Tea

veruscka · 2020-06-22T17:17:29+00:00

I ignored this red flag in my last situationship. 😔

tumadre22 · 2020-06-22T18:35:16+00:00

That reminds me of a comment made by Donald Glover (AKA Childish Gambino) in one of his stand-ups.

"The reason you don't hear about crazy ex boyfriends is because those women are already dead".

Sounds a bit off color but there's some truth behind it.

peachtartx · 2020-06-22T18:37:34+00:00

When guys say they have a crazy ex girlfriend, they laugh it off and it’s usually not too serious. You don’t hear a lot of women say they have a crazy ex boyfriend because a lot of those women are probably dead, or at least abused and traumatized. But men don’t want to talk about that.

CeriseNoire · 2020-06-22T17:47:17+00:00

Every damn time this comes up I think of this donald glover stand up bit https://i.pinimg.com/564x/f5/dd/ff/f5ddff8f1335599aa144d4420e6bc3c8.jpg

"Remember Charlie? He used to shoot my dog. And then I moved to Florida, and...he found me. Now I'm in a wheelchair."

cloeed · 2020-06-22T17:08:06+00:00

Hate it too when pickmeishas proudly say they are crazy/psycho and that they need to “hide the crazy” when they first meet someone. They say that for the smallest things too. All this just encourages men to keep on calling women crazy, nonsense! But at least a man saying this is an easy red flag to spot early on

DameTheories · 2020-06-22T17:46:26+00:00

it's our time to create the crazy ex boyfriend trope

PooPooMeeks · 2020-06-22T19:33:22+00:00

FACTS. My ex has a best friend that at one point told us that his girlfriend at the time broke a beer bottle over her head, talking about how crazy she was one night. Years later, I found out that he used to hit a lot of his girlfriends in the past. Alot of emotional and verbal abuse coming from him too. Saw it with my own eyes when he called his first baby momma “stupid” in front of all of us t the beach. She told me he hit her sometimes too. Anyways, all that made me realize that whether or not he was the one that hit that particular ex GF with a glass bottle or not, he indeed did some traumatizing stuff to make her end up harming herself 👍

HaveNoIdeaWhatToPick · 2020-06-22T21:17:04+00:00

"Behind every crazy woman there is a man that made her that way" - have no clue who originally invented that saying, but it's floating around the internet lately lol.

madamejesaistout · 2020-06-22T18:59:46+00:00

I know people have problems with the show How I Met Your Mother, but I really liked one episode towards the end of the series where the main character has a "crazy" girlfriend, but then they revisit different parts of his story and realize he was saying stuff to make her crazy. Like he didn't actually break up with her he just kind of chickened out and lied to her. Her behavior wasn't so crazy when you saw it in the context of how he made promises he wasn't keeping.

AmEx08 · 2020-06-22T23:33:57+00:00

Never date a guy with a “crazy ex” because you’ll be the crazy ex to his next girlfriend. I don’t trust those kind of men

mars888999 · 2020-06-22T17:01:58+00:00

And any guy who says his ex was crazy probably put her there.

WillingBeing · 2020-06-22T18:18:20+00:00

The “crazy ex” trope is pure projection.

In the U.S., per the CDC, half of all female homicide victims are killed by intimate partners. Add to that all the non-lethal stalking, domestic violence, and emotional abuse that men put women through and it’s clear who the real psychos are.

flowers4u · 2020-06-22T16:49:42+00:00

Yes! I’ve always said this! Granted sometimes people (both men and women) go crazy out of “nowhere”, but from a females perspective there is always always a reason!

glj901 · 2020-06-22T17:53:11+00:00

THIS.

sjefsiljuuus · 2020-06-22T18:37:06+00:00

I may be crazy in my ex boyfriends eyes, but at least, I am not a rapist like he is. Wouldnt had ended up "crazy" if he just knew how to behave with women in general and not rape them because his needs are more important than the womans well being.

Valentcat · 2020-06-22T18:19:21+00:00

Amen. The show is so f*cking good, though.

ThrowawayLeavingNarc · 2020-06-23T00:51:56+00:00

I always think of Parks and Rec when Lucy breaks up with Tom. He says, “She broke up with me, didn’t really tell me why. Luckily when you’re the guy you can just tell people she’s crazy. ‘Hey Tom, heard you and Lucy broke up’. ‘Yeah man, turns out she’s crazy’. That’s what they always do on Entourage”.

Lionoras · 2020-06-22T21:08:28+00:00

Being a great movie/general story enthusiast, I think it's actually very fascinating to look at "crazy girl" tropes in movies/ general media and how men either depict, or react to them.

Most of the one I noticed, fall into one of these categories:

1.) The "eccentric crazy girl"Starting with the easiest one, this girl is not crazy in our definition, but more...eccentric. Like, Wonderland eccentric, wears a shoe as a hat eccentric etc.Odd but harmless, basically.

Most men (btw. I take all information through a mixture of my own experiences & info from the web, aka forums) seem to either ignore them ("The only eccentric one in my life I need is me!"), see them as "adult children", or are interested in their "weirdness", though I don't know what exactly.

From my personal experience, growing up as an "eccentric girl" (ASD y'know), I remember being either called "crazy", a nutcase or not taken as a "girl" at all. The only roses I got on Valentine were either from my few female friends, or from guys that dared each other to send the "crazy girl" a form of affection. Afterwards I only had one guy who pretended to like my persona and he turned out to be a highly porn-addicted, sex/touch starved guy who tried to woo me - an underage girl who was 8years younger then him - into a relationship with him.

Characters I can name from movies would be Luna Lovegood, Alice in Wonderland (including Tim Burton adaptation)

2.) The "crazy girl" that's actually a threat to men

Not in the physical sense, I mean in the way that she knows who she is and doesn't hold back.

Be it throught outperforming guys, sassing them into Oblivion, or just...being a person you know you shouldn't try to hurt, I've seen a lot of men call them crazy because in some way they felt threatend by them.

Characters I can name, would be:Wendsday from Addams Family("What would you do if you had a guy who'd adore you? Who'd do anything for you? Who'd be your devoted slave?" "I'd pity him."), Daria Morgendorffer ("Daria"), Miranda Priestly ("The devil wears prada") and Minerva McGonagall ("Harry Potter")

Partially from my own experience + experience from others, LVM either feel mocked, put down, challenged or even insulted by a woman which is "too strong", followed mostly by vice versa insults & jokes about them being prudes, girls who play hard to get, or the usual "What? Does she think she's somehow better then me?"

3.) The mentally ill girl that get's used.

Aka, the poor girl that has issues, but instead of getting help, it get's the attention of some shitty company.

Characters can range from more or less "harmless" - Carry only fully snapped after a guy cut the cord on the blood bucket, while his gf that started the shit actually felt bad and wanted to not go through with it in the book - to full blown psycho -aka Alex from Fatal Attraction, which developed a sick obsession with the guy who had an affair with her.

Mind you; I'm not excusing the characters actions in general, even when they were influenced by bad men / turned that way because of bad men. Carrie murdered many people in her blind rage, as well did Alex.

Still, if the character isn't directly a "Misery" like threat to the guy, many men seem to actually be turned on by a slightly crazy girl.Especially in the Anime scene the "Yandere Personality" type is very popular

For all who are not familiar with Anime; a "Yandere" is basically a person (mostly a woman) who is so obsessed with her love interest, that she even murders rivals and commits suicide in the name of "her love". This trend even glorifies actual/ attempted murderers, like the case of the woman Yuka Takaoka.

4.) The crazy girl that was turned crazy by a man

Again, not excusing the actions of the characters, but still a sad tale.

From the famous Harley Quinn which was manipulated into a toxic & abusive relationship by/with the joker (and a life of crime) to victims like Kayako from Ju-On: The Grudge, which were literally turned into a vengeful spirit after being murdered by their brutal husband (who also murdered her little son & house cat) -there are a lot of examples of women who were in one or another way "turned crazy".

In these cases LVM mostly push away the idea of their background and focus on eitherA.) a way to sexualise them (fun fact: the original movie Harley Quinn didn't wear sexy shorts and tatoos, but was covered from head to toe in costum. Riddle who changed that?)

orB.) point out how gruesome that woman is.

Now, okay, regarding 2.), it's pretty hard to ignore that characters like Kayako don't murder / harm people left and right, but in other cases like with the female prota of Gone Girl, where Amy talks about the idea of "Cool Girl" (aka being a pickmeisha) many men are ready to dismiss her ideas as crazy because, well, she's crazy. "Look at what she did to poor Nick!" etc.

5.) The actual crazy woman.

The best person to fit this category would be "she" herself: Misery from Stephen King.

A woman who is batshit insane, accidentally rescues her favourite author. After she learns that his new manuscript features her favourite hero dying, she starts torturing him mentally & physically to get what she wants.

In her case, as well as some others (f.ex. Carrie's over-religious mother, Pamela Vorhees or a lot of bad step-mothers in fairy tales), these women are -in reality at least - very rare, but still a big trope in the west.

According to the author Belinda Morissey in her book "When Women Kill", the crazy woman is the embodiment of some of Western hetereopatriarchy's greatest fears", which is a fascinating way to look at this trope

soundslikeautumn · 2020-06-22T21:01:13+00:00

Anytime I here a man say "All of my ex girlfriends were crazy!" all I think is "I doubt it. Sound like you're the problem and not them if they were ALL crazy".

spidermom4 · 2020-06-23T05:48:53+00:00

And any time a girl finally convinces her friend to break up with her toxic abusive boyfriend, he goes around and tells everyone the friend was crazy and jealous of what they had. And sometimes even convinces the girlfriend of this and manipulates her to take him back.

abwphotography · 2020-06-22T18:33:46+00:00

My ex used to call his ex girlfriend crazy. I tried to break up with him, but he begged and cried for me to stay so I (foolishly) said I would give it another try. The next evening he had his father break up with me. And I’m sure he’s out there telling his new girlfriend that I’m crazy.

MoshPitsNArmPits · 2020-06-22T22:04:08+00:00

Spot on. My ex bf called his ex before me crazy. Of course, I believed him. After the way he treated me, I wonder if she was the crazy one after all, or just didn’t put up with his bullshit.

snoreweezy · 2020-06-23T00:28:15+00:00

GIRL THIS 100% 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

medicait · 2020-06-22T19:05:40+00:00

This!!! It makes me so sad to see when women internalize this and start constantly questioning everything they do.

soundsandsites · 2020-06-22T21:43:07+00:00

I hate that I was so afraid to be called crazy that I was never myself in a relationship for years

chorussaurus · 2020-06-22T17:55:43+00:00

Boys need to understand this.

Dxactivatxd · 2020-06-22T18:12:09+00:00

I mean, there’s also Crazy Ex Boyfriend but uh, you don’t really hear those stories.......

rinny978 · 2020-06-22T18:43:46+00:00

Factssss

outcasted_lambasted · 2020-06-22T23:06:08+00:00

BOOM Thank you!!

2020-06-22T17:13:07+00:00

What about lesbians crazy ex girlfriends? They're the rowdiest of them all imo and usually no males or trauma involved. My friend is an absolute gem and treats me like a princess when ever we spend the night together but that didn't stop her ex from breaking one of her ribs and robbing her blind when she broke up with her.

shirtlesssleeves · 2020-06-22T23:35:33+00:00

This is entirely too accurate

Title	Tea
Author	Descendant_of_Innana
Upvotes	3821
Comments	90
Date	June 22, 2020 4:00 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hdv0js/tea/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/tea.698391 https://theredarchive.com/post/698391

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