Do you experience attraction to men on a binary "attractive, not attractive" way or on a spectrum? "He's a 6 but the other guy is an 8"

leosandlattes · 2025-07-17T02:20:54+00:00

If you were to give me a group of 20 men, I could more or less line them up from who is least attractive to most attractive to me.

But in terms of deciding to date somebody, it has always been binary for me. They’re either attractive to me or not by the time they’re asking me out on a date. I just do not see a point in accepting first dates from people who I’m like, “Well they’re at least a 5 so I’ll give them a chance.” Why accept the date at all if I don’t actually feel excited to go on the date with them?

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2025-07-17T03:16:37+00:00

I just met guys one at a time, vibed with them or not

RecognitionSoft9973 · 2025-07-17T05:24:47+00:00

Sure, there are times when I felt instant physical attraction but that doesn’t mean I would pursue someone I consider out of my league. It’s an ever-shifting spectrum for me. I am able to find a wide variety of traits attractive so I don’t worry about physical appearance too much. The vast, vast majority of people are average (which is good) and by adulthood, pretty much everyone has healthy biomarkers and this is selected for in most OLD spaces anyway.

As an aside, I think a man’s style and posing is what will ultimately decide whether he stands out from the rest. You may have muscle, but you need to market that muscle in a female gaze-y way. Most men don’t do this and resort to typical gym selfies. Professional stylized photos can carry your profile

spanglesandbambi · 2025-07-17T07:19:54+00:00

I'm not grading anyone in my head when I was dating. I was looking for a man who best met my requirements.

My shopping list, so to speak, had things about attraction, work, future plans, etc.

ChironGhostHugger · 2025-07-17T03:35:42+00:00

For me, yes, it's on a spectrum. I don't always mentally think "oh, he's a x" but I do/can rank them.

uglysaladisugly · 2025-07-17T09:08:31+00:00

I understand that there is a "gradient" of "handsomness" that I tend to call "conventionally attractive".

But I'm either attracted or not attracted. My attraction could be on a spectrum. Like "Hu I like the guy, he's super cute and I feel all light hearted when I think about him" or "Hu I like the guy, maybe I should talk to him morr" are not the same. But it's not the guy who would be a 6 or an 8. It's my level of attraction. And this can change.

My_House_on_Mars · 2025-07-17T02:20:31+00:00

No, it's more a pro/cons list

I've never put a number on people, I find that very weird and too simplistic

EulenWatcher · 2025-07-17T02:31:38+00:00

It's a gradient binary but not in a way you're describing here.

I've never felt an instant attraction, and it takes some time to get to know a person and develop any kind of romantic curiosity in them. It also happens really rarely, and it has more to do with emotional connection, how many "points of contact" we have with them and whether I like their smell. When I meet someone and feel this connection, it also isn't going from 0 to 1 - it's a slow process going from "oh, I enjoy their company" to "I really like them, want to touch them and be intimate with them".

I've ever dated only my husband, so I can't compare the way I treat him to the way I treated anyone else - he's got both the best and worst out of me, as we both met young and had to learn to be in a relationship. I'd had other crushes - but one had rejected me way before I met my husband, and the other is a woman and we've never dated. I met people that I thought that I could get interested, but I never reached "yes!" stage - my interest died on "I enjoy their company" for various reasons.

fiftypoundpuppy · 2025-07-17T02:43:28+00:00

I think you're either hot or you're not

I can recognize a hierarchy within the hot group

Technically I guess I could within the not group too, but that distinction is irrelevant since they're in the not group

Taking several wildly different looking men in my "hot" group: Roman Reigns; Vidura B.R.; Waka Flocka Flame; Peter Scanavino; Miro (WWE); The Dogist; Shapel Lacey; Jimmy Uso; Jordan Mailata (what is it with Samoan men though? 🥵). I think some are hotter than others, but it's kind of a distinction without a difference as far as my preference for dating and sex would go. Other factors of compatibility would be used to sort my "hot" group, because once you're in the hot group other things matter more than looks

bv0724 · 2025-07-17T05:51:46+00:00

Excess attractiveness is just an excess. And bending over backwards to date anyone is... uh... yeah...

bjwindow2thesoul · 2025-07-17T05:14:55+00:00

No way i could rate people like that. Im also faceblind so

globeaute · 2025-07-17T05:51:08+00:00

Most men in the United States are average or unattractive to me. It’s rare that I find one exceptionally attractive.

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ResponsibilityAny217 · 2025-07-17T05:49:52+00:00

I personally think of it in a binary way. I mostly immediately see most men as not attractive and few men as attractive instantly. However if I saw multiple men I was attracted to I would probably think of them on a spectrum like men often do.

Like if I saw/met 2 of my exes for the first time at the same time I would think they were both attractive and just pick the hotter one or at least the hotter one first, but the men I find attractive are far and few in-between.

NaturalQueer · 2025-07-17T15:33:13+00:00

Kind of both I think, like I am either attracted to someone or not but their is also a gradient for attraction. Though I don’t in my head go that guys a 6 or anything. Also I find certain personality traits and talents can also change the how attractive someone is so it’s definitely not always super defined.

Redhotangelxxx · 2025-07-17T18:19:21+00:00

Physical appearance wise, without talking to him a guy is either hot, not/neutral or I can't tell (very rare category). Then with people I talk with they can become attractive based on their personality/how they act even if they were sort of neutral before, and they can become unattractive based on personality/how they act even if they were hot before.

Tylikcat · 2025-07-18T03:10:13+00:00

I've said this before but it merits repeating - attraction for me (and it appears a lot of other women) != physical appearance. I'm not saying it plays no part, but the idea that I see a guy and would be willing to have sex with him based solely on his looks is off base. Even my in youngest and most playing the field days, and the field, I did play it. Hard.

These days, the question starts out "do I enjoy spending time with this person?" and may or may not escalate to "can I see myself enjoying being in a relationship to this person?" Someone else said something about vibing with a person, and really, that's it.

When I was younger, I was much more willing to try dating guys who were marginal fits. I'm not sure how much of this was that I was a lot less sure of what did and didn't work for me, and how much was just horniness. These days... well, it's not like I'm utterly against casual sex, but I've just gotten so much more cautious, especially with men.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2025-07-18T13:05:38+00:00

Neither but closer to binary attraction.

I can obviously recognize when someone is objectively good looking but that doesn't really say anything about my attraction to that man.

A percentage of men don't pass the looks threshold no matter what their personality and vibes are.

A certain percentage passes the looks threshold and have potential to become attractive to me once I get to know them and their vibes and personality.

A select small number of men passed the looks threshold + I got to know them and liked their vibe, and these are the men that I'm capable of being horny for/attracted to

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2025-07-19T08:34:58+00:00

Binary, either I FEEL it or not. But I can tell which man looks better without any feelings. Same as with women. There are no feelings or attraction but I can see a woman is beautiful. I absolutely cannot put a number on it, that's really weird and sick to put numbers like this on people.

Morgoth_Worshipper · 2025-07-17T07:06:04+00:00

I have never ranked a man on a scale 1-10, that is just shallow behaviour.

lesliecarbone · 2025-07-17T10:03:26+00:00

No. I don't rate other human beings on a number scale. Occasionally, I'll see a man and notice that he's nice-looking, but that doesn't make me want to date him.

attendquoi · 2025-07-17T14:49:56+00:00

It's very binary for me. You're hot or not. You either meet my standards for a relationship, or you don't.

Title	Do you experience attraction to men on a binary "attractive, not attractive" way or on a spectrum? "He's a 6 but the other guy is an 8"
Author	Character_Pattern283
Upvotes	13
Comments	73
Date	July 17, 2025 1:21 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1m1ugdg/do_you_experience_attraction_to_men_on_a_binary/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-experience-attraction-to-men-on-a-binary.1557359 https://theredarchive.com/post/1557359

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