The truth about the "honey moon phase"

zombiessalad · 2021-08-02T01:23:34+00:00

When I see cute old couples out and about acting cute as hell I remember this

Muffcakelord · 2021-08-02T00:20:53+00:00

Yeah i always found this strange. Especially since my first honeymoon phase lasted for approx 4 years and the second lasted 4 months.

Normalize continually working on relationships and not being taken for granted

Junior-Lion7893 · 2021-08-02T00:28:44+00:00

Thank you, I needed to hear this. I thought it was just me, but I truly believe that if they love you, they’ll make you happy for the rest of their life. Being and feeling love has no expiration date. I had a guy ask me if I had a certain limit as to when he “can get serious with me” which is code for he wants to know when I will stop vetting him, so he can start exhibiting his LVM behaviour. Hahaha I told him I’ll always be vetting him no matter what, and I’ll leave the moment he stops treating me right. He shit tested me by initiating a break up. He said the nastiest things to me to get a reaction. I quietly ended the conversation with him and hung out with my sister. MOFO had the audacity to call me back 2 hours later using his friend’s phone to fix things. I blocked him on everything and I had already began my healing process and I didn’t want him back. 🤷🏻‍♀️What can I say? The trash takes itself out. 😊

Bitter_Froyo_6742 · 2021-08-02T01:01:34+00:00

The honeymoon phase is about how we normalize to people chemicals over time and just the general principles of the hedonistic treadmill.

It's typically about 1-2 years in when the honeymoon phase ends. Most couples actually find the intimacy they have after the physical urgency dies down is better, because it's a more stable, secure love less rooted in physical attraction. Not all couples make it through, but that's a sign the relationship was more about lust & attachment than a real "love".

p0ludnitsa · 2021-08-02T01:20:14+00:00

This has always struck me as strange. If I love you, I will be just as in awe, lovestruck, and having heart eyes whether it's been 1 year or 10. I've never experienced this supposed loss of affection or lack of excitement in relationships.

kitnb · 2021-08-02T03:17:17+00:00

We’ve all been feed the “honeymoon phase” lie. It’s just scrote-speak for finally letting their true selves show and letting their mask drop. They did what they felt they had to do to lock you down then, once you’re hooked, they let the charade drop and you see them for who they truly are.

It’s all a lie.

I’ve been in relationships where my boyfriend brought me flowers and chocolates and loved all over me like we were teenagers and bought me little gifts “just because” and took me to nice places and paid for outings, etc all the way up until I broke up with him (for unrelated reasons).

Don’t buy into the lie. There is no “honeymoon period”. It’s just the period in which a scrote keeps up the fake facade then finally drops it when he thinks he’s got you right where he wants you.

A man should always be striving to make you happy and go out of his way to do so. Anything less is unacceptable.

Want more for yourself, sis. Then demand more.

08__80 · 2021-08-02T00:54:02+00:00

I hate that this honeymoon phase is so much reinforced by women, especially older women. And if you tell them you and your partner are doing just fine, they get mad and sometimes even get bold enough to accuse you of lying. STOP TRYING TO NORMALIZE YOUR SHITTY MARRIAGE.

Of course I blame the men for ruining things in the first place, but I also blame pickmeisha mentality for gaslighting women into believing that marriage is supposed to suck and couples are supposed to hate each other and men are supposed to be useless manbabies and women are supposed to be martyrs who live to serve their children. How many children have been traumatized by a mommyrtr who says "I'm doing all of this for you!" No sis, your shitty marriage is your and your husband's fault. Don't blame it on your kids, and stop trying to normalize it.

ChocolateBiscuit96 · 2021-08-02T01:52:48+00:00

Well said. I never understood how feelings, or lack there of, could be a phase. I used to read online how the honeymoon stage lasts for a few months up to 2 years and that a man is going to treat you the best during that time period and that time period only. Like shouldn’t your partner be treating you right for as long as you two are committed to one another?? It doesn’t should cut on and off like a light switch.

jupitarianrise · 2021-08-02T12:32:59+00:00

Thank you! I’m so tired of people (MEN) telling me it’s normal that the honeymoon phase ends in a relationship. No it’s not normal. If you stop seducing me & making me feel happy, I’m leaving you. I’m not staying.

eatnthrowtrashaway · 2021-08-02T13:37:34+00:00

I still haven’t gotten into a fight or major disagreement with my partner of 9 months and everyone in my life is like “just wait”. It’s the first HVP I’ve ever been in a relationship with however, and it made me realize how people in my life normalized my terrible, negging relationships in the past as “that’s just how men are, that’s what people do” etc etc.

For the longest time I was waiting for my current partner to slip up and was expecting some kind of big blow up fight like in my last relationships simply because while they weren’t that type of person, society told me everyone was that type of person. I told myself, if this person dares to do what my ex partners have done I’m out immediately. If they ever slip up and act nv or lv I’m out immediately. Vetting and knowing your worth really works.

And knowing you will just walk away if affection is lost is so powerful.

A therapist, who specializes in marriage counseling who I’m going to with my mother to work on our relationship was very salty when I explained why I dislike my mothers no value husband. This scrote plays out the cycle of abuse several times a day (goes from screaming at my mother and slamming doors and breaking things, to love bombing her and buying her items so she can’t be upset, then offers to take her to dinner, then humiliates and degrades her at the dinner but he’s paying so he loves her and everything is ok eyeroll).

This therapist literally told me that my mothers relationship is fine it’s simply my relationship that is weird, and a exception and I can’t hold every man to that standard. Therapist then reveals herself to be a pickme with an abusive nvm of her own. Apparently her family and friends all tell her nvm boyfriend is very rude to her and it’s not okay and they’re worried but therapist insists that’s just how they express their love and they’re just “argue-ers”.

This therapist has my mom thinking her relationship is fine and being degraded is normal which is so sad because we went to therapy to try to solve our decaying relationship. However, since my mom picks nvm over me at every possible occasion and has for a decade, there is no solving our decaying relationship.

And that therapists shit take is validated by society everyday. I don’t want to know how many wives have been completely gaslit in her office as I know I have.

sweetcreamycream · 2021-08-02T01:49:16+00:00

I have to step in here and say that there are different types of love, and over time those types replace each other in how you feel about your partner. We have to acknowledge this.

inlovewithaloser · 2021-08-02T02:46:24+00:00

I thought the “honeymoon phase” was only used for abusive relationships and their idealize/devalue/discard anyway. Normal healthy relationships really shouldn’t have that “phase” at all.

Unlikely-Marzipan · 2021-08-02T04:53:08+00:00

Yes! I’ve been saying this for years. Don’t settle for less. If two people want a relationship and each other they will be committed to keeping the spark alive and depending the connection.

thatjimmylove · 2021-08-02T00:50:02+00:00

I hung out with my friend and her boyfriend who have been dating for about a year now and they already "cute argue" ( idk that thing where couples think its admirable for them to be annoyed with one another), they also like flick each other and act like siblings, its very weird. If that's being out of the honeymoon phase ew.

gosamadhi · 2021-08-02T10:00:21+00:00

I myself believe in the softer version of "familiarity breeds contempt". That's why vetting prior to relationship and assessing compatibility is so very important. Once the chemicals wear off, there will be no hard fall if you did your vetting properly, only soft fall.

AbbyDean1985 · 2021-08-02T20:12:04+00:00

My husband and I have been together three years and still in that phase, because we work toward it. I get tired of people telling us it would end. If it does, I would probably leave. I stayed somewhere unhappy for ten years, not making that mistake again.

thicctoria · 2021-08-02T08:55:21+00:00

The initial novelty of a new relationship will wear off eventually - but this tends to happen quite quickly, definitely not 2 years into your relationship (I often hear honeymoon phase is few months to few YEARS). If your partner stops suddenly loses interest 2 years into relationship, that's not normal.

For me, I felt better when this initial stage ended because I actually hated the hormonal chaos that tends to happen in early relationships. For one, I hate adrenaline rushes and hateeeed that weird feeling I would get in my stomach. I remember finding it so hard to concentrate for weeks! I sound like such a Grinch who just hates love but...

I looove being in love now. It's only ever gotten better, not worse. He still does things like take me out on proper dates, surprise me with activities and gifts, make time for me etc. This probably happens even more often than before because we're married and are aware that marriage is something you have to put work into and nourish.

Title	The truth about the "honey moon phase"
Author	pozzalovah
Upvotes	3472
Comments	47
Date	August 2, 2021 12:00 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ow3dxk/the_truth_about_the_honey_moon_phase/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/the-truth-about-the-honey-moon-phase.796231 https://theredarchive.com/post/796231

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