How do you feel when people say “ a man needs to feel needed”?

KindredMaximus · 2021-10-19T12:57:56+00:00

I've heard this a lot and I don't understand it. My ex husband even said to me when we were breaking up ''you don't need me'' - my logical reply was ''Isn't that a good thing - it means I'm with you because I want to be and not because I need to be?''. He didn't get it. This was the stage of trying to ''make it work'' - bad mistake.
And he then tried to annihilate me financially to get me to crumble. He'd refuse to have the kids so I couldn't work as well. My reply to him trying to drive us all into the ground was ''I'll live in a tent before I crumble to you''.
I've heard older women say it to me too and men - I don't know why men want to feel needed. But I agree I don't think it comes from a good place.

I've always puzzled over my ex saying ''you don't need me'' as one of the reasons to break up because throughout our marriage he made sure to be unreliable, volatile and abusive if I ever actually did need him - so I learned to never ask him for anything. Even all the ''man'' jobs around the house - car servicing, lawn mowing, contractor seeking, painting etc. was done by me. He FORCED me to not need him in any way and then tried to blame me for it. I will not ever get it.

queenofswordsxxx · 2021-10-19T13:06:37+00:00

IMO it’s just another way of moving the goalpost & pointing the finger/ shifting blame in relationships

It bothers me how they want to ‘feel needed’ yet whenever you ask for something to be done/ for them to be more high effort then you’re a ‘needy, demanding bitch.’

Which one is it bruh?

What’s more convenient for their ego?

‘I could never satisfy her needs because I’m a lazy prick & that’s why she has to do it all herself ’ OR

‘Feminists are so unfeminine, she just doesn’t make me feel needed & there’s nothing I can do to please her so I just don’t bother putting in any effort at all’

It’s so much easier to blame feminism & women for their independence than admitting that they’re low effort, low value and simply can’t cut it/ bring much to the table.

FDS-GFY · 2021-10-19T13:40:48+00:00

They want to be needed only for what they want to give. Nothing more.

If you need their money you’re a gold digger.

If you need their emotional support you’re “needy” ah the fucking irony.

If you need them to help around the house you’re lazy

They want to be needed for sex. And lifting heavy things. That’s about it.

_mooness · 2021-10-19T14:37:29+00:00

Men: we want to feel needed

Women: then do something I need

Men: you women are just using us!!!!!

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-10-19T12:58:01+00:00

Lol @ the hidden comments 🤣

Absolutely, it's rooted in control. Low-value losers need to "feel needed", and by that I mean they feel threatened by a successful, independent woman, because a successful, independent woman has the power to leave. They need to feel powerful, and the best way to do that is to keep women down.

Women with graduate degrees & high-paying jobs are more likely to be single. Women in vulnerable positions (e.g., poor, old, frail, disabled, pregnant) are more likely to be sexually harassed & assaulted. Abusers target vulnerable women & girls: the young, the poor, and the marginalised.

avocadobarbie · 2021-10-19T13:02:06+00:00

That’s exactly what it is. A man needs to feel like he’s crucial to my and my children’s survival. I can’t possibly do life or take care of myself without him and his help. That’s why men hate feminism so much. For the longest they were the paycheck. The bread and butter. They were needed because I couldn’t do for myself. Well now I can, and since you bring literally nothing else of value you are no longer needed. Now we’re all “too independent”. I’m like…. The “need” for a man was hanging on by a thread anyway. All a woman has to do is work and now half the species is obsolete? Damn. Step your fucking game up and learn how to bring OTHER QUALITIES to the goddamn table!

XNjunEar · 2021-10-19T13:04:16+00:00

"I was too independent and men need to feel needed"

That sounds like 'why don't you act helpless so men can come and be your saviours?' I'm very independent as well, and I give myself the chance(s) to try stuff before I ask for help.

I don't want to need anyone, and I prefer to choose to be with a person and not out of need. So someone wanting me to need them as if my life depended on it, well, nope thanks.

TurquoiseCephalopod · 2021-10-19T13:30:47+00:00

If you want to feel needed, bring something of value to the table 🤷‍♀️

intergalacticanon44 · 2021-10-19T12:32:20+00:00

That’s perfect because the bills need him every month!! 😂

shockingupdate · 2021-10-19T13:28:46+00:00

Women talk about “needing to be needed” as well. Mostly in terms of desire: do we feel like our partner values us, appreciates us, and treats us as though we’re important to him?

When men talk about needing to be needed, a lot of that is outsourcing their performative masculinity to us. What opportunities can we create for him so that he’ll feel more like a man? Can we find a nice TV for him to mount, or tire for him to change, so he can feel like he’s useful? Which puts us in charge of his sense of manliness and self-esteem…and is a huge turn-off for me. Self-esteem is important for all genders, but while we tend to find our own opportunities to build ourselves up, we’re expected to also waste our time coming up with ways to make our son–I mean, big strong man feel like he’s king of the castle.

blindbrunette · 2021-10-19T13:22:51+00:00

In my pickme days, I used to look for tasks I could give my ex so he could feel “needed”, but I only gave him ones that I felt he wouldn’t fuck up because I subconsciously didn’t trust him. Now with my current partner, I don’t even have to delegate tasks, he just identifies a need of mine and fulfills it, because he pays attention and has empathy (unlike my LV ex). A HVM will know where he is needed and what to do. And if he doesn’t know how to do something you need, he’ll have the foresight to ask you what you want.

Efflights6 · 2021-10-19T13:43:11+00:00

Then men need to start being useful.

TikiTikiTata-chalala · 2021-10-19T14:02:14+00:00

This phrase is just... 🤬 'men want women to perform a fawning role to make them feel glorified for existing' there, fixed it

It's definitely not coming from a good place. If a man has to say he wants to feel needed... For what? Sitting on the couch? Showering once a day? Going to work and contributing to society? How is that being a dependable partner for me to rely on (and need)?

Men who want to feel needed step up and get shit done, and the don't need to ask for it BECAUSE THEY STEP UP AND DO IT! And it is sexy af, capable men who act on it are my kink. Oh you built me a house? Did all the household chores so we can go out tonight? Put new kitchen counters in? Handle all the animals in the am so I can sleep in? Got me all the landscaping supplies and dug all the trenches and built the raised beds and help me plant my garden? Like, a man who did all this I would be happy to depend on.

edelbiatch · 2021-10-19T13:45:24+00:00

If they want to feel needed they should stop acting like useless losers. If they want to feel needed they can step up and take responsibility. I don't know why I should make myself look less capable to accommodate the unstable self-confidence of a man baby.

Platipus6 · 2021-10-19T23:01:26+00:00

"I'm going to sit on my ass being self-absorbed and lazy until you think up a task for me that I can easily succeed at. Not too emasculating, not too difficult because failure frightens me mommy! Then call me over with the exact right tone, tell me you need me, then shower me with praise and tell me what a special boy I am. But if it's an unpleasant or difficult task, I'll call you a nag."

lellanc · 2021-10-19T14:00:05+00:00

maybe it’s just me but if i felt like no one needs me then i’ll take that as a hint that i’m useless and unreliable as shit and work on it. men on the other hand will screech about not feeling needed and never bother to ask themselves why no one needs them lmao. no woman willingly makes her life harder instead of having another person (a man in this case) carry life’s burdens with her unless that other person is as useful and as reliable as a bag of bricks.

pancakejourney · 2021-10-19T22:35:44+00:00

They want to be low effort "needed". I don't need a man to open a jar, or drill me a hole in the wall. I built a damn kitchen cupboard with drawers myself today. I don't need them to mow the lawn. Those tasks are easy for me and I'm not too lazy to do them. If I couldn't do them then maybe I needed a man for such things in my daily life.

So what do I need a partner for? Difficult. Because I have great family and friends.

A man would have to show me exceptional emotional and physical support in order for me to "need" him. Or just be good and pleasant company, be funny (not the nasty pussy jokes) to brighten my day.

I start to think that such men just have so little emotional to offer that in order to be important enough for a relationship they need a woman that can do little by herself.

It's not like the majority of them wants to repair your car, or your roof.

They want to feel essential by bringing out the trash or grabbing something from the top of a shelf.

Yeah maybe it's some kind of control/fragile ego thing. I don't know.

Most men just completely fail to be an enrichment in my life. Not my fault if all they do is try to impress me by assembling ikea furniture.

MarshmellowMedic13 · 2021-10-19T12:55:46+00:00

A man should never be needed in a woman’s life. Any guy that says that to me is an instant rejection. He can be wanted. But never needed.

I have a partner who is HVM. But I don’t need him. I want to be with him because he enhances my life. He’s kind, considerate, makes things easier for me. He’s intelligent, ambitious etc. But, life would still be good without him too because I can quite happily say I’m all of those personality traits too.

The minute men feel they are “needed” in your life and not wanted, they drop the ball. They are neglectful of your needs, show their true narcissism or downright abusive. Never make a man feel like he’s “needed”.

Waste-Win · 2021-10-19T13:40:08+00:00

It's interesting, when my ex and I broke up we tried to stay friendly for a bit (after 5 years being together), I remember He told me once that his brother said we broke up because I was too independent and He left me to "decide" too much for myself, I was like "wtf!?".

Some man do believe this is a problem, until now none of my previous partners has seen this as a problem, even if they have been far from ideal bfs, at least they weren't sexist.

shedipity · 2021-10-20T03:14:43+00:00

“A man needs to feel needed” = a man wants to be in control and wants a woman to depend on him 🙄

masterofthebarkarts · 2021-10-19T14:20:07+00:00

I'm going to be a bit of a dissenting voice here if you'll allow me.

I think everyone, man and woman, enjoy feeling "needed": like they are a contributing and valuable member of the partnership, and that their world/relationship would not be nearly as good or as satisfying without them.

HV people express this by seeking to add value to relationships, whether they're romantic or platonic. My husband "needs" me and I "need" him - not the way I need oxygen or housing or anything, and sure we'd both be okay in the end without each other, but neither of us is replaceable in the other's life. We are interdependent.

LV people want you to need them in an unhealthy way. They don't want to contribute anything valuable to the relationship, so they need you to feel like you fundamentally can't function without them. They want you to be dependent on them.

My husband loves to feel needed - he loves to do valuable things for me, but he is well aware that I could do them for myself if necessary. I like to feel needed as well - but I know my husband could survive without me. I think that desire - to provide value - is really beautiful and healthy.

MsXxSelfDestructxX · 2021-10-19T22:53:34+00:00

I never understood it cause when I have supposedly "needed" a man they always complain and whine then I end up having to do it myself.

TERFSareawesome · 2021-10-19T15:09:55+00:00

To me it seems like men basically know theyre clowns and yet want to be treated like kings. Like you seriously want me to PRETEND to not be able to open a jar so you can feel strong? Um, how do you think I survive/get food 99% of the time, bro? Like this willful delusion and gaslighting that men WANT us to engage in is just such a turn off for me. It's like how short or weak men really want women to not wear heels or pretend theyre super strong. How about I dont feel like lying? How about if you want to become strong, get your lazy behind to the gym and put on some muscle? Then you can do actual athletic feats that will actually be impressive and aren't just "opening a jar". To me, it's major toddler vibes- like when a little kid puts on some stupid little show in the backyard and you have to clap and cheer for them. I dont mind that when it's a cute little kid, but when it's a GROWN FUCKING ADULT MAN and THEN they want me to fuck them afterwards?! No, because I dont wanna have sex with a toddler!!!! Stop acting like one!!!

scooter_se · 2021-10-19T15:24:09+00:00

If they need to feel needed, they can buy a plant or adopt a pet. Women and children don’t exist so that men can feel needed

wolfshadow1995 · 2021-10-19T22:29:00+00:00

I’m so glad you posted about this. It really irritates and confused me, especially when it comes from a man himself. So you dudes want to complain about women being needy for asking for pretty simple things and say how independence is what’s most attractive. But then you also have to feel needed to feel like a man? Just seems like a moving target. I think you’re so right in how you put it that it’s a control thing. I think only men with very low self esteem and high egos say this type of stuff. Most quality guys I know would say quite the opposite, that they want a woman who doesn’t need them but chooses to be with them.

swaylyn · 2021-10-19T22:54:44+00:00

I saw this jar opening contraption and immediately let my best friend know that men have become obsolete.

That’s all she wrote.

If they are needed they can relax because “they have the power, you won’t leave, etc”

I remember when I started dating my ex and the look of helpless panic on his face when he realized I didn’t NEED him and I could walk away at any time because he had NO hold over me. I was with him because I wanted to be. I always had my own reasoning. And when I left him I reached a point where the good no longer outweighed the bad. Plus I realized the goals I had would take me longer with him in my life.

Everything is power and control when it comes to men. They are the walking equivalent of a broken record

alpinepunch2021 · 2021-10-20T02:16:26+00:00

Honestly if they feel needed they'll just bitch about having a needy gf. It's a lose-lose situation.

Lady__stoneheart · 2021-10-20T04:09:36+00:00

If the man isn't feeling needed, then he's clearly not needed. Why fake that he's necessary when there are better men who won't need fake incompetences to feel better about themselves?

WorkaholicParty · 2021-10-19T15:05:00+00:00

Religion being positive discrimination for men, and society at large being extremely misogynistic meant that there was a time where men could get wives without their consent.

Even though not all men married because even in the past some of them still couldn't afford it, but that's something people forget.

Now men are inventing the "feel needed" thing because bypassing consent is nominally frowned upon and they haven't considered leveling up as a class which also means being desirable and learning the skills to be a good partner for a woman.

A woman shouldn't need a man to live, but if you're partnered ... well, your SO is going to end up being "needed" anyway because hopefully they improve your life and share responsibilities with you.

Vaahla · 2021-10-20T00:20:22+00:00

I don’t understand this, I’m happiest when nobody needs me.

ExistentialJelly · 2021-10-19T16:05:11+00:00

Men who are secure and pulling their weight in the family don't complain about this nonsense. The women who are trying to cater to the men who do have some serious work to do with their self esteem.

I always ask, "Are you happy in this dynamic? Do you feel fulfilled? So you feel loved and respected?" That usually puts an end to their chittering because they know they actually aren't.

sourcircus · 2021-10-19T14:09:46+00:00

They be wanting women to lower themselves just so they can feel competent 🤣Any man who tells you that he feels this way has esteem issues and is the lowest rung on the totem pole.

It's so easy to make themselves useful yet we know most don't even try and still whine about wanting to feel needed 🤡

ferociouslycurious · 2021-10-19T15:32:35+00:00

Most of the time it means they need an ego stroke. Because that’s how society has trained them.

AnastasiaRomani · 2021-10-19T16:34:58+00:00

Men's preference of "needing to feel needed" is really only their insistence on imbalance of power in a relationship.

VanessaViews · 2021-10-19T14:13:17+00:00

Needs to feel needed but then doesn't lift a finger around the house or empty the trash

alexjames_sc · 2021-10-19T23:27:27+00:00

To me, needing him implies something within myself is in negative value and missing already. That is not the case. He should only add. I think a more accurate description would be appreciated, valued and capable. My man knows I don't NEED him, but he (like me) enjoys hearing positive reinforcement about how much I appreciate and value what he adds to my life and experience. There are times where he wants to support me and show me love but isn't sure he's adequately doing that without my feedback. So when he does it effectively, I let him know. In turn, I don't want to feel needed, I want to feel wanted.

modernmedusaa · 2021-10-20T09:55:28+00:00

Bullshit

You could make a LVM feel the most needed in the world, let them play the hero & they will still exploit you later, cheat & treat you like dirt.

There’s some bullshit advertisement going around that pops up on google pages relating to dating…talking about the hero instinct & if you just activate that you’ll have a mans loyalty & him obsessing over you forever.

Women of adult age know this is total bullshit.

They’ve counted on men whilst vulnerable before, and whilst they seem to come through at first they will let you down and disappoint you 50 x harder. Men are not reliable things to be leaning or depending on.

Now yeah he may get temporarily obsessed & it may intensify temporary feelings but only obsessed in his pursuit of conquering and controlling you. Because he’s dominating you.

They like the fantasy of rescuing a woman but don’t actually like the longterm responsibility of dealing with someone who needs them.

And believe me, the minute you won’t take his shit like cheating he will get 50 x more volatile in return because his possession is slipping away from him.

Men are motivated by dominance & signalling that to other men mostly.

Men like vulnerable women because it’s easy to manipulate & isolate them…& break them down & make them dependant on them.

In many ways they will treat you worse for ‘needing’ them even if it’s just for a few months bc of a situation out of your control ….they will throw it back in your face as soon as you won’t comply with their abuse.

Men will view you as pathetic, weak, dependent…think you’re not going anywhere & treat you like shit. Even if you previously looked up to them.

They think doing one nice thing for you entitles them to a pass to disrespect you longterm.

Narcissist men like making vulnerable women feel they owe them because it gives them more control, control over their esteem, life, decisions etc.

There is no guarantee that if you make a man needed, he won’t get bored or ‘overwhelmed’ & go seeking excitement elsewhere.

Men don’t like being made responsible most times.

They like CONTROL yes- but that’s not about pleasing the woman as much as it is about getting what they want at her expense.

Make a LVM feel too needed….eventually he’ll get sick of that too.

‘Ugh I do everything!!! I’m not responsible for you!!’

& he’ll go off and cheat with someone easier.

So women do not fall for this….the whole ‘you need to need me’ thing is just to turn you into a codependent pickmeisha who lets him get away with murder because you needed him once.

lvioletsnow · 2021-10-20T16:41:48+00:00

My conspiracy theory is that society/civilization is built on women's subjugation and misery because idle "military aged males" are violent, destructive, and antisocial (in the sociology sense, act in a manner that is not productive to society). Once mass quantities of them stopped dying off in tribal wars, affirmative action for beta males (marriage) was put in place to give them a locus of control. Then Kings sent them to war (to rape, loot, and pillage) and to the fields so they'd stop trying to burn castles down.

Now, we're back to square one in a sense due to capitalism. The system wanted more consumers so women had to be liberated... but now you have women who want to be left alone. What happens to the unpaired men? They go back to being antisocial.

Society is built on women needing men so they feel in control, redirecting their violent/controlling impulses towards women/children rather than other men and property.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-10-19T16:06:09+00:00

Whenever I needed a man, he was super annoyed by the fact I needed him. I wonder what they really mean when they say this.

the-worst- · 2021-10-19T17:23:21+00:00

Wanting to feel needed is a human trait. It's stupid that people try to make it a "man" thing.

Many men don't feel the need to make US feel needed. So many will actively put down and insult their partner to "put her in her place". To "remind her she isn't a queen."

So if a man wants you to make him feel needed, but has no intention of doing the same, he can go screw a sex doll.

The purpose of finding a partner isn't to feel needed. It's to find someone who makes life better, more fun, and who can help you to improve. If he isn't about that, then we have no obligation to cater to him in any way shape or form.

Kimpractical · 2021-10-19T16:12:30+00:00

People: A man needs-

Me: First of all, I don’t give shit what men ‘need’

PerditaJulianTevin · 2021-10-19T17:50:46+00:00

It's definitely about control. They want a woman who will never leave them because she doesn't have options. No education or career to fall back on. No home ownership. No hobbies or interest of her own. No emotional support system.

proudpine · 2021-10-19T15:11:03+00:00

I do think that high value men love to invest in and provide for their partners, and that it behooves us to lean back a bit and receive. A lot of FDS guidelines revolve around this idea: letting him initiate, plan and pay for dates, letting him come to you, etc. So in some sense, yes, men want to feel needed.

BabyGothQ · 2021-10-19T18:41:14+00:00

They need to feel needed because they aren’t whole and secure without a woman subjugating themselves to them. Period.

Women are starting to understand that “I don’t need you but I want you and I’m committed to this relationship.” is a healthy lifestyle and men “want” every woman they ever come into contact with, so they don’t value that even though it CLEARLY works in their favor.

Bubbly-Manufacturer · 2021-10-19T21:51:37+00:00

When a guy says it IMO he’s saying he’s worthless and needs to be needed to give him some form of worth.

smaller_ang · 2021-10-20T09:27:58+00:00

"oh, so that's why I'm single". And not in a bad way, more like in a validating way.

Risoa · 2021-10-20T09:52:45+00:00

My ex asked me if I “needed him.” It creeped me out.

Constant-Wanderer · 2021-10-20T15:08:58+00:00

I’ve always maintained that I don’t want to be needed. Neediness is the least attractive trait.

If a man needs me to be needy, I’m not the one. Telling a woman to cater to a man’s weaknesses is setting her up for a weak man.

I want my man to want me. Anyone who needs me can fuck all the way off. And if I have to compromise myself in any way for a man, I have no need for that relationship at all.

klops_fighter · 2021-10-20T20:28:19+00:00

I just say " if he wants to feel needed, he should make himself useful"

lightcobaltblue · 2021-10-19T15:38:48+00:00

I interpret it as he needs to do stuff for me or "serve" me in a way and I let him. Men need to be useful and then appreciated for it. When I try to be useful I tend to feel used and there is no amount of appreciating that helps with this bitter feeling... In practice, I would tell him my desires and he would have to fulfill most of them. I think that's probably the way to go.

ComedyCaviar · 2021-10-19T15:56:52+00:00

I always faked that by asking them to help me open a jar or hang curtains. But then my therapist explained that a good person would want to make my life better so to just show them how they could contribute. That's when I realised I needed to say: hug me, hold me tight, do this for me...make me a coffee...

I have the same thing with my dad. Even though I am independent and earn much more he still needs to do stuff for me in order to show love.

Catz10000 · 2021-10-19T15:52:22+00:00

I agree with all of the above, but I learned that LV people aren't happy unto themselves. They are incomplete as people therefore use others to fill holes or deficiencies within themselves. HV people are complete and are able to be partners. They add to relationships so the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Also, I believe that people don't understand that wanting to be with someone is more valuable than having to settle.

Biracial_tooth_fairy · 2021-10-19T17:01:00+00:00

My ex used to pull that one on me. At that point, I was already adapting my busy schedule to accomodate his. Side note: he was unemployed and wasn't doing anything else like going to college so he didn't actually have any real obligations. Nothing I did was ever enough for him so he would occasionally send me those reddit posts that basically stated "Men needs compliments too" or "Men need to feel needed by their wives/partners".

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2021-10-19T19:31:05+00:00

You can’t be “needed” if you don’t do anything useful.

And yeah, this is a control tactic

jackrusselterror1 · 2021-10-19T19:49:44+00:00

We can’t make men feel like something they aren’t, so if they don’t feel like they’re the kind of man they want to be, they need to figure out what they’re lacking and build themselves up. We shouldn’t have to make ourselves smaller so they can feel big.

missisabelarcher · 2021-10-19T20:22:24+00:00

Men want to feel needed?

Well, we need to feel valued and respected. We need to be listened to, not just humored. We need to be seen for who we are, not just as sex objects or service providers. We need to be treated like full human beings with our own thoughts, feelings and independent realities that actually may be profoundly different from theirs. We need kindness, affection and appreciation, and not just when they're hoping for sex.

We need to be able to trust and rely on our partners. We need integrity and to know that your words aligns with your actions and values. We need you to handle conflict like grownups, not children. We need you to take on a more equitable division of household and emotional labor. And we need you to be proactive about it so that we don't feel like we have an unpaid intern or another de facto child to care for.

Can't meet these needs? Well, then...what do we need you for?

katiekat0214 · 2021-10-19T20:42:00+00:00

Again: power, control, dominance. I know I keep singing this refrain over and over, but it works. And here, he didn't have any power or control over you; he had no way to dominate you. This, I think, is precisely what they mean.

And it is a very, very good thing to want someone, but NOT to need them. Once again, quick, easy vetting strategy: as an older woman, I'm passively on OLD, just to go out on a date at all after 25 years of being married, five years of being widowed. I put on my profile, "I may want you, but I'll never need you." Assuming they read at all, that lets them know I'm not broke, needy, homeless, horny, or clingy. I'm HIGHLY independent. I have my own life, interests, house, money, and I expect a man to have the same.

Honestly, I've come to the point where if a man says something I can't parse out logically, I immediately try the "power, control, dominance" test on his words, and that is what he usually means. And that's when I know, time to walk away, don't even bother to say anything. If he's jockeying for power, position, control, rather than operating as an equal, I'm done, and way better off without him, because he would NEVER win with me... and he already knows it.

ArtisticBrilliant491 · 2021-10-19T21:10:25+00:00

This is just patriarchal brain-washing. Men don't really want to be needed. At least not IME. They just wanna LOOK like they're needed. And not actually do the stuff that's needed, such as demonstrating care and concern for others, cleaning up after themselves and others, helping without being begged to every time.

Most men IME just wanna nut, play vid games, and stroke their egos with "important" job stuff. The few times I've needed a man for actual support, they were nowhere to be found. But if they catch a cold or hit their head, I better come running to care-take. There is a reason my mom raised me to be independent. She knew that I'd have to be.

all_or_nothing_bet · 2021-10-19T14:23:41+00:00

Those are looser men who you don't want to have around. Let them have pickmies.

havingababypenguin · 2021-10-19T17:13:50+00:00

My husband is well aware that I don’t need him. He doesn’t need me either. We both want each other. Sure in our current relationship he needs me to care for our girl, and I need him to pay the bills. But if it came down to it we could both stand on our own feet and create a life separately. So that’s a red flag for me.

aquietsword · 2021-10-19T20:44:28+00:00

The men are braindead. I've heard this too but in the same breath the mouth breathers will cry oppression if you ask them to open a jar.

sleepysiri · 2021-10-21T00:27:29+00:00

Needed for what? 🤡 Are their egos that fragile that they need external validation for their sense of purpose?

Muffcakelord · 2021-10-21T23:25:16+00:00

I feel like laughing because it's the most careful way of confessing to having no self esteem whatsoever

spinsterchachkies · 2021-10-19T15:44:09+00:00

Well, try being needed then…

Salt_Satisfaction · 2021-10-19T16:32:50+00:00

I've never heard a man say this in real life, haven't even heard of men that are friends of a friend saying this.

For me it's either been men that seem HVM or that more of a gentleman enjoying doing things for others. It looked like they felt useful in the sense of being glad that they were able to help but never said anything like this.

The other category are men who enjoy women doing things for them because they see being a gentleman as a burden. I can't imagine them saying this phrase. After seeing this a lot I'd almost welcome the phrase.

I enjoy feeling useful and dependable to other people, although perhaps not "needed", since I've had unstable people become really dependent and crazy of me because they "needed" me. If I finally heard this phrase in real life and they meant it in the same way I do, I'd be fine with it.

Bear in mind that this only works if he's looking for gaps where he may be needed, not sabotaging me so he can fix whatever mess he created or expecting me to act helpless so he feels needed. Most men who say this probably have certain expectations of a woman's role is in the house and in society and have a fragile ego.

CynicalSucculent · 2021-10-19T18:33:06+00:00

It's such a broad phrase that I don't know what people mean when they say it.

Like, don't we all need to feel needed in relationships? I wouldn't be with someone who made me feel like an option.

Title	How do you feel when people say “ a man needs to feel needed”?
Author	taylor232424
Upvotes	742
Comments	118
Date	October 19, 2021 12:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qbaf1x/how_do_you_feel_when_people_say_a_man_needs_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-feel-when-people-say-a-man-needs-to.1078664 https://theredarchive.com/post/1078664

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