Happy New year lasses, and REMEMBER

LonchuraStriata · 2021-12-31T11:11:33+00:00

Simple shit test if their "you are my one true love blabla" is actually serious (which it never is):

Tell them that nothing whatsoever will happen (not even messaging, a date or a meeting) until they can present you with actual proof that their divorce is finalized and ties have been cut with their ex (so no "divorced but still living together" or anything) and to come back when they can show you that. Even if it takes a year or two. And if you are still available then, you will agree to a single date and you will see what happens from there.

If they truly love you as much as they pretend they do and are actually serious (which is absolutely never the case), they will move mountains to be able to be with you. They will initiate the divorce immediately and wait however long it takes. If he wanted to, he would. The problem is that they don't. They just want to cheat on their wives while keeping them around as cheap housekeepers and nannies.

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-12-31T14:31:03+00:00

My favorite is "she doesn't understand me." Too bad, still married.

lolmemberberries · 2021-12-31T14:46:40+00:00

How you get them, is how you lose them. People who start dating when they're "separated," "staying for the kids," or "sleeping in separate bedrooms" are monkey branchers. They need to have someone.

Due_Dirt_8067 · 2021-12-31T15:19:23+00:00

This is why I’ve learned to never ask if they are married or have a gf, esp in my major metropolitan city. Being told Separated/div means nothing.

The real question is : who do you drink coffee with in the morning?

That gets the real answer. “Oh, sometimes they are over to use / borrow…” Riight - MARRIED Aka “ complicated” etc. When I wake up in the morning, I drink coffee alone. And if they aren’t as well- not single in my book.

blessedwiththree · 2021-12-31T15:36:00+00:00

There is definitely what I call a "cheater's handbook". They all make extremely similar statements about their wives in order to justify cheating and in order to triangulate the mistress against the wife. Sometimes the separation is actually "real" and divorce papers have been filed, but they are not in a place to actually date. I know they exist, but I've never met a man that actually stayed single and worked on himself after a divorce and before dating again. I also feel like it's very rare to encounter a man who works through the issues and takes actual accountability for a divorce.

I personally feel that it is not HV behavior to cheat or monkey branch before ending a marriage. If someone is capable of and truly meant to honor their vows, this would not happen. This behavior is an indication that the person is not capable of being faithful during challenging times (sometimes the "challenge" is something like they didn't get enough attention while the wife is pregnant/has a new baby). Someone who did this during a marriage will do it again and really isn't serious relationship material. One day the next partner will be the one with a new baby, a illness etc, and as soon as the focus isn't on them/they don't have the attention they want, they will be monkey branching to someone else.

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-12-31T17:29:54+00:00

I remain gobsmacked by the number of otherwise smart and successful women I know who fall for the above.

fireforestfairy · 2021-12-31T11:57:28+00:00

Married men who are not my husband is a big no for me. It's so morally wrong be in a relationship or have sex with a guy who is married to someone else.

BasieSkanks · 2021-12-31T14:43:02+00:00

My brother is currently planning on moving in with his "girlfriend" despite still being married to his wife. I am sure his girlfriend has absolutely no idea he is married to someone else, and it makes me sick. I cannot even bring myself to meet her because the whole scenario is just wrong. If I do get round to meeting her though, rest assured I will tell her that he is still married. It's insane that women cannot even trust if the man they are seeing is actually single because men are such fucking liars.

BlueJeanMistress · 2021-12-31T20:13:54+00:00

And do not date a recently divorced man. Do not become his rebound. At some point he will tell you that he just got divorced and wants to explore what’s out there.

Do not become his substitute wife-recently divorced men, especially those with children, are more likely to date quickly in order to find some to do the wife/mother tasks they now miss so dearly.

Vet, vet, and vet even more.

sewingmachinesavior · 2021-12-31T17:52:00+00:00

There are not enough upvotes. Only single is SINGLE. Dont date men who haven’t been fully divorced for a year or two.

Reasonable-Slice-827 · 2021-12-31T10:38:05+00:00

This needs to be permanently pinned and/or added to the rulebook.

Uruzdottir · 2021-12-31T17:46:09+00:00

I would add...

"She doesn't understand me." = STILL MARRIED

"She's changed." = STILL MARRIED

"We don't have anything in common anymore." = STILL MARRIED

"We live like roommates." = STILL MARRIED

Daikon-Apart · 2021-12-31T15:54:52+00:00

So I live somewhere that a 1 year separation is required before divorce, unless there's chargeworthy levels of physical abuse or proof of physical infidelity. It's why I'm technically still married - I cannot get divorced until a full year after my shithead of an ex moved out, because I have no proof that he cheated or hit me, even though he did both. He has zero chance of winning me back, we have no ties other than the need to sign that last piece of paper, and I've been in therapy since we split to get myself to a place where I dont feel like my future relationships will be tainted by his actions. But I'm still stuck waiting until that year is over because the government doesn't trust that I really truly mean it.

Knowing all of that and having been through it myself, I would consider a man who left a similar relationship, went to therapy, and is just running out the clock on that mandated year to be a potential option, as long as he was upfront about it, had a signed separation agreement, and had clearly worked on healing. Even then, I would be very cautious about it until the year was over and the actual divorce paperwork was signed. I would also be sure to do extra vetting around why the relationship ended and what therapy the man had gone through, to make sure there's no hidden red flags.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2022-01-01T08:36:43+00:00

Yes, this. The amount of guys I’ve had hit on me lately that are married or in ltr is ridiculous. It’s so annoying. Here I was trying to pick myself up, get out there again, and date as well as make new friends, and literally just meeting cheaters. One was trying to cheat with me on his ltr with a woman I know (I didn’t know they were together, until she contacted me on SM). We both ghosted him. The second, my friend found out on SM that he actually has a wife and sick baby. The third, started sending flirty reactions to stories (I’ve just also recently met his gf).

It’s a cesspool out there

jetcake · 2022-01-02T18:32:08+00:00

> Wife don't wanna sign divorce papers

It's actually him.

Title	Happy New year lasses, and REMEMBER
Author	PinkestMango
Upvotes	1283
Comments	54
Date	December 31, 2021 10:35 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rsr680/happy_new_year_lasses_and_remember/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/happy-new-year-lasses-and-remember.1212080 https://theredarchive.com/post/1212080

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