Never cook for a man

YesNoMaybe87 · 2020-01-24T13:07:19+00:00

My ex husband was a man child. When he was unemployed he’d be lazy all day and then have the audacity to ask me what was for dinner when I got home from work. Even suggested I get a second job while he drank beer all day. Fuck that.

My current boyfriend takes me out to eat and we cook meals together.

lafemmeviolet · 2020-01-24T14:10:30+00:00

I cook occasionally, and when I do it's like he won the lottery with how appreciative he is. I think the key is to never become the cook. Like make cooking something you do that's genuinely a special act or because you like it and NOT and expectation or assumption.

the-cool-hedgehog · 2020-01-24T15:54:57+00:00

This is an interesting aspect to think about. In my last relationship, in the beginning he used to cook for me and always tried to impress me with his cooking skills. As our relationship moved and we moved in together, he started to do this less and less often, until the point when he was unemployed and I was coming home from work, and it just hadn't occurred to him that he should have made dinner (he sometimes had excuses, like "I didn't have money for groceries," or my all time favorite - "I was visiting my mom today, I ate there, so I'm not hungry. I'm gonna make some popcorn for myself for dinner, do you also want some?") I'm still unsure what the fuck happened.

(Ok, ok, I know - LVM happened)

Toomanyprollems · 2020-01-24T16:15:46+00:00

I love cooking for guys. But I just love cooking. But that said, I'm gonna reserve it for special occasions and if we are married we can take turns cooking.

I'm not cooking for boyfriends anymore. I'm just going to have nuts and microwave popcorn and hot dogs around the house. In Sherry Argov's book "why men love bitches" she says that if I guy comes over and he's hungry just boils some hot dogs and cut them up into little pieces with toothpicks stuck in them. Have ketchup, mustard, and mayo on the side for dipping!

She says in the book that he will order takeout in the future.

I'm doing to cook for dinner parties and he can join but I'm not cooking for him. It messes with my portions and finances and lunches for the week of I cook for a guy all the time. It just gets messy. He also might not want to take me on dates as much if I'm cooking all the time. So these are husband privileges.

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-01-24T17:55:59+00:00

I used to love randomly baking for men, but their attitude about it made me lose that love. Most of the time, I looked like a PickMe and the guys were barely grateful if at all (even if they asked for said baked goods). I am an excellent freaking baker, and have satisfied many in work/school/family/friend occasions with first-time attempts on new recipes. Mind you, my actual friends and family would be almost crying because they love my scratch goodies, and I would give most or all of them to clowns. NO MORE. I have to be established in a relationship and for him to do more for me (maybe a 5:1 ratio at least) for me to bake... Maybe Xmas or a birthday. Maybe this sounds harsh, but I'm learning quickly most men don't take little tokens of affection as they are intended :/

Karolin99_Ger · 2020-01-24T13:19:34+00:00

in my Current relationship i have Never once cooked for him ...he Cooks for me 😁

ms_monquis · 2020-01-24T13:52:34+00:00

what if you enjoy cooking?

IthinkItsLipGloss · 2020-01-24T13:09:53+00:00

No, I’d much prefer a man to cook for me.

sweatydeath · 2020-01-25T01:02:57+00:00

I don't cook for my man - I give him leftovers. When we first started dating he tried to make me cook for him though. Fast forward several months and now he thinks all of my leftovers are REALLY tasty. He even cleans the kitchen after eating something I made (for myself) lmao. It's a great way to get rid of tupperware from my fridge.

maserlaser · 2020-01-24T15:11:04+00:00

To me this advice is way too general to really be useful honestly. It depends so much on the length of the relationship, the dynamics etc.

For example, at early ages of a relationship I mostly enjoy going out with the person I'm seeing. That makes it feel special and breaks my normal routine, allowing me to focus on evaluating if we are a good match. However, as the relationship progresses I will of course want to spend more time with the guy, and once we are exclusive we will see each other quite regularly.

At that point going out to a "great restaurant" every time we get together is not really something I would want. I enjoy eating out as a special occasion at most once a week. But I love food in general and to me cooking or seeing the process of it being cooked can be just as enjoyable as eating it. Some of the best time I've spent with partners have been cooking a special meal together.

Finally if you live together with a guy then cooking becomes a necessary chore among all others. At that point the key is to make sure that chores are split equitably between the two of you, but the cooking obviously needs to be done. The alternative would be to eat take out all the time, which is neither particularly healthy most of the time, and needlessly expensive. Plus again, you lose out on the fun of experimenting to cook delicious new things.

I think the better advice would be not to fall into the trap of allowing yourself to be cook/maid who takes on an overwhelming majority of household chores. Sadly that is a problem that very many women face and I applaud cautioning against that. But just saying "never cook" when you are with a guy seems so general as to be rather useless as a general precept.

YveisGrey · 2020-01-24T13:46:50+00:00

I don’t agree with cooking but cleaning yes. Cleaning his apartment is very “mom like” cooking on the other hand is a nice gesture but I wouldn’t do it in from of him like if dude was coming over I could prepare a meal for him for when he arrives but if he is there he should help me cook as that is cute and romantic.

Fatt3stAveng3r · 2020-01-24T14:32:33+00:00

I'm not sure I agree with this. I absolutely LOVE cooking and it's tied into my self-image, my growth and development, my favorite hobby, my acts of service love language. My bf bought me a kitchen appliance as a surprise when he got a significant raise and it's the best present I've ever had. That was on top of the Christmas presents I received from him. I cook when I'm happy. I cook because I love it. I cook because I daydream about flavor combinations and I just have to see how something tastes. I spent three full weeks daydreaming about my 30th birthday cake, practicing icing roses, watching baking videos. I made it, and nothing made me happier than looking at it, tasting it, and hearing the positive feedback from all my friends (and boyfriend) telling me I'm a goddess in the kitchen. I KNOW I am, too.

I can't imagine not cooking for him or anyone else. I need those compliments and I can't help myself/ need someone to help me eat the stuff I make.

Cleaning? Nah, he can do that. I'm not his mom. But seriously, cooking is my favorite thing to do and I get more benefit from it than he does.

Edit to add: me cooking is not a daily thing, and he doesn't expect it. There's no "what's for dinner?" He always appreciates it and brags about my skills. He cooks for me sometimes, too, and we cook together as well. Going out to eat every single time wouldn't be feasible. We aren't that wealthy, and it would get boring to do that. Plus I can honestly say I cook better than the food you get at most expensive restaurants/almost as good as 5 star restaurants. I hate him spending money on food that I can cook better. Waste of calories, waste of money.

Evil_Rao · 2020-01-24T14:10:03+00:00

My goal is to get a boyfriend who will cook for me lol

ms_monquis · 2020-01-24T17:34:44+00:00

I don't cook for myself, let alone for anyone else.

OTOH I love to be cooked for. And you know what I do when he's cooking for me? At the very least, I'm in there with him chatting, enjoying his company, watching him care for me.

I know a lot of people who enjoy cooking. I'm not one of those people. But if you are, and you're cooking for someone who reacts like "cool this means I can go play video games" or doesn't clean up or treats your hand-crafted sustenance like it was a fast food burger, eject that shit. I know the "but I do it for myself!" refrain, so keep doing it for yourself, and STILL eject that shit. Don't stand for disrespect, even for — maybe especially for — the stuff you'd be doing even if he weren't there.

bbunny220 · 2020-01-24T14:25:19+00:00

The last man I lived with cooked every night (he was a chef) even though he came home after me. On rare occasions, I would “help” prep by chopping onions/veggies if he was running late and I was very hungry but everything would be waiting on the counter for him when he walked in.

I remember one time I made him chicken soup from scratch when he wasn’t feeling well but I made sure to cook it when he wasn’t there and it was ready when he got home. He was soo grateful, appreciative and couldn’t believe it. He NEVER saw me slaving away in the hot kitchen while he was relaxing on the couch in the year we lived together.

teamdaenerys · 2020-01-24T16:15:54+00:00

What relationship timeframe is this supposed to apply to? This doesn't seem sustainable once a relationship gets fairly serious. And when you're married and sharing a home - still no cooking or cleaning? I'm trying to picture this lifestyle and all I can think of are the Trumps.

Shermaow · 2020-01-24T17:44:48+00:00

I see the intention, but I feel like the operative idea behind the post is the image of the man-child loafing on the couch instead of being an active participant. That’s definitely not an ok set up for me.

I genuinely enjoy cooking though, and if my guy wants to come over and try a new recipe with me I would absolutely be ok with that. Granted, he’d be chopping and stirring and cleaning up with me when we’re done. A date-night cooking class would be the same idea for me.

I’ve only cooked for my bf twice, and both times were a bit unintentional, but he still gets excited talking about my bread recipe to people nearly a year later.

CinderellaInADress · 2020-01-25T19:47:59+00:00

My ex told me that I'm only cooking for myself and that he happens to be there so he eats it too, I was so angry. We broke up. He was a LVM.

africantheindian · 2020-01-24T19:51:14+00:00

Never do anything if it means you'll be undervalued.

7_0f_9 · 2020-01-24T21:21:46+00:00

I always liked having a bf who cooks WITH me. Always thought it was a fun, intimate thing to do as a couple and then just take turns doing dishes and cleaning up after we watch star trek or something. Can't even imagine cooking FOR a dude... Gross 🤢🤮

lluviaazul · 2020-01-24T14:00:46+00:00

So true. My current boyfriend cooks for me and we’ll also cook together.

ritablueboys1 · 2020-01-24T22:44:29+00:00

Thats why YOU make HIM cook for you

woiashenseea · 2020-01-25T01:21:07+00:00

Can I briefly mention the man who I was "with" during a drug-fueled crazy period in my earliest twenties,

who got SERIOUSLY angry at me for eating half a can of tuna, an english muffin, and a slice of Kraft "cheese" at his house, which he offered to me because I was "too thin,"

because i was eating all his food.

These memories have hardened my heart in the BEST way - now that I eat like a fucking instagram vegan princess, and knowing the work that goes into that, I'm not fucking sharing unless you overwhelm me with such a feeling of intense gratitude that I cannot help myself

*edit to add, his "house" at 32 years old, was a 60 sq ft. room on the 3rd floor, right next to the train station, in a home shared with SIX other men

*ANOTHER EDIT ladies I have too many stories about this one, he was the definition of negative value

TK0buba · 2020-01-24T20:23:13+00:00

Hot take: you could make meals together

sweatydeath · 2020-01-24T21:50:14+00:00

[removed]

sweatydeath · 2020-01-24T13:16:08+00:00

[removed]

quaintlyspoken · 2020-01-24T15:08:33+00:00

It's a long standing tradition of high society for the heads of the household, the man and woman, to have servants. Even poor cultures and peoole follow this same example.

Whether indentured slave or of their own will this is a common pattern.

The same treatment that is given to the husband should be given to the woman. Especially nowadays. It keeps the mind in line and you help someone out with some money, two birds with one stone.

Even in organizations you see the same structure. Those who have better things to do than cook and clean have people who do that for them.

A woman of high society did not cook, did not clean and she didn't even suckle or raise her own children. There was a cook, a maid and a nanny for that.

However be cautious of who you bring into your home. No young woman. No woman who posesses beauty. No woman with a reputation of a pickmeisha. Pay them well, treat them well, build a bond with them but make it known that any transgression be it emotional or physical or any other meddling will result in their immediate and ruthless termination. LVW cannot be trusted!

Always be there to supervise whether your husband intends to be home or not. Do not give him an opportunity to err. When the workers are present have all cameras on in every place. Have them remotely prodcasted to a device that you can puruse at any time. Respond to any failure of a camera as an offense and respond accordingly.

A HVM will see your strategy and he will be thankful for it, that you are doing so much to protect your house and home. Make sure that he is always in your sight.

He is never to have contact with these women for any reason. He is never to speak with them for any reason (I'm childfree but if you have/plan to have children you'll need a strict guidline for what can be discussed).

Of course you could always have men to do this work but then you'd have to deal with all the ills that go with that.

Never cook for a man

Comments

Gourmet Delicate Dippers!!

Title	Never cook for a man
Author	Saitschik
Upvotes	170
Comments	79
Date	January 24, 2020 1:02 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eta4el/never_cook_for_a_man/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/never-cook-for-a-man.694402 https://theredarchive.com/post/694402