Has anyone had their problems solved by getting into a relationship?

Ekaj_B · 2020-07-02T16:10:33+00:00

I was considering killing myself when I reached 22 and was still a virgin so when I met a nice girl it did make me feel wanted and helped my self-esteem after feeling unattractive for so long.

That relationship ended 6 years ago and its been 4 years without sex so I can feel the mental problems getting worse again (although admittedly I don’t have many friends, lockdown isn’t helping and I don’t feel fulfilled in my career which all can contribute).

jax006 · 2020-07-02T13:55:53+00:00

Yes, I never had a girlfriend or dated, almost the whole way through college, and was very depressed and anxious about it especially age 21 and 22.

I remember thinking about it sometimes all day at work. Luckily I was working a more manual labor job so I could still get some stuff done - if I had a mentally tasking job I would've probably had to quit.

Eventually I kind of figured it out, got into a relationship when I turned 23, lost virginity ect. Over the next6months I dated another girl after her.

The difference in my mental health before and after is honestly like night and day. It fucking baffles me when women on here try to say "the effect is no different than Having a good friend."

Timomemo · 2020-07-02T17:46:41+00:00

[deleted]

Barely-moral · 2020-07-02T14:17:25+00:00

Yes. Oh my god yes.

Everything became better for me after I entered into a relationship.

I am absolutely unable to value myself or care about myself in a genuine way.

I need to force myself to do things that are good for me while I am alone.

If I am in a relationship there is an outsider's judgment that gives credit to the idea that I am valuable or worthy of care.

Being in a relationship gives me an actual reason to be better in body and health. Again, if it is only for myself I wouldn't do a lot for me. But when I have someone else to care for then I need to be better and healthier not because of the benefit I get but because I would become better at making my partner happy.

Insecurities start decreasing, the feeling of loneliness and meaninglessness slowly starts to dissapear. The desire to rope is reduced because now there is someone that values my life and someone I would hurt if I do something stupid.

I don't believe that I am common so I don't know how common this can be. All I know is that my problems were solved by getting into a relationship so anyone that wants to argue that being forever alone in a romantic sense has no impact on people will have a really hard time convincing me.

verilyvermillion · 2020-07-02T13:56:59+00:00

Most of my difficulties are reduced by having a partner because even if the issue isn't solved by having a partner at least we're not alone in handling it. So I'd say yes

NarniaFox · 2020-07-02T14:11:16+00:00

Dating my husband has made me to be more confident about my appearance. But I wouldn't say that I had big problems about it, I'd accepted that I wasn't that beautiful and it didn't bother me much.

Our relationship has enriched my life and I think that I can take a bigger load now at least partially due to my husband's support, but I've never seen him as a remedy to my anxiety or insecurities. He does take some anxious off and helps me to deal with it, but it's still mostly my own work and responsibility and I have no problems with it, I don't want to make my husband responsible for my mental health.

goatismycopilot · 2020-07-02T15:58:51+00:00

How would "problems" be solved by being in a relationship? Whatever baggage you have you don't check it you bring it on the relationship plane.

SunflowerBurst · 2020-07-02T17:14:49+00:00

A good one? Yeah. Not all my problems but some of them.

chuckaholic · 2020-07-02T18:24:35+00:00

My main problem was that I was lonely, so yeah...

se3ingeyegod · 2020-07-02T17:07:20+00:00

Yes I think for most people (asexuals & aromantics excluded) a relationship makes them happier and more positive. It certainly does for me. I've been single for two years but I'm still looking. The funny thing is is whenever I'm in a relationship is when I get hit on the most. It's like you get that boost from being in one and people think you are more attractive. Because they notice how happy you are.

I'm pretty obessed with and in love with the idea of being in a relationship. But I was hurt so badly before I want to make sure he's definitely the one this time.

bert_cj · 2020-07-02T14:39:23+00:00

Yes at age 20 I was incredibly lonely. I was a lonely sap, sad that I couldn’t attract girls. Felt like no one wanted me and I’d never find a girlfriend. Pretty dramatic at that age looking back at it lol. I had never had a girlfriend before that. I wanted intimacy badly. Which is weird cause I never had it before, I was longing for companionship. I was longing for my person to share my life with. Finally got a girl I fell in love with, fell deeply in love with her. Some of the happiest years of my life.

We broke up and now I’m purple pill, I lean more toward red pill though. They were some of the happiest years of my life and I finally had what I had been wanting. Companionship and someone to love.

GhostTheEternal · 2020-07-02T14:04:36+00:00

Has anyone here felt depressed, anxious, unwanted or had some significant amount of problems that were fixed by entering a relationship?

If someone feels unwanted, then I'm sure getting into a relationship will cause an immediate cessation of that feeling.

If the problems they're having relates to not having a relationship, starting a relationship will of course make them feel better. It's also a good way to end up with codependency issues.

Most relationships fail, so trying to fix your problems with a relationship seems like a poor strategy.

c_dolly · 2020-07-02T14:30:59+00:00

Yes. I wasn't miserable or terribly lonely and was doing relatively well when I was single for a long time, but I have issues that need constant accountability. Just having a partner in my life helped with that.

Although my first relationships were a bad influence on my life, I felt way more lonely in those relationships than I did single. Most of the things that improved in my life by getting into my current relationship improved because my current boyfriend is an amazing partner and we really do match well.

PacificPlatypus · 2020-07-02T15:59:15+00:00

Hahaha, no. My anxiety spikes through the roof when I'm in a relationship and I was pursued more outside of one, so I felt plenty attractive and desirable. I definitely think that being single was easier and posed less problems.

But, he's amazing, I love him, he's absolutely worth it, and I'm glad that I have him.

wtknight · 2020-07-02T17:13:28+00:00

Yeah, sure. When I was younger I didn’t have a lot of self-esteem and was depressed a lot until I met my first girlfriend. After that didn’t work out I realized that tying my self-esteem into whether I was single or not was stupid and I never did it again. But when I was a virgin I had a really big fear that I’d never meet someone who would love me so looking back my low self-esteem was pretty understandable.

Palaiminta · 2020-07-02T14:05:20+00:00

[removed]

HeartbreakHotline · 2020-07-02T15:45:56+00:00

Not really, one should feel happy and content before entering a relationship for maximum enjoyment! Relationships are an extension of your own happiness, not the source of.

rhyth7 · 2020-07-02T16:28:15+00:00

All of my relationships just caused more problems. Even the fairly good ones. It is a lot of work to date men.

Matt_Door · 2020-07-02T16:52:16+00:00

Like as in a magic wand was waived and all my problems instantly went away? Don’t be idiotic.

But did feelings of being unloved and unwanted abate when someone showed me I was desired and wanted? Of course.

mukerflap · 2020-07-02T17:23:27+00:00

i cant get one

Sid_Insidious · 2020-07-02T18:42:24+00:00

My relationship either made my problems worse (anxiety, stress) or my problems made my relationships worse (depression, avoidance). And my last partner (now ex wife) had a list of problems 5x as long as mine. It was exhausting, to be honest.

This is why being relationship free (for me) is so nice. I can work on myself at my own pace and make good progress, and simply not do the sorts of things that cause me anxiety that I prefer not to do. There is no "perpetually disappointed female partner" sulking around.

Being relationship free is like being cured from a disease, or a bad addiction.

Ecocavalry · 2020-07-02T19:32:53+00:00

No. My problems are anger issues and being avoidant. Relationships only exacerbate them.

87AudreyHorne · 2020-07-02T20:01:29+00:00

I didn't, I don't know anyone who did. Some people claim to, for a while and then break up and are even worse.

I'd say my mum and my dad kind of solved their problems a bit, but maybe they didn't have huge problems to begin with. What I see is more that by giving each other acceptance about their weird stuff, they are happy whereas otherwise they'd be more neurotic - which is different from changing yourself.

geyejoe7 · 2020-07-02T21:11:51+00:00

90% of my problems were fixed by entering a relationship with a person that loves me. Basically everything I needed, she provided

JimmyKimmelBlackFace · 2020-07-02T22:11:38+00:00

Yep having someone who loves you and wants to have sex with you makes life worth living anyone who tells you otherwise is lying through their teeth.

TheJim66 · 2020-07-02T14:23:31+00:00

Definitely. Although the important part isn't getting a relationship, it's getting a steady supply of sex. For men lack of sex is a major problem that damages their psyche a lot.

2020-07-02T15:18:44+00:00

Yes. I was a very lonely child and wanted a man. Female friendships were no substitution. I knew from a very young age that my happiness was contingent upon finding a good man.

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yasee · 2020-07-02T14:31:28+00:00

in a limited sense yes. I was really insecure + nervous about intimacy and down on myself about both when I met my partner and being with him definitely ameliorated those issues

globally though there are also problems that it did not fix (although I would say having that relationship as a safe place to land has made it easier to work on them)

akihonj · 2020-07-02T16:32:07+00:00

There are two thoughts on this

The first being that nobody is responsible for your happiness, in part I agree, if I'm not happy with myself then I can't really be happy with another. For me then trust is a major issue in that I don't trust women, have absolutely zero trust when it comes to women. So then how is a relationship with a woman going to be any good if from the outset she starts from a position of total lack of any form of trust.

On the other hand it's something I've always wondered about, if your totally happy on your own, so much that it makes zero difference to your life if you have somebody there or not then what's the point of a relationship to begin with why be in a relationship if you don't care if they are there or not. Furthermore if they aren't responsible at least in some way for your happiness then you'd openly admit that if you walked into a room and saw them knee deep in your own mother it wouldn't upset you in the slightest and you'd happily walk out leave them to it and later on ask if they enjoyed.

Again then what's the point of it all because that's actually not a relationship but a close friendship that's just sex every so often.

I don't know to be honest, I think then there is a line, for some things you have to be responsible for and some things take responsibility over for others it falls to them, where that line is I think will differ between each couple and each relationship.

unlimited-kuudere · 2020-07-02T16:32:43+00:00

Nope but I’ve had problems start because i was in relationships so I fixed that problem and stopped dating

2020-07-02T17:16:58+00:00

If your problems aren't even the slightest bit reduced by getting into a relationship (and the multitude of effects it should have, such as but not limited too: not being alone as much, having someone to share living costs with, sex, ...) then you are in a bad relationship and you should break things off.

jackquickfingers · 2020-07-02T17:40:37+00:00

happy single and happy in relationship

lagavenger · 2020-07-02T18:02:30+00:00

I must be the minority here, but I think it’s a terrible burden to put on your partner to have them “solve” your problems.

I totally understand how being in a relationship can make you happier (duh), but if you suffer from depression or anger problems, I think you should work on yourself, independently of your relationship status.

Not only will your mental state be completely dependent on the other person, but it’s also a terrible burden for them. Now they’re living with the idea that your mental health is dependent on them staying with you, regardless of how they feel about you. That can lead to some serious resentment.

So yeah, I think it’s normal, but I don’t think it’s healthy. I also think both of you will be happier without the dependency.

PlanetSquare · 2020-07-02T22:59:43+00:00

> Has anyone here felt depressed, anxious, unwanted or had some significant amount of problems that were fixed by entering a relationship?

"Fixed"? Not me. Though I will say that feeling loved makes it a little bit better. Having something to look forward to a build up towards is always nice, but that doesn't have to be achieved through being in a relationship, it can be any long-term goal.

Affection, desire and falling in love can feel like a drug. It's addictive and for a moment it makes me forget about my problems, though it doesn't fix them, usually only adds to them, and when the high is over, I wind up feeling worse than before.

I know fixing my problems is something I have to do on my own, but like an addict sometimes I crave to have that feeling again, to be in love, to feel the highs that it provides. Again, like an addict, I might search out my next hit with desperation because it's one of the few things in this world that I know makes me forget about my problems. Rushing into love because love gives me a rush. It ends just as soon as it started. The cycle continues.

Maybe some people who suffer with depression, anxiety, and other issues can be fixed by a relationship, but broken people usually attract other broken people, neither of us know how to fix each others problems. If we knew how to fix things maybe we wouldn't be so broken ourselves.

CandleLess · 2020-07-03T20:04:35+00:00

Yes. I barely was even in a relationship but the simple fact that someone of the opposite sex genuinely thought I was worth their time and energy meant the world to me

Nacruno96 · 2020-07-03T21:21:56+00:00

Look I am horny. So having sex would solve that

Wrasserman · 2020-07-04T01:09:19+00:00

It seemed to work for me. Felt less inhibited and more creative like a was a real person that someone cared about. I can compare this to feeling like a kid again.

Business-Welder · 2020-07-05T14:21:20+00:00

I got into a relationship with a guy>! (I don't like men but force myself into liking those that look at least somewhat feminine, because I know I have no chances with women)!<. Not only has the mere fact of me getting in a relationship and having sex improved my extremely low self esteem, he as a person has been really supportive and understanding, and I'm really grateful.

I'm sure nothing like that could've happened had I been trying entering relationships with women. Actually I sort of had been, the problem was, I never even managed to get a woman on a date.

Dating women is work which you need to qualify for, your payment is sex.

Dating men is pleasure on its own, sex being part of it.

Electronic-Health142 · 2020-07-06T03:36:36+00:00

Has anyone here felt depressed, anxious, unwanted or had some significant amount of problems that were fixed by entering a relationship?

yes, because the primary cause was not being able to do the things i enjoy, which boiled down to being in a relationship. let's not get obsessed with strictly defining "fixed." it's like, when you've already solved all of the other things that could be problems, and the only thing left is a relationship missing in your life, then yes, a relationship solves "all" of your problems: not all in total, but all because that was the last one left.

why would not having a relationship be a problem? because personal and scientific evidence shows the things a good relationship provide are what we care most about and make us the most happy. your friends are not a replacement for your husband, right?

for me, the only way i could make it happen was to lower my standards so much that getting into a relationship was risky, and it turned out bad. it was good while it was good, and i don't just mean the honeymoon phase of starting to date someone.

now, it's increasingly obvious that i'm only wanted to the extent that i create wealth. i'm treated as a tool, or a resource. if i can make you money--either directly giving it to you or doing work that helps you make money--then people want me for that purpose and that purpose alone. when that task is over i am to go away. if i don't i am punished. i am treated like a resource to be managed and exploited, and when i am no longer of value, discarded. if you imagine living in a concentration camp but dialing down the obvious violence by about 97% that is basically my life. in these conditions, everyone would eventually feel depressed, anxious, unwanted, or have some significant problem.

Karmanger · 2020-07-02T14:50:23+00:00

No. I once held the Idea that I could find a partner that would love and accept me and help elevate us to a new Tax bracket and we could be a power couple making tons of money.

That was a dream... A dream of a unicorns and rainbows.

Can't picture a woman getting with a man that doesn't already have his life in order and together.

I'm reminded of Bill Burr's Comedy with Women at the Finish Line.

2020-07-02T15:19:20+00:00

[deleted]

GunBullety · 2020-07-02T16:15:43+00:00

Kind of. But it's no quick easy fix, had to go through hell within the relationship to change, but fear of losing a relationship over your issues can motivate you to change things you otherwise wouldn't bother changing. A lot of guys in particular seem to get their shit together after being in a long term relationship for a while, from what I've seen. Women seem to sense when they have you hooked, and then switch it up and manipulate you into changing when they know you won't leave. It can be a painful process, but in the end you're better off.

Title	Has anyone had their problems solved by getting into a relationship?
Author	Dora_Bowl
Upvotes	27
Comments	109
Date	July 2, 2020 1:48 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/hjxbyp/has_anyone_had_their_problems_solved_by_getting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/has-anyone-had-their-problems-solved-by-getting.702202 https://theredarchive.com/post/702202

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