Do you know any younger, never-married single mothers? If so, how is their dating life?

blonde___guardian · 2024-10-25T15:04:13+00:00

This is indirectly a question about class.

In the upper-middle class and above, having a baby young and out of wedlock is a social death. Historically, it may have been social death for the mother only, but it absolutely extends to the father now too. Personally, I've only heard of one such case, and I honestly can't vouch for any details because it was told like a horror story.

In the lower-middle class and downward, early single motherhood doesn't seem like a big deal. I've worked with clients like this professionally, and many of them were re-partnered happily enough.

relish5k · 2024-10-25T12:48:48+00:00

No, that's not culturally normative in my urban coastal bubble.

I barely know any young mothers (as in <30) or single mothers either. Some are not married but have been in relationship with the father for 10+ years.

SeveralSadEvenings · 2024-10-25T16:10:32+00:00

Yes, a good friend of mine. She had her first child in high school, then her parents watched kiddo while she went to school and became a nurse. Along the way she met her current husband and they had her 2nd kiddo like..12ish years later.

Seemingly happily married, just living life and doing the family thing for our age cohort.

AngeCruelle · 2024-10-25T13:14:36+00:00

I've met someone like this through mutual friends. Early 20s. She's attractive, has done pageants and modeling, no noticeable weight gain from the pregnancy. Last I checked she was dating an attractive young working class guy. Her parents watch the baby when she wants to go out.

Flightlessbirbz · 2024-10-25T14:20:20+00:00

Had a friend who got pregnant in high school, she later went on to marry someone else and had more kids with him, she’s a SAHM and they seem to be doing just fine financially. She was always one of those girls who just loved kids and wanted to be a mom, not much interest in school or career. And although it obviously would’ve made things easier had she been willing to wait a few years and not had her first with her goofball HS boyfriend, she still ultimate got the life she wanted.

leosandlattes · 2024-10-25T14:43:47+00:00

In my cultural background, being a never-married single mother is deeply shameful and seen as a moral failing, or something poor uneducated people do. So I know very few of these women, all of whom I met when I was in my early to mid 20s, when I was in college and working min-wage jobs.

Only 1 of them is doing well now with a fiance. She had good family support and finished college and comes from a UMC background. The others are still struggling to date and they are in their mid-late 20s. They go out on dates, but they are passed over pretty frequently. They are also not the best decision makers and struggle in other areas of life as well.

hapanrapakkko · 2024-10-25T13:52:52+00:00

Yes I do. She dumped the father of her children because he became an abusive alcoholic. Nowadays she dates only women. Her girlfriend is very nice and treats her right.

CatallaxyRanch · 2024-10-25T13:37:22+00:00

Knew a couple girls who had babies in high school and went on to get married and have more kids with their husbands. I know another woman who got pregnant by a guy she was casually seeing after her divorce, they ended up dating for real a few years later and getting married when the kid was like 5 (he also had an older kid from a previous relationship). My husband's cousin had a baby out of wedlock, broke up with the dad not long after, and now they amicably co-parent. I've never known of her dating anyone else but I don't know her that well.

I know a few others but not closely enough to really know the ins and outs of their dating lives.

ETA: I just realized you said "younger." All of these people are in their late 20s or 30s, but I've known them for years.

mlo9109 · 2024-10-25T12:49:35+00:00

My cousin (33) dropped out of nursing school at 20 to have her kids with a 3-month situationship that she ended up buying a house with but never marrying. They split. He left her with the house and kids. She turned out to be a lesbian despite being super boy-crazy in high school and college, so take that as you will.

Fab_Glam_Obsidiam · 2024-10-25T12:38:20+00:00

My cousin! She is 24 and has been in a relationship with a single father for two years. She has one kid and he has two.

apresonly · 2024-10-25T15:23:38+00:00

My ex left me for one, two kids by two different dads, barely employed, lives off child support

Motherofvampires · 2024-10-25T15:40:55+00:00

I have several family members who had children in their late teens and early 20s most were in a relationship with the father, but unmarried, some were never in a relationship with the father. All working class. Following the breakup with their child's father, all got into another relationship fairly easily and had further children. Most are still in that relationship, living with their partner as though married. None are married but marriage isn't really a thing in that demographic.

The women who are more likely to stay single after children in my experience are divorced mothers. This might be because they tend to be older and had their children in their late 20s and 30s, so they are 35+ on breakup, or it might be that they are more conservative and cautious by nature and hence more picky about the type of man they want. Or both. Still, the majority do find another relationship eventually.

backstabber81 · 2024-10-25T16:13:07+00:00

I know a single mom by choice (she's in her late 20s though), she had a bizarre medical emergency when younger and learned she might not be able to have kids if she waited too long, so she got pregnant using an anonymous donor from a sperm bank and now has a 3yo boy. She makes bank though and can afford it.

She didn't try dating again until last year, but she seemed to be doing pretty well and received good attention. She's been dating a guy now for a while and they seem serious so I'd say she's good.

jonni_velvet · 2024-10-25T19:45:13+00:00

every single mother I knew, didn’t stay single for too long really.

Honest_Brief7434 · 2024-10-25T12:27:45+00:00

They are engaged lmao

Or married

I know zero single ones at this point

Jesus-God-Cornbread · 2024-10-25T12:49:05+00:00

Not great. Chronically pumped and dumped. Men do love to screw them but not date them.

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attendquoi · 2024-10-25T14:25:27+00:00

No, I don't know any personally. I know some girls got knocked up in high school, but I wasn't friends with them (they were trashy, hence the pregnancies).

hearyoume14 · 2024-10-25T16:17:39+00:00

Single mothers are uncommon in my circle currently but there is a history of teen pregnancy. Even in the 2000s we were doing shotgun marriages though so the teen parents ended up married. Currently the couple of single moms are divorced with teens and adult children so that doesn’t effect them that much. The boomer and Gen x parents had most of their kids in their late 20s to mid 40s (mostly due to infertility issues) and all of them wish they had kids earlier. My generation and the older Zoomers are having their kids in their early to mid 20s if they have kids at all.

Arievan · 2024-10-25T17:05:57+00:00

Well not never married. But I do know someone who is 29 and has 3 kids from 3 different dads and has been married and divorced 4 times. 2 of the kids she was married to the dad. One was a one night stand. And 2 guys she was married to but didn't have a baby. She's a "makeup artist" but I think she mostly lives on welfare and child support. She doesn't have a problem getting guys (although not high quality ones). They just don't stick around even if she gets them to marry her lol. I don't think any of them are good dads or see the kids regularly. She's currently dating a woman idk.

I also have an old hs friend who had a baby at 18. Her religious parents wouldn't let her use birth control... the guy was a deadbeat. Ditched her immediately. Then came back into her life when the baby was like 1. Got her pregnant again and ditched her AGAIN. All within a period of like 3 months. So she was like 20 with 2 kids from the same deadbeat. (The second time especially seemed like her fault. like girl stay away from him but i digress) some years went by and she reconnected with an old crush,(she wanted him since like 10th grade but he was kind of a player) they got married and had a baby recently. They seem happy but poor. Blue collar trad life. They have horses and cows and country shit etc.

I should also bring up myself I guess. Just to be fair. I'm 29 too and had my first kid at 20 and second at 25. I had to drop out of college when I got pregnant with my first. I am married to their dad though and he is older with a good career. It has been lonely though, I don't have any friends besides my spouse.

Also my mom had me at 19 and was a single mom mostly. (My parents were on and off) and every time she was single guys were lining up at the door. They were nice to me too, lots of presents and kids outings, trying to win her over lmao.

MiddleZealousideal89 · 2024-10-25T17:08:58+00:00

I know one person who is a soon-to-be single mom, she's currently pregnant but she's 35. I know a 26 y.o. mom who is divorced but her and her ex share custody. Being a young mom isn't common in my circles, let alone being a young single mother.

SocrateandAthena · 2024-10-25T17:23:54+00:00

My best friend of high school got pregnant young, like in her early 20's. We're in our early 30's now. She broke up with the father before the 2nd birthday of her son I think. There were no real social stigma about it, even less for not being married, because we live in a pretty secular, socially liberal country. She got help from her parents and the state, as she was entitled to. She managed to get back to her nurse school when the child went to preschool, got her degree and is now settled. Some time after the break up, she met someone she stayed with for several years. I believe they're still together. He's a decent guy, I actually like him a lot. He had some difficult childhood and managed to build a nice life with her. He became a very important parental figure for the child. They left the capital suburb right after m'y friend gratuated because they love the country side and nature in general. Last time we talked they were not in a place comfortable enough to seriously consider having a child of their own, but I'm pretty sure they will some day. I think they're totally fine and content with their life.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-10-25T18:50:57+00:00

No

Edit: one girl from my elementary school thst I have spoken to maybe 3 times in my life had a baby at 16, last time I saw her pop up on Facebook she was dating some guy who wasn't her baby daddy but I don't know any details. She's not attractive and is currently 23

serpensmercurialis · 2024-10-25T19:38:50+00:00

No, even in my extended friend group I don’t know any single moms.

Artistic_Bumblebee17 · 2024-10-25T19:53:21+00:00

It’s normal for them to date bc they are more desperate and men love that.

thelajestic · 2024-10-25T22:34:36+00:00

I can only think of one woman off the top of my head who fits this description, a woman I used to work with, although was a few years ago so not sure on her current situation.

She was about 27 I think, kid was about 7. When I worked with her she was living with a long term boyfriend. Prior to that she'd been in a relationship for a few years with another guy at work who was lusted after by quite a few people (so I assume she was happy with her options). I don't think she ever had any trouble dating and she seemed to be happy and stable in her relationship during the time I worked with her.

As far as I recall any other single mothers I know were married and then divorced, and the three I can think of are all remarried by now anyway.

RelativeYak7 · 2024-10-26T03:49:11+00:00

Never known any, it would be utterly inappropriate and unheard of to be a young, unwed, single mother.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2024-10-26T04:18:25+00:00

My best friend was one had a baby at 20 and he ran off. She is 32 now, very happily married and just given both to her second child.

She was never short of men wanted to date her but she was very picky about who she had around her child.

Different_Cress7369 · 2024-10-26T09:36:33+00:00

One girl I went to school with - her parents sent her away to live with her grandparents and the baby quietly given to someone within their congregation. A few through work: baby in high school, have mum and dad help you juggle baby and school, then work and stay with mum and dad and pay them rent. None have remarried or had more children, although they’re all younger than 30 so there’s still time. They seem to prefer their current setup though, and are reluctant to have strange men near their children.

Doo__Dah · 2024-10-27T13:13:32+00:00

I became a single mother at 22. Honestly it didn't seem to impact my dating life much - I got into a 6-year relationship about 2 years after, then a 3-year one after that, had a few 6-12 month ones outside of those. It's never seemed to be an issue for me to meet people who 'take me seriously', and the men I've been with have been exactly the type of person I'd have gone for regardless of whether I had a child. They ended for a variety of reasons, none related to me being a mum though, and generally ended on good terms - they weren't awful people, just not right for me.

I'm in my thirties now and I don't feel that I've struggled with romance any more than my childless friends - it's not uncommon in my circles for people to have had a few long-term relationships in their 20s and be single in their early to mid thirties. And most of the women I know who are still single aren't parents, whereas the other single mums I knew are all happily married now. So I don't really think that being a single mum is the dating death sentence people make it out to be. The main reason I'm single now is that I'm really attached to my house, and it's really not set up for another person, and I value my home more than the idea of a relationship so broke it off with the last couple of people once it was heading towards the moving in together stage. So very much a "me-problem" rather than a lack of interest from suitable men 😆

That said though, my son's dad is very involved and has him 50% of the time, so I suppose there's never been that issue of having no free time/childcare to go on dates, and I've always worked and dated people with similar incomes to mine, so I've never been looking for someone to step in as a father figure or financially provide for us. I imagine it would have been a much bigger obstacle if I was an actual solo parent with little to no support from the father.

Kizka · 2024-10-27T22:22:57+00:00

From the top of my head, the few single moms of whom I know how their lives progressed, they eventually met someone, got married and had more kids. Even if they're not as young anymore it doesn't seem to be a big problem. I have a family member who is around 40. 4 kids, divorced (tbf, her ex really is a POS, threw wife and family away for drugs and affairs), without a formal education (got pregnant young and whisked away to another country by her ex) and in the end she married a freaking surgeon who pursuit her and she's absolutely smitten with him. So it seems that single parenthood certainly can make things harder, but definitely not impossible.

sanslumiere · 2024-10-25T17:22:10+00:00

I know/knew only two (most of my circle is married). Both have since remarried and had additional children. Both men seem to be very decent people.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-10-25T13:07:12+00:00

as someone who is not lower class, I never once knew a "single mom" personally in my world, friends, family, places I hung out. I'm not black or a juggalo

edit: no, this is wrong. i had several unmarried tenant couples that all went the exact same way. move in in love, have unwed child, 3 mo later "can you take X off the lease and can you lower the rent a little"

Title	Do you know any younger, never-married single mothers? If so, how is their dating life?
Author	ShturmansPinkBussy
Upvotes	9
Comments	135
Date	October 25, 2024 12:26 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1gbt0no/do_you_know_any_younger_nevermarried_single/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/do-you-know-any-younger-never-married-single.1532983 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532983

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