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mycatpukesglitter
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple462 points463 points464 points 6 years ago (45 children) | Copy Link
IT IS ALWAYS BETTER NOT TO REPLY! Men love to feign ignorance. When they first start courting us they usually have excellent communication skills. Are hella considerate and dont have a problem interpreting our non-verbal cues. SO HOW DOES IT GET TO THE POINT THAT WE NEED TO EXPLAIN WITH PARAGRAPHS AND ESSAYS LATER ON? Did they become deaf, dumb, blind or dyslexic as soon as they "won" us? No, they know what they are doing. They just dont care. And the best thing we can do is reciprocate the feeling. Dont send that text. Any effort, even to curse them out is seen as caring on our part. If you are soul weary or would like to avoid becoming soul weary. Do NOT reply. BlOCK and move on. Curse them out here on FDS lol. We'll always listen and it may wake up another sister currently in an NVM coma. It's how I woke up 🤷🏿♀️
[–]ginnnnieFDS Newbie123 points124 points125 points 6 years ago* (20 children) | Copy Link
Needed to hear this. I might need to come vent here because I am currently using all of my strength to avoid my LVM ex that I live with and fuck me it’s so hard.
Edit: this page gives me hope that I am going to level up.
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple49 points50 points51 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Oh man. I'm sorry you're in such a rough situation. I encourage you to spend all the time you would be ruminating on here instead. Vent to us gals but if thats too public my DMs are open. As a recovering pickmeisha I can confirm that it is extremely hard to be on this sub and not level up to some degree 😂. You'll be okay sis 🤗❤ you got this 😎
[–]BluefoxcrushFDS Newbie25 points26 points27 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Yeah just keep going on with your bad self. Don’t be surprised if your ex notices and tries to win you back.
[–]tasdronFDS Newbie20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
The last time I leveled up and had two ex’s trying to win me back 🧚♀️
[–]ginnnnieFDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
That’s amazing!!! I want that life!!!
[–]tasdronFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
That’s what happens when you stop taking care of them and start taking care of yourself!
[–]ZeroNineOhNineFDS Newbie12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You got this. Dont give in. You ARE better, and you are doing good favors for your future self.
[–]AlyssatotallyrulesFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Good lord. I’m in the same spot. I’m waiting for him to find a place and move out. It’s my house. I can’t wait for a peaceful home. He’s always so angry & judging my every action.
[–]ginnnnieFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link
Yessss I get that judgement shit. It gets old real fast. And I hope he leaves ASAP.
[–]AlyssatotallyrulesFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
Thank u! Ya know, if I wanna get drunk on a Friday night in the safety of my own home & spend all day Saturday in bed sleeping, who else am I hurting?!
[–]ginnnnieFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link
Literally.
My ex judges everything I do and how I do it. Living with him for 1 year has been exhausting for me. It was only nice when he wasn’t there and of course because he’s a LVM he couldn’t keep a consistent job. So I dealt with him home 24/7. (he doesn’t do anything but play video games) The thing that makes me laugh is he is no better than me. I strive for things, I have goals. He plays video games and can’t keep a job year round and makes no effort to. Such a joke!
[–]AlyssatotallyrulesFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link
Omg!!!! That is even more infuriating!!! Have some lazy ass gamer permanently glued to the couch, judging YOU. Ridiculous!!!! I swear people are so hypocritical. My ex works but when he takes time off or on weekends, spends the whole day on his phone then blames ME for taking up his time because I asked him to feed the dogs or something. When he’s just sitting there.
[–]ginnnnieFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
That’s fucked up! Like you’re his maid or something. The real kicker is he just started working last week and he had the nerve to tell me he works harder than me and I should pick up more slack.
And I was like seriously, I work the same amount of hours as you and have been consistently working for the entire year.... he’s worked 2 months a time at random bottom tier jobs.
[–]AlyssatotallyrulesFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Wow! Wow, wow, wow. Just ridiculous! I’m getting angry FOR u lol! Like I wanna come over and just put him in his place hahaha
[–]ginnnnieFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Literally. I’m trying to figure out how to! If you have any ideas Send them my way. Lmao! I figured just being done w him was a good start.
[–]Gaki-fan-too51 points52 points53 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
When they first start courting us they usually have excellent communication skills. Are hella considerate and dont have a problem interpreting our non-verbal cues. SO HOW DOES IT GET TO THE POINT THAT WE NEED TO EXPLAIN WITH PARAGRAPHS AND ESSAYS LATER ON?
Because they lie and then blame us for choosing the wrong man.
Men know that we have great instincts, so they pretend to be a good guy to gain our trust.
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple29 points30 points31 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
My God. I always thought it was laziness. The idea that they are actively playing a role was something I thought only narcissists did. I'm learning something every day and it's both depressing and empowering 😂 thank you so much for your input!
[–]sophrosyne2189FDS Newbie9 points10 points11 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
We have good instincts but man do we sometimes fool ourselves not to believe it.
[–]Gaki-fan-too5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea. Always trust your instincts.
[–]FluffandRaincloudsFDS Disciple12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You dropped this, queen 👑
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Aww thanks sis! 🤗❤
[–]LylaethFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
I needed to hear this too. I want to so badly ask why she used me, why she ruined my reputation, why she lied to everyone in the server. But I shouldn’t care. She flirts with people in the server to make me jealous and so she can have my attention again. No more
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple19 points20 points21 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
She sounds like a narcissist. They triangulate and start smear campaigns against all their exes. Just to turn around and start the love bombing all over again weeks, months, or years down the line. You need to go NO CONTACT. Its the only way to be free of the manipulation. You are strong and worth much more than this ❤🤗
[–]LylaethFDS Newbie11 points12 points13 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
You know, I thought she may have been a narcissist but her self esteem is so low. So I was confused about it for a while. But you’re absolutely right, she would go from spitting venom at me to talking about how we would be a happy family with 2 cats and my 2 dogs. I’ve blocked her out completely, I don’t want any of that nonsense anymore. Thank you girly ❤️☺️
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Ha! I used to think that people with low self esteem could never be narcissists and I found out that it is one of the main diagnostic criteria! Dr. Ramani put me on game. Bless her. Check her out on YouTube. I'm proud of you for getting out! ❤👸🏿 stay strong queen!
[–]LylaethFDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Well that explains a lot! I will definitely check out her YouTube channel, seems like I still have a lot to learn. Thank you so much!!
❤
[–]diva4lisiaFDS Newbie4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Sis you are spreading the word. Ty! Block and move on. Do not settle on the word of a man who wouldn't move suns to keep them from your eyes. You are a goddess!
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do not settle on the word of a man who wouldn't move suns to keep them from your eyes
🤧 that's so beautiful. Thanks for the good word Queen.❤
[–]AlyssatotallyrulesFDS Newbie3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Omg this is the wisest observation ever.
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Lol I had to go through being super pickmeisha before I finally figured this out. I guess they say the best wisdom is hard won 😂 I kept seeing other people on FDS post against sending long texts or replying back and I'd disregard it. I honestly had to get to the point where my soul was WEARY I was so TIRED. I dont ever want to get to that point again.
[–]yehet420FDS Newbie7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Sorry to hijack your comment but anyone have tips for how to deal with irresponsible, selfish, psychologically abusive LVM baby daddy (we are broken up, thank god) who does not respect boundaries and does not put in the effort? I try to keep things short with him but when it comes to my child he knows how to push my buttons, and get me on emotional rants, which he then doesn’t reply to, making me more frustrated. I only text when necessary, and then try my hardest to work with him but he immediately becomes retaliatory when I expect literally anything from him. I can’t go completely no-contact for obvious reasons, but how do I get him to treat me with respect and do right by his child without going into the dreaded “toxic paragraph” zone?
[–]hadapurpuraFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
but how do I get him to treat me with respect and do right by his child
Have his lawyer speak to your lawyer
[–]bqluoeoednFDS Newbie15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
He no longer has access to any information regarding your life. Not even what kind of eyeliner you're wearing now. The only topic is about your child's needs.
-Keep texts short. (Text yourself your rage or journal it.)
-Communicate through the lawyer (or paralegal who is helping the lawyer, which can be cheaper). When he's off topic or gaslighting, don't respond or defend. Remove emotion from your texts, and be dry.... like you're writing out the results of a science experiment or making your grocery list.
-You can get him out of your text messages and onto a co-parenting app that tracks conversations: https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/2004742/best-co-parenting-apps/
-Gray rock 100%, and Dr. Ramani on YouTube has some videos on divorce/lawyer/co-parenting with a narcissist that might apply to a toxic ex.
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Hijack away! The other posters are 100% correct. Grey rock is key for protecting your mental energy. Minimize all contact with him that is not strictly necessary and make sure all contact is scheduled so that he doesnt disrupt your energy out of the blue. Im assuming that this is a grown ass man. He should already know that he needs to take care of his child and that he needs to respect you. It's not your job to teach him morals. You have a child who IS your responsibility save your energy for him/her. Let the lawyers hold him accountable. Grey rock him and accept that you cannot change this person. But you CAN change how you let them affect YOU.
[–]throwahweigh3521FDS Apprentice7 points8 points9 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Grey rock.
[–]mycatpukesglitterFDS Newbie[S] 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Maybe if you feel you need to rant, send me the message instead :) orr.... write it out in your notes or send the text to yourself. Sometimes you just NEED to get that energy out, but you can find ways to do it without compromising yourself.
[–]lolipopbiterFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I wish I read this earlier
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
It's never too late to apply the principles. I was guilty of sending the paragraphs and essays too. But it never changed anything. Except for each time I felt like I lost a little more dignity. The instant I blocked and went NO CONTACT with him I felt my dignity come back all in one fell swoop. I'm shocked at how long I was able to live without a full tank of dignity. 😪
[–]throwahweigh3521FDS Apprentice115 points116 points117 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I block anyone and everyone everywhere because there’s a whole lot that needs no explanation.
I ain’t your momma.
[–]youcantucanFDS Newbie17 points18 points19 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Power
[–]VivaLaSeaFDS Newbie49 points50 points51 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
The best thing to do is to just not even respond at all.
It took me a while to learn to ignore but now I've mastered it. I don't give them the satisfaction of getting any type of response.
[–]misoup9FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yes exactly. No response is a response
[–]randomoose123FDS Newbie43 points44 points45 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
i don’t even text back lmao sometimes just a dry k
[–]ovaryeasysideupFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
k
[–]BabyGotBantzPickmeisha™️45 points46 points47 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Okay implies you're not okay. Just never fucking respond again. Boom.
[–]boiledgatorade_FDS Newbie41 points42 points43 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
To be honest, before the sub, I was a paragraph texter😖 so cringey! Now I either don’t respond or reply “okay”...and now, these dudes become the paragraph senders! It’s hilarious.
[–]pancakeCEOFDS Newbie14 points15 points16 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I found this out by accident because I was traveling all week long to five cities, preparing for major interviews. Just before that this NVM I was hooking up with told me he slept with his ex. All right, I don't have time for this right now. Upsetting, sure, but can't really respond meaningfully. What do you know... I start getting increasingly desperate texts from him culminating in a series of text WALLS (which I ignored for the next week). Should have kept ignoring. Just ignore it, ladies. You don't need to be curious.
Edit: The first time something like this happened, I responded "okay" not even as a self-love tactic but because he assumed I wanted a relationship with him when I said something unrelated and I was so confused I had nothing else to say but "okay". And he turned around the next day apologizing and blahblahblah and telling me how much he is thinking about me blah. Men are scripted.
[–]rico_suave89FDS Newbie31 points32 points33 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
NO RESPONSE IS THE BEST RESPONSE
[–]thedevinefemmeFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
PREACH SISTER
[–]outside-perceptionFDS Newbie52 points53 points54 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Saved and posted in my WhatsApp status for my girls on the contact list. The best way I weed out LVM/NVM now is that. The ones who get triggered by these get added on the block list.
[–]HowslapFDS Disciple10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
😂😂😂😂😂
[–]Sweetz1029Throwaway Account27 points28 points29 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Just sent my first okay. We were talking about sex drive which turned to me saying that I’d like to explore our chemistry but I won’t be having sex if it’s not in a committed relationship and he writes back that he can’t say he will wait for commitment and that we are two adults. I’m a bit disappointed and instead of going off. He got a simple okay. I wonder if I will ever hear back from him again?
[–]pancakeCEOFDS Newbie26 points27 points28 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You'll hear from him again but don't take that as a good thing.
[–]sweetnessaliveFDS Newbie13 points14 points15 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I don't know if you want to hear from him again. He'll probably just say what he thinks you want to hear or be petty and resentful you're not sucking his dick.
I think you're better off waiting for someone who wants what you want
[–]rinabeanFDS Disciple8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There's no point to saying you're two adults apart from him trying to change your no into a yes. I'd block. If he seems to change, it's only going to be a lie at this point, he already showed his true colours
[–]theworstslutFDS Newbie2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That sounds kind of disturbing ... "Can't wait for commitment", so what, will he force or pressure you?
[–]Sweetz1029Throwaway Account3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I was taken back. I did not like the “I don’t know if I can wait for commitment “ and the “were two adults “ ... I was just stating exclusivity would be better sooner than later but you much rather I just open up my legs now so you can see what I got. But your profile said you wanted a respectful woman. So I’m confused
[–]theworstslutFDS Newbie0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I hate the language they use to erode our boundaries, as if wanting to wait to be committed is somehow childish or less adult. Also, clearly they have shitty impulse control if they need to sleep with women as soon as possible? I think you dodged a bullet, he clearly tried to push you into comprimising your standards.
[–]echologiaFDS Newbie23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I ignored my ex when he popped up on my text, email & telegram 2 weeks ago. Last night mf emails again with "Are you avoiding me or is this one of your accounts you don't use?" I really wanted to set him on fire after coming at me like that 4 years after an incredibly painful breakup. I didn't though. I didn't want him to know that he could get under my skin. I only replied with "I'm avoiding you." Small victories are still victories.
[–]Aw_Hail_NoFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Best response is no response at all.
[–]echologiaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
So true
[–]TokiMarvelFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
The last guy I was seeing casually tried to disappear or play hot and cold games. He’d done it before and said someone on a bike hit him so his phone was broken. Yeah right. So, this last time he wasn’t responding to messages for a week. I texted him “I don’t want to see you anymore.” No essays on why he’s shite.
This guy was supposed to pay me back on something, unfortunately I remembered after I ended things. He thought he was slick too, folding up the money and handling it over while I was distracted. Petty me emailed him about the other half of the money. He responded with lies, saying he only “paid his share”, never said he’d pay all of it(despite me having actual screenshots of him saying he’d pay me back), and do not contact him or it would constitute harassment. What a bum bitch.
[–]leftclicksq2FDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
I had an especially good laugh with this one.
One of my exes was paragraph texter and this was how he broke up with me.
We were together for 8 or 9 months and he told me he "didn't understand the concept of others' feelings because he was a diagnosed sociopath when he was 8". (???) I never saw what he described while we were together except for the time I reminded him that it's not a good idea to drive through fog with high beams on. He argued with me that nothing happens 🤦
When he broke up with me, honestly, I wasn't even mad. He cited the sociopath thing again and said, "I'm probably the most to blame, but I just don't have an attention span to listen to you talk". The whole nonsense that was his message was too good to not reply with a witty or petty retort. So I responded, "Breaking up with someone in a text is pretty pathetic". Would I handle another situation the same way now? Probably not.
A year later, I was with my boyfriend at the grocery store and the ex was working behind the deli counter. I had to laugh because he looked so bored and miserable. Good riddance.
[–]ontherailstodayFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
This. Even if they see you later in the street you've got plausible deniability if you want to just do the same again "oh yeah... you did text me didn't you? I saw it and then there was important stuff I had to do and I put off replying and well I guess I must just have totally forgot the whole text. Well thanks for reminding me? How you been? Keeping well? ... oh dear I'm late for something I gotta get to... bye!"
[–]Leilani29FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I need this right now 🤣
[–]AlexamariaFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yessss.
Last words to my toxic LV ex weren’t even words - it was just a gif. ✌🏼
[–]pacachanFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I have to say, though, I knew a very petty and emotionally immature man that bragged to me about discovering the reply of "k". He really would've benefitted from engaging the women calling him out on his bullshit instead of just replying with "k" and thinking he was above it all. He wasn't. His head was up his own ass. Idc if this goes against the grain this reply just rubs me the wrong way and reminds me of that guy. If it's "k" worthy then just throw the whole man away and don't reply at all.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I find a simple "lol" as final words to be rather fulfilling.
[–]warinmymind94FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
We need to edit this so it says on the pid directly "ghosting and blocking" instead of texting back okay! It's a real level up though. Old pickme me would always feel the need to text them reasons why I didnt like them and try to give them an explanation. I'd even go as far to then be polite and add "thank you but good luck to you. No hard feelings" hahaa. Nah. No more closure or explanations
[–]supercircinus1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I need future mature me to keep petty ass past me from making soooo many mistakes. But she wasn’t there.
Growing though :-)
[–]sweetnessaliveFDS Newbie-1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is good advice for all relationships. So much can be misconstrued by text. Just talk to your damn roommate to their face.
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[–]HowslapFDS Disciple462 points463 points464 points (45 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Aw_Hail_NoFDS Apprentice3 points4 points5 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]echologiaFDS Newbie1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]TokiMarvelFDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]leftclicksq2FDS Newbie18 points19 points20 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ontherailstodayFDS Newbie10 points11 points12 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Leilani29FDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]AlexamariaFDS Newbie5 points6 points7 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]pacachanFDS Newbie6 points7 points8 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]warinmymind94FDS Newbie8 points9 points10 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]supercircinus1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sweetnessaliveFDS Newbie-1 points0 points1 point (0 children) | Copy Link