Putting more effort into something that other people get effortlessly makes you feel bad and resentful

Littleknownfacts · 2019-01-15T14:15:23+00:00

Everything you have right now, I guarantee you someone else got for less effort. Your job, your house, your grades. Might as well burn it to the ground and live under a rock.

CatchPhraze · 2019-01-15T14:41:10+00:00

Sure, but the only person that attitude is going to bother or hurt is yourself.

KerPop42 · 2019-01-15T15:30:36+00:00

That's really a mindset thing. It's very easy to have a sense of self-worth that comes from your comparison to other people, but much more validating to have a sense of self-worth that comes from your comparison to your previous self.

I'm always surrounded by people who are better than me at what I like: my roommate at summer camp was a prototyping genius, some of my friends are incredible artists, one of my best friends picks up men and women like it takes no effort.

If I were competitive and based my self-worth off being better than my friends, I would always find a way that they were better than me. I would be miserable. Instead, I taught myself to be glad that I know them and to try to learn from them and get better myself.

And you know what? I'm so much better at tinkering now, and I really like my art style, and I'm not half-bad at picking up girls either. It's not advice that can get you out of the muck, but it's the truth: mindset is everything.

CainPrice · 2019-01-15T17:44:31+00:00

If it takes you 3 dates to get a woman to have sex with you instead of two Tinder messages, two texts, and 8$ for her drink, that's just where you're at right now. Go on the three dates and have sex.

The fact that you're a 3-date guy instead of a 4-text-messages guy shouldn't bother you too much unless you're trying to make a wife out of the women you're fucking.

You do the work you have to in order to get laid, you get laid, you keep the woman coming back as long as you can, until one of you gets bored, while pursuing other women the whole while. The more you work out and the better you get at the game, the less work the next woman takes.

If you stop trying to turn every woman you talk to into your wife and just have sex like everyone else, the fact that the last guy some slutty girl fucked had an easier time than you doesn't matter. It matters if your future wife got fingered by a hotter guy in the bar bathroom the night before she met you. It doesn't matter if some slut you want to hook up with did that.

rosacanina_ · 2019-01-15T14:31:23+00:00

But if Women put out too quick then they're sluts and should get dumped.

Says who? What is too quick?

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2019-01-15T16:22:54+00:00

This kind of mindset is yet another reason social media is cancer. You see curated versions of everyone's lives and feel bad about the real version of your own.

wekacuck · 2019-01-15T14:27:45+00:00

Acquiring skills takes practice. Just because you didn't see "effortless" people practicing doesn't mean they were born masters. Anne-Sophie Mutter looks effortless, but you don't assume she didn't produce bone-curdling screeching when she first picked up the violin.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-01-15T15:06:13+00:00

If you have bad character

rpsheepdog · 2019-01-15T15:12:23+00:00

That's why Men get salty when they find out they're courting Women who won't put for them as easily as others

Well they turn into AFC because they're told one set of rules for the game, but the other party (women) are playing by a different set of rules. They don't understand because they think linearly, like a+b=c but in reality it is much more complex, like A(x) + B(y)=C. Women know this, but men don't.

But if Women put out too quick then they're sluts and should get dumped.

I would argue this is a different guy than the above quote.

whatyoucallaflip · 2019-01-15T17:21:46+00:00

That's why Men get salty when they find out they're courting Women who won't put for them as easily as others. But if Women put out too quick then they're sluts and should get dumped.

I want a girl who is easy for me. It makes me feel special. That's about it.

GradualDecomp · 2019-01-15T18:07:20+00:00

If you let it.

College was harder for me than many if my peers because I come from a poor family and had to work a shit job 40 hours a week on top of my studies. Boo hoo.

There's not a single person on this earth who isn't better than me in some way, and there isn't a person on earth that I'm not better than in some way. You can "compare and dispair", or you can use other people's success as an opportunity to learn and improve.

Some people use adversity to foster a sense of pride and personal accomplishment. Others choose bitterness and victimhood. It's a matter of character.

coratoad · 2019-01-15T19:55:09+00:00

More people have had to work harder for what you acquired easily. Be grateful instead of resentful.

reluctantly_red · 2019-01-15T21:02:14+00:00

But if Women put out too quick then they're sluts and should get dumped.

No! Guys like women who like them (such a simple concept). I slept with both of my wives on the night we met (didn't even know my first wife's name until the next morning). Marriages lasted 17 years and eight years.

SavingMasculinity · 2019-01-16T02:21:27+00:00

Theres this game I like to play. It's called "Kingdom Hearts". Now, when beginning the game, you can play on easy mode, or proud mode.

Think of it as if the frat boys with all their money and good looks are playing on easy mode. They have nothing to be proud of for being born gifted.

You however, are playing on proud mode. The guys who aren't 6 foot 3, the guys who don't have money, aren't complete perfection. Aren't perfect looking. Have social struggles. Think of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. You and Rudolph are playing on Proud mode.

So be proud.

the_calibre_cat · 2019-01-15T14:53:55+00:00

This is why women conceal n count, and why men conceal their emotions

goatismycopilot · 2019-01-15T16:27:19+00:00

That makes no sense to me. I put effort in things that I perceive to bring value to me so why would I worry about what other people are doing.

Scatre · 2019-01-15T15:17:53+00:00

Sounds like a you problem

NullOverLoad · 2019-01-15T14:15:10+00:00

No it just means I am not yet where I want to be in life.

What other people get or dont get, do not affect where I am in life.

Comparison only works when emotion is taken out of the equation.

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JustForPPD · 2019-01-15T15:28:06+00:00

What do?

Stop seeing it as so binary and look at it from a perspective based on yourself: Refuse to put a lot more effort into someone compared to the effort they put on you. Never be afraid of walking away. Did a woman put up very easy for a man, but made it a lot harder for a different man? That's on that man to walk away.

tnais · 2019-01-15T15:30:00+00:00

Depends— when you finally get what you want despite having to put an unfair amount of effort into it, that makes it so much more rewarding and satisfying. The people who effortlessly get it are more likely to take it for granted.

Kryora · 2019-01-15T16:14:31+00:00

If your goal is to date them, then it's not an issue if they put out easily.

Barely-moral · 2019-01-15T16:23:21+00:00

Personally I don't get resentful about that. There is always someone that got the same things that I have for less effort.

I do care about the effort I have to put in order yo get something for my partner but that is for other reason.

I do believe that if my partner could see into my past she should find no person that was treated better than her. And I do expect the same courtesy. Anything my previous partners got she gets as a base treatment. Anything her previous partners got I expect as a base treatment.

If other partners get X without having to provide Y. Then either I get the same treatment (or better) or I am leaving. I don't want to stay in a relationship with someone that is not giving me her best.

analt223 · 2019-01-15T17:07:51+00:00

I would argue the social media age being everyone's highlight reel made this even worse.

shonenhikada · 2019-01-16T00:06:10+00:00

To summarize all the responses for OP post. Life is not fair, get over it.

trail22 · 2019-01-16T00:35:24+00:00

Its more , the effort you put forward is reflected in your life.

killallthenarcs · 2019-01-16T11:52:50+00:00

What do?

Stop being such a damn whiner.

azngirl7689 · 2019-01-16T13:28:51+00:00

I disagree. It makes me appreciate it more. I had a hell of a time getting my job and let me tell you I appreciate the fuck out of those people and my line of work.

daveofmars · 2019-01-16T13:38:01+00:00

Putting more effort into something that other people get effortlessly makes you appreciate what you've achieved and not take it for granted.

If you think it's natural to feel resentment at your hard work then I feel really sorry for you. That thought process is pretty toxic and will only make your life worse.

But this whole virgin/whore dilemma is only in your own head. Most guys only really care about the extremes and there's a lot of wiggle room to be whoever you want to be, so long as you can regulate your behavior.

bonusfruit · 2019-01-16T14:20:38+00:00

The men who pump and dump women and the men who work hard to court women ARE SEPERATE men. This is not a double bind. It's not a catch 22.

MisterJose · 2019-01-16T09:35:33+00:00

With the modern world we live in, we kinda lit a match to the old conventions without thinking about all the reasons they were there in the first place. Male/female dynamics were far from perfect, but they kinda worked. Then we came in with out ideals about equality and how people should behave, as opposed to how they actually do, and now everyone is confused.

I try being the 'good guy' for the girl. Not only does it go unrewarded, I get told what a horrible person I am for thinking in that paradigm. Fair enough, I ditch that and get honest. Solves one problem, but now there's no pursuit, no courtship, no anticipation. This isn't very sexy. On her side, she's got dick pics filling up her inbox, and guys who won't waste a second on her unless she guarantees sex that night. No one is happy.

Title	Putting more effort into something that other people get effortlessly makes you feel bad and resentful
Author	TheKarmicWoosh
Upvotes	15
Comments	137
Date	January 15, 2019 2:12 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ag8vw3/putting_more_effort_into_something_that_other/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/putting-more-effort-into-something-that-other.257818 https://theredarchive.com/post/257818

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