How would you react if a guy you slept with told you afterwards that you were his first?

DaisyTheBarbarian · 2024-10-19T05:53:38+00:00

(This is written assuming bro was kind and pleasant, generally, if not exactly skilled for obvious reasons)

I guess I'd be a little surprised, mostly cuz I'd be generally looking for someone 35+ (I'm 38) so I imagine most people have been laid at least once by that age range. I might be vaguely curious about how his life went based on that, but in a neutral manner, and I was going to want to know all that eventually. I might ask if it was a choice to wait so long, and if so what made him feel ready.

I'd DEFINITELY ask him how he felt about his first time!! Happy? Conflicted? All of it! I'd definitely guide him through some post-activity debriefing on what he liked and didn't like, and what he might wanna try next.

I'd tell him I wish he'd told me beforehand so I could have checked in on him more intently and more frequently and made sure he was comfortable. If he'd have wanted to we could have talked more about anything he wanted to make sure he was as comfortable as possible.

I don't know that I'd super care as to the "why" as long as he ultimately wasn't prudish around sex.

I don't know why it would ever be a "red flag" at any age, necessarily, people live all kinds of lives and even change them 🤷🏼‍♀️ his reasons then may no longer apply. If he's some kind of asshole and that's why he was a virgin then my problem with him is that he's some kind of asshole, not that he was a virgin.

The longer he waited to tell me the more insecure about it and/or untrusting of me I would think he is, that might change how I feel for various reasons depending on how close and vulnerable we'd been at that point. I might take a second to reflect on that and adjust my perspective of him and our current relationship accordingly, but there are too many variables to be more specific. After a point him not telling me would kinda hurt, but I doubt it would be more than a passing thing unless that was a symptom of worse insecurity/mistrust to come.

Yes I would be miffed he didn't tell me only because I probably could have improved both of our experience with that knowledge and eased him through any anxiety or whatever, but I would absolutely understand not wanting to disclose that at first, and I understand how a secret can feel bigger the longer it stays secret, but yeah, the sooner he tells me the better for everyone. It would probably make me feel better about his knowledge and skill level! and then we can talk about all the things he's never done before 😉

cornersfatly · 2024-10-19T05:56:55+00:00

I would be a little taken aback, the same level I would be if I found out a guy I was seeing was homeschooled or learnt to read at sixteen or something, as I exist in a culture that views loss of virginity as a normal developmental milestone. I wouldn't immediately assume he was an evil incel freak but I would want to hear his perspective about it.

HighestTierMaslow · 2024-10-19T15:26:26+00:00

It happened to me and I've been married for 6 years to him. He was 28.

pseudonymmed · 2024-10-19T06:02:01+00:00

I wouldn’t be miffed if they told me after but maybe disappointed. If I knew then I would try to make it a really good experience for them.

As for age? I dunno, I guess it would depend on the person. Most virgins are a lot younger than me. If he was a lot older than average.. like say over 30.. it wouldn’t be a write off but I will be honest that I’d wonder why he hadn’t before. I’d be wary that either his inexperience could complicate things, or else that I’ve missed a red flag so far. It would not disgust me or anything though.

I don’t think anyone is obligated to say they’re a virgin right away if they’re uncomfortable, though I don’t condone outright lying or pretending you’re really experienced.

Gillionaire25 · 2024-10-19T07:34:50+00:00

Great, the extent of his experience would be close to mine then. I don't care when he tells because that's his business.

prolixdreams · 2024-10-19T13:08:09+00:00

As long as it was pleasant enough (doesn't have to have been perfect) I wouldn't mind at any age, I would mainly be self-conscious about whether I handled it well and provided him with a good first time memory. I'd wish he told me beforehand so I could be more careful to do so, but I wouldn't be angry.

The only information I feel owed prior to sex is something that might have a negative impact such as STI symptoms/diagnosis. His virginity can't hurt me.

Presumably if we're comfortable enough with each other that we're having sex we're close enough I can ask him for a bit more info (if he just never found the right person, etc.) but I wouldn't press if he wasn't comfortable talking about it.

I can't think of a scenario where it would be a red flag on its own.

Novadina · 2024-10-19T18:16:27+00:00

My husband did this - he was just about to turn 31. I was very shocked. He told me like 2 weeks after we started sleeping together. I was just surprised, that’s how I reacted.

I wasn’t upset he didn’t tell me beforehand - I can totally understand why he didn’t.

6teeee9 · 2024-10-19T07:33:06+00:00

my age range is 18-21, so around the same age as me (18)
i would not see it as a red flag at any age. virginity is a green flag for me honestly.
id assume beforehand that id know hes a virgin since i HIGHLY prefer to be with a virgin male.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-10-19T05:37:30+00:00

I'm pretty young for an adult, so if I was dating in my age range, I would be only mildly surprised I think. I don't think I'd be "miffed" either way. Nothing wrong with a bit of anxious nerves.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-10-19T14:48:31+00:00

Oh, this has actually happened to me. Think we were like 23.

He had told me he had slept with some chick in the past, turned out he hadn't. I was a bit offended that he hadn't told me, we had known each other for a few years, we were friends, and I thought he knew I wasn't the kind of person who would give him shit for it. I already knew he was inexperienced and it didn't matter, it's not like there's a significant difference between "I've had sex 1 time" and "I've had sex 0 times", you're still floundering. Think I was mad at him for like an hour, then we went to get some wine and watch a movie, all was well.

If someone did that today, I'd probably be done with them. Too old for serious insecurities and silly lies, imma pass.

monster_lily · 2024-10-19T15:07:36+00:00

Disgusted

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Gilmoregirlin · 2024-10-19T18:17:30+00:00

I am 47, age range 40-55 and I would be shocked but I think at my age I would also know that he was a virgin he would not need to tell me.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-10-19T12:05:11+00:00

if ive already slept with a guy and it was amazing and i like him theres very little he could tell me that would matter. as usual I just would ask how this man picked me up and slept with me and was amazing, but if he could good for him. i cant imagine a world where a man would tell me anything like that before sex. y'all ni🅱️🅱️as talk too much

S0yslut · 2024-10-19T05:51:29+00:00

I have no idea how I could ever be in this situation because obviously we’d talk about sex before having it.

Do you at least plan to talk about what each other likes and make it a good experience for both people?

Answer: I would wonder what else you’d be willing to hide because you believe it benefits you. That kind of personality flaw is absolutely a deal breaker. There would be no second time or second chances. And if the sex was bad I’d absolutely say something about that.

themfluencer · 2024-10-19T09:44:00+00:00

Girl I don’t care!!! Virgins and sluts alike are welcome in my bed.

Title	How would you react if a guy you slept with told you afterwards that you were his first?
Author	ShturmansPinkBussy
Upvotes	15
Comments	119
Date	October 19, 2024 5:08 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1g71qqb/how_would_you_react_if_a_guy_you_slept_with_told/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-would-you-react-if-a-guy-you-slept-with-told.1533088 https://theredarchive.com/post/1533088

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