Do you fall in quickly or slowly?

ladybird_00 · 2026-05-08T00:57:45+00:00

Once a guy passes the looks threshold, it depends on his personality how quickly he’s a yes or no. Even if I think he’s cute, it’s an immediate no if I think he’s a dork. I’ve never been one of those “attraction grows over time” people.

PositionStandard6089 · 2026-05-08T01:32:17+00:00

every women is a little bit different and it seems like the most baffling thing about women, to men, is that we don't all think in black and white and binary good/bad like men seem to want us to.

Afraid_Fondant_7903 · 2026-05-08T01:21:43+00:00

Quickly and then it sticks forever i have only loved one guy and i probably will never love someone again. and no he was not a chad before the incels start talking about that he was an average looking guy of average height who was extremely intelligent and i found that to be very sexy

glowy97 · 2026-05-08T01:06:57+00:00

Immediately. Like before we even speak 😂 I saw a guy from across a building once and couldn’t even tell what he looked like really… I couldn’t even tell what race he was, but I was instantly drawn to him. I saw him up close and talked to him and I felt like the 😍 emoji literally. It happens once few years. I see lots of attractive men and think absolutely nothing. Every few years I’ll see a guy and fall in love instantly and then when I get to know them they’re even better 😂 I’ve never liked anyone overtime. I knew within the first look literally. That’s why it’s pointless when men jump through hoops for months or years trying to win you over when I made up my mind the first second I saw them 😂

procrast1natrix · 2026-05-08T17:28:08+00:00

Three times in my life, I have met a man and known he would be important to me that first day, within the first hour of talking. I'd call these all of my most serious relationships. I can't say I fell in love immediately or that they were all wonderful men, but I remember feeling like the earth shifted under me and I knew he would matter. I've had other relationships that were good, but I've never had that earth shift happen inaccurately. Perhaps I muddied the experiment by trying harder for those three.

One was a high school boyfriend, we were together a year despite living four hours drive apart we made it work with calls, weekend visits. I loved him dearly and feel I learned a great deal about how to be a good partner from him - communication, planning, compromise. He also was an exceedingly sweet and attentive lover and a great antidote to all kinds of cultural prudishness, shyness and shame around sexuality.

One was a man in college, I actually gazed at him from across the lecture hall a few weeks before building up the courage to approach. We were together nearly three years. He turned out to be pretty crazy and unreliable. We had some good times, I did learn things about art and culture, but overall he wasn't a force for good in my life. He eventually displayed a poor relationship with alcohol (I think he's gotten sober now).

A few years later, a friend of mine blatantly set me up with a friend of her boyfriend, got me over to their house for dinner because we matched up on certain kinds of environmental activist stuff (that she never shared, funny enough). By midnight we were riding the neighborhood on his motorcycle, I think I stayed over two nights off the bat, we just couldn't stop talking and laughing together (though we didn't have sex for about six weeks). He dragged a futon mattress up onto his roof and we slept outside looking at the stars and talking. I think it was several months before we said "I love you", but we were both having that feeling and just holding back because it shows poor judgement to go head over heels so quick. A year in, we thruhiked a little more than 200 miles of the PCT together, after which we decided to marry. We've been married twenty years now and have a couple of kids.

Corbast7 · 2026-05-08T01:23:52+00:00

For me it seems to depend on how quickly a guy shows a lot of signs of being my type. Like for some men it’s been instant because they already look like the archetype of a previous guy I’ve already been attracted to, I guess. And these are typically very normal looking guys too; type for many women I know is not the same as being conventionally hot: a 6 that’s my type is hotter to me than an 8 who’s not. So it’s like I start assuming all kinds of attractive things about them, until they prove me otherwise with their behavior or things they say.

Other men can still pass the looks threshold but I won’t feel instant attraction to them until I’ve interacted with them more first, to see if they fit the type of guy I’m into. Then I’ll start feeling that infatuation.

My experience is that neither type of attraction is stronger for me than the other. I’d say it’s just developing desire in a different order.

RelativeYak7 · 2026-05-08T01:41:24+00:00

I have extreme distrust of men so even if I'm attracted I just assume he won't be into me, he's looking to use me or I'm the 50th woman he's tried to get with that day.

anna_alabama · 2026-05-08T02:15:29+00:00

Very quickly, I knew within a few minutes of meeting my husband that I’d be locking him down. I hard launched him on social media the next morning lol

toad-wrangler · 2026-05-08T02:26:15+00:00

This my personal experience. I'm not speaking for anyone else. Attraction is there or not from the beginning. It takes me a while to develop feelings. The feelings develop at the rate I build and emotional bond- they are directly linked for me.

love_in_october · 2026-05-08T05:42:28+00:00

It's never been immediate and I've always been surprised by who I've fallen for. After getting to know someone a lot, I can just find myself thinking about them a new way some day. It changes and grows. After first meeting someone, I can try to guess if I'll become attracted to them, but my guesses usually aren't right.

This is a "me" thing, not a "female" thing - my husband is similar.

Nearbykingsmourne · 2026-05-08T07:58:35+00:00

It's extremely hard for me to fall in love. It's a problem, actually.

TopPaint6720 · 2026-05-08T11:04:57+00:00

For me, it’s slow as fuck. I really have to know a guy well before I’m actually attracted to him or even consider approaching him. I can appreciate a good looking guy, but looks alone don’t do it for me. Charisma and character are a must.

purplejellyotter · 2026-05-08T00:58:53+00:00

Slowly as I get to know them and determine whether we are compatible.

ResponsibilityAny217 · 2026-05-08T01:47:58+00:00

For attraction usually quickly of all the men I’ve been attracted to 7/8 from the first interactions then the attraction increased or decreased based on personality/further interactions.

then 1/8 was it a very slow build and even for him I still originally liked his body.

AngeAware · 2026-05-08T02:50:48+00:00

I've never fallen for a dude on sight but it's never taken more than a few minutes of observation/interaction for me to start feeling interest.

I've never had a guy I felt zero attraction to in the beginning grow on me over the course of months or something like that.

pie-mart · 2026-05-08T13:44:03+00:00

It has never been immediate for me. For me number 1 thing gor me to fall in love is emotionally vulnerability. Being not only listened to but understood. Not only understood but accepted

Without that though, ill never fall in love

Had a casual fling for 2 years and had sex all the time, but I was not in love because I never really opened up about myself and it was mainly about him and his feelings and the sex.

He ended up falling in love with me. And this has happened a few times

Also, with casual sex I can be really detached about it and thus do not care about it ending

But if I have an emotional attachment to someone that becomes really hard to break.

But I learned that with casual sex, you just don't divulge yourself and you'll be fine

To me, I like sex. And the man sometimes is just what fills my desire for sex as long as before we do it, I have the belief he will be good at sex. Which is a lot less to do with his looks and more of his attitude and behaviors

theminxisback · 2026-05-08T00:58:57+00:00

Each connection I've had has developed differently. Some guys, my love and affection grew for them over time. Others, it was instant and the chemistry was so out of control and off the charts we literally couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Still can't to this day, even. I'm sapiosexual and pansexual though. I go based off the vibe and someone's level of intelligence more than anything else. Have to be able to have deep, meaningful conversations. Otherwise there's no reason for me to even humor them. Being poly has been fun, learning the art of different connections.

AutoModerator · 2026-05-08T00:51:37+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "Debate" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

DMmeClownPics · 2026-05-08T02:32:49+00:00

I wouldn’t say that it happens slowly but it’s not immediate either. If it’s not happening by the third date for me then there’s probably not much hope. But it often takes more than one date for me to start getting really infatuated. One thing that absolutely has to be “there” for me is I have to be getting very strong signs of romantic interest from him in order for me to catch feels myself.

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-05-08T11:09:52+00:00

I don't know. It's not about looks. But he has to be good looking according to my own unique personal taste. But I have to FEEL his vibe and either it happens pretty instantly or never. There is absolutely zero chance to impress me over time. Either I just FEEL it or not. And he can be beautiful and prefect in everway and that magical spark is not guaranteed to come. It's some kind of magic.

Theawkwardmochi · 2026-05-08T15:18:30+00:00

Anything from two days to several months of knowing each other.

Yupperdoodledoo · 2026-05-08T15:21:40+00:00

Slowly builds up over time. Even if we are just talking physical/sexual, I can’t tell from looking at him if he is good in bed or compatible.

Secret_Entry1840 · 2026-05-08T17:30:11+00:00

I love easily. Not necessarily romantically. But I’m a very caring person. If I’m attracted to the man. And we have good interactions I will start to “love” him. As a human. As a person. I get crushes easily. They also go away quickly because they are generally pretty superficial. Romantic love takes a while. It takes a sense of safety. Of desire. Of comfort. Or reciprocity. The first few months aren’t love. It’s just chemicals and hormones.

Brilliant-Block-8200 · 2026-05-08T22:16:10+00:00

For me it’s always slow. Like I’m initially interested in them as a person, but attraction and liking them comes later. My husband, for example, I was interested in as a person almost immediately. We actually were friends for like 5 months before I started developing feelings for him and we got together.

I’ve never been immediately into someone romantically or sexually. It’s always taken time. And I used to work in an industry with very attractive people

HouseOfInfinity · 2026-05-09T04:34:26+00:00

I fell into infatuation easy but I recognize it for what it was. Attraction was either there upon first meeting or not. It didn’t come later. I needed instant chemistry. Once dating it didn’t take much for me to exit.

When I found a guy was a Trump supporter I lost all feelings. Broke up with a guy because he was a follower, too laid back and went along with whatever his friends did.

One guy because he played video games regularly. Then a couple of guys over the fact they were simps over Instagram models or watched porn.

When I met my husband I felled quickly. We had off the charts chemistry. It was lust at first sight. We started connecting over our favorite books, astronomy, history, crime documentaries and other stuff. He was very easy to talk to and shared my sense of humor. Everything was clicking.

Once he was willing to watch some of my anime shows I started falling for him. It happened over a couple of months. Before him I started thinking I wasn’t capable of real love.

the_scar_when_you_go · 2026-05-09T16:05:30+00:00

It's not immediate, but it doesn't have to take a long time, necessarily. Depends on how long it takes to get an idea of who they are.

Imperfect analogy, obv, but it's like getting a new gadget, in that the box is just the box. Sure, it could be cute, but that has nothing to do with what's inside of it. I need to know the traits that matter.

Hungry-Plantain-3315 · 2026-05-09T21:05:49+00:00

Immediate.

Once I lay my eyes on you. Game over.

Whatever comes next may make me stop liking him real quickly though.

Title	Do you fall in quickly or slowly?
Author	Open-Quail-2573
Upvotes	3
Comments	46
Date	May 8, 2026 12:51 AM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1t6swsr/do_you_fall_in_quickly_or_slowly/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-fall-in-quickly-or-slowly.1579858 https://theredarchive.com/post/1579858

Comments