Why do so many LVM ask you to plan the date? Laziness is a given but are they looking for a mother figure?

purasangria · 2021-03-20T21:33:04+00:00

I can't tell you how many men have said to me, after I said, yes, I'd meet them, "Just tell me when and where." I don't even reply to that anymore, I just block and delete. If I have to ask him to plan the date, then he's not my type of man. I like men that take initiative.

They do all kinds of lazy shit. I had one man who owned a valet company in a neighboring town say, "So I have to show up at an event tonight, can you drive here?" I said, "it sounds like you already have plans tonight." "Yes, but if you drive here, then we can have a date."

I stopped responding after that. I'm not driving to have a date with him, and if he can't make time for me, then I don't want to see him. These men have no manners or class. They don't understand how to romance a woman, and don't want to make the slightest effort.

Aocwannabe · 2021-03-20T20:04:02+00:00

He needs to do the work of establishing a date, a time and a place that work for you. It actually does show a lot about a man’s ability to be prepared and create enjoyable experiences with a partner. This is why it is a strategy for the long game. A thoughtful man wants you to have a good time 💡feel safe and comfortable so he will consider traffic, his budget, how many ppl will be around (esp covid)...things any thoughtful human will do to optimize an experience. These are men that are courting us and trying to get into our worlds (not the other way around) so they should be prepared to do the heavy lifting.

shelballama · 2021-03-20T20:42:44+00:00

I actually don't mind being asked for my input in the beginning; I appreciate them being proactive as they learn. But when the whole labor of planning is done by the woman, I think that's distinct and laziness.

So like, more "hey let's get dinner at 7pm tomorrow. There's this great sushi place or this awesome Italian restaurant. Do either of those sound good?" That to me is way better than having the questions and brunt of the planning on me.

DutyKooky · 2021-03-20T20:27:42+00:00

just block and delete them. I will never go out with a man who (a) doesn't ask me for a date ahead of time (b) plan the date in my neighborhood (c) confirm that the date is happening. I will not even make a fake purs grab or offer to split the bill. Dude you have invited me out and planned the date to receive the pleasure of my company. You are paying for it. If not, I will never see you again.

zorra666 · 2021-03-20T19:08:48+00:00

For me, if I DO want to meet this person (which is rare), I suggest dinner. The rest is primarily on him. The type of place he chooses, and the area, says a lot about him. It does allow me to set my standard.

Virgomermaid94 · 2021-03-20T19:24:19+00:00

Ok I got a horror story. Went on a date with a guy like this in 2015 after texting for two weeks he said “ we should meet up any ideas?” and I mentioned I actually was craving Panera bread for a lunch and if we could meet next day .

Than (at the register?!) he said he expected me to pay because I picked the restaurant and he dint even really like Panera (despite him ordering a full meal and not expressing that the previous day via text) sooo I paid for both of us and literally blocked his number while sitting at the table with him lol and he was like you seem so quiet are you nervous or something? You look better than your photos I’m thinking YOU DO NOT and your not the gentlemen you sold yourself as 🤦🏼‍♀️☹️ he also ate like he was starving it was disgusting.

worse part is we went to one I used to work at in high school so embarrassing with old coworkers watching 🤮🤮🤮

I have been on maybe 20 dates where I never touched the man or saw them again because red flags 🚩.

spinsterchachkies · 2021-03-20T20:10:38+00:00

What’s worse is when you give them ideas and expect them to use those ideas to plan the date. Then when you get to the date they haven’t planned anything but sitting on a bench and trying to feel you up. Eeeuugh

aclick1999 · 2021-03-20T18:44:13+00:00

It's

a. Laziness - because...men...

b. Strategy - they're hoping to leave it so last minute that you end up going over to theirs as no other options are available. And lots of pickme's and insecure women still fall for this

I refused to go on dates that did not include a reservation. And if I was suspect of it, I'd call the restaurant beforehand and make sure there was a reso. Saved myself a few 'oh no...let's just go to my place' fakeouts by doing that.

thenyashoulda · 2021-03-20T20:43:53+00:00

ex-bf was employed & also financially comfortable from family money.

38 years old and his mother planned our dates. Otherwise, it was “what do you wanna do babe?”

His mom and I got along well tho and hey, her dates were great. That wasn’t the issue 😗

EveSerpent · 2021-03-20T21:54:59+00:00

I think the mommy factor comes into it, because so many of them are looking for a replacement for mommy. Pure laziness for some, but a test from the others to see how much you will take care of him right from the start.

CautiousJuice9533 · 2021-03-20T22:45:17+00:00

I've been told by a couple of guys its because they worry that women won't like the venue they choose and by extension, not like him. If the woman chooses the venue, then the pressure is off them.

I find this extraordinary - is it that difficult to Google some nice restaurants in your area or, prior to asking her out on a date, have already asked questions about the food she likes or dining experiences she enjoys?

I'm a vegetarian. I had one guy suggest dinner at a trendy new burger place that had just opened and was getting rave reviews. I checked the menu online and said they don't have any vegetarian options and could we go somewhere else. He said being vegetarian didn't matter and I could just pull off the meat in the burger and eat the rest. Hard no to that and to him.

Summerisle7 · 2021-03-20T21:44:20+00:00

Who cares why. Block and delete

GiraffeLibrarian · 2021-03-20T22:24:34+00:00

IME, they ask because they can then expect you to go 50/50 or pay entirely.

DutyKooky · 2021-03-21T01:53:38+00:00

if he doesn't plan the date, then there is no date. its as simple as that. you have no obligation to see him if he doesn;t put in effort.

BlackGirlKnickers · 2021-03-21T00:56:26+00:00

I've heard the excuse that women are picky about what they eat. There're memes about men asking women what they want to eat and get mad when they say they don't care. I've explained that we mostly say that we don't care cause

We really don't and
We want you to take initiative for once instead of having the burden of planning dinner every night.

Women aren't picky eaters. We're just tired of having the pressure of choosing all the time.

Gronenn · 2021-03-21T01:24:57+00:00

Men behave that way out of laziness, but i think in many occasions it’s because they’re insecure and have no confidence.

222-much · 2021-03-20T23:15:24+00:00

Ok, what about the situation where the man plans the date... but the restaurant doesn't accept reservations so you're told there's an hour and a half wait when you arrive? I personally thought this was unacceptable (he should have done the homework to find a nice place that accepts reservations so that the date would go smoothly). We ended up going to the place next door that didn't have a wait, but to me this showed a lack of planning skills.

brylm92 · 2021-03-21T14:01:41+00:00

Laziness. With a heavy dash of self-absorption. Throw in some disrespect. Not date related but my lvx of barely 3 months went onnn and onnn about how much he'd love us to go on holiday together. I had zero interest but eventually agreed to a destination . He seriously said "OK, you plan it all and just tell me what's happening and how much I owe. I'm so excited!!" The audacity 😂 that dude didn't know the meaning of the word "generosity"

IllTill3859 · 2021-03-21T07:54:48+00:00

A man has to do the work in order to woo me. Men that don’t plan dates are showing you who they are. Lazy, lack of initiative, boring, cheap, inability to think outside the box, inability to lead among others. No need to argue with them just ignore, delete, and block. Dates must be planned at least 48 hrs ahead of time (72 or more hours even better), paid for by the one pursuing you, paired up (meaning no bbq gatherings or family events) and in public. I have saved myself from a lot of trouble by employing the 4ps in my dating life.

_queeeen_ · 2021-03-21T04:39:35+00:00

They're at best clueless and unromantic. NEXT.

laurencetrishburn · 2021-03-21T15:26:08+00:00

I've been talking to a guy over the last few weeks. Nothing serious but I've been enjoying talking to him, and I've been hoping he asks me out. He finally did and said something like "want to grab a beer?" He meant literally the very same day! In my head I'm like, do you think I have nothing else to do than say yes to a meeting 3 hours prior?!

I just told him "not today, maybe another day". If he doesn't ask me out properly the next time I'm going to cut ties.

Such low effort at the start itself 🤦🏻‍♀️

candyfox84 · 2021-03-21T01:49:47+00:00

I think a HVM will plan the first few dates, including the time, location, and how you will get there.

haunted_vcr · 2021-03-22T18:45:30+00:00

That's part of the vetting - if a guy doesn't plan or take initiative, he's LVM. Yupp there's a lot of them, welcome to OLD. Unmatch asap.

A_Fishstick · 2021-03-21T17:28:42+00:00

You spend all the energy planning the date and then he'll just nix every idea you have, "I don't like that restaurant. I dunno if I wanna do that. I dunno what I wanna do. Why don't YOU choose for once."

FYI, this inability to think for himself when it comes to entertainment and food will plague your relationship forever.

nancy5559 · 2021-03-21T03:29:03+00:00

My dad is 62 and single, and he always wants the women to pick where they go out for dinner. He says women have showed him so many crappy restaurants (his words, not mine), so I asked him why he doesn’t pick the restaurants that they go to, and he says he thinks it’s douchey (for lack of a better word) if the man is always picking the restaurants. So while I think it’s usually uncaring of a man to not have a date suggestion, I don’t think it’s always the case

Title	Why do so many LVM ask you to plan the date? Laziness is a given but are they looking for a mother figure?
Author	blerty567
Upvotes	365
Comments	79
Date	March 20, 2021 6:40 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/m9d98y/why_do_so_many_lvm_ask_you_to_plan_the_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/why-do-so-many-lvm-ask-you-to-plan-the-date.1190250 https://theredarchive.com/post/1190250

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