Does physical attraction grow over time?

cece188 · 2020-07-17T00:52:48+00:00

To be honest, it’s never really worked for me. I have to find the guy at least very cute in order for him to turn into handsome/gorgeous for me lol, but that’s just me.

dzgata · 2020-07-17T00:56:59+00:00

This happened to me and I just ended things bc I didn’t want to waste my time or his by just trying to figure out if I’ll ever be attracted to him. But to be fair, I was turned off mainly by his obsession with tattoos and stuff. To each their own.

gcthrowaway2019 · 2020-07-17T01:02:35+00:00

I'd say it's possible for a dude you consider to be average-looking to "cute" to go up a notch or two if you're really into him. I'm my case he'd have to be at least a 7 to catch my attention at first glance and that has potential to go up to a 9 or even (what I'd consider) a 10. Likewise my last bf was objectively an 8.5 but he treated me horribly which brought him down to a 5 by the time I was done with him. If I'm being real I can't dock him any lower than that bc he did have classically handsome physical features.

But if looks are super important to you and he's already butt ugly to the point you're going out of your way to force yourself to overlook his attractiveness there's very little chance that would change over the time you're willing to give him. Bottom line is it's not fair on either party to try and force physical attraction.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-07-17T01:25:43+00:00

Nope! If you aren’t attracted to him from the start, I doubt anything is gonna improve later on. That’s a good recipe for a dead bedroom situation down the road BTW.

Saitschik · 2020-07-17T01:07:31+00:00

For me it doesn't.

Also talking online is a different cup of tea. Maybe he isn't as special personalitywise in real life and there is a good chance that you have zero chemistry since you already don't like his look on the photos. You could try a phone call but I don't know.

I can't see myself having sex with a man that isn't my type physically, that isn't something that grows over time

Tell-Me-Whyy · 2020-07-17T01:17:28+00:00

For me yes but it couldn't happen with every guy. Like if I don't think the guy initially is that attractive, but really like his personality and sort of click with him, I might start to see him as being physically attractive whereas I didn't before. But some guys will simply never be physically attractive to me cos they're not what I'm into. Happened with my ex, so kinda lucky after realising he was an asshole he didn't look so cute anymore.

So I guess it depends on the person and situation.

peaka25 · 2020-07-17T01:43:02+00:00

No, I think you need a baseline of attraction from the start. That's definitely the downside to online/apps is that it's harder to gauge physical attraction. It's hard to build that if it's not there.

Women are definitely expected to have lower standards, though, which is bullshit. It's reinforced by popular culture saying that women care more about personality (not that it isn't important) and that women aren't visual creatures. There shouldn't be any reason for women to expect less or feel guilty about wanting to be attracted to their partner.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-07-17T01:54:29+00:00

If you're not attracted to him find someone else. I've been in relationships where I wasn't initially attracted to the guy and it's only ever so good. But I've also been in relationships where I was seriously initially attracted and it just made everything so much better on the physical side. Night and day. Would never push a relationship without strong initial sexual attraction ever again.

-wide-set-vagina- · 2020-07-17T02:54:37+00:00

Nope. That’s pickmeisha code for “settle for his shortcomings because it’s better than potentially remaining * gasp! * - single”. And along the same vein, if his natural scent is a turn off for you then I’d end it.

DunRuther · 2020-07-17T01:55:18+00:00

I’d usually say no, it does not grow over time. But I have to ask, have you seen him in person, or only through pictures online?

There is a chance that he photographs terribly and looks better in real life. I admit it’s a slim chance, but it’s possible.

2020-07-17T02:00:06+00:00

[deleted]

ldonnawho · 2020-07-17T00:49:38+00:00

You can't go from 0 to 100. You have to find some aspect of his look attractive. Yes attraction grows but I like to say it builds since if you have none to begin with its very unlikely you'll all of a sudden become attracted.

Behaviors & personality traits can build on a man's attractiveness but they cannot be the foundation of their attractiveness

ChristianGirl93 · 2020-07-17T01:40:24+00:00

This is going to sound bad but, one of my HVM exes I thought was gross the first time I met him- I thought I had gotten the other guy’s number when I asked them in a group for study help. All I remembered was his smile. Then I learned he was just lookin rough that night and he cleaned up and looked fine as a model with a beard. I got to know the real him and the sexual attraction was a combination of knowing him for 3 weeks and seeing him for who he was. So... if you don’t feel the urge or curiosity to kiss after week 3, you probably need to say he’s not what you’re looking for- trust me, another girl will thank you- not everyone is everyone’s cup of tea

134340-92494 · 2020-07-17T03:15:49+00:00

I tried to make myself attracted to my first high school boyfriend; it did not work. Sometimes I would look at him and think “he’s sort of cute from this angle and in this specific lighting”. I should have known better and just ended it, but I was ugly in high school and didn’t want to let what I felt was my only chance to date someone slip by. Now nearly 10 years later I wish I could shake some sense into my old self, because the truth is you will never be satisfied with someone if you aren’t at least somewhat attracted to them in the beginning. I think maybe if you already are into someone physically, and their character wins you over as you get to know them, then they can absolutely get more appealing; if they’re not doing anything for you physically from the get go, then probably not.

Lolita_Loquita · 2020-07-17T05:26:03+00:00

When I first met my bf I was zero physically attracted to him. We were at a bar with mutual friends and when he started to chat me up I realized we had a ton in common and ended up chatting the entire night. I became attracted to his personality and that actually turned into physical attraction. It helped that he was somewhat fit. I was upfront with him though and told him that fitness is important to me and that we need to be honest with one another if we ever start to gain weight to an unhealthy level. I know that level of honesty doesn't work for everyone but I've finally been on a steady weight loss journey and I want a partner that values the same health goals.

That being said, do what feels right for you. Don't force yourself to be with someone that you're not attracted to because you think it makes you feel shallow. Physical attraction is important in a relationship. I feel that otherwise there's not much difference between a partner and a friend unless the person is asexual.

myousername · 2020-07-17T02:53:43+00:00

Physical attraction? No. If anything, it only decreases over time due to natural processes of aging especially if they aren't doing much to prevent it (eating healthy, exercise, wearing sunscreen, etc. can delay age related physical decline).

The only exception I can imagine is if the guy is overweight and he starts lifting weights and dropping body fat and gets shredded. Or if he is balding and gets hair transplants. You get the idea, he has to actually do something to become more attractive.

Emotional attraction does build over time which for some people is enough to compensate for any loss of physical attraction. Hence why you see couples who stay married for 50+ years and still love each other even when they're wrinkly and gray.

Unfortunately, you really do need that initial spark of physical attraction to get things going.

watchoutwoman · 2020-07-17T04:03:30+00:00

In my experience, I've grown attracted to men who I didn't find attractive initially due to their personality. However, this is a thing you need to figure out about yourself - some people can form attraction despite appearances, some can't.

Works_For_Treats · 2020-07-17T06:15:00+00:00

No, it does not grow over time. When I met my first husband, he was at the low end of average. I was young and stupid. At no point in our relationship did I become more physically attracted to him. Granted he wasn't vomit worthy or anything, but the attraction never grew a single bit appearance wise.

It did go downhill though when he started going downhill.

This also made me realize that women are expected by society to not have physical standards while a man can list off all the physical traits he wants in a partner and nobody bats an eye.

Women are supposed to be chaste flowers, men are expected to treat women like cattle and pick the best looking to sow their oats.

DivineHag · 2020-07-17T07:22:05+00:00

You can't judge attraction until you meet in person. Chemistry is not just about how you feel about someone's looks. It's also about smell, taste, humour, how they make you feel... a myriad of things.

Some of the ugliest guys I've been with have been the hottest.

I would at least give an in-person meeting a chance if you're enjoying talking to him.

throwawayitst · 2020-07-17T01:10:38+00:00

It def can if you’re atleast soso about him

michelle27519 · 2020-07-17T00:48:10+00:00

Yes this happened with my ex bf. I thought he was too short plus he had Invisalign and I just wasn’t that into him but we became friends and then I really fell hard for him. So it’s possible.

painmakesyoustronger · 2020-07-17T02:39:13+00:00

For me, I can fall in love with someone I wasn’t initially attracted to if their intellect, personality or charisma (typically a combination of the three) is incredible.

Like... you could look like a toad, and I’d be into it if everything else clicked.

I have the experience to back up this statement 😂

NinoEmines · 2020-07-17T02:47:32+00:00

as a person who sabotaged herself with this "attraction grows in time, settle for ani decent dude showing interest " (never had a bf, but had friends who tried to get close ) just NOPE. if there isn't attraction there isn't. we need to drop this no mad would ever think like this.

redfarmmmmm · 2020-07-17T05:27:50+00:00

Yeah when it comes to looks i always had high standards. I cannot date american men for that reason as most guys here are short overweight with round face and doesnt know what grooming means.

Plants_haveprotein · 2020-07-17T06:28:57+00:00

I tried it, didn’t happen.

2020-07-17T06:59:35+00:00

It doesnt change.

Also, never feel guilty for ending something with a guy, even if he is nice, if you dont find him attractive. Men are also encouraged to chase after the girl they find attractive. Why cant you?

meecy166 · 2020-07-17T08:11:40+00:00

girlyispowerful · 2020-07-17T10:46:14+00:00

I had the same problem and honey...no. It didn’t happen. I was also pressured by friends to “Give Him a Chance!”. I felt grossed out when my ex boyfriend kissed me or tried to touch me. It just felt gross. We were only together for 2 months so no big attachment.

ItsFreezen · 2020-07-17T12:42:50+00:00

Men would never ask that to another man.

BeJeweled19 · 2020-07-17T15:27:09+00:00

In my experience, zero attraction rarely leads to wild passion. And you shouldn't settle for less than a guy you are passionate about.

I have had experiences of feeling 'meh' about a guy and then gain strong attraction over time. By "meh" I mean a man who doesn't repulse you...someone who you could see how other girls would find him attractive but just don't personally feel any butterflies.

Typically the second scenario happens when emotional intimacy builds via friendship and they gain your respect and admiration somehow...so not really over "dates" more like seeing them in their element with a friend group or something (again, just my experience) But don't waste too much time trying to force a square peg in a round hole. You usually know the direction your attraction will head within the first 10 interactions.

basodie · 2020-07-17T02:22:46+00:00

I can't judge physical attraction online personally. In person I have chemistry with my husband but I'd never have picked him from a picture online. But if you're with him in person and not getting the urge to get sexy, then I don't think it's viable in terms of attraction.

newuser20202020 · 2020-07-17T03:32:06+00:00

I think that you should meet him and see for yourself if the physical attraction grows. He may have non physical qualities that are attractive, like a wicked sense of humour.

Having said that, you cannot suppress a gagging reflux. You will know when there isn't anything more you can do to be attracted to him.

2020-07-17T05:39:27+00:00

It has to grow from something. There's a difference between 'not the hottest guy in all of existence' and unattractive Don't date someone unattractive. No matter how good he seems, ultimately, you're wasting your time.

likeaprincess96 · 2020-07-17T14:45:05+00:00

Tbh I always develop attraction after getting to know someone first but that’s how I’ve always been. If you don’t find someone attractive you don’t have to give them a chance. Everyone’s different.

AlleyRhubarb · 2020-07-17T22:43:42+00:00

No but there are more important things, especially after getting older.

PotentialSomewhere99 · 2020-07-18T17:23:11+00:00

In general it does not. I wouldn’t advise someone to wait for attraction, unless they were naturally in contact outside of dating (doesn’t sound like this situation) because once in a blue moon, I’ve had attraction for a friend after knowing them for years(very rare).

I’d say that the best thing for both of you is to let him go. There’s a good chance that some woman out there will be into him, and for her, he will be the full package.

If you look on the dead bedrooms subreddit, there are leagues of stories of unhappy couples that work mostly, but have zero sexual chemistry. So if you continue this, you’d be messing up both of your chances at happiness.

Be inspired that HVM are out there, and that soon you’ll find one that you’re compatible with.

Title	Does physical attraction grow over time?
Author	allegracole77
Upvotes	53
Comments	44
Date	July 17, 2020 12:45 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hsm26c/does_physical_attraction_grow_over_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/does-physical-attraction-grow-over-time.713567 https://theredarchive.com/post/713567

Comments