TL;DR: Leftists / feminists / progressives say they want men to be free from gender traditionalism but almost always end up behaving in a way that reinforces said traditionalism. If even those people fail so hard at developing a progressive view on men/masculinity, I don't see how society as a whole will ever improve. What can I do to accept the fact that there is no way out of systemic misandry?

Do you remember the first time a feminist told you that it's impossible for them to be misandrist because they fight against gender traditionalism, which hurts men too? Haha, yeah...you know they don't.

It can be expected from mainstream society, that most people carry around traditionalist views on gender. We all grow up with them and most people don't really get into situation where they challenge them, so they stick. It can also be expected from conservatives, that they think traditionalism is good and should be enforced...that's just how conservatism works.
I don't really get mad at those people for perpetuating gender traditionalism. It's what you expect from them and they don't claim to be better than that.

However, with leftists/progressives/feminists, it's different. They invented fancy new terms like 'toxic masculinity', 'gender policing' and whatnot. They will tell you, that no one should be shamed for not adequately performing their assigned gender role:
Women shouldn't be judged for not wanting to have children or be a housewive, society shouldn't judge men for not being emotionally strong all the time, etc.
It sounds great in theory and actually, over the last couple of decades, even mainstream society realized that (for a lack of a better term) gender policing women is toxic and bad and wrong.
But it's completely different with men. It seems like no one (except from our little fringe group) - not even the most capital P progressives - actually believes that men shouldn't be judged for not being 'man enough'.

What made me post this was a tweet from Greta Thunberg that went viral today. It was a response from Andrew Tate bragging about his expensive cars to her:

yes, please do enlighten me. email me at [email protected]

Again, this wouldn't bother me if it was just some random person cracking a silly joke. But here you have a woman who, as a female leader in climate activism, was hailed as a feminist icon. Someone who talked about how important feminism is in climate activism, who apparently thinks, along with her large progressive-leaning audience. that it's shameful for men to not have 'big dick energy', i.e. to not display emotional strenght, inviolability, sovereignity, etc...all the things you would expect from a 'patriarch'.

Almost no one, except from some conservatives who used their chance to call out the hypocrisy, saw anything wrong with it. Those very few progressive men (no women) who did, where hit with lame excuses.
Sure, you could say that it's just some joke and that it's "not that deep", but the things you say, when you aren't really thinking about what you say, reveal more about who you are as a person than the things you plan to say.

But this is only the most recent example.
Do you remember those 'Male Tears'-mugs from Tumblr-era-feminism? Or the 'masculinitysofragile' hashtag that emerged from Twitter feminism? Despite deeming themselves as the ones who understand how gender traditionalism harms men, feminists surely hate it, when men can't be traditionally masculine.

This seems to be true with most/almost all feminists. Here are some more examples I found:

Most of the women I’ve dated would call themselves feminists [...]. But I have been told I was “gay” for trimming my nails by my first girlfriend, that I “wasn’t manly enough” because I was a vegetarian by another woman I dated, and that I was a “pussy” for crying once, and have had many other similar things happen over the years. (Source)

​

From their Facebook posts, I knew these people prided themselves on their social awareness. Certainly they'd be understanding to an adult male virgin. Instead I got hit with a chorus of condescending "Awwww"s. As in "Awwww, you're like an innocent child in an adult body!" "Awwww, you poor pathetic creature!" "Awwww, I now think of you as less of a man, because you haven't totally crushed puss!" (Source)

​

If you cannot listen to the strong opinions of women without feeling ostracized or maginalized or threatened in some way and needing them to qualify their expressions with gentle messages of, but we know you men have it hard too and we feel for you, then perhaps you have other issues you need to work through before you enter an intimate relationship with a woman. I think many men have an inability to listen and to hear women without becoming defensive and that is a serious defect. (Source)

TL;DR: "Man up, pussy!"

Also, you can't go wrong with the classics.

No one is more arrogant toward women, more aggressive or scornful, than the man who is anxious about his virility.
- Simone de Beauvoir "The Second Sex"

Feminists share this quote all the time, because they obviously share their revulsion for men, who fail at displaying strenght, with this OG feminist.

All of this bothers me, because I AM a left-leaning progressive and, when it comes to agreeing with most feminist theory(!), probably also even a feminist.
I do care about people being freed from traditionalist norms so they can freely develop their personality. I also enjoy (for the most part) being friends and working together with other progressives, since we mostly share the same values. But I feel like they can't / dont want to let go of their traditionalist views on men and masculinity. And if even progressives fail at being truly progressive, I can't see how society around them will ever improve. At least it won't in the next 100 years. I'm sure about that.
So I guess I have no choice but to accept that men are stuck with having to conform to rigid gender norms...