Being with someone for their partner qualities vs. genes - men vs women/flipped mentality

123_alleyesonme6 · 2022-04-15T12:30:24+00:00

I dont understand what you want to say or debate (is there a Question?), can someone elaborate or gimme a tl;dr?

pinacolorada · 2022-04-15T12:40:09+00:00

if anything am bothered by that I seem to be seen as the “girlfriend” or “LTR” type of person

can I ask why that bothers you?

because I’d much prefer that to guys only wanting to hookup.

BlackPorcelainDoll · 2022-04-15T14:05:57+00:00

Always like your different posts! I think this is common for women, but not much talked about as it is subtly embedded in the way women mate select.

Females answer this by going for men with options and that do not simp for her. Simping and men without options is a turn off precisely because it removes her desire to be chosen and wanted above other women, which is indiscrimination.

The best alleviation of this is to never go for a man without options, who is a simp, or desperate.

SmarmyPapsmears · 2022-04-15T12:15:35+00:00

As a man who's been objectified most of my early 20s, I can say that I did not enjoy it.

I would much rather be with someone who liked me.

toasterchild · 2022-04-15T13:28:52+00:00

Lots of people fear being taken advantage on to some extent, I don't think it matters really about what. Some of the things follow very stereotypical patterns and some don't, it's all about what you feel vulnerable about. The more vulnerable you feel the more you will focus on your topic and assume the worst out of others.

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mrlunes · 2022-04-15T13:42:19+00:00

It all boils down to the biological needs developed over time. People often forget that humans are still animals with instincts. In modern society we have almost no need for these instincts because of modern medicine and technology. You no longer need to be the alpha male type to get a mate. What i will be saying is that these instincts are obsolete but deeply ingrained in our society and possibly instinctual.

As humans we no longer need to have sex to ensure the survival of our species. We only do it for pleasure, or in rare cases, to bring a new life into the world. As a society, we no longer need sex in the way other species do; however, both men and women still have desires and needs. This means no matter how much modern society can tell us biology no longer matters, it very much so does.

That being established, on to your question. Short answer: biological instincts. For the long answer, men and women both want different things. For men, instincts tell them to select a sexual partner that is healthy and can bare a child. Being thin and not over weight probably the first thing a man looks for. Then, the breasts that provide the milk for the child and the hips (probably associated with the butt?) for having the ability to efficiently carry the child in the womb. So at the end of the day men only care about the womens appearance and physical features on a primitive biological level.

For women, then want the guy that will protect and provide. The physical appearance is a big factor. Women want the large, strong looking guy. Physical strength for one and tall (like the over 6 foot meme). A large penis because it is going to do its job. In modern society, men have it a little easier in my opinion because if they are not the tallest, strongest guy then they can fulfill the desire to protect and provide with money. I would also venture to say that emotional strength and mental stability is probably a huge factor in this which would send you down the rabbit hole of mens mental health in todays society.

This is why men are obsessed with big breasts, big butts, and get so focused on appearances. It is also why women get so focused on height, strength or money. General attractiveness could play the same role with both genders. If you are attractive and get selected then your offspring, in theory, should also be attractive and will have a higher chance of selection in the next generation.

Society is at the point where it wants to fully reject biology and instincts you can find a large group a men that have been convinced that impregnating a women is a fetish. On the opposite side of the coin, there are women who believe their desire to become pregnant is a fetish. In reality it is their biological desire/ instincts. I believe the labeling of such things as a “fetish” is just a way to convince people that they can reject their instincts.

2022-04-15T15:05:08+00:00

Honestly, like most things on this sub lol, this is not a gender issue, it’s a people issue. There are people who are attracted to “dark triad”/anti social traits, and there are people who are not.

I’ve had boyfriends and friends who were really into women who treated them badly, and I’ve had boyfriends and friends who would have laughed in the face of a woman who did that and been immediately turned off.

I would avoid the first kind, and you can tell which is which fairly early on in the dating process.

gofigure62 · 2022-04-15T14:37:32+00:00

This is pseudoscience. Humans historically have raised offspring communally. And human sex has never been just a function of procreation, nor are humans biologically monogamous.

Without estrus, humans can mate indefinitely, as such human mating has been used and is used as source of trade, bonding, and reproduction. Which is why the human male penis evolved to displace the sperm from other males. Our genitals wouldn't function the way that they do if sexual competition within hours or minutes between males wasn't a factor in human sexual behaviors. Sexual promiscuity in females ensures genetic diversity of mating with males who have a multitude of advantages individually. Females don't just mate with the "strongest" male. They also mate for the most intelligent, the most socially valuable, etc. Non-monogamous females mate for genetic diversity, not genetic conformity.

Paternity in humans has never been a point of significance until humans culturally adopted to individual ownership of property, from communal ownership of property. With more individualistic centered behaviors, humans began to hoard offspring for the sake of trade and the accumulation of individual property.

Biologically, we sexually evolved to have mating behaviors similar to that of bonobos. Modern day beliefs regarding human sexuality are rooted in cultural and religious beliefs, not actual biological or evolutionary sexual behaviors. Which is why so much dysfunction collectively exists within heterosexual relationships and sex. It's highly distorted due to bizarre concepts that inherently go against how we evolved to engage with one another.

Mondholm · 2022-04-15T12:52:25+00:00

For humans men spreading their genes without parental investement honestly doesnt make sense. This theory is absurd imo.

januaryphilosopher · 2022-04-15T13:47:23+00:00

Most people don't like when people only want them for their looks or being a provider. (Some may think they'd like this kind of attention, but these people usually haven't experienced it.) We prefer to be primarily liked for our personality and related qualities.

Ohyarlysmiles · 2022-04-15T18:40:15+00:00

I mean, if behavioral genetics is to be believed (can of worms, not opening), then the "provider" qualities --- long future time orientation, empathy, etc. --- are also genetic.

And if you're not valued as a person, it hurts. Being on the receiving end of that sucks.

However, it's most simply explained by people wanting what they currently lack.

If you're an attractive guy, getting women to sleep with you is easy, but finding one who likes you for you is just as hard as it is for a normal guy. And the same applies to women. Attractive women are wanted for their bodies and more normal women are wanted as long term material.

So it's just wanting what you lack --- the more normal woman who is LTR material wants to be more attractive and wanting for 'her body' more. Same goes for men.

mumblebumblegrumble · 2022-04-15T18:41:01+00:00

I do wonder why the biggest Karens causing a scene and mistreating employees usually has a husband.

VictoriaSobocki · 2022-04-15T23:55:16+00:00

Good questions

Flightlessbirbz · 2022-04-16T00:57:40+00:00

I’ve definitely felt like a female “beta bux” of sorts when guys I dated in my late teens came back ten years later when they wanted a stepmom for his daughter in one case (birth mom was BPD, high-drama, didn’t want the kid), and someone waiting when he got out of prison in another. Oddly enough, I was more conventionally physically attractive than the other women they chose, but didn’t provide the drama they apparently craved at the time. It was like they always intended to come back, but I was too boring for the time being. They were pretty shaken when I wasn’t still the nice little girl they left and actually had a backbone and could see through their shit... and wasn’t even boring anymore. So I feel like the whole “girls like bad boys and use nice guys as beta bux” is often projection. Or at least it can go both ways.

Title	Being with someone for their partner qualities vs. genes - men vs women/flipped mentality
Author	sinisterforces
Upvotes	0
Comments	122
Date	April 15, 2022 12:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/u46mz9/being_with_someone_for_their_partner_qualities_vs/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/being-with-someone-for-their-partner-qualities-vs.1112585 https://theredarchive.com/post/1112585

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