Have you ever been depressed about being single? How did you get out of that state of mind?

plomerst · 2021-12-06T16:22:12+00:00

This is something that I struggle with on a recurring basis. I practice meditation, work out a tom, engage in self-care, and try to live a full and rich life. But I would be lying if I said that in the mornings when I wake up in my huge bed in my nice apartment, I do still desire having someone laying next to me. I try not to dwell on it, and show gratitude for all the blessings I do have.

hopeful_flounder93 · 2021-12-06T16:39:23+00:00

I'm the same. To be fair though, I often (and I suspect you do too) have the opportunity to settle down with a man, but it's just never someone that meets my standards or that I'm attracted to. I think its unfortunate, but a lot of women settle hard, and if you really look around yourself, I doubt you'd be willing to trade places with them.

You can keep your standards high and still have a family even, if that's what you want. You can do anything without a man, until someone worth keeping around shows up in your life. It'll be okay sis, just keep enjoying those things that make life worth living, and use your singledom as a chance to see and do things you'd never be able to do with a husband and family.

You know what I mean - those things that most people can only ever dream of, but few actually get to do. I moved across an ocean to get a PhD, and every few weeks I'd take a long weekend to see a show and spend some time in a nearby country I'd never thought I'd get the chance to visit. I surfed in Portugal and snowboarded in the French alps. I also stayed home in my super nice flat and played Animal Crossing with my friends from home, surrounded by a blanket nest & only my favourite people, if not just some peace and quiet 😂

I really do think that over time, luck is on our side. Give it a few years and you're bound to cross paths with a keeper. It's also possible you may be feeling down because that hasn't happened these past couple of years, but the world's pretty much been shut down, and they haven't been an accurate representation of normality, which we're starting to see more of just now.

So don't worry sis. Just keep living your life. Eventually, I promise you'll just get smacked with that feeling of gratitude, because you've had the freedom to live people's wildest dreams. Someone worthwhile will show up eventually.

PS. In one of the only couples I'd swap places with, the woman didn't meet her HVM until she was 36. She was a lawyer and had a kickass career working all around the world, and then met him at a conference one day. They got married just under a year later and now have two beautiful kids. You'll be fine 🥰

grmpygills · 2021-12-06T16:38:17+00:00

Think about all your married/non-single friends - would you want to be in their relationships? Are they with HV people? Because for me, my friend’s SOs aren’t, like, amazing. At all. Maybe one of them is and she’s older than me.

Idk when I was single, that’s what I would focus on - you could be in that relationship or in that marriage if* you wanted to be, but did you really want to be when you looked around you?

elainejay82 · 2021-12-06T22:13:23+00:00

There is nothing at all wrong with wanting children and a husband in the future, but once we hit this desperate or depressed stage of wanting to land one quickly and start a family, that's where we really risk settling for bs and compromising ourselves. Just be careful of falling into scarcity mindset. It can be really damaging to us in the long run to think that way.

hensbanex · 2021-12-06T19:40:52+00:00

come see our sister sub, female level up strategy - there are lots of posts about loneliness and hobbies and such. what you’re feeling is totally normal!

elainejay82 · 2021-12-06T17:55:04+00:00

I used to feel this way after becoming newly single from a 13 year long relationship (yes, I was a 🤡).

I was embarrassed and I just generally wanted someone next to me. Eventually, I had a change of mindset and remembered how awful it was to be with someone who really wasn't right for me. Then I thought about how common it is that people end up in these relationships where they really aren't satisfied and are settling. I thought about how even when the man was treating me right, living with a male and dealing with males is stressful, exhausting, and can be very depleting, yes, even when things are going relatively well.

I pictured myself married later on, possibly with children and all I saw was that in that future, I was tired. Happy, maybe, but tired, and had no time for myself. So I decided that I wanted to embrace my time alone as in the future, I would probably have to be a lot more selfless than I had to be at that moment.

I really started pampering myself. I started hiking, buying the nice shampoos (all I could think was later on I'm going to have kids and will not have this kind of time for myself), having expensive salon days, I started painting more to keep up on my mental/emotional state, and I got myself a little scrotation to have fun with. I got involved in community art events that I really enjoyed.. Things really started turning around for me once I shifted my mindset. I was super vivacious at that point and I eventually did not care at all if a man was next to me or not, and from all of that I became really busy and fulfilled in general. I had fun and really just embraced being single, not having to answer to anyone, started rocking my career, started caring more about my appearance and clothing choices, etc. Eventually I absolutely loved the spot that I was in and I still really do!

I swear to you that almost all men I have dealt with since that turning point have done nothing but stress me out, lie to me, toy with me, play games, leave my apartment messy, etc. You have to really think about how chaotic men can really be, yes even the good ones I feel have a level of chaos to them that can be disruptive to our peace. This is most men you encounter.

When you look at it that way, you start to appreciate your time alone. You start to realize that maybe later on when you have a man and/or kids you will wish you had lived up your single life a little bit more. I know that when I am taken in the future, I will look back fondly at my time alone, and relish the fact that I took the time to really love and enjoy myself while I was single. It can start with something as simple as thinking, "Maybe this isn't so bad? Maybe I can have a lot of fun with this era of my life?"

And don't for a second ever think that those of your friends that are taken don't look at you with some envy with all the freedom you have right now. Live that freedom up!

GlitteryMoss · 2021-12-06T17:06:04+00:00

I was born single and it is my natural state. Same with you.

Learn to enjoy and appreciate how great your own company is.

nothingt0say · 2021-12-06T21:40:41+00:00

I am 44 and very happy single but it's because I was in a bad relationship for a long time. I've never been married and I don't want kids. I am unconventional, you could say. I have a dog. She is my best girl! I also have many adult friends without kids so I am fortunate.

Better off a little bored than with a scrote.

tuberosetears · 2021-12-06T20:26:34+00:00

I feel you. Though feeling like that for me is mostly when I'm having fun with one of my hobbies. None of my girl friends want to do it with me, and it'd be amazing to have a lover by my side. But I just have my little sad moment and get back in it. Sometimes that's all you can do.

mindwindansea · 2021-12-06T16:57:41+00:00

YES. You are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you.
The most powerful thing for me has been to inundate myself with material from authors, podcasters, and researchers on the topic of single hood. There is a stigma attached to being single, and it can give us a false sense of "fear of missing out". But hearing about the lifestyles of successful and joyful people who are single either by choice or by chance, I've seen how I'm really not missing out on anything, and have had a full life all along.
Podcasts:
Solo: The Single Person's Guide to a Remarkable Life
Resources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-single

Books:

A Single Revolution

and anything by Bella DePaulo

sweet_birthday_babyy · 2021-12-06T23:41:01+00:00

I can sympathize. I am hurting so much right now. I have two elementary aged children and stuck in a never ending divorce with someone who lives out of state. I am stuck in a small town living with my parents and I don’t know anyone in this town and there aren’t many groups I can join, or people who like what I like. Dating is a nightmare. Social life is nonexistent. I am so lonely and my brain is eating itself alive. I desperately want to move out and get back to the city but I can’t afford to unless this shitty divorce is finalized. I am in a very dark place right now.

GabbaG0ul · 2021-12-06T17:37:31+00:00

I look back on my single days and beating myself up for it. I realized it was all the media and the culture. Realistically, we have a lot to lose when in relationships. I lost a lot entering relationships that I shouldn’t have, all for the sake of being paired off. The culture says that we can only find true happiness in a man. It’s all bullshit meant to sell you on being a mommy mcbangmaid. When in reality, you need to find happiness on your own. You can’t expect someone to be responsible for your own happiness.

I recommend pulling away from romance themed shows and media. Maybe even social media. It’s all very triggering ,especially this time of year. Also know, the people who post the most on social media, are the least happy. It’s all cope.

lvioletsnow · 2021-12-06T17:04:21+00:00

I confronted it head on, stared directly into reality and thought about possible outcomes/options. Having "backup options" really helped: no bio children? Foster. Adopt. AI. No man? They kind of suck anyway, cultivate friendships by joining a sewing circle. Plan to travel. Take classes. Put on some sunscreen and take a hike. Meditate if it works for you.

We've been conditioned to worry about dying alone and childless, but that's always a possibility no matter if you give birth and marry or not. Make peace with being single in solitude (enjoy it even) and then no matter what happens you'll probably be fine.

DarbyGirl · 2021-12-06T18:00:50+00:00

I think we always envy other people. I was once depressed because I wasn't in a relationship, then was depressed because my relationship was so different than everyone else's. Now here I am, in my 40's and single, and my life isn't how I pictured it. I just push forward and live my best life. Spend time doing things I like, indulging in my hobbies and doing what I want when I want around my house. That I own. That I can do whatever I want in, including curling up on the couch with ice cream, two cats and a pup while binging netflix until midnight. With no one to criticize me for it.

Remember too, what you see of other people and their relationship isn't always a good indicator for how it's going. Kids are exhausting, and expensive. I have had a few friends admit that while they love their kids, they also wish they never had them.

superheroxnerd · 2021-12-06T17:19:05+00:00

A couple things help me: 1) singleness is a gift. It really is especially for women contrary to popular belief. The peace and freedom are delicious. 2) this is destination illusion. “I’ll be happy if I have/accomplish __” doesn’t work. If you can’t accept and love yourself as you are now you never will be. 3) I’ve heard it said a lot of times: single people want to be married and married people want to be single. How sad is that? I’d much rather be in the first camp tbh

fireforestfairy · 2021-12-06T16:49:24+00:00

Given how most men are LV, you're not missing a lot out. Anyway, I would like to think "the one" for me is out there somewhere and we just haven't met yet. He is probably wondering when he will come across "the one" too.

cryptohobo · 2021-12-06T21:35:55+00:00

I tried out online dating, almost instantly it cured any sadness over being single lol. It actually turned it into a relief. I also remind myself that most people are in miserable LV relationships. The grass is greenest wherever you’re standing my dear.

asocialsocialite · 2021-12-06T20:06:27+00:00

The understanding that men will largely bring you nothing but a new form of anxiety and misery.

There's very few HVM and likable men out there, and that attitude has never failed me.

thinktwiceorelse · 2021-12-06T20:19:18+00:00

By knowing the whole thing is just an illusion. That person you wish for probably doesn't wash his ass.

VanessaViews · 2021-12-06T20:43:24+00:00

I read this article and the first couple of paragraphs really helped shift my thinking. https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html

edwardianemerald · 2021-12-06T16:39:29+00:00

Focus on what is IN your control. We can't control others, and we certainly don't control men or else they'd be much more perfect (haha). Are you holding back on trips you've wanted to take? Are you engaging in adequate selfcare? Are you taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally AND spiritually? Leveling up in all areas is a process but it's a process that will take you to new heights AND you'll likely meet HVM / HVW along the way. Don't stress, you got this!

BedazzledSwashbuckle · 2021-12-06T17:36:13+00:00

I'd - gently - suggest you look into options for children that don't require marriage. Sperm bank or donation by a trusted friend. Adoption options for single women. If motherhood is important to you, I'd encourage you to pursue it. My personal experience has been that motherhood can be richly rewarding (assuming it's what you wanted for yourself and chose ... and isn't clouded by the machinations of a toxic co-parent). I've seen a couple of my friends adopt as single women over the years, and they and their children are glowing with health and seem very happy. You can still date as a single mother - past age 30 or so, it's not a big deal to most men.

For male partnership / marriage? It's really out of our hands. There's always putting oneself in male-rich environments (outdoor sports, IT-type hobbies, etc.), etc. But when depression seems to be a factor, these environments have usually taken a lot out of us emotionally without putting anything back. I found that I needed to have two "channels" socially when I was single and dating - one was the dating, and the other was environments that "put back" into my life emotionally by caring about the minutiae of my life, nurturing my health, encouraging my other relationships, etc. (unsuprisingly, these groups were almost entirely female). Dipping out of this nurturing social "channel" often meant that the dating "channel" left me feeling depleted and hopeless, because it wasn't "putting back" any of the emotional energy that it demanded of me.

The challenge though can be (a) finding the time - it takes longer to build and maintain these nurturing circles as we age, and (b) balancing everything - you can't keep everyone happy and it sometimes meant not sharing with my "nurturing" channel as much as I otherwise would, since of course they would counsel me not to do things that didn't make me happy (and dating often didn't make me happy).

I hope you can find what you're looking for. I do get it - it feels overwhelming.

SayNad · 2021-12-06T22:32:14+00:00

Alright sis. I have been carefully reading all your responses and here's the result:

• You are 27. • You have accomplished everything you want in life and dare I say - you are well off and don't have any financial worries? • You are happy in all other areas of life and have a healthy state of mind. • The only thing wrong in your life is that you don't have a husband and family like your friends and is slowly falling into depression because you find yourself alone. • You are dissapointed with the dating scene. • You get quite defensive when other fdsers talk about the dark side of relationship.

May I ask, growing up, did you live a relatively easy and straightforward life?

MsXxSelfDestructxX · 2021-12-07T02:11:21+00:00

I'm kind of going through this and actually posted something similar in the level up sub. Like I've taken on so much in my life by myself and never really had a support system other than myself and had a lot of setbacks, failures, roadblocks whether self-imposed or not. I felt like I have "nothing to show". I just wish I had the financial independence already so I never.. NEVER ever need anyone ever again if I were to decide to remain single. But it's also not healthy that I'm so isolated and always being hyperindependent. I would very much like to enjoy and participate in a HV relationship.
I keep forgetting to enjoy the peace and quiet I sort of DO have in my single life of no drama with guys, no constant heart breaks, no cheating, I don't have/want children to raise. I want to spend my time raising my status and self esteem. I live with my parents and still see how much crap my mom puts up with for the sake of my dad and brothers. She hardly sleeps, eats, has to drive all the time because the male in the family are all dependent on her.
I do get future anxiety though, so maybe you are struggling thinking about being single later on in life. Honestly though, look at how low effort the guys on OLD are? They don't seem to give AF to put effort into looking for a functional relationship.

good-day-throwaway · 2021-12-06T18:53:47+00:00

I would like to know too. I have a good education and a stable job. I take care of myself. At the moment, I'm not sure about kids but I would like to find a husband for companionship. Seeing my friends who are getting married and having children and my friend pool dwindling is very discouraging. Of course, like mentioned here, I don't want to trade places with any of them. The last thing I want to do is to settle.

Also not for the lack of male attention. But I'm not attracted to any of them. I know it's been said time and again that meeting a HVM is all down to luck but goddammit, it can get lonely and I just miss having someone to hold me or vice versa.

pozzalovah · 2021-12-06T20:49:59+00:00

Adopt a cat ! They can reach to an intelligence lecel of a 4 year old .

stalient · 2021-12-06T21:17:19+00:00

Are there meetup groups and Facebook groups for women in your age bracket? I saw a Facebook group where women in my cities would post about looking for friends from 30-38 for example.

asoww · 2021-12-07T03:07:17+00:00

Totally feel you OP! It's difficult to go through sometimes. I'm looking for my partner. But I don't know when I will meet him, is it in a few years or is it tomorrow ?? In the meantime, I promise to make myself as happy as I can, find great meaning in life, meet men and eliminate all the LVM until I find my HVM, and forge great relationships with poeple. Also, loneliness is not an anomaly. It is a very human experience that everyone goes through. Learning to navigate it makes you gain so much wisdom. Enough so that if one day you meet someone interesting and after years of partnered happiness, this person changes, is not in love with you anymore etc.... you'll know that you can be alone instead of staying in a bad situation. That's what I tell myself. Navigating through loneliness is a skill that will serve me even when I find my partner.

Solid-Liquid · 2021-12-07T10:18:26+00:00

Yeah. After college, all my friends started to get in relationships, engaged, or married and I got depressed seeing their pics on SM. It led me back into a relationship with a old high school ex because “high school was 10 years ago and he’s changed!” In reality, I just wanted anyone, just to say I was in a relationship.

Long story short, that relationship was a mistake. I was constantly groped, ignored (unless he wanted sex), and when he did wanna go out, it was only movies on Tuesday. Ended up leaving and was WAY happier because being single is peaceful compared to the shit he had me put up with.

OP, don’t let the depression from being single drive you into a shitty relationship just because you want someone. That’s what happened to me and I was better off alone.

hexriot2001 · 2021-12-07T14:11:18+00:00

I'm in my mid 20s and people are just starting to get married. At first I felt disappointed in myself that I spent my early 20s dating and entertaining LVM. I thought my friends in relationships might be better than me for staying in long term relationships rather than enduring heartbreak after heartbreak. I realize that I've developed emotional callouses which do make you stronger. Through these disappointments i know what i truly want and what i don't want and I've learned so much about myself. It is lonely but taking a moment to appreciate my own resilience and how far I've come makes me feel better.

DancesOnMoonlight · 2021-12-06T21:57:34+00:00

Not sure how to counsel you on the depression, but here is how my life improved in the past 5 years I've spent single:

I'm not accountable to anybody! I do what I want, when I want. I spend MY money MY way! I have a group of amazing, supportive friends who give me way more community and love than a partner ever has. Also, no shitty partner to hate on the friends I choose! ALSO! Now that I'm not a pickme girl, my friends are of far superior quality! My taste in music and art isn't critiqued in a condescending fashion in my own home! The emotional well being and peace I have being SINGLE is unparalleled. Any man who comes into my life and tries to take these things away is booted so quickly I can't even say buh-bye quickly enough. I'm only dating men who enhance my life - and more than one of them! It's so much more fun!!

dinarvand88 · 2021-12-07T00:01:16+00:00

Yes I have been depressed about being single. Being in a very brief relationship with an abusive man cured me of the "desperation"/"scarcity" mentality at 30 years old. I am 32 now and am in a relationship with man who cares about me. Don't fall for the biological clock fearmomgering. Most women I know have children in their 30s, and plenty were in their upper 30s.

cakewalkofshame · 2021-12-06T22:52:48+00:00

Being single is better than being partnered up. I love sleeping in my own bed for as long as I want, no one thrashing around and snoring and farting next to me or pestering me for sex...getting to do whatever I want, whenever I want, never having to compromise and get dragged along for some BS I don't care about, never having to clean up another person's filth, and having constant pace and quiet, being able to spend my time on my hobbies and self improvement instead of distracting a man from his existential problems. It's pretty amazing once you get past all the shame we have been conditioned to feel about it.

fds_throwaway_4_u · 2021-12-06T16:53:50+00:00

I’ve never felt this way, but I think I have a solution for you. Go browse subreddits like breakingmom and see for yourself that the married to a man and has kids lifestyle is not a good idea.

rengokusmother · 2021-12-06T16:59:12+00:00

Honestly i used to feel this looming feeling when I was constantly surrounded by people and content where it was a notion that you're incomplete and not worth much if you're single. I had a friend circle where all of us were pickmeishas and most of them absolutely hated to be single or go to places/do things alone. I enjoyed bits like these but by influence started hating my own presence too. A lot of relatives, teachers, social media, just... everything in general sort of made you feel like a shitbag if you wanted to do something on your own. So I thought something had to be wrong with me and I actually thought I might be really unattractive and unworthy if nobody wants to be with me or spend time with me in a romantic context.

Now it's just like...who cares? I am not exactly alone. I have friends. I can very well make new friends. I have my immediate family. I have my cousins. And a pet. And I still have myself if I want to go somewhere and enjoy something. Relationships shouldn't be something that "complete" you, you are complete on your own. Relationships are meant to enhance your life. I'm still nineteen so of course I'm very young, practically a child, but I love my own company. I love doing and learning and enjoying shit all on my own. Some days do come and go where I feel I might be too worthless if nobody wants me but those thoughts leave just as quick. When I'm in the moment of doing something by myself, I've never once felt lonely or felt someone else's presence could've made the experience better.

It took me a good chunk of years to start cherishing my other non-romantic bonds, meditating, working out, and spending a lot of time by myself doing productive stuff to realise, hey this isn't so bad. And it really isn't. If in future someone comes in my life worth doing all this stuff with they're very welcome to stay. But their presence or absence will not set my mood and attitude towards any activity or event, that's what I work on.

hurtloam · 2021-12-06T18:18:30+00:00

I thought this was a pretty good book

It's not you 27 (wrong) reasons why you're single

Lockdown helped me. I realised how content I am on my own with my pets. Dating was horribly stressful. I felt like I was always being judged and being found inadequate. Nothing I ever did was good enough for these stupid fussy men. Then I got to be free through having to stay home by government mandate... And I liked it.

MissApplication · 2021-12-06T18:37:18+00:00

I'm not depressed about being single. I'm depressed because by leveling up, I've left behind "friends" who were always just acquaintances anyway. So I'm in a between stage

generallynothing · 2021-12-06T19:59:43+00:00

Yes. I've done the whole levelling up, when me and my ex broke up and went out and got the career I wanted, bought my own flat and made a bunch of amazing new friends. I've been single for five years and dated about and it started bothering me that I hadn't met someone. I got really down a few times about it and started beating myself up about it. Weirdly though, having spent multiple lockdowns on my own in my flat I've come to realise that if anyone is going to be part of the life I've built for myself and I love, they've got to be spot on. I haven't dated in a long time now because I can't be bothered with wasting my time, and I've genuinely been good with it. I feel way more content. I still have my moments but I'm super content with how my life is. I do want to meet someone, but only if they're going to benefit my current life.

bullshitextinguisher · 2021-12-06T23:25:00+00:00

This is dangerous. Your fear of being single not only makes your single life miserable, but will make your coupled life even more miserably because you’ll be terrified of losing him and tolerating more than you should. Not being tied to a Scrote is a BLESSING. A Scrote is a sinking barrel with heavy stones in it. You don’t want to be in it - even if it seems like a cool submarine at first.

EMBRACE and be PROUD of you being a “crazy bitch cat lady with a cold heart who will never find a man”. IT’S A BADGE OF HONOR.

2021-12-07T07:35:04+00:00

Just went through a breakup. Right now I'm reading a book "Single on Purpose" by John Kim. Liking it so far. :)

Here's a PDF: https://ebooksoff.xyz/eBooksDuck.com/Single-On-Purpose-.pdf

frustratedmarxistfem · 2021-12-07T19:20:07+00:00

I started reframing my life and expectations. Notice how you said "everything but the husband and kids". Thats conditioning.

Were expected to go down the correct path by getting an education, finding a career, then settling down with a husband and kids. But why? Who's narrative do we have stuck in our heads?

Start picturing a different life for yourself. Start asking questions about why you picture this one. I'm not a loser for not being married, I'm wise. I'm the legacy of thousands of years of forced women's roles, and I am free. I will never be the desperate pickme my mother was, never be forced into marriage with an abuser like my grandmother was, I'll never be tied to 8 children and a drunk like my great grandmother. I am free to forge my path without a man. That is not sad, thats powerful.

BeginningStandard488 · 2021-12-06T16:32:28+00:00

Remember, not everything is as rosy as it seems from the outside. There are people in relationships wishing desperately to leave.

Always remind yourself: it’s better to be single than with a LVM or NVM.

Thicchuckleberry · 2021-12-06T16:44:00+00:00

Firstly, I'm sorry you are feeling depressed! Do you have a therapist you can talk to about this stuff? That's where I'd start.

Secondly, make sure to make some single friends. Married girl friends are good to have, obviously, but by default, they're not going to be as available as your single friends. If you don't have any, maybe you can start going to classes or events or take up a hobby. I see some people have found friends on Bumble BFF as well!

Thirdly, realize marriage is not the be all, end all. I was married almost right after I graduated college. I almost had a house and kids by 27, but realized it wasn't the life I wanted so we ended the marriage.

I would not recommend looking at marriage as the thing that will complete you or a goal to check off. I think seeing it this way often leads people to put up with behavior they wouldn't otherwise tolerate. For example, I thought I wanted to get married to my last partner. So I let him "test" me by moving in together, put up with verbal abuse and ignored LV behavior because I was holding out for a ring.

I'd recommend reading the FDS handbook here. My goal is to make my life so awesome that any man would ADD to it. Not MAKE it.

helpeachotherout60 · 2021-12-06T16:56:28+00:00

Yes! This was me for most of my life actually. Coming from an emotionally abusive household and 2 narcissistic parents, I thought “true love” and getting the attention I was starved of would be the answer to all of my problems. Then I ultimately realized that I was putting too much pressure on the love “slice” of my life pie and that there were other ways to make myself happy besides filling up that slice. In fact, if I dealt with the other slices, id have like 80% of the pie! Which is pretty good! Once I realized that the love slice was only a small fraction of my happiness and also understood that no 20% will ever be able to make me as satisfied as an 80%, I felt a lot less needy and dependent on finding love. Once you understand that love won't fill the other parts of your life that might be lacking (as was my case), you won't feel as sad about being single. It's not like being with someone fills the other 80%. If anything, if it's not the right choice of man, it might actually decrease the other slices too 🙈. A 20% will only ever be a 20%, even if it’s the best 20% you’ve ever seen.

medusaisdone · 2021-12-06T18:15:51+00:00

Go read the subreddit that can't be named here. I'm here to tell you that every.single.one of my married female friends and family members could probably have written any one of those posts. Myself included before FDS gave me a spine and my husband had to either step up or get out.

Lil_miss_u · 2021-12-06T19:04:15+00:00

It was also my life's dream to have a family and be happily married, but with the men I am encountering, I can't picture any of that. Most of them are looking for a mommy bangmaid, and I am not planning to spent my life serving a manchild, just so that I can have a family of my own. I hear a lot about those relationships at work and I wouldn't want to be part of them even if I got paid. Those women are exhausted, overworked and underappreciated - not a way I want to spend my life.

When I get lonely, there will always be some guy who will listen to me or take me out. At this point, I warm myself at small fires instead of expecting an inferno because it is very unlikely that I will find a guy I like enough to start a family with. Also, there is wine and good food, entertainment and family to keep me busy and happy.

Loneliness isn't so much the issue (because there are always men to date, they are just not daddy material) as the depression I experienced when I realized I will have to give up on my lifelong dream. I rationalized it, read quotes by Schoppenhauer, added the positives of being childfree and eventually felt okay about it. I actually feel like i do the world a favor by not reproducing with some lvm, and problem is, most hvm turn out to be low value over time, so I ditched a bullet, and there is absolutely no reason to tie myself to a man ever again because the only reason for any sacrifice or compromise whatsoever would have been a family.

anarchy-only · 2021-12-06T19:25:56+00:00

I only want to be in a relationship with someone who is good for me. Haven’t found him yet. Gets lonely sometimes, but then I remember I’m an attractive 27F who can get a lot more out of life as a single girl than in a relationship with a scrote.

ArgyleMN · 2021-12-06T19:34:46+00:00

I used to have waves where I felt exactly what you are describing, and it sucked. I would cry at home sometimes, sad I was alone. Knowing I would feel worse in a relationship I heavily settled for didn't erase those feelings. But as I started actively researching single motherhood by choice, those periods of intense loneliness didn't hit quite as hard. Once I fully separated my desire from motherhood from the thought of being with a man, once I started getting more info about what using donor sperm would look like, I was able to start taking steps towards realizing another dream. I could actually picture myself as a single mom. I started contingency planning for emergency child care, I started looking at school districts, I started analyzing when I should move. And sure, in an ideal world, I would have a supportive partner who would be there to share both the burdens and the joys. But there are tradeoffs to everything in life. Taking active steps towards realizing my dream of motherhood has definitely reduced my painful moments, because I feel like I have control over starting my family.

Vivid-Creampuff · 2021-12-06T19:47:42+00:00

Honestly, what sticks out to me in this post is the desire for children. If you REALLY want kids, start planning to have them now without a man and set a firm date you will have your first with or without a man. I regret that I did not start planning soon enough to have a child of my own with or without a man (I’m 39, still possible biologically, but pregnancy is too risky for me personally imho after 35.) I’m simply to far behind financially and career wise to feel comfortable adding a child to the mix, despite owning property and having a decent 401k. Unfortunately, due to a series of nvm and poor career choices, I fell behind the curve.

Xenobia95 · 2021-12-06T20:11:26+00:00

Then I look at my neighbours and women I know and look at their underappreciated overworked asses and LVM smoking dope and avoiding work and I come home to my pink headboard double bed with a large glass of wine and I laugh my ass off and thank god I'm single.

RudeRub2176 · 2021-12-06T21:14:55+00:00

I'm a single mum. Having children was the best thing I have ever done in my life....they are my best friends and my everything. I am never lonely with them and I don't crave a man/relationship to fill in the time when my ex has them because I enjoy my "me time". Kids aren't for everyone, but if you want them, look in to ways of having them without the man/relationship being involved. Dealing with their dad/my ex is the only negative about the situation.

taylor232424 · 2021-12-07T06:48:09+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Have you ever been depressed about being single? How did you get out of that state of mind?
Author	taylor232424
Upvotes	466
Comments	137
Date	December 6, 2021 4:11 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/raat5u/have_you_ever_been_depressed_about_being_single/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/have-you-ever-been-depressed-about-being-single.1088347 https://theredarchive.com/post/1088347

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