-09-18T21:44:25+00:00

Once someone you trust deeply has betrayed that trust you move on. Even if they come back, apologize, and try to make amends, why would you ever trust them again to that extent? You wouldn't. It will never be the same. End it and move on.

King_Flavko · 2024-09-18T21:12:40+00:00

Whao.. you guys are alll misunderstanding her character. She's not like that at all. And I'm packing 9" here so I'm not intimidated by the low level dick she's gonna be getting cause I know I'm the best she ever had.

What she's looking for is not sex.. if it was, she'd probably just call me. It's deeper than that. It's alot of me holding myself back from being th e man she saw when she married me. It's my own self sabotage that made her make a decision to leave. As well as a mistake I made.

She's not like that but I appreciate the outlook

Vegan-4-Humanity · 2024-09-18T20:58:32+00:00

My Brother my woman called me her GOD.. I cannot live without you. We were inseparable!

I was being used for a green card ..

Met in 97… married in 2000 divorced in 07..

My brother I cried every night..

Listen bro..

Be happy for her.. Trust me your soul we be at peace.

If she left once she’ll do it again and cheating would be like leaves falling from a tree in a hurricane 🌀.

Trust me..

I’ve been through the trenches..

I was dealing with a real demonic woman 👩🏻. Don’t let that sweet voice or cute face fool u.

It causes you more pain psychologically and intern physically.

Your peace of mind is paramount!

rickyspanish12345 · 2024-09-18T20:42:46+00:00

"maybe hook up with a guy"

She's definitely going to hook up with a guy or guys.

You might want to therapy. Therapy really helped me.

KillerUndies · 2024-09-18T20:19:37+00:00

You'd be a fool, yes.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-09-18T20:13:57+00:00

Hookup with a guy? How about 25 of them? You are a fool sir! For God’s sake, snap the hell out of it. If she comes back AFTER the divorce, and wants to live on YOUR terms, well … that is your decision.

This_Train340i · 2024-09-18T20:13:09+00:00

"I hear alot of women come back after they have had their fill of freedom. They lived the single live, maybe hooked up with a guy"

Sorry brother, this never happens. But even if it did, you would never want such a disloyal woman who betrayed your trust back. And it isn't "a guy" she hooks up with either. It is multiple guys, probably multiples of tens. Just imagine her eyes getting rolled up into the back of her head as Chad, Tyrone, and Genghis Kahn blow her back out and she begs for more of the things that she never did with you.

You don't want to touch that Petri dish full of STD bacteria brother. Get your head on straight! She's never coming back and if she did it would be a completely ruined person you don't want to touch, unless you are into cuckoldry and open marriages I guess, then it could work. For all other men, it is a life of hell and mental torture to remain hitched to a Succubus.

These_Row6066 · 2024-09-18T19:45:28+00:00

She does not respect you

Melodic-Grapefruit-4 · 2024-09-18T19:34:51+00:00

I think it’s natural for men to hold on to a small glimmer of hope.i describe it as a faraway beacon that blinks in the fog. But brother, why would you want somebody back who caused you so much heartache and pain?

AvacodoCartwheeler · 2024-09-18T19:28:26+00:00

Walk to a mirror and look at yourself. Now slap the shit out of yourself, then read the rest of my post with a beer in hand.

My man. Re-read what you just wrote. You are OK with being her backup. You don't care if she sleeps around and gets her *literal* fill of sausage. It won't be one. It won't be two, it'll be several, until you are correct, she realizes that grass isn't as green as it looked. Then she'll want your "stability" she'll say you were here "constant" her "rock" her "anchor" and those types of things which mean you were holding her down, preventing her from being free, but now she wants to take a break (read that word a few times) from dating for a while and get her life in better order before leaving you again. In her eyes she would be doing you a favor by coming back. Let that sink in - she will think YOU owe HER for coming back after cheating on you. To steal the trendy saying from the girls... that should give you the Ick.

Close your eyes, and imagine the woman you love, whom you so desperately want back loving every second of getting pounded by other men, thinking to herself how great sex is with new people. Telling another man "Yes, Sir" as he tells her what positions to get into and exactly how to take it. This is what you are saying you are OK with.

She doesn't "think you'll move on and find someone," She really hopes you do soon because she's getting sick of being "nice" about it. My gut says she feels bad FOR YOU and is trying to let you down softly.

If you REALLY want her back, the only way is to start dating other women. As soon as she sees someone else wants you she will come back. No women on earth comes back to a man who begs them to. It's just that simple. She doesn't respect you and she doesn't want you.

If there's anything I could teach *almost* every man on this sub, its that when someone tries to leave, LET THEM.

Reflog1791 · 2024-09-18T19:23:22+00:00

She’ll come crawling back when you upgrade everything in your life. Get buff, improve appearance, that’ll get you a raise and a hot new gf. That’s when they come back to try and torpedo your life, just like they did the first time. By that point you’ll have wised up.

Title	If she comes back.. I'll be the fool
Author	King_Flavko
Upvotes	20
Comments	49
Date	September 18, 2024 6:56 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fk0l2p/if_she_comes_back_ill_be_the_fool/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/if-she-comes-back-ill-be-the-fool.1530596 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530596

Comments