What can be done to help solve the under/desexualization, sexlessness, loneliness, etc. of so many men?

DragonAdept · 2022-09-02T05:56:12+00:00

Probably social institutions that get men and women out of the house and mingling, from childhood through to adulthood, would fix most of it. I think organised religion is awful (overall, taking everything into account) but one thing churches did do is get people out and into social situations. That role has largely been taken over by capitalist enterprises like bars and dating sites that exist to make money off lonely people, not necessarily to help them.

Men to whom women are inaccessible aliens have a big barrier to overcome to find a sexual relationship. Men with a reasonably large circle of female friends and acquaintances will almost certainly find a partner one way or another unless there's something seriously wrong with them.

helloiseeyou2020 · 2022-09-02T08:05:08+00:00

Improve mental healthcare and for that matter general healthcare accessibility and outreach.

Legalize prostitution, the criminalization of which literally just puts these women in harm's way and subjugates them to pimps and gangs.

Those two are inarguably critical I think. More subjectively, IMO:

Improve the education system and actually tackle the blatant, proven bias against young boys and young adult men with the kind of aggression that sexism and prejudice against women in the professional arena has been tackled.

Unspool things from there, such as tbe earnings gap nobody wants to talk about (immediately post-college young men and women, which slants AGAINST women).

If more functional men are raised up by a society that actually tries to lift them up instead of stacking the deck against them before letting them fight a Hobbesian battle to be one of the few that succeed in the current prison yard economy, I hypothesize that the dating marketplace of average men goes up because their standing in society and ability to succeed will also go up.

Beyond that you have to start doing stuff like getting capitalist companies like Match group to stop catering only to women and statt implementing feature and function changes thay are advantageous to men, which is never ever going to happen - not because they give a remote shit about women, but because incels and low success men paying for premium because the app is unusable otherwise makes them absolute shitloads of money.

(God damn am I glad i got off rhe market before OLD became the norm. It seems like a complete shitshow)

dath_bane · 2022-09-02T05:07:10+00:00

I feel like it has a lot to do with economic participation. Young men get judged so much about their career and job. Also many public spaces where you can meet other humans are commercialised nowadays. This needs to change.

BloomingBrains · 2022-09-02T08:01:36+00:00

The way I see it, the problem is that modern feminism has encouraged the attitude of "having your cake and eating it too". I.E. getting the best of both worlds.

It seems like most (but not all) young women want to be seen as strong and independent, but they don't want to actually BE strong and independent. They don't want to risk rejection. They still very much want the position of the "desired/choosing sex" and all the power that comes with it. They want to date up the social ladder. They want traditionalism, but only for men. They want a big strong protector/provider to take care of them but not be expected to provide anything in return.

It will take a concerted effort by women to say "fuck that shit" and actually live up to being strong and independent. To date for personality and love. Approach men. Risk rejection. Accept the responsibilities that come with being equal in society like registering for the draft.

Once that mentality exists, things will naturally fall into place. But how to make that philosophical change happen? I have no idea.

Kakatheman · 2022-09-02T13:46:33+00:00

Im just waiting for the sex robots to come and fuck everything up.

kastebort02 · 2022-09-02T10:46:12+00:00

One thing I feel is very important, that's almost always ignored, is how there are more men than women in the world. The total average, independent of age, is quite low (~1 %), but there are born around 5-6 % more boys than girls.

This imbalance seems to stay steady till about 30, where we see the male population start to decline. We don't reach equilibrium before we're our 50s. link

5-6 % of the male population are a lot more than I've seen anyone estimate that the number of incels.

Looking at 20-24 year olds in USA, specifically we find that there's 4.0 % more men, than women.

Looking at Norway, we find 5.3 % and 5.6 % more males in the 7-15 and 16-44 cohorts, respectively.

Silly suggestions like enforced monogamy wouldn't do anything to this. It would rather have to be enforced polyamory, and then only with more men than women in those relationships. With ~5 % we're talking changed numbers at the size of the whole LGBT-population.

Is there really an approach that can fight this? Beside a horrible war, or something else that's not on the table, or we wouldn't want for obvious reasons.

Edit: typos, added more numbers, and expanded the comments.

whosayesa · 2022-09-02T04:52:37+00:00

Broad answer would be improve mental health care. But of course that kind of progress is slow.

I personally have worked through those issues but what worked for me might not work for someone else. What I did do was continuously re-analyse my situation until I found some points of view that worked. Changed how I approached things, watched some videos and did some reading, found what I wanted to prioritize for myself. Still doing it now also.

What that involves will be different for different people of course.

For myself specifically, I evaluated how I socialise and the nature/dynamics of my friendships, family, and other bonds/social interactions. Then how I balance hobbies, social life and studies, basically my priorities. I did reading about the psychology of the things I was feeling. Watched some videos too. Tried and am still trying to find different of organising myself and until I find what works best. Also tried different approaches to things I do. Lot of self reflection and trying some different things from different angles.

wonkyllusion · 2022-09-02T08:36:55+00:00

Society actually applying and living true equality. If true equality was a thing, things would better and even out or at least trending towards an more even condition - which it doesn't.

Getting rid of/drastically reduce social media consume regardless of sex. I strongly believe that mindlessly scrolling through TikTok, Insta and Twitter all day usually just makes it worse than it is. Getting time off and focusing on other hobbys, projects or improving yourself is so much more valuable than this perfect toxic virtual world. I think most people expectations are weirdly distorted due to this overconsumption and therefore things shift towards the current inbalance. Go to real places and talk to real people. Thats how humans have always done it.

Stoping trying to replace real loneliness with fake internet attention by subscribing on Twitch or Onlyfans purely out of recognition. While everyone can do with his money what he wants, I personally think that this behaviour is just pouring gas in the fire. This also goes hand in hand with self-worth/self-respect. No problems with supporting content you enjoy regardless of creator but I am speaking of the "I'll donate so she thanks me and writes my name on her arm"-type of persons.

Other than that? I think its just the norm by now for a man to have little to no sex at all. Economical problem at this point. An average women has way more options in terms of offer compared to an average man. And it doesn't seem like a self-ruling system that naturally evens out.

It's just completly fucked, thats all it is.

Blauwpetje · 2022-09-02T18:49:50+00:00

A change in mentality and social structure. We don’t have to go back to total monogamy, but hook-up culture is the other extreme. In the ‘70s I remember people I know sometimes had casual relationships, sometimes a more steady and a more casual one at once, but they didn’t go to a club to fix a ONS. The people they made love to were always more or less friends.

Stop stigmatising men who make mistakes when approaching women. If we are entitled to ‘the pursuit of happiness’, we may not be entitled to sex but we’re entitled to ‘the pursuit of sex’ including mistakes.

Bona fide dating coaches who really try to help men without pushing either feminism or machismo on them (sometimes the two come actually close).

Broader: more coherence in society. Half a century ago and longer, everybody who wasn’t pathologically lonesome knew quite a lot of people. An acquaintance turning into a friend and a friend into a partner was not such a miracle as it seems nowadays.

No more affirmative action. Many women, even self-declared feminists, want a higher status man. Artificially improving the status of women then is the last thing we need, although women of course are free to try and reach the top by quality and hard work.

Women should get the notion that, while their choices may have been too confined in the past, following all impulses in the choice of a partner is no improvement. Everybody wants a bit of a pleasant-looking partner, but besides that, someone with a kind and interesting personality may be a better partner than the hottest guy around. (I got the impression boys initially make the same mistake but learn sooner the hard way.) But again, it will take some cultural changes before this can even be talked about.

hshsgdve · 2022-09-02T08:53:54+00:00

A zero tolerance policy on saying openly denigrating things to boys an young men. We condemn it towards every other subgroup.

I’ve seen even the most talented and handsome men become absolutely demoralised before they even reach adulthood.

It breaks mens esteem down to the absolute floor, and women don’t want a man with this low self esteem.

Our cultures apathy to this phenomenon is astounding. It’s not good for men, and it’s really not good for women when these guys just snap.

Future_Adagio2052 · 2022-09-02T12:24:15+00:00

Do what black men have been doing with young black men high paying jobs and a stable income which to be fair won't fix all the problems but it could be a good start

wiwoo · 2022-09-02T19:58:53+00:00

I don't think there's any acceptable "solution." In the past, social structures like the church enforced monogamy, resulting in a game of musical chairs to get married, in which a large portion of men got to mate. It was essentially regulating the sexual marketplace.

As society becomes more egalitarian and gives individuals more agency, the dating market becomes deregulated, and that results in more extreme inequality there. I don't see any way around it - many of the men who would have mated under strict Catholic rule in the 1200s, are simply not going to be able to mate now.

Solutions exist for individuals, but they ultimately involve becoming more competitive in the market - and any solution that involves outcompeting your peers is, by nature, not going to change the average - just shift around who has and who has not.

Sperm is plentiful, eggs are not - that's the fundamental reason that, in a free dating market, fewer men will reproduce than women.

I think the best amelioration of the situation is going to be developing more alternative sources of pride, and love, and happiness, besides finding a romantic partner. Right now, we have a hangover from the regulated dating markets of the past, where men who can't get a partner are seen as defective (relative to the old standards, where many more men could get a partner). A few generations of unregulated dating and that will lessen as a larger number of men are forced to go partnerless, reducing the stigma and developing alternative sources of self esteem and satisfaction.

I have a lot of empathy for men who are lonely and can't attract a partner, I know that it's horrible - I just don't see any social-scale solutions that wouldn't be even more unpalatable, so I think we've got to learn to live with it somehow.

Over time, I expect polygamy and polyandry will be legalized in liberal societies - it is a natural extension of the rights of individuals and the state staying out of peoples' business, and it's a perennial interest for the wealthiest, who's desires so often drive policy. That is to say, over time, I expect the portion of men who can get a partner to decrease further, but what solution is there? This is not a space where the state, or society, should dictate to the individual.

griii2 · 2022-09-02T11:32:30+00:00

It is pretty obvious what can be done.

Legalise sex work.
Normalize and de-ostracize sex workers and their clients.

Of course paid services are not the same as the natural thing, but it would address at least the worst discomfort of sexless and lonely people. Prices would decrease, quality and the range of services would increase. Importantly, the dating/sexual advantage of women would decrease and they would have to be more open and initiative.

worthwhilewrongdoing · 2022-09-02T05:46:31+00:00

Romantic loneliness is something that brings so many people so much pain and is a huge issue, but I'm not entirely sure it's an exclusively male one. There are certainly plenty of folks out there who are lonely that aren't men. That's not to say it's not a male issue - I think it definitely affects this community in unique ways. But I think answers for getting help for fixing this problem might work best centered around improving these things for everyone all at once while recognizing the challenges that make specific groups' experiences difficult and actively working to mitigate them.

It's also worth noting too, that, despite perceptions around here sometimes, life isn't exactly a sexual cafeteria for every heterosexual woman and gay man, either. People are picky and entitled, and the gamification of dating apps has made dating in general miserable for everyone.

tiredfromlife2019 · 2022-09-02T05:42:37+00:00

Nothing can be done is my opinion.

Leftism and Liberalism gives women power and this is the result.

Poly_and_RA · 2022-09-03T23:35:46+00:00

Improve gender-equality generally. This tends to shrink average age-gaps in relationships and therefore helps especially young men. (part of the reason why there's a lack of young single women is that age-patterns in dating means that quite a few of the young women date older men, and young men can't solve this by dating even younger women both age of consent and maturity-issues makes that a horrible idea.)
Solve the gender-gap in education. Status matters a LOT for mens dating-prospects and so having 153 (and growing) women in higher education for every 100 men is a recipee for disaster.
Actively work to address and deconstruct toxic femininity. Yes it's a thing. Women too have internalized ideas that are unhealthy. One example is the reluctance many women have to even consider as potential partner someone who is less educated or earns less than them. This should be no rarer than the reverse situation by gender is.
Stop spending most of the mental health care budget on women treating women. Stop victim-blaming men and pretend this happens because men don't want help. It's a failure of the SYSTEM that it fails to reach the people who need help.
Work to reduce homophobia. It's okay for men to be emotionally and/or physically close even if they're not bi or gay. And yet it's rarer than for women and I think in large part because of homophobia.
Make relationships more custom and less "all or nothing" -- I'm not saying everyone should be poly, but the model where EITHER you find someone who thinks you're both able and willing to fullfill ALL of their romantic, sexual and couple-related needs and wants better than anyone else; or otherwise you can't share ANYTHING makes it a lot more devastating than it needs to be to strike out.

This wouldn't magically fix everything, but it's be a good start.

ParentsAreNotGod · 2022-09-05T04:47:23+00:00

I don't know if it's been said here before, but tackle bullying.

I still feel I'm less of a 'man'. Also, it's given me negative attitudes towards physical activity, which isn't good for health. I'm trying to work on it, but I'm not sure how committed I will be.

Krausewitz · 2022-09-02T11:15:58+00:00

To some extent young men, in particular, have always, and will always, face these challenges. It is part of the (expendable) role men play.

You can’t change that, but you can change how men cope. You can encourage healthy responses (exercise, study, pursuit of excellence in some field or other), rather than destructive ones (excessive intoxication, being too online, etc.).

rochesterslim · 2022-09-02T06:35:54+00:00

train men to be more confident. I am not a red pill lunatic but it's obvious evolution plays a role as well as society. men want thin big breasts big ass on the whole women want tall muscular (to a limit). in terms of personality idk what men want-just a normal one i guess and for women it is my theory confidence is the number one. women are turned off by men who are unsure or who don't take control.

nineteenletterslong_ · 2022-09-02T18:27:18+00:00

only cosmetic surgery, especially limb-lengthening.

Neptune-Jr · 2022-09-02T12:16:32+00:00

No. The problem is largely exaggerated. Most people will be ok.

Dunkolunko · 2022-09-02T08:35:55+00:00

Social encouragement of monogamy and renewed stigmatization of 'sex work' aka exploiting lonely men and destroying healthy gender dynamics.

Cunari · 2022-09-02T04:24:49+00:00

Humane ways of increasing the female population relative to males via genetic manipulation etc.... Let people choose the gender ratio where they want to live. 95% female, 50/50, 95% male.

Lendari · 2022-09-03T04:37:05+00:00

Try joining a group at https://www.meetup.com/ that aligns with your own interests. They have everything from hiking to board games to book clubs. Don't just go to meet people, find something that you'd go to anyway. Many groups are limited to like age ranges so meeting single people is really common and you already have a shared interest in common.

awkward-egghead · 2022-09-03T15:14:56+00:00

Wouldn’t (roughly) every lonely man mean a lonely woman?

According to the US Census, there are about three million “excess” single men under age 40, compared to the number of single women under age 40. Most of that is because many women in that age group are married to older men.

Title	What can be done to help solve the under/desexualization, sexlessness, loneliness, etc. of so many men?
Author	austin101123
Upvotes	76
Comments	163
Date	September 2, 2022 4:20 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/x3s11k/what_can_be_done_to_help_solve_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/what-can-be-done-to-help-solve-the.1130406 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130406

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