10 year age gap

sleepysiri · 2022-01-30T16:35:43+00:00

I doubt any of his friends are that much younger than him. I doubt he admires, looks up to or connects with anyone that age. So why is he trying to date someone that young.

Read the handbook, go through the sub and trust your instincts.

sexualfoodpantry · 2022-01-30T16:31:01+00:00

Yes.

Long answer: Yes, because you apparently already feel uncomfortable about this. Bad sign.

__kamikaze__ · 2022-01-30T17:58:55+00:00

IMO 10 years is too much of an age gap. You’re still in your early 20s—it’s not like you’re 29 about to enter your 30s. I would call it off.

dating-adventures · 2022-01-30T16:35:48+00:00

Listen to your gut feeling. Also, when you’re 44 - he’ll be 54. He might not be able to keep up with you.

sleutherino · 2022-01-30T16:51:59+00:00

If you have to ask, you probably aren't as comfortable with it as he wants you to be.

You guys are at very different stages of your lives, and if you dated the power dynamic would reflect this. You'll always feel like you're not on his level, and he'll very likely always talk down to you in subtle ways. Been there, done that.

You have to ask yourself why he isn't dating somebody his own age? Why is he aiming for somebody so young? Does he reject women his own age? Do the women his age not want him?

Usually it's because he's a loser who isn't actually doing well for a 34 year old. Women his age know it and don't want him, so he dates somebody younger, that will see him as being more "put together" than he really is. Or, he's got a taste for younger women that you'll eventually age out of, then he cheats.

At any rate, I wouldn't date this guy. You're barely into adulthood, he's established. It might not necessarily be a "creepy" age difference, like a 28 year old with an 18 year old, but it's too wide of a gap IMO. He'll very likely never see you as an equal either, being so much younger. Is that the kind of relationship you want?

ferociouslycurious · 2022-01-30T16:55:50+00:00

Call it off. These guys are immature, and most of them will want to date a 24 year old (or 19 year old) again once you age another 3 years. At least half of them want to control you (and their fellow 34 year olds won’t tolerate it). They’ll fake being perfect guys sometimes for over a year before the mask slips. They like to babytrap you. They’ll use the excuse that women their age are (choose one or more) jaded, set in their ways, no longer want kids, all married, etc. but it boils down to “won’t tolerate their shit and are ‘too old’”. Don’t fall for it.

lolmemberberries · 2022-01-30T17:39:38+00:00

Yes. You're already uncomfortable about it, trust your intuition.

hopeful_flounder93 · 2022-01-30T16:36:35+00:00

Honey, no. Any 34-year old man wanting to date a woman in her 20's is a loser. Women his age don't want him, for good reason. Don't fall for it.

Cut him off & read the handbook.

Age gaps are a huge risk factor for abuse - go ahead and Google Scholar it. Unhinged men date much younger women. HVM date age-appropriate partners.

Kimpractical · 2022-01-30T17:03:08+00:00

Once you hit your mid 30s and look back, you would never consider dating anyone 10 years younger than you. Anyone who does this is likely a predator or just isn’t serious about dating or finding an LTR. Think about your age now and think about someone 10 years younger. A 14 year old just isn’t on the same level as you mentally, and doesn’t have the same maturity and life experience (it would also be gross and illegal). You will still feel that way when you are 34, just because it will be legal then doesn’t make it right

jupitaur9 · 2022-01-30T17:45:18+00:00

Is this OLD or is this someone you know irl?

If you two met irl, got to know each other, both liked each other’s personalities, had a lot in common? Still probably not, but it could work out.

If it’s OLD, most of what he knows about you is your age and what you look like.

More to the point, if this id OLD, he intentionally pre selected to be matched with people ten years younger than him (maybe more) without knowing anything about them other than their age.

This isn’t just s freakish accidental matchup despite your ages. He targets younger women.

Who knows, he might actually be even older than 34.

I suggest you reduce the upper age limit for your matches to an age you’re comfortable with.

DoodleJack · 2022-01-30T18:15:14+00:00

Yes. If you are asking, you already know.

But! As a 24 year old that went out with a 34 year old, I can tell you he will talk endlessly about himself, make remarks about how young and inexperienced and behind you are, and then in a few days text you about how it won't work out because you're "just at different places in your life." What the fuck were you expecting, Patrick?

extraodi · 2022-01-30T17:02:15+00:00

I don’t recommend. I’ll have to re-read the handbook, but I thought big age gaps weren’t encouraged. All I’ll say, if I could go back to when I was 18 to talk to my younger self I’d tell her she has no business being involved with older men.

Thestral-glow6 · 2022-01-30T17:16:41+00:00

Women his own age aren’t dating him for a good reason. He’s a predator going after you as he thinks he can easily manipulate you.. Please reread the handbook. Trust your gut instincts, we have them for a reason.

spinsterchachkies · 2022-01-30T17:23:32+00:00

I would. You’ll have plenty of time to date older men, but a very short amount of time to date young men in their 20s. So date them now.

sewingmachinesavior · 2022-01-30T17:28:24+00:00

Age gaps are a MASSIVE precursor to abuse. It’s also because the man can’t date women his age, they don’t want him.

Read tbe handbook.

BxGyrl416 · 2022-01-30T17:15:35+00:00

When I was 24, I would have gone for it because I was somewhat more mature than many of my male peers. Now at pushing 40, a 10 year difference is the upper limit to what I’d ever say is appropriate. But at 24 you’re just out of college, maybe in grad school, or the beginning of your career. By 34, you’ve likely has a decade of work experience under your belt and are thinking marriage/kids. You’re a two different stages.

katiekat0214 · 2022-01-30T16:51:12+00:00

I'll be honest: I'm 53, and when I was in my 20s, I married two men, both older. Always had a thing for older men, had not been exposed to FDS. Divorced the first one due to irreconcilable differences and not enough in common. Very happy with the second one, with a 20 year age gap, for 17 years. However, I was a nurse and a purse, so never again with caregiving. Not to say you'll end up a caregiver, but with most men, they are looking to be taken care of.

These days, I'd consider dating someone in their 40s; that particular 10-year age gap is okay to me. Older than me, only by five years max.

Call it off; you're here, asking for reassurance, so already your intuition is telling you it's not right for you. The immediate relief you'll feel on calling it off is when you know things just aren't right. Get with someone your own age, max 5 years difference.

saint-jezebel · 2022-01-30T16:46:30+00:00

No. Neither of you will have as much in common as you think and he will use that to try to take advantage of you. You also don’t have a good feeling. Trust your gut.

snowwhite224 · 2022-01-30T16:53:31+00:00

I’m 24, and the oldest I would consider would probably be 28-29. Anything more than that and he is going to have way more experience and the power dynamics will likely be off.

bamboohobobundles · 2022-01-30T17:20:37+00:00

If it feels uncomfortable, listen to that feeling. Personally, I always had a preference for older men and frequently dated them 7-10 years older than myself... Every last one of them turned out to be significantly more immature than other people their age, and the relationships all eventually failed when it became impossible for them to keep hiding their true manchild selves.

How exactly did you meet? There's a big difference between knowing someone for a long time and discovering you have a lot of interests and values in common, versus connecting with someone through online dating or a brief introduction and knowing nothing else about what they're really like. I can understand an age gap relationship working between two people who've had ample time to get to know one another as friends or acquaintances, but alarm bells go off when there's a random older guy expressing extreme interest in a much younger woman based on looks and a few conversations alone.

kolsen92 · 2022-01-30T17:57:53+00:00

I only dated men 10-12 years old my entire life until recently. It’s too big of a gap.. they’re in an entire different part of their lives and they’re normally a certain kind of guy. They like us for our age, beauty and are emotionally immature on many levels. I need to work through why I seem to on my be attracted to men that much older than me.

PasDeTout · 2022-01-30T18:20:28+00:00

No 34 year old has genuinely enough in common with a 24 year old for a mutual, respectful relationship. People can get on well with people of all kinds of ages but you’ll pretty much never see people pick their close friends from outside their age group - why is that? Because for a close friendship you need commonality, respect and shared interests. So if a man wouldn’t have a 24 year old man as his best friend then why does he want someone so much younger as a girlfriend? Not for a relationship of equals, that’s for sure.

You can look at other forums and in so many of them where the woman is writing about an abusive relationship, there is an age gap.

jolla92126 · 2022-01-30T18:50:51+00:00

Too big of a gap at your age.

Would you date 10 years younger? Then don't date 10 older.

intergalacticanon44 · 2022-01-30T18:51:04+00:00

What do you have in common with a 34 year old man?

Davina33 · 2022-01-30T17:56:35+00:00

Call it off. No healthy man of that age would be going for someone ten years younger. Men like this tend to be abusers. I think you've got the intuition sis.

sassykat2581 · 2022-01-30T18:49:35+00:00

When I was 23 I dated a guy who was 33. He was always at the college parties but I figured he was around my age. After dating for about 2 weeks I just felt something was off, I couldn’t tell what. Once I was in my 30s I realized that he was emotionally immature for his age and there was signs he wanted to be controlling of the relationship. I’m so glad my instincts kicked in and I got out even though I couldn’t tell what was triggering my instincts at 23.

RainbowChardonnay · 2022-01-30T17:21:16+00:00

Read the handbook

staywiththecrown · 2022-01-30T17:37:23+00:00

Call off the date, and read the handbook. If you want a preview of how miserable age gap relationships are, look at the amithebutthole and brackingmum subs.

Think what's wrong with this guy that no woman his age wants him. Learn from your older sisters.

starpuppery · 2022-01-30T18:14:02+00:00

i always look at it this way: he's 24 when you were 14, if this happened back then, he is a pedophile and predator. but wait, fast forward to today, he is still targeting women 10 years younger. this should be clear enough.

BooksandEarlGreyTea · 2022-01-30T19:05:51+00:00

Run like your tampon string is on fire!!!

I have been in a 10 year age gap relationship, pre FDS of course, and I don't recommend it at all - they are just using you and will happily keep taking from you in lots of ways. It is all about them and boosting their ego.

eleguagirl · 2022-01-30T19:14:51+00:00

Run!

Title	10 year age gap
Author	mistflower97
Upvotes	101
Comments	47
Date	January 30, 2022 4:27 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/sgcrk5/10_year_age_gap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/10-year-age-gap.1098894 https://theredarchive.com/post/1098894

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