This is why I don't scroll through libfem subs. They always have to put other women down for wanting a special moment to be special.

nina-serafina · 2021-08-25T18:47:22+00:00

I just read this post myself! I'm blown away at how offended they are that other women have any standards whatsoever. They act like they have some personal stake in keeping our expectations low. Total crabs-in-a-bucket mindset.

coursesand · 2021-08-25T19:04:43+00:00

Libfeminism is just the patriarchy with extra steps

millennialpink2000 · 2021-08-25T19:09:25+00:00

Libfem = cool girl race to the bottom for women

thatjimmylove · 2021-08-25T19:15:51+00:00

This is beyond ridiculous, they don't realize when they are making a new societal expectation where women are not allowed to expect anything. People talk about proposals framing it as " it's the love that counts" , well actions show love. If he takes time to thoughtfully propose to you in a way you like, it shows he was thinking about you while planning it, It's the love of your life they should be able to get it right. Everyone has different ideas of romantic, but this whole "you're vain if you don't accept a ring pop" narrative has to change.

Tired of being made fun of for desiring romance, like a dinner date is now considered outrageous. I think people would have more fun if they took dating seriously, everyone says it's the opposite, but if you take the pursuit of romance as an important thing relationships could be more fulfilling. But nope can't even expect a proposal these days.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2021-08-25T19:55:37+00:00

They even downvoted the women who said marriage is a serious commitment and so meaningful that a proposal should reflect that.

If a guy chucks a ring at you while you're at Chili's he doesn't love you. Likewise if he does it at home after you finish doing the dishes from dinner. These men are scum.

her-vagesty · 2021-08-25T20:10:45+00:00

Here are some proposals my friends have done for their wives:

Found a perfect shell on their favourite beach and hid the ring inside it for the proposal, he pointed the shell out to her and she got excited for finding such a pretty shell, then got a nice extra surprise.
Planned an elaborate treasure hunt all over their area of the city which she thought was just going to be a fun weekend activity, ended in a ring. He said he was really nervous that someone else would find the ring before they got there 🤣
At sunset on a hike they were on by an Italian beach. It was secluded and peaceful.
Planned a fancy picnic in a private vineyard and proposed on a beautiful sunny day. Perfect for my friend who is a massive foodie.

None of these proposals are "grand" or "expensive" but they are all so thoughtful, involved planning, and took the wives interests into account. Personally, I'd love the treasure hunt one 🤣 but I hope to find a man who plans something sweet and thoughtful like this, and not someone who just says "hey let's get married" some evening after a few drinks while sitting on the couch in sweatpants.

apommom · 2021-08-25T18:57:59+00:00

I saw this too. The worst comments were people telling her to propose if she cares so much

herbivorouscarnivore · 2021-08-25T19:14:22+00:00

A big proposal is not my thing and I feel some anxiety just imagining some of the most elaborate ones I’ve seen on social media lol

That said, if a man didn’t consider my proposal preferences, that could be a warning sign. At worst, he’s not that interested in my feelings.

christmasforoutlaws · 2021-08-25T20:03:14+00:00

I didn't get a proposal the first time. I got informed over text that he wanted to marry me. I was a teenager and thought he was trying to be romantic. I didn't mind the thought of marrying my boyfriend, just not right now. Three months later he tells me that I have two choices: I can marry him or be homeless.

If there ever comes a day where a man decides he wants me as part of his life, he better put some thought and effort into how he's going to ask. I've been through this rodeo before. I lost everything the first time. That man better show me that he's serious. An ounce of vulnerability is the very least any man could do.

CynicalSucculent · 2021-08-25T20:11:48+00:00

They put down women who have standards because they're too insecure to ask for better treatment from men.

bookworm1896 · 2021-08-25T18:53:36+00:00

I always said that I did not need a great public proposal, but I wanted a nice one. I was asked by my now husband on new years eve, we had to celebrate alone because of an important exam of mine. But we watched the firework with prosecco and he then proposed (on his knees with a ring).

A friend of mine was already planning the wedding with her fiance and one sunday he prepared breakfast for her and had bought a cup on which you could write with chalk: will you marry me? And he also then gave her a ring.

None of these proposals was grand or expensive or anything and still they were special to me and my friend. It's an important decision so everybody is allowed to wish for a special moment too

OrangeyPanda · 2021-08-25T20:08:15+00:00

I saw that too and was so mad at that first comment.

First rule of being a woman in a relationship is you are selfish for having any wants, needs or desires of your own.

90860008 · 2021-08-25T20:23:40+00:00

They love getting the least lmao

PessimisticAna · 2021-08-25T20:39:19+00:00

My god, people really have normalised shaming women for having the bare minimum standards and accepting nothing and wanting other women to accept nothing too!

I don't see what's wrong in wanting a nicely thought proposal, it gives a slight indication to how he will treat her in the future.

Equal-Ear2312 · 2021-08-25T20:48:27+00:00

Yeah.

She should be so thankful that he marries her.😝

She'll have plenty of socks to pick off the floor in the future and many crusty underwear to scrub manually. She doesn't need a ring for that! 😝

Obviously /s

_tinyimp · 2021-08-25T20:32:18+00:00

Misery loves company

Big-Respond8481 · 2021-08-25T20:49:51+00:00

They act like clueless children.

Obviously, you would stop seeing someone at the first few dates when you figure out you are not compatible, no matter if the finances or their sleep cycles are not compatible with your standards.

Also, you'd discuss your dream proposal and expectations beforehand, so that he has a guideline on what he can plan.

And even if nothing was discussed because the proposal came by surprise, you should expect something romantic and thoughtful. Those things can be achieved without tons of money though.

MiddlingMe · 2021-08-25T21:23:33+00:00

It's interesting to me, because I am not into these types of gestures myself (never wanted any proposal at all, didn't have a wedding and just eloped, etc), yet I have absolutely no problem with other women wanting those things. Why would I care? So something has to be important to ME in order for me to consider it important to somebody else? Why? That makes no sense. What debbie downers they are.

WorkaholicParty · 2021-08-25T21:30:30+00:00

Oh wow, the cool girls are cool with everyone except other women. It's as if we aren't supposed to truly enjoy our lives. We should just be happy we get picked, hope our SO is too tired to seek something elsewhere and blow them to maintain the relationship. And yes, that's a summary of a tiktok by a woman who explains the pros of dating older men with lots of grandpas in her comments saying stuff "like I'm really not complicated! I'm so easy but it's so hard to find someone who understands". 🙄

Man it's so depressing. We shouldn't be getting anything nice and only for us while the bare minimum is renegotiated every single day 🙄.

The problem is that these dynamics get later reproduced even in wlw relationships!!!! Our society is so male centric and un-caring that deems women receiving mediocrity as a norm.

ijustcantwithit · 2021-08-25T20:25:52+00:00

My ex proposed to me after I balled my eyes out ruining sex for us. We were both drunk when it started and I got to feeling like I did with an ex who abused me. He stopped. Comforted me and then asked. I, a love sick fool, said yes. The next week we were sitting on his bed and he pulled out a ring and stuck it on my finger and made sure I still wanted him. I did. I hated the proposal though. I should have seen the flag for what it was, huge and red. He knew what my dream proposal consisted of what he did was none of that.

fak_beauty_standards · 2021-08-25T21:55:22+00:00

the proposing guy, who I am sure watched dozens of movie and tv extravagant proposals and knows where his was on that scale.

this is what the man said. they know. they know the expectations.

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