Do you think women should put effort into finding a partner if marriage and kids are their goal?

ladyindev · 2023-11-04T16:09:13+00:00

Putting in effort doesn’t necessarily mean approaching men though. That’s where this suggestion fails. Women put a lot of effort into finding partners and some could do with some different strategies or perspectives, but approaching men may not solve her problems or even work for finding the man she wants. So yes and no.

But there’s nothing wrong with approaching, if she wants to!

Slipthe · 2023-11-04T16:13:22+00:00

They can very easily end up in the /r/Waiting_To_Wed situation.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2023-11-04T16:07:06+00:00

This rarely works out for women because men will go along with dating a woman just to get sex where as women will turn men they aren’t interested in down rather than waste time and money on a man that isn’t compatible in the long run. Thus men need to ask out woman and women have to decide who is best for her otherwise women will be used for sex and strong families will not be formed within a committed relationship.

mrs_seng · 2023-11-04T16:12:53+00:00

If a woman approaches a man with the intent of finding a long time partner, the man might accept her thinking he found a easy way to fuck, but he has no plans for long term.

This is why i am generally against women approaching first.

Zestyclose_Truth9999 · 2023-11-04T17:16:21+00:00

Do you think women should put effort into finding a partner if marriage and kids are their goal?

Actually, I think women should put a lot more effort into vetting the men they date if marriage & kids are the end goal.

For example, it's sad to see women who want to be married having 2-3 kids with different men, hoping that this will win them an engagement/stability in the relationship.

At the risk of sounding judgemental, a relative is exactly like this. She's got (??) kids from separate fathers, most of whom don't seem to be in the picture. Whenever she'd start a new relationship, there'd be a whole bunch of giddy posts on social media about engagement rings, wedding dresses, and whatnot. Then they'd be deleted a few months later, when the inevitable breakup comes.

It's been years of the same thing and she still hasn't found a man who'll marry her. I know some PPDers will probably rejoice at that, but the fact is that it's a horribly sad situation that could've been prevented by dropping — or, at the very least, not having children with — men who didn't see a future with her.

(But, of course, that's just my opinion. The beauty of living in the 21st century is that people are free to make their own choices, even if they're questionable ones.)

Pola_Lita · 2023-11-04T19:30:42+00:00

There are many ways of putting effort into finding a partner that don't involve approaching men. Don't forget women are basically raised to appeal to men.
It depends of the type of man a woman considers to be best for marriage and fatherhood, and what she may or may not already know about the man in question. If she wants a particularly strong or assertive man, or one who is fairly independent, it may save both people time and effort if she doesn't approach. It's one reason why I don't approach.

NakedStreets · 2023-11-04T18:27:12+00:00

There is no basis for your conclusion.

There’s no reason to interpret effort as approaching.

mcminimus · 2023-11-04T19:58:23+00:00

Many women do approach men. They just may not approach men the way that men approach women. Some approach men by giving the men a green light to approach them. Some might straight up say a pickup line. Everyone is different, but yes, women actually initiate interactions much more often than you think.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2023-11-04T17:03:12+00:00

they should put in effort, but not that effort

John_Oakman · 2023-11-04T17:43:48+00:00

That's not traditional, which has the pragmatic effect of more likely to find non-traditional men/males, which is counterintuitive towards the goal of family & children.

The safer/traditional method would be to utilize friends & family networks to secure pre-vetted & compatible men/males that are available, though that sounds too much like arraigned marriage for most modern women's tastes.

Creation_Soul · 2023-11-04T16:49:19+00:00

your way of doing things doesn't solve the number one problem women face when looking for a LTR: separating relationship oriented men from those who just want a fling.

TSquaredRecovers · 2023-11-04T17:52:32+00:00

I think women do put in an effort. The vast majority of people are not coupling through cold approaches, so it’s really a non-issue. Women often have their own social circles, which is how most meet their significant others. By socializing with men and putting themselves out there, they are putting in the effort to meet men.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2023-11-04T16:35:23+00:00

Women usually "approach" by "being in the neighborhood."

Women will express interest by hanging out in a man's general vicinity until he figures it out. Ex. A friend of mine who was in grad school (eventually) married a woman who would always turn up at the photocopier in the library when he was there. Eventually, he figured it out. Her: "I was being so obvious!" Him: "I just thought you had a lot of copying to do."

So my dudes, if you keeps seeing the same girl wherever you are, this might be why.

januaryphilosopher · 2023-11-04T17:33:22+00:00

I think they should and they do, but this effort isn't about approaching so much as leading men to approach and thinking everything is his idea, and keeping his attention thereafter. Men prefer it this way generally.

Safinated · 2023-11-04T19:31:39+00:00

We do. We maximize our appearance and educate ourselves/work to support family

Approaching men does not support this goal, because men will only be good partners and fathers if they are motivated to pursue female partners. Passive, fearful, or opportunistic men do not make good partners and fathers

_Chaos_And_Horny_ · 2023-11-04T16:21:00+00:00

Out of all men, all what they are selecting are the ones who approach instead of other qualities. Go figure. Approach, fuck and ghost.

Friedrich_Friedson · 2023-11-04T17:54:55+00:00

If this is true, they approach the man they are attracted to rather than waiting from who approached and picking from there.

Everyone, despite of gender, should be doing that. Just waiting for the magic pussy/dick to fall on your lap is cringe af

AceOfSpadesGymBro2 · 2023-11-04T17:28:26+00:00

You just haven't been friends with women in their mid and late 30s. The desperation of the bio clock is something else. Eventually most of them find a guy who amounts to the least annoying sperm donor. It's the exact same strategy most desperate men employ. They don't really care about the person, they just want the least annoying vagina haver.

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bluestjuice · 2023-11-05T02:15:17+00:00

Yes these women should put effort into finding a partner.

That may or may not mean they should initiate approaches.

You are conflating an objective and a tactic. Depending on the strategy by which she intends to pursue her objective, this particular tactic may or may not serve her.

Cat_Lover259 · 2023-11-05T05:40:06+00:00

I did approach by sending the first message. Now we’re together, 2.5 years. Done and done.

Realistic-Ad-1023 · 2023-11-05T07:52:57+00:00

I met my boyfriend on tinder. I was the forward one and the one who initiated conversation. I think it’s great whether your end goal is children or not.

Ectoplasmic1984 · 2023-11-06T00:17:29+00:00

i don't see that ever changing, hence why there will always be more male wizards than female wizards

KorinTowerFreeloader · 2023-11-06T12:22:26+00:00

Yes. Women can approach. I would encourage every woman to date as much as possible. By saying "date," I don't suggest to sleep with these men. See them on different dates, see how they are, what sort of people they are. Really put the effort to get to know them before anything sexual happens. If you do all that, you will vet out 99+% of Chads, players, etc., who have 0 interest in LTRs and are just there for sex. The sort of man you want to marry and have children with would be okay with all that if he cares. Of course, this strategy only works if you have done it your whole life, not just because you are tired of "bad boys." Otherwise, it would be a classic AF/BB situation, and it never works out for either party in such a relationship. The woman is never truly happy with the Beta, and the Beta, in time, will find out he is the Beta, and sooner or later, one or both parties will cheat, get bitter, and file for a divorce.

Cethlinnstooth · 2023-11-06T17:53:11+00:00

Women who are working towards a goal should put in effort but putting in effort doesn't necessarily mean making overt clearcut approaches. It can also mean increasing ones time in social contexts, making oneself a bit more approachable via social media, trying to appear more agreeable, and giving indicators of interest.

If a woman has left herself a generous enough timeframe and hasn't got particularly hard to meet criteria, this usually is the way that is most reliable and least risky.

SwimmerInteresting98 · 2023-11-06T21:42:24+00:00

They WONT unless you’re a guy with 5 girls vying for the position so the question is irrelevant.

Title	Do you think women should put effort into finding a partner if marriage and kids are their goal?
Author	bcitman
Upvotes	5
Comments	129
Date	November 4, 2023 7:15 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/17ng954/do_you_think_women_should_put_effort_into_finding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-think-women-should-put-effort-into-finding.1237340 https://theredarchive.com/post/1237340

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