Let’s discuss: why do some people try to shame you for not wanting to be in a casual sexual relationship?

aclick1999 · 2021-03-22T15:31:48+00:00

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seraphinelysion · 2021-03-22T16:12:24+00:00

Because as women they’re also trapped in it and don’t want to be trapped alone.

_differentmentality_ · 2021-03-22T16:32:55+00:00

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fg_hj · 2021-03-22T16:29:09+00:00

Speaking for myself, I was underlyingly envious of women who had standards and self respect. Literally. That was a shitty time.

2021-03-22T15:48:23+00:00

They’re brainwashed. They think they need to convince you to be like them. They feel insecure about their own choices because they don’t know why they do what they do. They think there’s only one way to “success”. They’ve been sold a whole lie that success is being used and discarded and that it’s acceptable behavior to act like a cold, emotionless sociopath who will feel emptier the longer they carry on this behavior until they don’t remember how to even naturally nurture and foster healthy intimacy and reciprocal relationship in a healthy way. You don’t have to risk your body or your emotional well-being to force yourself to treat sex like it’s nothing. It’s not nothing and you should never forget that. 🖤

_queeeen_ · 2021-03-22T17:07:59+00:00

The predatory “feminist” men tried to manipulate me saying I was not sex-positive or was sexually boring for not letting them in my body immediately. Actually, no. My sexuality and libido are very much intact and thriving. I just don’t want to give it away to YOU after minimal courtship. I’ve had several men drop me after I wouldn’t put out fast enough. At the time it hurt. Now I know they were doing me a favor.

Pickme friends never overtly shamed me. It was more along the lines of “but I couldn’t hold off, I neeeeed sex.” They’re in addiction cycles of abuse where sex is the only part that makes them feel loved, and keeps them hooked. Again, even though I’m celibate, I really want sex, too. I’m just not willing to bear the cost of sleeping with an unvetted man or a LVM.

yeahhh22 · 2021-03-22T17:36:01+00:00

People take personal offense to other peoples choices a lot of the time because they feel judged, and there's obviously something there reflecting back to them that they should look at.

For instance, I don't drink alcohol, and often times people literally will hand me a drink after I've said "no thanks, I don't drink". I've also heard "what you think you're better than me?".

KAT_85 · 2021-03-22T15:50:18+00:00

They are using you as a counterpoint to highlight how cool and fun they are. It’s competition based, not because they care what you’re doing. Alternately if you’re in a relationship that at least seems happy, some will make an effort to destroy it to prove their view of life is the correct one. Either way it’s crap

fogplum · 2021-03-22T17:26:56+00:00

Men? Because they want you.

Women? Because your behavior, standards, etc. make them feel insecure so they try to shame you into being more like them. Now why would other women feel insecure if they're happy and fulfilled doing what they're doing...

2021-03-22T17:35:22+00:00

Don't forget jealousy and remorse. Some people (I've noted this coming from middle-aged people, including women) are low-key jealous of you having standards and making smarter decisions than they did. Doesn't even matter whether it's about sex, drugs or just time that they're wasted: they wish they could be both younger and smarter again.

2021-03-22T17:56:48+00:00

I think of it as 'crabs in a bucket'. Same thing when women who have children shame and hate women who chose NOT to have children. They're mad that they didn't realize there was a choice and parenting (ESPECIALLY being a mother) is incredibly difficult in a culture that gives zero fucks about women and loves to blame mom for everything.

I've experienced that first hand - I don't have any female friends who have children because when I tried to be friendly they treated me like a fungal disease.

Same thing with NOT wanting to sleep around. When I was high school/college age I got treated... not badly but with contempt. Like I was naïve and slow and behind the curve. Like fucking a bunch of different random men every month made them better than me, more adult.

2021-03-22T17:09:59+00:00

People are uncomfortable with the idea of anyone have standards or boundaries in today's libfem morally relativistic society. If you don't want casual sex, you're uptight and definitely judgemental of those who engage in it.

goldiebaby · 2021-03-22T21:45:30+00:00

Jealous of women with standards and self-confidence. This applies to other parts of your life too. My friend is a hairdresser who didn't go to college, but trained at hair schools in NYC, LA, Paris and Hong Kong. She owns a posh salon near me and charges $150 for a cut alone. She works 25 hrs/week and owns a home, car and travels (used to) all the time. The two of us joined a women's networking group and you won't believe the nasty comments she got about being "uneducated." These women had $80-100k+ in student loans from taking on worthless degrees and their jealously was so obvious.

GIfuckingJane · 2021-03-22T17:01:41+00:00

Because we are holding up a mirror to their behavior. We act as a foil to lib fems and manipulative men.

Spiritual_Face · 2021-03-22T17:36:15+00:00

Casual sex = chill, cool, go with the flow

And if you’re not into it you must be = rigid, inflexible, prudish

LVM are largely are afraid of what nonexistent people think and want to seem cool and chill?

Also, if I don’t want casual sex that MUST mean I want them to be my boyfriend and to be in a serious relationship with them 🙄 I hate that one the most. And “cool” guys don’t want girlfriends /s

SaturnGirl1989 · 2021-03-22T16:00:16+00:00

Because they are trying to convince you that you should want what they want.

AyemHerself · 2021-03-22T18:57:49+00:00

Because it's taken as a condemnation of those life choices, which the person shaming you likely partakes in. I see this a lot in the childfree sub, where people get downright offended by someone else's decision not to have kids. The ones who get offended are usually single parents on dating apps or married guys always complaining about their family life.

Our culture has adopted a narrative that if you're not actively celebrating and validating someone's life choices, it's a sign of hatred. Social media is an easy scapegoat for this phenomenon, but I'm not so sure it isn't to blame.

randomgirlimok · 2021-03-22T19:39:34+00:00

They don’t want to admit that what they’re doing is basically free prostitution

Altowhovian93 · 2021-03-22T22:47:14+00:00

When I started dating my now husband, I didn’t explicitly say that we were saving it per marriage but I didn’t go out of my way to correct peoples assumptions of what we were/weren’t doing. I didn’t want my college social group to think I was a stick in the mud but at the same time I was also dealing with purity culture from my church family. it’s also a leftover from high school culture of “everyone’s doing it, you’ll be left alone!!!”. It’s a damned if you do it, damned if you don’t situation where women are put down for what ever choice they make and men aren’t held to the same standard. I find that women who are secure in their identity and who want to lift other women up do not do this.

sherbearie · 2021-03-22T22:18:43+00:00

Because it reflects insecurity and low self-esteem on their part I believe. They don't think they deserve more than they have so everybody must be on the same level so they don't have to self introspect and reflect on themselves. I used to be that person who would lecture people about being having 'unrealistic' standards in various areas of life (just not dating) in the name of 'pragmatism' because I was very insecure and jealous myself, as well being influenced by closed ones who were of that similar toxic mentality.

Since casual relationships are also consistently portrayed as the New Cool by mainstream media and society these days, I guess some women don't want to break out of their little bubble where they think they're such modern and empowered cool girls, when they've so hard into convincing themselves of this lie.

FrequentPoetry · 2021-03-22T23:36:19+00:00

People want to be accepted and validated and don't enjoy it when somebody makes them feel bad about something.

That's why vegans get flack: people who eat meat don't like being called out for supporting such an awful industry. (am not vegan btw)

That's why when you tell women their beauty rotines are, in fact, a form of oppression, they get mad. They don't want to think about it.

People crave acceptance and validation.

kantarra · 2021-03-23T01:02:41+00:00

Weirdly, the only person who has shamed me for not being interested in casual was my ex-friend, who has always been a serial monogamist herself. She used to say "if I were you, I would just sleep around and have fun!" which confused me to no end because why would she think I'd be interested in that? I'd sort of get it if that was at least something she clearly liked to do, but she was very much not into it herself either. Never understood her reasoning.

catlady4u · 2021-03-23T04:10:34+00:00

Men do it because they feel entitled to your body.

Women do it to get approval from men.

MulticoloredCatMug · 2021-03-23T18:14:43+00:00

It’s all ego. They shame you for being frigid, or vanilla because they know what they’re doing is bad for them.

Notice how nobody pushes their normal hobbies onto other people. It’s only when behavior is destructive that people try to bully you into joining them.

shutup201 · 2021-03-23T05:23:26+00:00

Misery loves company.

SlightlyCapsized · 2021-03-22T22:32:19+00:00

Ok so I used to have casual sexual "relationships" and I wouldn't shame anyone for not wanting to do so, but it would be very annoying to me that I was on the same page as the guys, we both wanted to only fulfill a biological need...and then they would fall for me. I was always very clear that I wasn't interested in anything else because I didn't respect or values them or cared about them as a person. I wanted a flesh dildo and then, didn't see it as fee prostitution, as I'd be just as bad as the men who do this.

Now...when women are the ones falling for men or engaging in this our of loneliness even though they want a real relationship...they should absolutely know that he sees you as a human Fleshlight and nothing more.

So to answer this question, men shame because they want sex and no commitment, women shame because they're in denial and want to seem carefree and open minded. I still think there's nothing wrong with a purely physical relationship, as long as both parties are open and aware that this is all it is and there's never going to be anything more. Unfortunately, I've never seen that type of agreement be respected and usually it is the women that develop feelings.

Quick edit* to say, ultimately the answer is...anything literally anything a woman does or doesn't do is up for judgement. Remember those women also get judged, not celebrated as libfems and the media want us to think. They're slut shamed and disrespected.

warinmymind94 · 2021-03-23T15:47:54+00:00

They have effort to put in when it comes to using a woman as a free sex doll for the night. They are creative and will say things just to try to twist your arm, or guilt trip you, or manipulate you into casual sex because they are shit and are too broke/gross/lazy to actually find and maintain a serious relationship. They want one night stands because it's like getting McDonald's instead of cooking a homemade meal. Mcdonalds is cheap, easy, and fast, it's almost always there even though its bad for you. They go for hookups because they don't even know how to have a healthy lasting relationship and besides no one wants them. They are broken and usually have unresolved serious issues they are in denial of and refuse to get professional help.

Cue the "we need to have sex first to see if we are sexually compatible" and the "cmon let's just have some fun" and cue the name calling and "you're such a prude / old fashioned"

Title	Let’s discuss: why do some people try to shame you for not wanting to be in a casual sexual relationship?
Author	taylor232424
Upvotes	189
Comments	42
Date	March 22, 2021 2:43 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/map7uy/lets_discuss_why_do_some_people_try_to_shame_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/lets-discuss-why-do-some-people-try-to-shame-you.1189866 https://theredarchive.com/post/1189866

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