Loneliness

sloanady · 2024-08-13T00:18:12+00:00

The only thing that has worked for me is going to the gym every morning. Made in non negotiatable, eventually feeling better led to looking better led to feeling more confident led to thinking better led to being a version closer to the guy I was when I landed my wife. I'm not saying that's a magic bullet but it certianly can't hurt.

MonarchistExtreme · 2024-08-12T22:16:44+00:00

I have full custody of our son and he's just as much my friend as my kid (he's 17 now and grown).

I do sometimes feel an icy shard penetrate my heart when I think of the day that's he's grown and moves out. Not sure what I will do then but at least by now there are no thoughts of wanting to be with HER again.

Mostly I've found modern women (at least in major US cities) ...their juice isn't worth the squeeze. I have also grown cynical about relationships. When I see a "happy couple" I just feel sorry for the dude, imagining what he'd discover if he looked thru her phone lol

Low_Distribution5188 · 2024-08-12T19:29:29+00:00

Women have options..men too..they all got multiple people they're dating and having sex with..it's a nasty game out here..so many diseases out here too..

Nighthawk2824 · 2024-08-10T13:52:22+00:00

I totally get this man. Been 16 months and I let her come back around and caught her lying to me and then I found the truth of everything out and she admitted to things. She is an alcoholic which I knew and that’s why she made all the choices she was making. She now wants to come back around and she said she is changing into what I deserve. She is attending AA classes and says she’s done drinking. She is in so much debt. Dude, I’m lost just as well as you are. I feel this post so much. I let her stay here last night and I just stare at her cuz idt things will ever be the same knowing what I know. I’m crushed to the core. We also have a child who is 4 and that’s all I think about. I’m not sure what to do.

Low_Distribution5188 · 2024-08-12T19:27:54+00:00

Dating isn't the way to go..if your not married your commiting fornication and your not obeying the most high.. they're is no commitment in dating and having girlfriends and boyfriends..having children out of wedlock etc..move on..get close to God..plan your life for the spiritual world..

Ok_Thing7777 · 2024-08-11T20:55:41+00:00

Your Young so you have that. Find a hobby and find a passion. I know it can be lonely sometimes. Eighteen years in my wife left me five months ago and took our four kids. I'm learning every day how to be the person I was. I was in a very codependent relationship. My wife and I owned a business for 10 years. Working every day together with our family. We were never apart, so I hear you, buddy. If you don't have a therapist, get one if you don't work out start. Start by building your confidence in yourself. Women will notice it, and you will be much more attractive. Try taking some classes in a community college cooking dancing anything. I took Step Aerobics. There were thirty women and me. Ended up dating the Instructor. I know this sounds like a cluche , It will get better. Just keep telling yourself that every day.

Level-Grapefruit-788 · 2024-08-11T10:22:12+00:00

I can totally relate to the deep sense of loneliness that you’re feeling. My kids live out of state in a small resort town. They are older teens and have their own lives. So when I spend time with them which at minimum is 1/3 of the month or more I feel extremely isolated. Even being in a serious relationship when I was with my kids I felt isolated. I did my best to keep busy working for home, going to the gym, hiking, biking, skiing, you name it. I volunteer at meal on wheels in the kitchen some mornings. I went out at night. Most of the time alone and sometimes with friends. It’s also hard when most of you now have their own lives, kids and work. I got used to going to dinner alone. It can be really nice to do it. I’d always run into someone I know. What I refused to do is go out to bars and drink every night. It’s not a healthy way to cope. If you’re an animal person, get a pet. I lost my dog in the divorce. I found that for me getting a puppy was a huge help. And I’m so grateful that he’s a Velcro puppy. Doesn’t want to leave my side ever. He’s also super cute so almost everyone I run into wants to stop and talk. Really helpful in meeting women btw so it’s an added bonus. I do still have bouts of extreme loneliness. Keep your head up. Reach out to your friends and family and try to find other things that will help you.

Zealousideal-Let1344 · 2024-08-11T05:23:23+00:00

I'm sorry, I really don't have a whole lot to offer on this. I actually like being alone. I enjoy being able to do whatever I want to do whenever I want to do it however I want to do it for as long as I want to do it. Being with someone else in a relationship just puts too many constraints on me.

dadplup · 2024-08-11T03:31:57+00:00

Been divorced for 2 1/2 years, and honestly after nearly 19 years together , dating is not something I want to do, first I'm older, so young girls are not my focus, it takes time to rediscover yourself after being married. The loneliness can be overwhelming but you can grow from it, find what you are passionate about and go for it.

Don't rush it, don't rush yourself, you have to heal before you can move on, or might take a week or a month or longer, I haven't dated anyone since, but I've had encounters, I'm not ready for a serious relationship,I'm most definitely not going to remarry unless the person is truly special, someday I hope I am but if not I will be ok, a bit lonely but ok, just have to wait for the grandkids lol

Icerunner45 · 2024-08-11T00:46:33+00:00

I feel you dude. Wife took my kids 2 weeks ago and I’ve been off work, completely alone since then. All day, every day has been alone and all I can do is think about her and my kids. The courts should make her bring our kids back, but it’s such a slow process.

jonathanclee1 · 2024-08-10T22:45:46+00:00

You tell me and we'll both know it's been years since my divorce and I still struggle 😔

RealDamage007 · 2024-08-10T20:14:42+00:00

Fam focus on yourself right now. Don’t try to use another relationship to dull the pain. You’re not ready. Plug in with therapy already if you haven’t, there are signs of depression there. Join a gym, r start either Jiu Jitsu or Muay Thai. Something to focus on you. What kind of work do you do? School loans? How’s your financial health? Work on those things and don’t worry about women. When the time is right, you won’t even have to look, you’d find the balance. Me, I wasnt looking for another woman,I just want peace, serenity, safety, time to listen to music. I focus on me.

samk002001 · 2024-08-10T20:14:30+00:00

Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely! I learned to love myself and be comfortable alone…. I’m slowly becoming an introvert

Local_Initiative2024 · 2024-08-10T19:22:43+00:00

You need to find new worthwhile pursuits other than women. You don’t need a woman to complete yourself.

Slowloris81 · 2024-08-10T18:53:27+00:00

I hear you. I often feel the same way. It’s been two years since my separation from an abusive ex. I’m meeting no other divorced dads around so feel like an island unto myself.

I just try to take one day at a time, write off the really bad days and hope the next one is better. Just gotta keep trying and push yourself to do things you wouldn’t otherwise do and hope it will get better. Venting here and knowing you’re not alone even if you might feel that way helps.

karavan7 · 2024-08-10T17:32:04+00:00

Totally normal. It takes a year or two to recover. Go out with friends, particularly women. They’re great wingmen. Don’t take online dating seriously. It works and you don’t want to be disappointed.

xjeeperx · 2024-08-10T17:28:36+00:00

The gym and basically spending free time working lol.

ADivorcedGuy · 2024-08-10T15:36:28+00:00

The short answer is you need to make new guy friends to hang out with. Find new hobbies that you enjoy doing or expand on the hobbies that you are currently doing.

Live music is a great one. I took up photography and started to go to bars with live music and take pics. Got to know the bands and shared pics with them. This is one way I got past the loneliness.

Try things that sound fun and interesting to you that involve other guys.

My $.02

This_Train340i · 2024-08-10T15:05:06+00:00

Most men have been brainwashed through years of relentless propaganda starting before kindergarten to need others in order to be happy, later on the mind manipulation gets more specific to require a man needing a woman to complete himself. The truth is, you do not. Many of the best men in history who made the greatest impact were single, and there is no doubt if they had to daily cater to a woman's whimsical happiness then their great accomplishments would not have ever happened. Take a year off, brother. Learn to love yourself and do the virtuous things that people do who truly love themselves.

randomly421 · 2024-08-10T14:53:42+00:00

There's a lot of good advice in this thread. Working out is a great one and truly helped me a lot through the spot you're in now.

But honestly, it sounds like you have too much weight on having a partner to make you happy.

That's an observation from another guy who had too much need for being with someone to feel fulfilled. It defined my self-worth and had since I was a teen. No girlfriend? "You're a sad loser" was my thoughts..

I feel like getting past that need for validation balanced my life out greatly.

And if/when the right lady shows up in your life, you'll be better prepared to create a healthy relationship without any emotional dependency.

mr21vp · 2024-08-10T14:52:52+00:00

Work on your self-esteem so you enjoy your own company - believe me it's a slow process. Now I love my alone time and balance that out being around good friends. Also be your #1 advocate and spoil yourself

Occasionally I "scratch that itch" with female companionship but that's much easier living outside of the US. Also helps being mid50s with a declining libido so biology doesn't have as firm as a grip as when I was younger.

WiseMute · 2024-08-10T14:26:42+00:00

Go to the gym. Use the anger and pain to lift. It has been my only escape.

NorthBoy_9012 · 2024-08-10T12:44:04+00:00

I’m sorry about your situation, but only you can fix it. Short answer, yes - you need to walk up to as many women as you wish to, compliment them on their hair/shoes/earrings,etc. and engage. Have a cool business card to leave with them. I’m teaching my 18 year old son how to do this, and you may have to try 100 times, to get 1 coffee date, but that is the cost. Get some therapy, get in awesome shape at the gym, and clean up your diet. Do awesome at work, and make friends there. Pride is something you, and only you, can give to yourself. Get used to doing things by yourself - the #1 thing women can sniff out is confidence, and you’re going to need to do this - not for them - but for yourself. If you have a sister, or your mom, call her, and say I need 5 minutes and I’m listening. Ask them, from a woman’s perspective, who is attractive, and why, you need to turn your ears on, and grab a notepad. They’ll start in with looks, but quickly it will turn to clothes the man is wearing, and how he makes them feel. There’s another thing you totally can control and do for yourself: personal appearance. Shave every day, or keep a nice beard, with beard oil like Cedar/Sandalwood, wear clean, matching clothes, if you don’t have money - you can get a whole new wardrobe at a Thrift store for about $125, or at least a start. Slow down with women, look them right in the eye, smile, smile confidently. Learn how to walk into a room and be a badass as you do it (even if you’re faking it). Get an over the counter Testosterone enhancer, like Tongat Ali. Buck up my man, you’ve gotta pick yourself up, you can do it. Many of us here are suffering through this change, but don’t just lie there and take it. Get up now, leave your house, apt, whatever - and start making yourself into the man you want to be, right this moment! Go brother!!!

Beamformer · 2024-08-10T12:34:15+00:00

It can be hit and miss, and it's easy to get self-conscious about the whole thing. The more you are at ease, the more likely it is you will have a good time. The first girl I went out with worked at the bar I was frequenting and approached me. Before that, three women had asked me to take their picture, I said sure as long as I get one with them too. They were drunk and posing it up like they were all out with me. Talked to them the rest of the night and i got a lot of mileage from those pics. Don't think that a lot of married people trapped in their own routines aren't envious of your freedom and opportunities.

Artistic-Month-7446 · 2024-08-10T11:33:43+00:00

Stay strong bro. I wish I have both the courage & passion to go to live music event alone like you do, you should be definitely proud of yourself. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do alone, just maintaining a basic routine

Previous-Product777 · 2024-08-10T10:40:24+00:00

Seeing happy couples while you’re going through a divorce is definitely depressing as shit. But the funny thing is that a lot of those happy people would be equally as jealous about the freedom you have to do whatever you want whenever you want. The grass always looks greener. Make the most of being single while you can, stay comfortable being alone (going to see the music by yourself was a strong move, you should be proud of yourself) and don’t care so much about the bad dates or feel like you have to rush into anything, you have loads of time.

dnbndnb · 2024-08-10T10:17:39+00:00

Life is not social media, sir. Everything you imagine that’s working perfectly out there is just a fantasy.

producechick · 2024-08-10T10:06:36+00:00

Just so you know there are plenty of us who want a man like you. I might be 49 but there isn't a man that I wouldn't want to...I don't think I'm allowed to say what I would like to say? 🤷‍♀️

lebonroidagobert · 2024-08-10T08:52:57+00:00

one day at a time my man. some days are harder than others. it’s all a process. be gentle and kind to yourself. especially while you are going through it. there was never hope for me and my ex after she nuked our family and even over 2yrs later there are still days i miss her and feel lonely.

Title	Loneliness
Author	Elawn
Upvotes	24
Comments	51
Date	August 10, 2024 8:36 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1eoo870/loneliness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/loneliness.1526883 https://theredarchive.com/post/1526883

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