Lonely Single Men

softnmushy · 2023-11-01T03:10:17+00:00

Based on the women-oriented subreddits, it appears that a lot women are fed up with their bad experiences with men due to misogyny, red pill, sexual assault, etc.

It’s hard to say if this is really representative of the whole population.

Justwannaread3 · 2023-11-01T02:40:31+00:00

So, first of all, more people are single overall, not just men. The growth in number of unpartnered men has outpaced that of women, but not significantly. (Source)

Overall, ~30% of people are single. There are slightly more single men than women — but the gap is only about 4%. (Source)

When you break it down by age, many more men under 30 are single than women in the same age group. But many more women over 65 are single than men over 65. It all evens out.

A lot of this can be explained by women dating men who are slightly older than they are. (Same source)

A reason that it might be harder for men to find relationships than women is the fact that a higher percentage of single men than single women are looking for a relationship. Lots of women are choosing to stay single. (Same source)

Decreasing socialization combined with more time spent on the internet is another very likely culprit.

Azihayya · 2023-11-01T04:32:12+00:00

You've got some great answers, but I'll just add that it's pretty obvious that men aren't listening to women when it comes to what they're looking for in a relationship. Over and over we hear women talking about how their partners are abusive, don't take care of the chores, and aren't concerned with their sexual pleasure. We see these posts every day on TwoX, but based on the redpill, you would think that there would be posts every day asking if women think they can find taller and wealthier partners than the ones they have now.

Maybe you are looking for an answer along these lines; it's clear that the redpill community isn't concerned with what women want or what women are saying. They're content to live in a delusional fantasy world that allows them to externalize all of their problems and blame women for the most irrational things possible. It's a reactionary attempt to agitate for a world that centers male privilege.

SpicyTurkeyBaster · 2023-11-01T09:29:40+00:00

I think people in general are more disconnected and less socialized from a young age now. I actually don’t think it has anything to do with gender, it only becomes about gender because red pill influencers tell you it is.

luridlurker · 2023-11-01T02:36:53+00:00

It's true that the number of single people is growing and the increase of single men has outpaced the increase in single women - but it's not clear these are all lonely people.

There's also just a 3% difference between women and men when it comes to being single.

3 in 10 unpartnered men and 2.4 in 10 unpartnered women are living with their parents and unpartnered men and women are (on the whole) in worse economic shape than their partnered counterparts. Partnered women are far more likely to have a higher education than unpartnered men. Some have interpreted this to mean that women won't date men who aren't doing well economically or education-wise and that women's standards have risen... that might be part of it, but it's also a chicken and egg problem. If you can move in with someone, you both save some and can boost each other as a team, that includes sending one of you back to school. If you don't have a partner, you're at a disadvantage.

At the end of the day, the wealth gap is widening and that's affecting men slightly more than women, but it's ultimately affecting everyone, including those who are doing well. We have a diminishing middle class - not just in the US, but in a lot of the world. Men can blame women but it won't get anyone anywhere. It's a crabs in a bucket mentality.

ZenSawaki · 2023-11-01T02:53:19+00:00

How do you know they are "lonely"? Loneliness is a feeling and has nothing to do with your relationship situation. I am single and don't feel lonely. Other people feel lonely while in a relationship.

saito200 · 2023-11-01T15:51:34+00:00

Why do you put "single" and "lonely" in the same sentence so casually? That someone is single doesn't mean they are lonely

salynch · 2023-11-01T20:59:58+00:00

A lot of this is just a bigger increase in loneliness tied to the atomization of Western society, a decline in localized human relationships, and an aging population.

People spend more time online (or watching TV or gaming) and less time with the people who live near them, interacting IRL. Lots of social structures (local clubs, civic organizations, even churches, etc.) are in decline and get less interest from younger people. Families are smaller, so you are more lonely by default, because you have fewer people to interact with in general and it’s ness normative to just be surrounded by other people all the time. People, starting at a young age, spend less time in common spaces (outdoors, etc.), so folks forget how to socialize and there are fewer opportunities to make friends or other relationships. I mean… damn. There’s a reason why people get laid more in college: that’s where all of the people are!

Finally, it’s an aging population in most places (assuming here that you’re in the USA or Europe), so it’s hard to find people who are interested and motivated in making friends or starting relationships in general, let alone romantic partners.

So I think what you’ll see if you look at bigger trends is that this is absolutely happening across society, and the red pill folks are just trying explain a general trend through their very narrow (and frankly, limited/self-interested) world view.

Now, there is some truth that women probabaly have higher standards in the past. In fact, I do agree with the point that if we lived in a world where no one left their hometown and everyone dated the folks who lived near them, then lots of women would probably “settle” for partners. But I think a big part of that is that our society looks at a couple as an entity unto itself rather than part of a bigger community, these days (that atomization thing I talked about). There’s less opportunity to “fall in” with someone and settle down early in life, when you don’t identify as closely with the place where you live/your church/whatever and just date around within that pool of people.

I don’t think that most redpill people actually advocate for a return to that kind of time in our society, either (“volunteer at a rotary club and work at a food kitchen, organize a food drive, make your small town a place where people want to interact in public places”). They just get angry and don’t understand why their own life feels so lonely.

Midnightchickover · 2023-11-01T08:43:24+00:00

The answers above me are incredible, but I honestly believe it’s a pretty systemic problem and the failing of society that is far too controlling over gender norms and values.

I also believe this sort is double negative in a country, like the US where “machismo” and “vast materialism” is so warped into cultural values and social values that it makes men feel isolated and failed, if they don’t fulfill certain aspects of manhood.

Red Pill or incel communities, even many right wing channels or alpha male channels focus so much on how awful feminism is for men and women themselves, yet almost never mention the vast equalities that exist in society without women being in significant positions of power and authority and great means.

We speak often speak about male loneliness, but how many of these people…no men make an effort to build support systems or outlets to help other men. I won’t say it does not or ever happens, but it’s pretty uncommon. Men often value strength and independence and this would go against everything they believe in. Because, remember some of thesemen are also chasing after “alpha-male” hood because it unlocks a lot of things they don’t have besides women, like money, a comfortable lifestyle, or sometimes even steady or close buddies.

Oftentimes, male loneliness and male virginity are conflated together as new phenomenons. It’s wrong in almost every regard. Lonely men have always been around, and they very much made up a great amount of the population throughout history. Marriage in the past, we could say for the better part of the past was a transactional process. That had no concerns for bettering society. It was purely a profitable exchange, except for the man purchasing or acquiring the wife. Unless, a relationship was formed with less strings attached, like they are today where people have an almost ungodly amount of options or ways to choose a partner. Men literally could buy their way out of loneliness now, if they wanted or form social connections with whoever they please. Though, the massive problem here, most men don’t have means, ability or make enough money to fix many of their problems. Society is still heavily regimented and stratified by other men, even agreed upon.

“Whatever I win is all mine, and I don’t need to share with you.”

Men realize they cannot criticize men of a higher status about anything, especially when it comes to “sharing spoils.”

Women, most women all know and realize this to some degree without being a feminist. Men still can find it easier to criticize women, like other types of minorities, because they are of a lower social status, generally. On top of that their selection in mates carries a lot more weight than it does with a men, it can deem a woman as “promiscuous or a .. wh—-,” “lowering her self worth,” “being some sort of traitor,” “putting herself in harms way,” or “only thinking about herself,” while taking on all responsibilities for potential children. It’s not a reality men have ever had to really deal with being responsible for. Since, women have always been responsible for most of their self-worth and happiness, yet put their selfish or personal desires to the side for the greater good. They simply choose to remain unpartnered or single and invest more into themselves, since simply being with a man doesn’t really make their lives exceptionally better or easier. Since, they cannot always rely on men nor even have control over their own identity and reproductive rights.

A lot of men, especially if they’re strongly patriarchal despise this, because it essentially means they will not only remain unpartnered, but sex will remain extremely evasive, due to the fact women are harshly judged for partner selection, childcare, and being too easy with men while not being satisfied by partner in anyway. But, sex is transactionally illegal, because it’s considered immoral to pay for sex …according to other men, as it’s also illegal to have abortions, (were)inter-racial relationships, use sexual devices, same sex relations, etc…mostly laws created by other men.

Masturbation and being a virgin has historically been a slight criticism of other men, because again patriarchal value system sees sex as a reward/must be pursued as such, and not for what it is between the parties involved.

Women generally don’t care about how many partners a man has had or doesn’t. It only affects her, if he has an STD or a possible history of cheating. She often only judges him on his service level values…am I attracted to him; is he a generally decent person; what kind of work he does; does he care about me; and do we fit together across the board?

Men can and do value the these things as well, but it’s safe to say looks and sexual history/orientation take more priority with many more women. Even, if all of the woman’s hookups were consensual, ethical, and free of infidelity, her sexual behavior matters, since she could be used up or vigorously unfaithful, regardless of her actual history.

xvszero · 2023-11-01T02:33:45+00:00

If way more men are single who are the women dating, each other?

Anyway, it's probably video games. I'm not even kidding. That and tv and all of that. We don't have to leave our houses for entertainment anymore.

daddyslittlefuckslut · 2023-11-01T20:23:58+00:00

Being lonely and not being able to get laid are two different things that men talk about as if they were one single issue.

1- Men are not being able to get laid because women are focusing on our careers, travel, hobbies, and emotional health in general.

2- As to why they're are lonely, that'd be due to men's difficulties when it comes to creating, maintaining and nurturing friendships and non-romantic relationships.

DecisionPlastic9740 · 2023-11-01T09:31:49+00:00

It's the apps.

Laurely4u · 2023-11-01T18:56:02+00:00

Because more women are university educated, working full time and their salaries are higher than in the past they don’t have a desperate need to marry for financial reasons. Men no longer represent the irreplaceable stable male providership quite as they did in previous decades. So, what happens to all the disgruntled boo ballers who aren’t fantastically wealthy or genetically gifted with amazing personalities? They sit about on their grimy semen stained mattresses watching porn, playing with their ahem.. gaming consoles and they smoke marijuana as a replacement for the lack of a family situation. Personally I wouldn’t advise any woman to marry unless she could get an above average deal out of it. I saw a recent video clip of various women saying what salary they expected of their future husband that was meant to portray them as “unrealistic” At the conclusion, the presenter of the video then goes on to quote statistics telling the women about a hypothetical average shlub who has a paltry median salary of $$$. So, if all the ladies all aims too high then only a few will marry, and wouldn’t that be extremely terrible if that happened. (I forgot what type of chump change the average Joe supposedly makes). I know that I set the bar high for myself and this video suggests to me that quite a few other women set the bar equally high for their expectations as well. Call me picky, call me delusional or unrealistic or whatever; it’s a lot of work being married to a man. Cooking for him, cleaning for him, doing his laundry and keeping his sacks drained, it’s quite tiresome. If I did marry a balding 5’ 2” bricklayer with a paunchy dad bod who lives in a downscale rental unit and owes child support payments to his ex wife, then would that mean that we would only have basic vanilla sex twice a year and he agrees to only use the hall bathroom that I am never asked to clean, he eats from microwave meals or grub hub and does his own laundry? No, the lady’s job is the same regardless of whether the man is financially indigent or not. Men don’t scale back their expectations just because they are offering only a small fraction of what a lady wants or needs. It’s not like the man would only expect ten percent of what a wife traditionally offers to a husband in exchange for himself providing ten percent of what a husband traditionally offers a wife. No, the ten percent husband would forget her birthday, stand about gesticulating to his saggy baggy blue nutsax ignoring a heap of unwashed laundry just like any other percentage value husband. After that he would say he’s hungry and bring him a beer. Marriage is not something that a woman should take on unless she finds a devastatingly handsome man with a great personality who is great 😊 in bed and marriage to him represents a life changing financial advantage to her. For the lady, no relationship is definitely better than a bad relationship. It’s okay if boo ballers call women various names on social media, let them do that. It’s their defense mechanism, maybe they should look into a side gig to correct their financial situation.

AcrobaticRhubarb2147 · 2023-11-01T14:12:39+00:00

Addiction. addiction to video games, porn, opioids, etc.

Incels are a victim of the internet algorithm that places the blame on women instead of real self-improvement.

Aggrieved entitlement - thinking the world owes you something. That random women owe you their time and attention and access to their body while you are a lazy bum with zero value or achievements. Mommy told you that you are wonderful and it's okay to not work and spend over 2000 hours a year playing video games instead of being a fully realized man with responsibilities and a job, education, friends, volunteering in the community, etc.

Straight-Sock4353 · 2023-11-01T23:46:30+00:00

We don’t have evidence that the number of happy relationships has gone down. We only know that there are more single people. But in the past, people got into relationships because they were expected to. It wasn’t because of choice. Nowadays, it is more socially acceptable to be single, although there still is some peer pressure for people to get into relationships.

ConstantNews1507 · 2023-11-02T04:57:54+00:00

I can only provide anecdotal evidence, but it’s a larger problem than just men not finding women. I think, personally, that men are caught up in validation from other men, and probably not all that interested in what women actually want. I think men are looking for validation from other men because they don’t have good, happy, strong male friendships. I think if men were more well - rounded in their relationships outside of romantic ones they wouldn’t be so caught up in making women the enemy.

Again, I have no evidence for this outside of my own experiences. The last 5 or so dates I went on were with “good in paper” guys who have jobs, take care of their health, but they all had these huge gaps in social experience and that’s not as easy to fix as getting a new job-it’s something you have to nurture with the men around you who also want happy fulfilling lives.

I think the patriarchy is failing men, and I hope men realize it so we can all do better.

MistyMaisel · 2023-11-01T18:23:49+00:00

Blaming one single thing would be incredibly difficult. I prefer to suggest it's a web-work of numerous factors like:

Porn
Video Games
Media Accessibility in general
Social Media and Online Spaces creating parasocial relationships
Social Media and Online Spaces creating increasingly atomized communities/ echo chambers
Social Media and Online Spaces creating more fast food style relationships
Dating apps being corporate matchmakers which are not founded in actual compatability so much as shallow likenesses
Lack of major illnesses killing populations (increased safety factor)
Lack of war regularly killing men (increased safety factor)
Natural Male Disagreeability
Natural Male tendency towards the lowest of the low and highest of the high with more of the former than the latter
Female Empowerment/Liberation
Natural Female Tendency Towards Socialization and Community
Failing Education Systems
Lack of Uniting Purpose
Economic Issues
Toxic Masculinity
Toxic Femininity
Fatherless Homes
Increasing Independence Rather Than Interdependence of Society
Decreased Fertility in both genders
Increased Scrutiny of Sexuality
Emphasis on Romance over Platonic Relationships
Decreasing social and emotional intelligence in all genders
There's probably more

lonerRick · 2023-11-01T19:08:49+00:00

Very few guys are virgin at 25 according to the same data . Virginity is just driven by youth . Guys who wants to get laid, get's laid . Redpill content is just making guys bitter and recentful towards women instead of helping them getting dates and getting laid . I honestly respect PUA guys who actually teaching socially awkward guys to get laid .

VengeanceAgainst · 2023-11-02T01:39:01+00:00

This sub has failed. It’s full of misandry in the comments in this post and no one is doing anything about it. If a red-pilled man sees unhelpful comments like “all men who couldn’t get a girlfriend are lazy, addicted and jobless”, then why the fuck would he take advice from here? Men are being demonised.

NeuroDivers · 2023-11-01T23:33:49+00:00

Women's rights. Patriarchy is like a cope for men so every man was guaranteed a woman. Now that has (rightly so) fallen away, and men must compete according to women's tastes. I'm actually not sure what the true solution for society is. It's not easy.

TenaciousVillain · 2023-11-02T06:31:16+00:00

Refusal to put in work to be better human beings. Feeling extremely entitled to women they can subjugate. Loss of power and positioning in a patriarchy that was supposed to serve them but now only serves the most powerful and wealthy. But they are clutching to it and trying to breathe life into it's corpse like there is no tomorrow.

1,2,3,4 - she WILL cook and clean after me - 1,2,3,4 - she will let me lead, to where I have no clue, but she will follow me dammit - 1,2,3,4, she will do all of the household duties, bear children, raise them and pay 50% of these bills 5,6,7,8.

The desperation is wild and loud.

Fragility and weakness. It takes nothing to trigger many men these days and boys. The prisons, destroyed schools, Maine shooter - perfect examples.

Men are in crisis and it has nothing to do with women. They need to help themselves.

Chan_KC · 2023-11-02T07:05:17+00:00

I think the younger generation (18-25) have lost the art of social interaction altogether. This affects men more negatively as the main pursuers of relationships.

There is too much emphasis on everything online: online gaming, making friends online only, online dating… its easy to not develop newly formed relationships to a depth required.

I also think men in particular suffer from having too many vices to escape to that make them more solitary, zeroing their chances of forming decent relationships. Gaming is one. Porn is the worst.

It’s a downhill spiral that can start being remedied the more we put emphasis on in-person interactions again.

Ifhes · 2023-11-02T22:42:25+00:00

There are more single people overall. Slightly more men than women are single by gender, however that doesn't mean these single men are lonely, that is something your or whoever made you think that added to the original statement. If your personal experience tells you that, and lonely men is what you often find is because the communities you often visit are attracting them. I don't normally met men that feel lonely because they're single. Under that logic, don't you think RP is just an echo chamber designed to make you feel sorry for yourself instead of helping you?

Title	Lonely Single Men
Author	Hopeful-Produce-5940
Upvotes	30
Comments	117
Date	November 1, 2023 2:12 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/17l1tin/lonely_single_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/lonely-single-men.1236991 https://theredarchive.com/post/1236991

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