how to actually find a good partner?

Barneysparky · 2021-09-12T01:31:59+00:00

Take time to meet a lot of people. Get involved with every possible thing that slightly strikes your interest, say yes to invites, push yourself to get involved in mixed group activities. Softball leagues, etc etc...

When you have a mixed group of "friends, neighbours, etc" you leave yourself open to meeting the person who is the right person.

I'm an old married woman who works with young people, and whose friends' children are in relationships or dating.

Where I am from the majority of young couples met through friends of friends etc.

hellfirerain · 2021-09-12T05:45:42+00:00

Feminist here.

The happiest and most successful couples tend to be people that have similar views on life, similarish lifestyles and morals, etc. And then ideally you'd have a couple hobbies / interests in common so that you can continue to grow and bond together.

I think the most important / valuable qualities a person can have would be emotional intelligence, empathy, self awareness, consideration and respect for those around them, trying to understand other peoples' points of view, the ability to admit when you are wrong, and being able to control yourself from getting overly angry / defensive during arguments. These are skills that take time and experience to cultivate, and unfortunately not all of us had role models to learn these things from until later in life but they are extremely important.

Keep in mind your life partner would be the one you are around the most, and so they will influence you the most (and vice versa) so pick someone that will make you be a better person.

Barneysparky · 2021-09-12T01:18:36+00:00

Look for someone principled with a clear and good track record in all other areas of life. Observe what they do when they believe nobody is looking.

I once saw a lady miss the trash can. Saw her briefly contemplate going over to pick it up and put it in the trash, but she moved along instead. Later on I see her again at a party. She was all over someone there, so I asked a friend who she was. Found out she was engaged and not with whoever was at the party.

There's usually patterns like that for people of poor character. Some people who end up with cheaters probably had on love goggles and excused every fault they saw.

It's fairly common for men who end up with women who are no good to really know nothing about them. They know what they want to believe, that they are cute and are willing.

Cimorene86 · 2021-09-12T01:57:12+00:00

A good partner is someone you can love and respect, who likewise loves and respects you back.

Best chance of finding a good partner is in social circles/hobby groups where you'll share the majority of your basic values + things you enjoy doing together.

Red pill posts are true regarding some women, but not 100%. Remember "ewalt" = enough women are like that. Stay away from the hypergamous ones and your life will be better.

As my flair says, I'm egalitarian. Completely in favor of real equality in relationships and society as a whole.

Edit: I saw a notification that someone had replied to me, sarcastically asking if my stance included the Draft. They must have erased it, but I'll answer them anyway. Yes, I'm an American, and when I turned 18 I went with my guyfriends in high school to register for conscription. I didn't want to, but neither did they, and that's what real equality looks like. The same social responsibilities for both sexes.

sosayeth · 2021-09-12T03:15:27+00:00

u/rustjelqing2's advice is great: learn from observation, not from "eXpeRiEnCe." There are a lot of little things that unfortunately you won't pick up on until you observe female behavior as you grow older, but I would probably say the biggest thing that would grab my attention immediately would be meeting a woman who has never had social media. At best, maybe just Facebook and even then, if it's only for her close friends and family.

Playful_Art_5364 · 2021-09-12T01:25:42+00:00

Honestly ignore the pill stuff. Work out. Make friends. Be social. Take some risk and ask out some women you like.

That’s really it. Check out “The Roomates” podcast. They explain it heavily.

Work on yourself. Be the best version of yourself. And you’ll attract the right type of chicks

TheBookOfSeil · 2021-09-12T01:30:53+00:00

TL;DR = Focus on trying to be a quality person, as a lot of the qualities in what makes a quality person overlap with being a quality partner.

I don't believe there's a single correct way to do anything, so the only thing you can really do is try to be what you think is a good partner. The types of qualities you develop are going to attract many people, and also allow you to really see what "a good partner" is, or should look like.

Unfortunately, there are no specific places you can go to find a good partner, and a lot of the people you attract will not likely be good partners either. You can also go for a woman that you like who shows potential and work with her, as one of the qualities of being a good partner is being open to change and wanting to improve. If they're not wanting to improve, they're probably just wanting to have a good partner but not really be a good partner.

Bandit174 · 2021-09-12T01:49:39+00:00

Most important things are to be physically attractive and sociable. Like if you wanted to maximize your dating opportunities and could only have two stats above average while everything else is average or slightly below, looks and sociability are the most important.

There is no other combination of traits that beats an attractive face and an outgoing disposition.

Historical-Agency335 · 2021-09-12T01:45:20+00:00

Just try to find a friend group that both

a) includes women

b) isn't crazy

Then find a woman to date

CrazyBaby8891 · 2021-09-12T02:29:00+00:00

I don't particularly ascribe to any Reddit dating ideology, but I do have suggestions. To start with, "well I should just fk a lot of girls and give up dating" isn't the way to go. Yes it can be frustrating, but in order to find a good partner you need to be a good partner and being a player won't accomplish that. Naturally you should be on the lookout for untrustworthy behaviors and other red flags because chances are you will meet a variety of girls both good and bad and you will want to avoid the bad matches ofc. Don't be impulsive but do listen to your gut; the latter is your instinct telling you something that you need to heed. Another thing to remember is that Reddit is full of bitter sexists (both men and women) with skewed notions of relationships (not everyone in here is like that, but many are) and their recommendations can be quite counterproductive to what you seek so be sure to think for yourself and not just fall into some radicalized ideology that sounds appealing. I hope this helps and that all goes well for you!

NarniaFox · 2021-09-12T06:23:14+00:00

I'm a feminist and also into egalitarianism. I've been married for 3 years and overall my husband and I have been together for more than 7.

It all depends on what you mean by "a good partner". And I'm afraid you should figure it out yourself, as we all can have very different preferences. For me a good partner is someone who I'm mutually attracted to, love and care for, have similar plans on the future, beliefs and morals and who acts accordingly to all of it. As I'm egalitarian, a traditionally-minded man wouldn't be a good partner for me, although he could be great for a woman who's into traditional dating dynamic.

So...what are your preferences? Long-term plans? What do you want to get and what are you ready to give?

If you want some general advice, you should look how they treat other people and especially people they can/could afford to be mean with - service workers, their family, strangers etc. Listen to them talking about their ex partners, having only shitty experience is a red flag as well. Watch how they treat you - if they're interested, if they care for you, they will be initiative and appreciative of your efforts.

All in all, don't take stuff you read online at a face value, manosphere, FDS, some other platforms with weird dating advice attract people with terrible experience who also sometimes are shitty themselves. These aren't good places to base your future plans on.

Willow-girl · 2021-09-12T01:14:15+00:00

Meet lots of people. (It's easy to stand out in a crowd of one.) And remember that people reveal their character incrementally and over time.

Barely-moral · 2021-09-12T01:33:09+00:00

Know what you want from life. Know what you want from a partner.

Then get to know what that kind of person would want from her partner.

Get that. Whatever it is. While doing that, start looking for that kind of person. Vet. Vet again. Vet again. Vet another time just to be sure.

Glum_Status94 · 2021-09-12T02:35:36+00:00

i’m not married a male whore so have a low count number

Orange_Paisley · 2021-09-12T04:48:14+00:00

Everybody I ever met and fell for, I met by accident. That sounds like terrible advice but it works.

Capocoda · 2021-09-12T08:36:57+00:00

Okay, first of all, the pill stuff is just bs - there is so much misinformation and straight up cope occurring, all you'll end up doing is sucking yourself into a bitter cycle. Most of the content here are "facts" extrapolated from painful experiences and trying to find a way to make them make sense. Get out of there asap because I can promise you, it wont do you any good.

Put it all aside and just focus on getting dating experience. People look their entire lives for the perfect partner so you can't really expect that to just show up the first place you look. You're going to keep learning and changing and improving as a person and so are the people or you will be with in that time.

Go out and meet people, be open and friendly and forgiving (its tough and it takes practice but you can do it), practice good hygiene for yourself. Date people anyway just so you can get a good idea of what "a good partner" means to you, and so that you can both practice and learn how to be a good partner (because yes you'll probably have to learn things too!). What makes a good partner for someone else isn't necessarily what is going to make a good partner for you.
Focus on becoming a better person for your own sake, and find women who you would first be happy to be friends with. Worst case scenario you get a good friend out of it. If you don't want to be friends with women, why do you think you'd be happy in a relationship with one?

Things will probably go a little wrong sometimes and that's part of the process. Dating isn't the end goal, its a series of experiences. You're likely going to run into people who aren't right for you at all and good people who you find at the wrong time before you get to the point where something clicks, and that's totally normal and okay.

I'd consider myself a feminist (as a means to egalitarianism) but I understand that people have their own assumptions about what I think when I use that label.

SnooCats37 · 2021-09-12T08:41:48+00:00

Shared moral compass, someone with shared interests and someone who enjoys being around you

Competitive_Pen2282 · 2021-09-12T09:37:44+00:00

In order to find a good partner you have to be a good partner yourself. Then you do what you are interested to do and meet people based on that interest. Pretty much inevitably you find some woman who you can build relationships with. It might or (most likely )might not work from the first attempt, especially if you are young.

Notsonewguy7 · 2021-09-12T10:51:51+00:00

Date in your Economic/social class. Don't date down (I mean in the extreme) it's bad for you even if the person is ok the family often isn't.

Find someone that shares at least one hobby. Get in shape before this.

If you're a person with any rhythm I suggest a latin dance class. For experience dealing with non sexual intimacy and meeting a broad group. This is not a place to hook up with people but rather to learn General human interactions and closeness to avoid developing creepy habits.

Also it allows you to have a secondary friend group which is the most important thing a man needs is more important than women. A secondary friend group gives you the ability to have a broader group of women introduced to you by Third parties with less ingroup competition.

No this doesn't have to be dancing it could be pretty much anything I do suggest physical activities generally unless you're academically minded dark poetry clubs and if you're into music that can work as well music's Hit or Miss though when it comes to women. If you play an instrument I played guitar it could be really hit some instruments not so much like if you play like a trumpet or other 'traditional' instruments that could be really miss.

Ressurwr3kd · 2021-09-12T01:14:36+00:00

Finding a good partner is extremely difficult and not everyone is that lucky. Best thing to do is be yourself, self reflect consistently, and be honest with the people you interact with. A good relationship is built on trust and genuine interactions.

GigaKarenEnergy · 2021-09-12T01:59:53+00:00

It’s pretty tough tbh. You just gotta date around and you’ll start to see which characteristics you can’t stand. And for the cheating part, honestly way too many people cheat and you’ll just have to take a risk there (although don’t date known cheaters for a start) Also if you fall into RP, good luck lol

passepar2t · 2021-09-12T03:13:37+00:00

There are no cheat codes. All you can do is try to figure out whether they really like you and aren't manipulative tapeworms. And chances are you'll fuck it up and be disappointed at least once. Such is life.

AggroWeasel · 2021-09-12T03:38:41+00:00

My 100% honest answer to this question is that you will meet very few people in your life who will be a good partner for you, so try to maximize these opportunities when they arise.

I also don’t recommend LTRs or marriage, but that’s not what you asked.

chilumibrainrot · 2021-09-12T03:47:55+00:00

in my limited dating experience (as a 16 year old girl who hasn't kissed anyone yet) i think people that make you feel secure in yourself are amazing partners. if you always feel safe with a person, you trust them to stay loyal to you, and never feel like you have to change anything for them, they're the one. this doesn't mean dating a total push over, though. i personally get a ton of anxiety in relationships, so i need something secure and safe so i dont go through emotional hell.

i always go for personality above looks. of course looks matter a bit, but personality trumps all. cause guess what they'll look like when you're old? looks are temporary, so don't go for people based on their looks. if you have common interests, if you like their style, if they're funny, those are all great qualities.

if i see someone i think looks cool, i walk over to them and start talking. its easy for me since im a natural extrovert, but thats how you make friends. and eventually, they'll become more than a friend! good luck <3

ThisBoringLife · 2021-09-12T05:18:31+00:00

Eh, I find it's difficult to know what words to take in to heart, but I'll give my words, as I think I'm making progress in that area personally:

-I agree with those saying to be sociable. Be out and about, be able to talk to people. Some good social skills will help overall, and that takes effort. Go to events, talk to people, strike up conversations. On the follow up...

--Date often. This does not mean "fuck a lot of girls." This means be a part of the dating scene. Know the kind of person that you want to be with, and to me that comes with knowing yourself and getting some life experience. Being able to date, which lets you be able to know how to court (not the same as going out with a friend), and will help you there.

-I think others got it here, which is to be mindful of their actions and the words they say, as sometimes who they are will not be readily apparent.

purplepilldthrowaway · 2021-09-12T05:23:42+00:00

EDIT: pls say whether youre mgt0w, fem-inist, in-cel, f.d.s or whatever in your comments

I'm white pilled - which is like red pilled but it's specifically the optimistic type of red pilled where you take control of your life and live positively. It's a fact that things like building muscle / getting fit, improving confidence and social skills, etc make you more attractive, and it's very worth it to do them. Overall, RP things are often true, but you should really look at it all as a tool box that's just there to enhance your life. Women are attracted to high value men, but the awesome thing is, you can do things to become more high value (which are good to do for your life anyway - even getting fit/jacked helps your career due to the halo effect).

"Women are hypergamous" doesn't mean they will cheat on you or lose attraction to you on her cycle. It just means they're attracted to high value and high status men, which you can become (or at the very least, you can become higher value than you currently are). And if you're looking for a good match for yourself, the larger the pool of choice you have, the more likely you are to find that good match. So you might as well work on being more attractive over time (personality + looks). Also, dating multiple women can give you a sense of what you care about in a partner so that you can choose a great one, and it's fun ;). But there's no stress, go at your own pace, you're about to go into college, enjoy it. Make friends (say hi to people!), ask out girls you find cute (the more confident you are the better), exercise regularly, meditate for at least 5-10 minutes everyday, and you should have a fantastic time.

MisterShogunate · 2021-09-12T06:17:13+00:00

I don't really don't care about sex that much, I would rather date someone that I am attracted to and is a good partner generally

So date a lot of people without having sex with them. Simple. If you have no attraction towards sex then it won't happen you'll probably have 3-5 dates to get to know them before they lose interest so you can use that to determine whether they are your type of mate.

Blackagar59 · 2021-09-12T07:52:14+00:00

Trial and error.

You'll know when you now.

rtrtrtrt923 · 2021-09-12T13:34:29+00:00

Focus on yourself and build yourself to be the best version of you. This will attract the best partner. Some of the best advice I've heard (from Morgan Freeman) that rings true, is that girls will let you know when they are interested, so there is no need to chase them.

tropicsGold · 2021-09-12T15:07:13+00:00

Start by casually dating a lot of women. Don’t have sex right away, because that leads to exclusivity and serial monogamy. Get to know them for a long period of time. Figure out who has character and who is toxic. Meet their parents. See how they treat people. See who sleeps around. Only when you do this will you be in a position to select the top one and discard all of the problem people. And I would look for women who are active in church, charities, other places that show she is loving and caring about more than herself.

manfrom-nantucket · 2021-09-12T01:10:48+00:00

Here is the criteria for a male

Be tall
Be attractive
Don't be unattractive

If you are missing any one of the three make sure you have a 10 inch personality or a 10 inch wallet to compensate.

fuck_life419 · 2021-09-12T01:52:54+00:00

I am a blackpilled short guy with a good-looking face in my mid-30s with a fairly high n count.

From what I've seen, the men that found good women did so in college. However, because college is basically the new high school, many of the women who I went to high school with have changed (for the worse) since then. They became adults and became feminists. Most have gained weight and are no longer attractive. Or they're posting crazy nonsense on Facebook.

It's really hit-or-miss. It does seem like religious circles do the best, but even that has pitfalls.

Your best bet would be to have a lot of options - which means either being tall and good-looking or moving to another country where hypergamy can work in your favor.

In terms of what I look for in a partner: pretty, kind, family-oriented (and comes from a good family), no tattoos, not materialistic, no claimed previous sexual or abuse trauma, no significant mental health history. And, obviously, they must be willing to date me.

I will say that I specifically avoid white women too.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2021-09-12T03:23:11+00:00

Check their family history and upbringing. How how loving her parents are, and how close is she to her father.

Any absent father, history of neglect or abuse, etc. Run.

Kaisha001 · 2021-09-12T01:48:17+00:00

Look for ugly women with good personalities.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh9ZZgDqzAg

black_snake_m0an · 2021-09-12T02:26:01+00:00

Kind of just reiterating what others have said, but try to meet girls irl. Women have a stronger connection to men they meet irl. They tell themselves it was meant to be, destiny, there’s a spark, etc. also women (and probably men) subconsciously devalue men from dating apps because deep down they think a truly desirable man wouldn’t need to resort to dating apps. Doesn’t matter if they are on the app themselves, people make excuses for themselves.

Get good at talking to people of both genders. Start conversations with strangers. RP theory cannot teach charisma, it has to be learned through trial and error. I’m a female that used to be very shy and awkward but over the past decade, I’ve become incredibly social and extroverted. It’s easier to start off with people older than you because you won’t feel like they’re judgmental or snobby. Just make an exercise of starting a conversation with at least one stranger every time you go out.

Anxiety meds can help. I was prescribed Xanax and that helped me in the beginning because it will give you a DGAF attitude when it comes to interactions, you won’t care what they think of you. It’s super helpful when engaging with the opposite sex.

CharlesElliotFiddler · 2021-09-12T04:36:58+00:00

first of all, forget about looks. Judging a woman on her looks solely is terribly uncivilized.

See if you can find a woman whose parents are still married, the more her parents hate each other, the more ridiculous would be her sense of entitlement in what a relationship should be.

Avoid women with impatient creditors, she would want to take that money out of you.

Go for a woman who likes children and animals, there has been plenty of frivolous women who get annoyed at these things and it makes them look gross.

Avoid women who smoke cigarettes, gamble, has criminal records, owns over ten pairs of shoes, and has a predilection for Zinfandel.

John_Oakman · 2021-09-12T01:21:19+00:00

Find someone who wants to be a good partner, usually those who have gone through their epiphany phase as they finally realized that shallow pursuits ain't it.

TodTheRod01 · 2021-09-12T03:46:21+00:00

Sad to say you're 19...and male...you're at the bottom of the totem pole so to speak

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SnowHatesWome · 2021-09-12T18:44:24+00:00

Pill Affiliation: Sigma Male

Vet heavily. A lot of people (men) date idealistically. Building upon a foundation of flaws. Like if she mentions she’s cheated before, or has only guy friends, shows she has a high N count, disrespectful to others or you. Too many people brush off the early signs and wonder how they ended up in a shitty situation.

Don’t date for fun. Really assess the behavior of the person you’re seeing.

If she takes forever to reply, leaves you on read; she doesn’t respect you, move on.

Goes out drinking every night or slept with a lot of people; low impulse control. Not what you want in a wife move on

Find out what is really important to you. Make a list of you have to, and after dates really assess if the person your dating fits that. Don’t fall victim to the halo effect, or good pussy.

daddysgotanew · 2021-09-12T20:46:23+00:00

Most people never will. Women want a sexy, dangerous yet stable and successful man who everyone respects but also fears, but who wouldn’t lift a finger to her and gives her everything she wants. He doesn’t exist. Men want a woman who isn’t a slut, which exists but is VERY hard to find. In the end, no one really wins and we end up in this dystopian world that we are in now

alphadawg94 · 2021-09-12T23:24:23+00:00

Date a lot of people. You’ll find there are a lot of things you want/don’t want that you aren’t even aware of yet.

Knighthonor · 2021-09-14T00:16:19+00:00

you too young. Focus on your career. The Women will come to you once you ready. Work on your self. I say Online Dating is just as good of an option for finding women. Just requires more vetting. only mess with ladies that had both parents married and in their life. No single mothers, none of that.

calisthenics-guy-96 · 2021-09-12T02:06:25+00:00

As a young guy, you should just be having sex with multiple partners, if you have that luxury. The ones that will be interested in something long term will tell you. You can then decide if they would make a good partner or not by screening them and testing them like women do with men.

If you can't be attractive enough to have casual sex as a guy, it's not really worth pursuing relationships as they will always see you as a beta/beta bucks. Never lead with your wallet. Always lead with your looks and personality. If those 2 aren't enough to attract women, you will have a hard time attracting women, and the ones you do attract will be for the wrong reasons.

So looks max, personality max, money and status max, have casual sex only with girls who find you truly sexually attractive, the rest will sort itself out

Title	how to actually find a good partner?
Author	fuck_life419
Upvotes	18
Comments	156
Date	September 12, 2021 1:06 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/pmj7jb/how_to_actually_find_a_good_partner/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-to-actually-find-a-good-partner.1069175 https://theredarchive.com/post/1069175

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